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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

here is where you can show your work or talk about it and get constructive criticism! We are always glad to put in an opinion!

☯ ƒ ι η η у  ☯ Okay,So I wrote this Short story for Reading class,but im not quite sure if its good.Any comments? :3



I didn't know much about Fortvale. I always assumed that it was normal, just like it seemed. I never really took much thought to it until my birthday. And that's when everything began.


Today is my birthday, and I didn't think much of today. Birthdays in Fortvale meant two parties,the family one and the one with your friends. My family birthday party was simple, just like all the other parties in Fortvale. The sun shone through the window,bright and white. I slipped out from under the covers and I walked over to my closet,picking out my outfit for the day before heading downstairs to the kitchen. Breakfast was already being served, the usual birthday breakfast, Pancakes with bacon on the side and maple syrup. I felt as if the smell enveloped me,hugging close to my skin. I sat down in my usual chair, and quickly began to pile my plate with pancakes and bacon. My mother always said I had quite the appetite, and that didn't help what with me being a bit chubby. It didn't help that I was short either. Brett,my best friend,called me munchkin,and I didn't mind though a change wouldn't hurt.

After breakfast, Lots of family was already at the door. Most of my family lived in Fortvale, and in some weird way, lots of the people in Fortvale were related. Since most peoples parents,grandparents, great-grandparents,and so on resided in Fortvale, many of them got married. No one in Fortvale really paid much attention to that though.

I heard my relatives pile in the living room,and I could hear the irritating laughs of my Aunt Delilah. This was going to be a long day.

As I strode downstairs into my very bright and lit living room,I felt all the eyes of my relatives turn to me. I felt a slight warmth in my cheeks as I never really got any attention. Oh god,I hope my face isn't red. I thought as I approached the final steps of the stair case. The room was decorated with cheap,paper decorations;but it was probably the best you could get in Fortvale anyways. Everyone got their birthday and party decorations at the only grocery store in town,Moe's Bargains and Deals. There was a huge cake in the back corner,and it appeared as if it was going to topple over any second. Of course,it was hand made because there wasn't a bakery in sight until the next town over. The room was congested with relatives,some that I didn't even recognize. I guessed they were from a few towns over. I was bombarded with hugs and slobbery kisses on the cheeks. Yeah,my family was quite the embarrassment,but their still my family, which makes me love them that much more.

Okay, so during the lunch and cake,i really didn't pay attention. But who could blame me?After this, I was going to go out with my friends,and possibly the dreamiest guy in Fortvale. I admit, I'm pretty popular,but there really isn't a distinction between anyone. Everyone knows each other since the population of Fortvale is only about 800 and most of them are underage. So,pretty much anyone who went to our so called high school was coming to the party,which would be in Huckerman's field. That place often gave me the creeps this time of year,but, I'd have Jack. Jack was the guy who every girl wanted to be with,but for some reason his attention was always on me.I didn't understand why since I had curly,brown hair that often got into my face and my body wasn't as great as other girls. I mean,take my best friend Amber for example. She was beyond gorgeous what with her caramel colored hair and hazel eyes. She had the perfect body and no one was stupid enough to not want her.

So we had cake,and presents were opened though I already knew what I was getting. Most of it was clothing from Annette's Clothing Emporium, the best and only place in town. A few shirts that hugged my waist just perfectly,light scarfs for the fall, boots and a pair of chuck taylors. I liked most of it but when it came to my Aunt Delilah, I had to put a fake smile on my face when she revealed the shirt of horror. It was ruffled everywhere,all I could see was ruffles. And the color was wretched! It looked as if my cat had just puked all over it! A huge flower was sewn right smack dab in the middle and the worst part was,that it had random jewels everywhere. Great, a bejeweled,ruffle,cat vomit shirt.
“Oh Aunt Delilah its just wonderful!”I said as I tried to portray being jovial,though that was nothing close to what I felt about this shirt. As the party slowly simmered down, relatives began to leave and it was time for me to escape this dungeon. I quickly slipped out the back door and made a run for it. I hopped on my bike and rode down the street and towards Huckermans field.

Huckermans field was rather eerie and spooky at night. The way the light shone on the field,and just the field itself gave it a whole new feel. I walked through the tall grass and towards three shadowy figures that I expected to be my friends. Except,when I reached the figures,they turned around and all I saw was faces full of darkness. They really didn't count as faces, they were really just black mists. I jumped back and I fell on my bottom as I scurried back. One of the figures gave me what looked like a smirk,
“Hello Julie,We've been waiting a while” One of the figures said
“Yes,don't you know how to treat guests?” Another said in a feminine voice. My first instinct was to run,so that's exactly what I did. I ran down the small hill and I felt myself collide with a figure as I was jostled aside
“Whoa, J , why so skittish?”My friend Brett said I sighed in relief as I slowly began to calm myself.
“No reason, urm.. where was the party again?” I asked a bit confused. I thought it was supposed to be north of the field.
“It's south of the field,just like we told you. Man Julie,what's up with you today?” Amber said as she pointed towards the crowd of people and the lights. So I was wrong..But then who were those people?And how did they know my name? I tried to shake off the feeling but it always seemed to come back. The party passed quickly, and the only people left in the field were Brett,Amber and I. We had begun to walk down the hill when I saw the three figures once again. My heart sunk to the bottom pit which was my stomach. How come they were following me?
“Um guys?Can we take the long way? The shortcuts kinda giving me the creeps.” I said to them. They agreed and we turned to take the long way,but in the corner of my eye I swear I didn't see the figures anymore. I turned my head around to where they were,and like I thought, they were gone.

A few days passed by and I discovered a few peculiar things that have been happening. First off, I don't have an appetite at all anymore,and second my skin is very cold. I can't sleep anymore,even if I try the hardest, I just cant sleep. I've also seen the figures a lot lately. Like when I was in my science class,they were outside of the window. They were also in my bedroom when I was asleep. That night when I woke up I was absolutely skittish.

I woke to my name being called “Julie! We need to talk to you for a moment.” my mother called on a bright Saturday morning. I stumbled down the stairs and I sat down on the couch adjacent from my parents. “Julie,there's something we need to tell you.” my father sighed before continuing “You see, on my side of the family,there's something different. We're not like the normal people, or like anyone really. I have heard you have been experiencing very different things,and that's normal.” He told me,almost like I was five. “What your fathers trying to say is that these things are happening for a reason. You see, your fathers family is a thing called casters. And your one too. You've inherited all their powers,so you can do many things. Now these powers need to stay a secret okay, so you have to be very careful. Your father will train you and help you control them.” My mother said. I didn't know how to process this. It was as if my whole life was a lie. I felt as if I wasn't who I used to say I was “Okay” I managed to say before walking upstairs to my room again. School came and passed,and everything was fine. Until the day I decided to be clumsy.

This day started off being normal,like any other day. I felt fine,and I walked in the hallway gracefully. Then I saw a couple of guys pushing around a small,fragile kid. I hated when people got teased or jostled around. Suddenly, I felt a surge of anger fill throughout my body and come out. Crash. The first locker fell. Another crash. Second locker.Crash.Third. This pattern continued,the lockers falling like dominoes. When I looked up to see what was happening, the guys looked straight at me. They looked as if they had just seen a ghost or something. And then I realized what happened. I did the damage.

I ran home,and I didn't stop. My legs felt sore, but I pushed myself to keep running. I crashed through the door and I explained to my parents what had happened. At that moment, Brett and Amber stumbled through the door.
“Julie what happened back there?!” Amber exclaimed as she ran to hug me. My father sighed
“I was afraid this would happen. Julie, you have to leave. There are some power hungry maniacs in your school,and im sure its not long until they come to get you.” He sighed sadly.
“Wait what?Why does she have to go?” Brett asked. Julies friends hadn't found out about the secret yet,and she didn't plan on telling them.
“Well if shes going,im going with her.” said Amber.
“Me too!”Brett said with a grin
“Fine, but leave. You'll all need a bit of a head start” He said. With those words said,we were off.

We couldn't take the car since it had a license plate,so I guess we were going on foot. By the time we were out of town my feet already ached. I pushed myself to keep going though. Even if it was childish, I thought of that movie when the fish said “Just keep swimming.” What was that called again? Oh yeah, Nemo.

☯ ƒ ι η η у  ☯ Days passed,and we stopped at every town for about 15 minutes before going on again. As I walked, I noticed that I could do more things than just move lockers. I could actually control the weather too. I just thought about something and it happened. It helped,since I could cloud up the sun. So I guess we wouldn't die from heat stroke. But, there was the matter of food. We didn't have any money on us and our stomachs were already growling.

We walked through many forests,though as we passed through one in particular, I felt as if something was wrong. The breeze was too cold, and it was way to dark. The only light I saw was the light that came through a big hole in the tree tops. We walked along a small path, but soon I realized that was a mistake. As we moved through a turn, I saw what fate had laid out for me. The three shadowy figures,well students, were right there in front of us. Amber and Brett gave me a look, and I noticed I had never really explained it to them,what we were running from. As the shadowy figures materialized, I noticed who they were. They were three of my friends, very close friends. I gasped. How could it be them? And I thought they were my true friends. I didn't realize what was happening until I stopped thinking and got out of the dark abyss which were my thoughts. I looked over to where I heard a large crack. Brett was sliding down a tree,and the events connected. They were going to kill me, get my powers, but they were going to take out my friends too. Another crack and Amber was lying defenseless against a tree. Then I realized the cracks were their spines. I let out a spine-chilling shriek as I felt something grab me,right before a hand was over my mouth. Everything else was a blur, I saw flashes of the trees, and flashes of dirt being flung over one of my so called 'friends' head. Then I felt my body being thrown,and I was falling into a hole. I felt a pressure on my chest, and everything grew dark. I couldn't find enough air to fill my lungs,and I slowly began to suffocate.

As I took what I thought was my last 'breath', I suddenly heard something faintly. They sounded like wails of pain. Then, the pressure got lighter,and breathing became easier. Then, I saw the light. The small stream of light that leaked through the foliage of the forest. As my vision focused, I saw a beyond gorgeous guy holding out a hand for me to take. He had shaggy chocolate hair, and beautiful green eyes. He was perfect, but who was he?

message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

I think the story is pretty good so far for a short. But what I would suggest is give it a little more back story with the town and the MC. Also same maybe give the villains a little more back story too, because a character can't just be born evil. also how did the dad know about the kids at the school? make sure to explain that. they have to get that way some how. And when it comes to her powers have her slowly discover them and learn to comp with them. And when it comes to emotions and hunger pains, explain them a more, don't be afraid to go in-depth. it can use a few adjustments but I also think what you got is good. I hope this helps and please don't feel discouraged from the comments. I really think you got a good story here that can be made even better. :) I'm glad you wrote it!

☯ ƒ ι η η у  ☯ Thanks :3 I think that'll help a lot and make my story better.I've already handed in what is up there to my teacher,but a lot of people in my class told me to keep writing it and to make it into a novel XD

message 6: by [deleted user] (new)

I think you should! I really want to meet and get to know the gorgeous charrie guy XD

♠️ TABI = 타비 ♠️ (Tabi_Card) Here's a book I'm nearly finished with XD

message 8: by Mark (new)

Mark (ToasterMic) Please critique this character description:
At closer inspection she stood at roughly five foot two, had high cheek bones and a chiselled jaw, full lips, large dark eyes and long black hair that fell in ringlets to the middle of her back.

message 9: by ♠️ TABI = 타비 ♠️ (last edited Nov 09, 2012 01:20PM) (new)

♠️ TABI = 타비 ♠️ (Tabi_Card) Hmm...I think maybe split the description into like more than just one sentence ;)

At closer inspection, she stood and roughly five feet, give a few more inches. (specific heights always make me feel like I'm reading a police sketch lol :p). Her cheekbones were high, had a chiseled jaw, and full lips. Her eyes were large and dark, matching her long black hair that fell in ringlets to the middle of her back.

What you think? That is what I would do. Cause a whole long sentence like that has always made me feel like I'm blurting something out in one breath really fast lol ;)

message 10: by Mark (new)

Mark (ToasterMic) Thanks I'm a total noob.

♠️ TABI = 타비 ♠️ (Tabi_Card) Haha np ;) I like editing stuff (other peoples that is lol Xp) and glad I could help :)

message 12: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments This is an excerpt near the beginning of my Nano work. It's a part two, and it involves literary characters, Oliver Twist, in this case, so hope you can get the drift without knowing the whole backstory ...

The two men lifted Jack Dawkins' body off the rooftop and set it atop the cart. They closed the curtains and trundled off to the airship.
"Thank you," I said to her, digging in my pocket and pulling out a handful of bank notes. Without counting it I held it out to her. She looked at it without taking it.
"I have not yet presented my bill," she demurred.
"Good," I said. "Don't bother. I hate a mess of paperwork. If that isn't enough, you can have more."
"Do you even know how much you have given me?" She began to count through it.
"Two hundred and twenty pounds," I answered immediately.
"So that is what you keep as pocket change?" I had almost winkled a smile out of her. I could see it wriggling behind her lips but she kept it in check.
"No, I keep around seven-fifty as pocket change," I shrugged. "I just know by the feel how much I've pulled out."
"It will be two hundred and eighty-five pounds," she said. "But it is not -- "
I handed her the remainder before she could finish the sentence. "Thanks. We'll see you tomorrow evening."
"You are a savant."
"Yeah. Idiot savant's what they called me in school."
She merely bowed and departed into the airship.
"You'll see she gets back to the mortuary safely, right, Tod?" I asked my pilot, who sat twitching his fox-tail whip against his spats as h sat in the seat on the front of the airship.
"Too roight, Doc," he nodded. "And then I'm off t' th' sack, and yew better not be sayin' there's more to be done tonight, er may the powers save ya."
"No more tonight, Tod," I grinned. There was no master and man with us, and I could see he was done in. "Get your beauty sleep, but we'll likely be off again day after tomorrow, maybe to Switzerland."
"Yeah," he grunted.
"Say, give me a lift down, will you? I haven't even had a look at that pirate airship. I want to see -- "
"Her highness says I carry you nowhere, and we get to go to bed, doc," Tod growled, and the airship lifted off. I turned around to see Lady Phoebe giving me a look almost as stern as the best Florizel could muster. I shrugged and signaled for the lift.
Down in the penthouse sitting room, I stood alone for a full minute, trying to think what I should do now. My brain was absolutely fogged with fatigue. We'd spent almost two weeks straight doing research on the Mechanicals School for the Gifted, Polidori's brood of vipers, as Spring-heeled Jack had called them. When not at that, we were modifying the airship and the bronze creatures in the rooftop garden to move and defend against the attack we knew would come. There had been fireworks, all right, when Jack Dawkins had kidnapped Lady Phoebe from that benefit concert for Trevor Newsome's MP campaign. Now there really didn't seem to be anything left to do except sleep. Could I actually do that?
"Ollie ... " I almost jumped out of my skin. Tatiana slipped out from alongside the fireplace and stood rather close to me, her dark eyes big and searching, her cloudy black hair a little messy, as if she'd been twisting and pulling it. Cinnamon and yeast were such good smells, and my Tati always filled my nose with them. "Oh, Ollie, you look so tired. What happened? There was such a lot of noise on the roof."
I realized that she really had no idea about all that had gone on tonight. Uncle Vanya, the keeper of a little coffee shop and bakery by the same name, and his daughter, this sweet girl here with me, hadn't gone to the concert, it seemed. I tried to make my brain work like Florizel's and sort the jumble of events into a sensible story but my brain was done being sensible, if it had ever been such. I stuck a hand in my pocket and felt a little box under the rest of the pound notes. I decided there was really only one thing I wanted to explain to Tati.
"Tati, I know you've been worried about me," I began, "and probably about us -- " I had to stop there because she burst out crying, just an awful flood of tears, and I had to just hold her and pat her back and wait until all that slowed down some.
"I thought -- " she started to say, but hiccupped, and I patted a little harder. I wondered if Uncle Vanya and his rolling pin were anywhere about, but I hoped we were past his desire to bash in my head for touching his daughter. "You have been working and working up there, not eating, not wanting to talk to anybody. I thought -- That perhaps you were not healed at all, and that the thing that was done to you -- That you were too hurt, and too sad to -- too -- " She was doing more hiccupping than crying, now, but it was interfering with her talking too much for me to let her go on. So I kissed her, first on the forehead, then on the cheek, then on the lips, all the while with an eye on the shadows.
Still no Uncle Vanya or rolling pin, and Tati was getting calmer, and smiling more, and snuggling into my shoulder, fitting so nicely. I pulled the little box out of my pocket, opened it, and took out the ring I'd asked Lady Phoebe to pick out for me. I got hold of Tati's soggy little hand and slipped the ring onto her finger. I wasn't even sure which one was the right one, but when she saw the little white gold butterfly with blue diamonds she didn't seem to care. She started hiccupping again but threw her arms around me and snuggled a lot tighter.
"Tati, please marry me," I whispered into her ear. "But not tonight, or tomorrow, either, because I really think I can sleep now, for the first time in about ten years, and I think I'll sleep rather a long time."

A Dodge a Twist and a Tobacconist (Alexander Legacy #1) by Sophronia Belle Lyon Illustrated A Dodge a Twist and a Tobacconist (Illustrated Alexander Legacy, #1) by Sophronia Belle Lyon

message 13: by [deleted user] (new)

I think it is amazing! I think your writing has a good mix of emotions and explaining surrounding, except I'm really confused with what just happened at the top.... with the body and airships?

message 14: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments OH, yes, sorry. The first book, near the end, has a battle basically between Oliver and Jack Dawkins on the roof of Oliver's hotel, which has a clockwork menagerie. Jack, who is the bad guy in the first book, is trying to escape and they believe he has been accidentally killed running into one of the bronze animals. Jessica Fagin is a mortician picking up the body and Oliver's airship is taking her and her assistants back to the mortuary.

message 15: by [deleted user] (new)

oh ok that makes sense. it sounds really good though!

message 16: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Thank you!

message 17: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Hope it's okay to post another excerpt. This is the arrival at a costume ball. Spring-heeled Jack is a scary fellow from the first book who has steam-powered jumping boots and finger armor claws, among other things. He left the bad guys in the first book, but he's still figuring out where he belongs in this book. Oliver Twist is the narrator, and the one Jack refers to as "the little 'un".

When the airship arrived at the Otel d'Raison, where the ball was being held, Tod had a most peculiar expression on his face as he conducted us out. Spring-heeled Jack faced us, defiance in every line of his giant form, in his full costume of steel, clawed, steam-powered jumping boots, finger armor sharpened to razor points, and bat-winged upper body armor.
"I'm here to bodyguard the little-un," he said. "Nobody's sayin' I'm not."
Lady Phoebe drew her mask away from her face and smiled at him. "No one would dream of saying anything. Thank you, Jack. You are most welcome to do so." I held out my hand to him and his just made mine disappear.
"Welcome, certain-sure," I grinned.
I handed out bugs as we moved toward the front entrance of the hotel. "Remember, they're still a work in progress," I cautioned. "They are better than they were. I can control their flight and project what they see, but I still don't know the real range. I couldn't believe that image from the one on Tatiana relayed as far as it did. Must have been something in the atmospheric conditions that night or -- "
"This will be a fine test," Lady Phoebe interrupted, pinning her bug to one shoulder of her gown. Florizel put his on his lapel and mine went on my belt. I saw Spring-heeled Jack looking a bit more dour than usual and handed him the extra one I had. He put it on the brim of the steel top hat that perched on his head like a helmet. He broke that gloomy look with a broad smile.
Florizel said, "It is a hard lesson for one who has long acted alone to learn to be part of a company. Trust me, I know whereof I speak."
Yeah," Spring-heeled Jack had actually become bashful. "It ain't easy, that's certain." He kept glancing at Lady Phoebe. She gave him her best open, inviting looks and he warmed considerably.
"It wasn't easy for any of us to get used to working as a team," I said. "They still have to make me finish my sentences and stop walking into people."

message 18: by [deleted user] (new)

haha I like Jack he is funny :P good job.. So how much are the books selling for?

message 19: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Thanks!
2.99 for the unillustrated version and 4.99 for the illustrated.

message 20: by SteinFussel, Co-Mod (new)

SteinFussel | 42 comments Mod
is there an epub-version of them? :D

message 21: by Mark (new)

Mark | 25 comments I want to post excerpts of what I've been doing this month, but should I wait until December?

message 22: by SteinFussel, Co-Mod (new)

SteinFussel | 42 comments Mod
not sure... we are ALWAYS curious :D

message 23: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments SteinFussel wrote: "is there an epub-version of them? :D"

We decided to KDP select for these book, SteinFussel. Sorry. If you are interested in reviewing, however, I can give you an epub copy and you can post on Goodreads. That would be greatly appreciated.

message 24: by Emilio (new)

Emilio Calderon (EmilioCalderon) | 24 comments This is the first draft of the first chapter of my NaNovel for this year, my first participating.

Mental Shout (excerpt)
Posted on November 11, 2012


She had not yet lost control, but panic was fast approaching. She had entered a small store on the right side of the street, she had outdistanced her pursuer, but not for much. She could feel the control of her abilities diminishing as panic crept to her consciousness. Stay away from me. She thought. ‘Oh god, he is still following me, I don’t want to lose control here, I don’t want to hurt anybody.‘

She did not want to hurt any innocent bystanders, but that was inevitable, when panic stoke she would not be able to control herself. She could do things that nobody else could, for many years she had known she was different, that was the reason she was being pursued today. It was all her fault, and she knew it, she had made a stupid mistake, and he had come for her.

A strange sensation came creeping into her mind, like the wind whispering inside her own thoughts, and suddenly a young male voice was clear in her thoughts saying: ‘Hi there!‘


He had left Manuel’s house and was halfway home, thinking about the movie they had just watched on TV, when he felt her shout. Stay away from me. He heard. ‘Oh god, he is still following me, I don’t want to loose control here, I don’t want to hurt anybody.’ The mental voice startled him. It was a “voice” he had not heard before, he didn’t recognize its texture, it was female and young. He started checking to make sure his basic mental filters where up, they where, that told him that this was no ordinary human, it had to be a telepath, like himself, and a strong one at that. He had never heard such a powerful, yet unfocused mental voice. This girl was in trouble, that definitely peeked his curiosity.

He waited a little before he attempted contact. He wasn’t sure if he had enough of the feel of her mind to try and reach it -every mind has a different feel, a different texture, as much or even more than their normal speaking voice- but he was definitely going to try. It was rare enough to hear some broadcast unfocused, but this voice had something that made him want to find the owner and help her.

He focused and projected his thought, ‘Hi there!’ He paused for a second and continued, ‘I heard your broadcast, how can I help?‘

As soon as he had done this, he got an answering thought, equally unfocused, confused and surprised, ‘Who are you, how did you do that, how did you answer my thought?‘ The edge of panic was in the horizon, and fast approaching…

Please critique, It is allays good to have feedback.

message 25: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Mark wrote: "I want to post excerpts of what I've been doing this month, but should I wait until December?"

Mark, we would love to look at snippets of what you've been writing here. (At least I would.) Also, I think there are places on the NaNo site for posting excerpts, like the dares section. I posted about my use of the Traveling Shovel of Death there. :-)

message 26: by C.S. (new)

C.S. (CJaney) | 6 comments Hmm...I'd love to post a whole excerpt of my NaNo novel here but all my chapters are 2k+ words I will post just the first part of the prologue! Enjoy!

"There is a certain point in your life when you come to a crossroads where the direction you thought your life was going and the direction you actually take diverge so dramatically that you feel like your head should be spinning. This is a day when your whole life can begin to spiral madly out of control.

For Charlotte, that day had just arrived. She caught sight of Trevin and immediately stood frozen in the doorway.

He was standing in the middle of his father's living room with his shirt unbuttoned and his semi-long black hair ruffled, barefoot. A woman with blond hair and who was a little taller than Charlotte had her arms wrapped around Trevin's neck, standing on her tiptoes with her body really close to his, kissing him on the mouth. Charlotte noticed that the woman didn't have a top on and her satin pink bra seemed to wink at her as she stared, eyes wide with disbelief.

At that moment, the only thought in her mind was to leave; she couldn't believe Trevin would do something like this but she had the evidence before her very eyes. She started to back away so she wouldn't be noticed but she must have made a noise because at that very moment, Trevin looked up at her. He automatically went to push the woman away from him.

It was too late. Charlotte could feel her eyes starting to water, her nose tingling; she knew the tears would soon follow. She spun around and rushed out of the house, the door punctuating her exit with a loud bang as it slammed back into the frame.

"Damn it Charlotte! Wait!" Trevin called out to her, hoping she would come back. He couldn't run after her immediately due to his dishevelment and the fact that the blond woman still had her arms wrapped around his neck. "Get off of me, Shelby!"

"Why would I do that? Don't you love me Trevin? What is so special about her anyway?" Pouting, she stretched her body upward, trying to plant another kiss on his lips.

Trevin quickly turned his head and growled in frustration. He pushed her away from him roughly, causing her arms to dislodge from around his neck and sent her staggering backwards. She caught her footing, frowning with displeasure at his rejection of her advance.

Stalking away, he grabbed his shoes and shoved them on quickly, intending to go follow Charlotte to explain, while addressing Shelby.

"Look Shelby, I don't like you. And I don't like being accosted in my own home; I only let you in because you said you needed to make a phone call. I should have known better."

Shelby's lips curled in a cat that got the cream smile. "She's long gone by now, you won't catch up to her," she remarked snidely while picking up her shirt, which she'd taken off while Trevin had gone to get the cordless phone for her. “You may as well give me a chance now!”

Her smile disappeared as Trevin looked up at her, his face contorted with hatred, his voice low and forceful. "Get out. NOW! If this drama you caused has any permanent effect on my relationship with Charlotte, you will regret it."

"Regret it? Please. You will thank me for doing you a favor. That girl is not for you."

"What makes you think such a thing? How can you believe that you are better? You know she's my fiancée and yet you come inside my house and thrust yourself upon me just a few moments before she showed up. You did it deliberately! Why the hell would I choose you over her?" Trevin asked incredulously, his voice rising until it was very close to a roar. "Like I said, get out."

"I did do this deliberately. I've loved you for years and you just reject me without even giving me a chance!"

"I rejected you because I've been dating Charlotte for six years now. I love her and only her, why can't you get that through your thick skull? Now leave!"

When she let out a laugh, he stalked up to her and stood really close to her face. "Since I've had to repeat myself, if you don't get out immediately I am going to call the cops and tell them you are trespassing."

Shivering, Shelby recoiled from the angry look on his face, automatically taking a step backward. She opened her mouth to inform Trevin that she wasn’t afraid of his empty threat but he cut her off with a nasty smirk.

With menace in his voice, he informed her, "This is a small town and I know everybody in it. You may know them too but you've been nothing but a trouble maker since you were a little girl. If you don't leave right now, I will make sure everyone knows everything bad about you that never got around, including the fact that you slept with the whole damn football team in your senior year. Now, for the last time, get out!"

Jumping at his raised voice and realizing he was entirely serious with his threat, Shelby gathered her things and ran out of the house like her feet were on fire. Trevin followed soon after, climbing into his truck with the intention of going to Charlotte’s house and begging her to listen to him. He couldn't lose her; she was the most important thing in the world to him.

Just as he was about to pull out of his driveway, his cell phone vibrated. He answered it without looking at the screen, hoping it might be Charlotte.
"Hello, this is Trevin speaking."
"Hi Trevin, this is Jeremy. We've got a bit of a situation here in the dorms and I need your help right away. How fast can you get here?"

Trevin cursed, chastising himself for not checking his caller ID before answering. “Is it not something you can handle yourself? You are the resident assistant in training, after all.”

“No, I can’t handle it myself, sorry. You told me to only call you during emergencies and well,” he coughed before continuing. “We busted some minors without alcohol and the cops need you here to sign some papers…they said I couldn’t because I am not in charge.”

Sighing in frustration, he said, "I'm at my father’s house so I should be there in roughly forty-five minutes."

"Okay, see you then. I’ll let them know you are on your way." Jeremy informed him, and then hung up.

Trevin headed towards the college, hoping that when he came back Charlotte would have calmed down enough that they could talk without fighting."

message 27: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Cassandra wrote: "Hmm...I'd love to post a whole excerpt of my NaNo novel here but all my chapters are 2k+ words I will post just the first part of the prologue! Enjoy!

"There is a certain point in your l..."

Cassandra, this is great! I love how you portray Trevin's character and determination, and the fact that he has real responsibilities. (and I love his name.) Is there any way you could keep the whole scene in his POV, though? He could see Charlotte's entrance, her tears, her exit, knowing what's in her mind but showing us through his perceptions and reactions. And even Shelby's part could be handled from his perspective. I think it would make the scene stronger, and we wouldn't be "head-hopping."

message 28: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Emilio wrote: "This is the first draft of the first chapter of my NaNovel for this year, my first participating.

Mental Shout (excerpt)
Posted on November 11, 2012


She had not yet lost control, but pan..."

What a great way to start a relationship! I am interested. But if you sensed that someone was pursued, panicking, would you really say "Hi, there"? Maybe "Calm down" or "Easy there"?

message 29: by C.S. (new)

C.S. (CJaney) | 6 comments Mary

You know, in all the comments I've gotten so far from people on another site...not one person mentioned that...and I think you're right. I didn't realize I had done that but it would make sense for HIM to see her standing in the door; her seeing him and running away but the scene still staying with Trevin could be seen as awkward, lol.

Another option I considered was cutting the scene as she fled, then going into Trevin's POV. I didn't notice that I'd gone to Shelby's perspective a few times but I can see it now.

Things to work on after Nano :D And thanks, I love his name too! Lol.

Mary wrote: "Cassandra wrote: "Hmm...I'd love to post a whole excerpt of my NaNo novel here but all my chapters are 2k+ words I will post just the first part of the prologue! Enjoy!

"There is a certa..."

message 30: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Mark wrote: "The first half of Curse Girl's Prologue, since it's quite lengthy.

Sadness and nothing but was the one and only thing Amanda felt at the moment, now with her best friend Kristen Flemings hightaili..."

Mark I think this would be more engaging if you could include a few memories of why they are such good friends. "She grabbed my hand when I almost fell off the stepping stones into the river." "She didn't laugh when my first cake fell flat." Anything that makes the friendship real, concrete to us. Show us why it matters.

message 31: by SteinFussel, Co-Mod (new)

SteinFussel | 42 comments Mod
Mary, I'd love to review it! And epub would be perfect for my Nook!

message 32: by Mark (last edited Nov 16, 2012 06:12PM) (new)

Mark | 25 comments Mary wrote: "Mark wrote: "The first half of Curse Girl's Prologue, since it's quite lengthy.

Sadness and nothing but was the one and only thing Amanda felt at the moment, now with her best friend Kristen Flemi..."

Thanks, and another question, since Curse Girl is part two in a series,maybe I could get some pointers on how to show this, since a lot of Amanda and Kristen interacting takes place in the first book.
I'll put some more up tomorrow.

message 33: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Adding a few very brief "flashbacks" into this scene will probably make that clear, Mark. In fact, that's a good way to bring readers up to speed if they haven't read the book. Enough so they're not lost, but be careful to make them still want to go back and read the first one.

message 34: by Emilio (new)

Emilio Calderon (EmilioCalderon) | 24 comments Mary wrote: "Emilio wrote: "This is the first draft of the first chapter of my NaNovel for this year, my first participating.

Mental Shout (excerpt)
Posted on November 11, 2012


She had not yet lost c..."

Thanks for the comment, you are absolutely right! I'll change that!

message 35: by Emilio (new)

Emilio Calderon (EmilioCalderon) | 24 comments Mary wrote: "Hope it's okay to post another excerpt. This is the arrival at a costume ball. Spring-heeled Jack is a scary fellow from the first book who has steam-powered jumping boots and finger armor claws, a..."

Wow, It's fantastic!
I've just realized how editing work my NaNovel is going to take. It's great to see other people's work like this.

message 36: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Thanks, Emilio. I am also a proofreader and editor and I can't make myself just write and fix stuff later. But I hope that means less editing later on. It is a lot of fun seeing everyone's stories growing.

message 37: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Mark wrote: "THE GATE

Since Maddie Rosemont had the afternoon off from running her families record store, her best friend ever since they were children,Dahlia Shephard’s and her plans were to take an afternoo..."

Wow! I know it's going to sound like a pun, but as soon as you got to the antiques store, you pulled me right in! It was a little slow starting, but you got the atmosphere of something unpleasant coming started with the "Suspect" girls in class. Nice going. Try making it into an even shorter flash fiction piece, maybe, trim it down to 600 words or so and really concentrate the suspense.

message 38: by Mark (new)

Mark | 25 comments Mary wrote: "Mark wrote: "THE GATE

Since Maddie Rosemont had the afternoon off from running her families record store, her best friend ever since they were children,Dahlia Shephard’s and her plans were to tak..."

All right.

message 39: by Mary (last edited Nov 18, 2012 05:50PM) (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments You should try to make it all from Dahlia's point of view, too, so the ending surprise is that much stronger. You have some of it from Maddie's viewpoint now, but when it turns out to be Dahlia's imagination, that doesn't make sense.

♠️ TABI = 타비 ♠️ (Tabi_Card) Ok, so this is the first chapter of this story I'm currently working on, and I want to know what you all think! XD

Chapter One

The tavern smelled of old smoke, stale sweat, sour armpits, and sewage. Several patrons sat at weatherworn tables, one graybeard snoring peacefully in a puddle of ale, an arm draped over the tipped mug.
As I walked into the door, a serving girl, her brown curls smoothed demurely under a faded kerchief, lifted her head up from polishing a well-used pewter ale mug.
Her eye brightened when she saw me, and a wry grin lifted the corner of my mouth. She must not be used to younger customers.
I leaned on the bar counter, the raised grain of the wood so high I felt it through the cloth of my coat, and looked up at her with a smile. The one I used to put girls like her at ease.
“Good day,” she said, setting the mug down and unconsciously patting her hair down and smoothing her skirt, “May I help you, sir?”
I paused a moment, as if considering my answer, and then inclined my head slightly to the left.
“No, but your master can,” I replied, and bit back a snort as her expression fell. Vaguely of course, but it was my job to notice the small details.
She bit her lip; her eyes flitting to one of the patrons, and then back at me.
“I don’t believe he’s in at the moment, sir,” she said, and I raised an eyebrow, shifting my position slightly against the counter. She blinked a moment later, her eyes sliding from my face.
“You’re lying,” I suddenly said, shoving off from the counter, leaning forward, and grabbing her by the front of her dress and pulled her against the counter, a foot of wood in between us, but our faces only several inches apart.
A whimper slipped past her lips as I stared into her eyes, all my act slipping away to reveal my true intention.
“You’re going to tell me where he is,” I said, the words hissing past my clenched teeth, my voice dangerous, “You have a choice, you tell me, or I find out. Either way I get what I want.”
She nodded her head several times, tears of fear slipping out of the corners of her eyes, and then raised her hand, her trembling finger pointing at the patron I’d noticed before.
I smiled, cold and deadly this time, and then released my grip on her, and she tumbled to the ground behind the counter.
I heard her muffled sobs as I turned and looked at the man, frozen in his seat, his eyes wide and staring at me.
They were glinting slightly red, and a grin spread across my face.
“Everyone out who wants to live,” I said softly, but in the dead silence of the room, it was like I had shouted the words.
The remaining people in the room scrambled to their feet and left, except for the snoring graybeard, still asleep in his ale…and the inn owner. The girl had left in the rush of feet, and as I stepped towards the man, I could hear his pounding heart.
“You’re changing, aren’t you?” I whispered, my eyes never leaving his, my feet slow and sure as I walked towards him, my steps quiet.
He nodded jerkily, and then twitched automatically as a small snarl broke from him.
“You went in the dark alone, even though everyone knows that’s a sure death,” I continued, “And then something in the woods snapped, you turned and saw red eyes.”
“H-how do you know?” he stammered, and then jerked in his seat again, his hands stiff.
“I know all about you,” I said, now only a few feet away from him, “You got attacked…but you survived. So you ran away, and didn’t tell anyone about your near death experience.” I paused, and cocked my head as if thinking, and then continued, “But then you were different. Light hurt your eyes, people started smelling more like raw meat then human beings, and you started thinking that maybe…”
“Stop!!” he yelled, his hands clutched around his head, his whole body jerking spasmodically in his seat.
“You’re one of them now,” I whispered, so softly that he wouldn’t have heard it if he was still human…but he wasn’t anymore.
With a choking snarl, he jerked out of the chair and fell to the ground, writhing on the floor, his muscles locked tight.
“But you still fight it, don’t you?” I asked, watching him, my expression and voice calm.
He looked up at me as I spoke the words, his eyes brown, a red light shining in the depths of them, but then the red swam up and flooded them, turning his pupils a deep crimson. An inhuman howl broke from him as his body twisted unnaturally, and then began to change. Dark, thick leathery skin split his human skin, talons sprouted from his nails, and then curving, twisting horns curled up from where his ears had been, jutting out six inches by his jaw.
A moment later, the creature got up from the floor and faced me in a half crouch, red eyes glaring at me. A thin stream of smoke rose from two slits where its nose used to be, and clawed feet where once hands and feet used to be.
It roared, jagged, yellowing teeth set in red gums, its throat seeming to glow red hot, and a wave of sulfurous heat struck my face. My coat fluttered open from the blast, revealing two slender sabers in a double-sheath on my left hip, their silver wire handles glinting dully.
“The thing is, though,” I said, my eyes never leaving the beast’s, “Daemons can never be kept down for long.”
I drew my sabers, the blades sliding out of their sheaths with a metallic slither, and settled into a crouch, my teeth bared in a growl, as the daemon charged, fiery froth coating its lips.
“Come to me, you beastie,” I murmured, just before it swiped a taloned hand in front of my face. Instinct had me lean but just slightly, so that I felt the tips brush across my left cheek with a rush of air, and then I was ducking under it’s next swipe, and sliced my right hand saber across it’s chest, leaving a fine red line.
The daemon howled, and I slid out from under it, rolling over and turning around to face it from behind. The wooden floorboards smoked where it’s thick black blood had fallen, glowing red-hot.
It whirled on me, and I was ready, my blades crossed, and I swung up, opening my blades under it’s neck, neatly severing its head.
It crashed to the ground, turning the table it had once sat at before he was a daemon, into splinters. The head rolled towards me, its eyes dimming in death, and the glow from its nostrils fading, and I sheathed my swords, not even a drop of the molten blood staining them, and kicked the head away towards the body.
“The other thing is,” I said, starting to walk out the inn door, not even glancing back at the smoldering body, “They can also be killed.”
I shut the door behind me, and started down the road, and then grinned as the heat of a large fire on my back came through the fabric of my coat. Dead daemons incinerated from their own fire in a matter of a few minutes after their death, and usually burned whatever was flammable around them as well.
“And you might want to look into a new inn as well,” I said.

message 41: by Mark (new)

Mark | 25 comments Mary wrote: "You should try to make it all from Dahlia's point of view, too, so the ending surprise is that much stronger. You have some of it from Maddie's viewpoint now, but when it turns out to be Dahlia's i..."


message 42: by [deleted user] (new)

Here's my story so far! Hope you like it and PLEASE leave comments! THANKS!!!

Chapter One

I awoke to find a dog drooling on my chest. My first thought: this is gross. Then: I don't have a dog. I sat up, pushing the furry thing to the floor as I leapt out of bed. He whimpered at me, upset, I guess, over the loss of his doggie bed. I ran past him into the hallway, unsure of where to start first. If I were sneaking into someone's house with my dog, where would I hide? I didn't have to worry, however, because the dog just waltzed right up to the guest bedroom door and whined, sitting back on it's haunches and staring at me expectantly. I quietly made my way to the door, stopping, hesitating. What if there was a murderer inside, waiting to kill me? Then I shook my head. Murderers don't have bring your dog to work days. I took a deep breath and opened the door just enough to peek inside.
At first, I didn't see anything, just the plaid armchair that my aunt had given me last year and the double bed I had gotten from my friend when he got a new one. Then she rolled over.
“No way,” I muttered, staring at the sole occupant of the room. A beautiful girl lay on the bed, sleeping soundly under the weight of the plush blue bedspread. She was beautiful in the way the moon is beautiful: innocent, bright, and new. Her face looked peaceful, her pink lips parted slightly to reveal white teeth. She looked about sixteen, maybe seventeen. She smiled, as if having a pleasant dream, shifting under the covers. Then she frowned, seemingly puzzled by something. Her eyelids fluttered, and I held my breath, praying that she wouldn't wake up. But she just rolled over and sighed contentedly.
I could see no luggage, nothing on the bedside table, no shoes or clothes littering the floor. Nothing remarkable at all.
Except for her hair.
Her hair, which was a lovely golden yellow, cascaded off of the bed and onto the floor, where the girl had draped it over a chair repeatedly before piling it in a heap on the rug nearby. I didn't think anyone could grow their hair that long in a life time, much less sixteen years. I closed my eyes and silently counted to ten, sure that I was hallucinating. But, surprise, surprise, when I opened them, the hair was still there. I took another deep breath, and I got the feeling that I would be taking a lot of those for a while.
I slowly backed away, shutting the door with a soft click. The dog was still sitting next to me, looking up at me with sad, brown eyes.
“Who is she?” I asked, bending over to stroke the dog's silky ears. “Whose your owner, huh?” But I received no reply. I sighed. At least the dog didn't talk. I stood, stretching, and headed back to my room. I guess I probably should have been freaking out, what with the strange girl with the long hair and her dog appearing in my house. But something about her made me want to protect her; maybe her face, or her dog, or her hair. Looking back, I really should have woken her up and escorted her to the nearest bus station with five bucks and a goodbye. Instead, I went and took a nice, long shower, trying, unsuccessfully, to get her out of my head.
Chapter Two

“This guy looks nice,' I thought as I watched him walk down the aisle. He was dressed plainly, just a gray t-shirt and jeans. But I liked that about him. It made him seem closer, less alien. Less scary. I looked down at the bottle of milk grasped in my hand, then turned my attention to my dog.
“What do you think the skim part is for, Marcel?” He looked up at me and cocked his head, as if contemplating my question.
“You're right. It doesn't matter.” I replaced the milk back in the cooler, then looked back up at where the man had been standing, but he was gone.
“Oh no!” I cried, wildly looking around. “Marcel, we have to find him!” I ran toward the front of the store, Marcel right on my heels, just in time to see the man leaving through the sliding doors. I charged after him, almost running into an older woman carrying a tray of crackers.
“Would you like a free sample?” she called after me, but I was gone. I burst through the doors, stopping for a moment to catch my breath. The warm summer breeze danced across my face, and I closed my eyes and just stood for a moment. God, I thought, I will never get tired of this.
“HONK!” I was pulled back to reality by a pickup truck's loud warning.
“Sorry!” I yelled, but the truck had sped off. Some people gave me funny looks, probably because of my hair. Then I spotted the guy a block away, rounding a corner, and remembered my mission.
“We're gonna lose him!” I started running again, faster this time. Marcel sped ahead, pausing occasionally to make sure I was still following him. After four blocks, two wrong turns, and three close calls involving minivans and me almost tripping over my bundle of golden locks, we finally arrived at his house. It was late, almost dusk, and I was pooped.
“Marcel,” I huffed, “We are never doing that again.” He barked in agreement. I sat down on the curb, gathering my hair in a heap next to me, and looked at the house for a minute. It was nice, small and white, with three steps leading up to a door between two windows, along with an attached garage. All of the shades were drawn, but a little bit of light flickered out from under the window to the left of the door.
“I wonder what he's doing in there,” I said, more to myself than Marcel this time. Now that I was here, I wasn't really sure what to do. I probably should've thought this through a bit more. But in my defense, I wasn't even sure that I would get this far. All I knew was that I needed a place to stay and decide what to do next. So I just wandered around looking for nice people. Until now, I hadn't been very successful. Then I found him, and now I had to figure out some way to get inside without freaking him out. You could just ask, I thought.
Then it hit me: I'll just wait for him to fall asleep! I smiled. This would work perfectly! I would just sneak through a window, crash on the couch for a while and leave before he woke up.
“Marcel, you better behave,” I told him after explaining my plan. “I don't want you to wake him up. He wagged his tail excitedly and barked.
“Shhh!” I hissed, dragging him behind some bushes. “I don't want him to hear.”
Then we waited. And waited. Waiting is not fun, especially when you're nervous. But I had waited fifteen years, and I wasn't going to give up now. Finally, I peeked around the side of the hedge to see that the light under the window had gone out.
“Finally!” I stood up, then dropped back down to the ground, peeking through a hole in the leaves. He opened the door, then turned and picked something up before turning back to the sidewalk and strolling toward the mailbox. I scrunched down and tried to make myself as small as possible, but he stopped just short of the bush where I was hiding and deposited his load with a thud. He closed the little door and stuck the flag up, then walked back to the house and disappeared inside. I relaxed.
“Marcel,” I whispered, “That was way to close.” But the dog was asleep at my side, exhausted from his long day. I smiled and settled in for more waiting, stroking his soft fur and wondering what, exactly, I was getting myself into.
After another long hour of thinking, I decided that it was now or never. I cautiously poked my head above my hiding place, ready to dive back down, but was met with no opposition. I stood up and stretched, than gently shook Marcel awake.
“Come on, boy,” I cooed, “Let's go.' He followed me up to the front door. I stared at the knob for a while, thinking.
“It's gotta be locked,” I murmured, but I tried it anyways. To my surprise, it opened quite easily. I stuck my head inside. Empty, dark, and quiet. Perfect.
“I can do this.” I took a step, and the floor creaked under my weight. I dove back outside, jumping behind Marcel. He looked at me, and if dogs could talk, I swear he would have said, “Really?”
“You're right,” I took a breath and stood up, once again peering into the dark entryway of this guy's house. I marched inside, just daring the floors to oppose me. But they remained creak-free. Once Marcel had joined me, I shut the door behind me with a soft click. I turned and tried to take a step, but found I couldn't move more than a few feet. Something was holding onto my hair!
I let out a squeak and whirled around, but no one was there. Then I realized that my hair was stuck in the door. I mentally slapped my forehead.
“False alarm, Marcel.” I released my locks and closed the door again, this time being careful not to let my hair get in the way. I sighed and turned back to my faithful companion.
“Now, let's...” But Marcel was gone. “Oh no. This is bad.” I tiptoed forward. “Marcel!” Something nudged me, and I almost jumped out of my clothes.
“Marcel!” I scolded, “Don't you ever do that again1” The dog just turned and trotted up the stairs. He seemed to know where he was going, so I followed him. He led me down a long hall toward what I assumed to be a guest room. My guess was confirmed when I saw an empty bed, night table, and armchair.
'Okay Marcel, that's enough walking for one day.” I yawned and sat down on the bed. The comforter was soft and inviting, but I had learned from experience that if I didn't manage my hair before bed, It turned into a tangled mess overnight. I pulled the armchair over and looped my hair around it before turning down the sheets for the night.
“Goodnight, Marcel.” I sighed, closing my eyes on reality until tomorrow.

What did you think? LEAVE YO COMMENTS!!!

♠️ TABI = 타비 ♠️ (Tabi_Card) It's cool! Is it like a Rapunzel retelling? XD

message 44: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Emery wrote: "Here's my story so far! Hope you like it and PLEASE leave comments! THANKS!!!

Chapter One

I awoke to find a dog drooling on my chest. My first thought: this is gross. Then: I don't have a dog...."

What fun! Can't wait to hear what comes next. Love the dog, love the not knowing why she has to follow this particular guy. Love that he has to take a shower.

message 45: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Tabi (Natasha Romanoff) wrote: "Ok, so this is the first chapter of this story I'm currently working on, and I want to know what you all think! XD

Chapter One

The tavern smelled of old smoke, stale sweat, sour armpits, and sew..."

I love the suspense, the determination of the fighter, but I have to say the last line sounds a little weird if he is dead. :-/

♠️ TABI = 타비 ♠️ (Tabi_Card) He's just still talking as if he is, cause that is his character lol and thanks! XD

message 47: by [deleted user] (new)

Tabi (Natasha Romanoff) wrote: "It's cool! Is it like a Rapunzel retelling? XD"

Yup, but I'm still not sure where this is going to take me. I'm just along for the ride at this point!

message 48: by [deleted user] (new)

Tabi (Natasha Romanoff) wrote: "Ok, so this is the first chapter of this story I'm currently working on, and I want to know what you all think! XD

Chapter One

The tavern smelled of old smoke, stale sweat, sour armpits, and sew..."

I love it! It was really well written! Nice job!

message 49: by Mary (new)

Mary Findley | 51 comments Tabi (Natasha Romanoff) wrote: "He's just still talking as if he is, cause that is his character lol and thanks! XD"

Black humor is a necessary part of a daemon-hunter's life, I guess. I really like it so far. Hope to see more.

♠️ TABI = 타비 ♠️ (Tabi_Card) Yes, he has a very dark sense of humor XD Thank you! I'm working on it right now and hope to finish the first draft by the end of this year ;)

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