This is not The Haters Club You're Looking For discussion

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Birds...

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message 1: by Harry (new)

Harry  (harry_harry) Birds suck!

Birds crap on you, they bite you, they chase small children. Granted some small children probably deserve it, but on a whole the birds are the problem. Forgive my rambling, but from here on I will explain why I have the feelings I do based on personal experience.

Disney World...a place of joy for young and old. A young boy, all of 7 years old, just finished a death defying ride on Space Mountain. He now sits at a picnic table surrounded by several dozen other park-goers with a delicious piece of pizza. As the crowd discusses their next move (will it be It's A Small World, Pirates of the Caribbean...who knows?) and enjoys a nice lunch is the warm Florida sun, a demon lurks over head. Circling... looking for it's victim. Out of nowhere a massive crow dives into the crowd and with it's razor sharp talons grabs our boy by his head. WOW! The boys family thinks this was weird and they just laugh it off. Again, the bird attacks...guess who? The same small child! Now the entire pizza loving crowd is in tune with the attacks and boy do they think it is funny. Repeatedly this bird attacks with it's claws and beak! Attacking to the point that the boy is now bleeding. And the crowd LOVES IT! Laughter ensues! The boy begins to cry and not until the family finally wipe the tears of laughter from their eyes do they realize that he has been hurt. They still can't control the laughter. I blame this event and my family for most of my hatred towards birds.

National Zoo - Washington DC - 5th grade field trip. Minding my business standing next to a fence. An Ostrich reaches over and bites my hand. Bastard.

Ducks... DO NOT FEED THEM!! At a park minding my own business...blindsided by a rouge duck. Clips my legs, knocks me over and bites me. I've been chased by several ducks since, but I now know to watch my back. Those F'ers will not get me again. I am prepared to kick them right in their fat guts! Geese too! Watch it Goose, I do not have an issue with grabbing you by your long skinny neck and tossing you back into the pond!

Jr High School - walking to the bus stop, I walk by the neighborhood pool which has a lovely rose covered archway around the side I was walking. Picture a walking path covered in rose bushes. Apparently, a mother bird is intent on protecting her young which happen to be in said rose bushes. Unknowingly, I've made her mad and she quickly lets me know by pecking at my head. Once again, not just a warning shot, but this bitch decides she wants to put my eyes on stakes to warn all others not to come near her nest! I've got, at least, 50 yards of tunnel ahead of me. I can not move left or right due to the thorns...although I wondered which would be worse the bird or the thorns. I was not the fastest kid in the world, but this would have been the fastest 50 yard dash ever recorded in the Presidential Physical Fitness program.

The bird attacks have continued throughout my entire life and my head is always on a swivel when a flock is near. Went to Venice once and about shit myself watching people feed the hordes of dirty ass birds. In Atlantic City, the french fry guy gives you an extra plate and a warning to protect your food from the seagulls. I watched with horror as they chased tourists down the boardwalk trying to get a taste a hot dog. The dirty bids would even follow your leftovers into the trash can to retrieve them. People, STOP FEEDING THESE NASTY BEASTS. I do not want to sit with a sandwich outside while you think it's cute to toss bread to the birds. Do you know why? Because my food now looks delicious to the ravenous swarm of birds you have just teased with the little tiny bits of bread you tossed out.

Also, I think people who own birds have some sort of weird disconnect that causes them to have warm feelings toward the most cold and unloving pet one could ask for. Sure fish give you nothing to love either, but as long as they aren't upside down in the tank, they are pretty to look at. They are quiet as well.

Birds...not so much.



message 2: by [deleted user] (new)




message 3: by Harry (new)

Harry  (harry_harry) EXACTLY!




message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

I love birds, actually, but I get you. Here's what scares me!

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message 5: by Harry (new)

Harry  (harry_harry) Montambo, when is the last time you had a chance encounter with a tiger? Birds are everywhere.


message 6: by Kasia (last edited Feb 20, 2009 10:35AM) (new)

Kasia awwww.... big fluffy kitty, please don't vilify him


message 7: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I've never been attacked by a bird either. Why are you such an inviting target? Is your head shaped like a loaf of bread? Does your hair resemble a juicy pile of worms?


message 8: by Harry (new)

Harry  (harry_harry) How did this become all about me!? I'm telling you it's the birds. They are evil!


message 9: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments ...or brightly colored fringe they may fancy for their nests?


Jackie "the Librarian" I love birds. They're so cute!

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I wonder if Harry is putting out some sort of pheromone that sets birds off. Harry, do you smell like a weasel?


message 11: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Harry wrote: "Montambo, when is the last time you had a chance encounter with a tiger? Birds are everywhere."

That's true, Harry....but a tiger could kill you in a second. I don't think a bird could kill you. You would have to lie really really still for a long long time and even then you'd have to be suffering from severe hemophilia to incur any damage a band-aid couldn't fix. I suppose the bird COULD peck out your eyes, which would be more than a bother. But that wouldn't kill you. Perhaps, if given enough time, it could pack small twigs and other debris into your nostrils and throat causing you to suffocate.


message 12: by [deleted user] (new)

All big cats scare me. It's their eyes and the way they could kill me. My dad came across a mountain lion as a kid about 5 miles from where we grew up. The mountain lion roared at him and he froze and then backed out of the woods, never breaking eye contact. When he got to the edge of the woods, he broke into a run and didn't look back until he was in his sister's house.

My dad told me that story when I was a kid. There you go.


Servius  Heiner Birds tend to be the keepers of evil. They have been used through out history to detect evil spirits demons, deadly levels of gas fumes in mines. I think their fascination whit harry proves he is an evil bastard and deserves a seat at the haters table. Come sit hate, Harry.


Servius  Heiner We need conformation Harry... Are you pussy, or are you evil? Stand before your peers to be judged.


message 15: by Harry (new)

Harry  (harry_harry) Look, before you go and start name calling...remember King, the thread is about HATING birds not being afraid of birds. As mentioned, I have no problem kicking a bird or grabbing it by it's skinny neck or even running my SUV through a group of Seagulls loitering in the parking lot of the local target. Evil I guess.


message 16: by Harry (new)

Harry  (harry_harry) I'd think birds would be afraid of pussies...therefor would not attack!



message 17: by Harry (new)

Harry  (harry_harry) Servius Sextus Heiner wrote: "Birds tend to be the keepers of evil. They have been used through out history to detect evil spirits demons, deadly levels of gas fumes in mines. I think their fascination whit harry proves he is ..."

Thank you Servius...I think.




Servius  Heiner :)


message 19: by Harry (new)


message 20: by Amanda (new)

Amanda (randymandy) ick


message 21: by Donitello (last edited Feb 24, 2009 01:53PM) (new)

Donitello Harry: Is this by any chance you?

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Servius  Heiner I don't know what I hate more... birds swacking shitting all over my; car, deck, trebuchet, lawn mower, me, or cats... annoying self concerned, fur balls.


message 23: by Kasia (new)

Kasia Servius Sextus Heiner wrote: "I don't know what I hate more... birds swacking shitting all over my; car, deck, trebuchet, lawn mower, me, or cats... annoying self concerned, fur balls."

Plus cats shit as well... all over my lawn... somebody else's cats not mine... sigh...


message 24: by [deleted user] (new)

Harry, I thought you'd understand what happened to me, yesterday:

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...


message 25: by Harry (last edited May 25, 2009 07:58AM) (new)

Harry  (harry_harry) Montambo wrote: "Harry, I thought you'd understand what happened to me, yesterday:

Montambo, I am very sorry you had to go through such a terrible experience. I feel your pain and hopefully now you can share a little bit of my hatred for those filthy feathered F'ers!


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