YA LGBT Books discussion

note: This topic has been closed to new comments.
209 views
Author Info & Writing Discussion > Writing Sex in YA

Comments (showing 1-50 of 139) (139 new)    post a comment »
« previous 1 3

message 1: by Lissa (new)

Lissa (parisbvamp) | 64 comments So this seems taboo to a lot of publishers, which I find odd, especially if you're writing for the older end of YA. The Twilight series is ya and it has sex. Gossip girls has a ton of sex. So why is it so taboo to do this for GLBT? At lot of the GLBT publishers don't even want sex in their ya books. Now I'm not talking explicit scenes. But most seem to act like you can't even talk about a young man or woman desiring someone else.

Am I the only one seeing this? Should I be looking elsewhere for this stuff? Cause I'm not finding it anywhere.


message 2: by Madison (new)

Madison Parker (madisonparklove) | 27 comments Harmony Ink Press (Dreamspinner's new YA imprint) allows sex in their YA books. The one thing they don't allow is someone 18+ having sex with someone under 18. HIP is fairly new, though; I haven't read much from their collection yet.


message 3: by Kaje (last edited Oct 30, 2012 02:41PM) (new)

Kaje Harper | 14376 comments Lissa wrote: "So this seems taboo to a lot of publishers, which I find odd, especially if you're writing for the older end of YA. The Twilight series is ya and it has sex. Gossip girls has a ton of sex. So why i..."

I see sex in most of the LGBT YA that I read (although off page) - All of Robin Reardon, some of Alex Sanchez like the Rainbow Boys, David Levithan's Wide Awake, John Goode's Foster High, our last BotM Andy Squared... If your publisher isn't letting you put it in as plot, you might want to find a new publisher.


message 4: by Jo (new)

Jo Ramsey (Jo_Ramsey) | 1017 comments Harmony Ink does allow sex in their YA (as do most YA publishers), but according to their submission guidelines, "excessive, crude or extremely explicit descriptions will be rejected." Which implies to me, though I would have to actually ask, that they don't want erotica level sex scenes. Again, like most YA publishers.

The only YA publisher I know of with restrictions against sex is Featherweight, which says they won't allow penetrative sex in their books (though I've pushed that envelope with a couple of my under-contract Featherweight titles). They're okay with it happening off-screen, I think, but there has to be a fade-to-black.

Twilight is a bit of a different horse (yes, I know that isn't the right phrase) because the sex in the story doesn't occur until after Sparkle-boy and Angst-girl are married. Since Stephenie Meyer is Mormon, she refused to have the characters having sex before marriage.

And now I want to use Sparkle-boy and Angst-girl as superhero names in the superhero romance/parody/thing I'm working on...


message 5: by James (new)

James Erich (jameserich) | 51 comments I'll second (third?) that. My novel through Harmony Ink had sex scenes, just not very explicit. They don't like sex between adults and minors, similar to other YA publishers, but sex between teenagers is fine.

The level of explicitness is something that may sometimes require a judgement call, but the guiding principle is that is shouldn't come across as if it were just there to titillate the reader.

At the time I submitted Seidman, I had a very hard time finding a gay YA publisher that was willing to have ANY sex in the novel -- they seemed more prudish than other YA publishers, as if they were afraid people would accuse them of pushing underage pornography (which has happened to gay publishers in the past). I was thrilled to find that Harmony Ink was open to it. Since then, most gay YA publishers have loosened up on it.


message 6: by Byron (new)

Byron (byft) | 1060 comments *LOL* @ Jo.... That was hillarious... I expect to see a YA story with those two names in the next 12 months... (see how generous I can be..)

As to the topic.. I don't know what YA publishers do and don't accept but I read YA because I don't want stories based on sex or with graphic scenes - no matter how sweet.. I love the fade to black/grey because it leaves me to decide if I want to even go there, let alone what I want to imagine..

Having said that, there are YA based stories out there where there is an element of sex there and it is there for the actual story - not for titillation.


message 7: by Rachel (new)

Rachel Eliason (RachelEliason) | 121 comments There is a documentary called "this movie is not rated" that is well worth the time. It's about the movie industry, obviously, rather than publishing but I think a lot of the same stuff applies. For example they talk a lot about how LGBT movies automatically face a much stricter standard because it's already seen as being a controversial issue.
For me I agonize over how much is too much, how little is unrealistic. A lot of the time it comes down to a judgement call, how much is on screen, how much is important to the plot or character development and how much is gratuitous. The toughest part for me is that it only takes one conservative parent to get their hands on it and start complaining and you can end up in a lot of controversy.


message 8: by Lissa (new)

Lissa (parisbvamp) | 64 comments True enough. I've been looking at a half dozen YA publishers and they only want "coming of age" stuff for glbt. Which is fine and dandy, but what about those kids that know what they are already? Why cant we start a book with a kid accepting what he is. Straight kids do it all the time. Why can't a gay kid? Anyway I'm working on one story that pushes the line of a lot of different presses and another that is more geared toward the younger ya readers, very little relationship growth in it. It feels like such an odd line to balance, and I get why publishers have to be careful. I just wish the kids in these situations got more support.


message 9: by John (new)

John Goode | 153 comments I know as an author of YA, I am personally distressed by explicit sex in novels. Not sex in general, just the way it is described. Not putting sex into a novel about gay teens is insulting to gay teens in my opinion. But as the author, I have to ask myself as I write, what is the point of what I am writing. i think ignoring sex is a disservice to kids out there thinking and having sex, but I think making it erotica is worse. As an author, and I am only speaking for myself here, think I have a responsibility to make sex in my books mean something.

When my novel was collected for a young adult imprint, the first thing I did was take the describers of the sex out. I actually wrote a post about this and had a lot of people give me support, thanks again guys. But as authors and publishers, I think we all write and publish for different reasons and have to find that answer in ourselves. Each story is so unique that what might seem over the top in one story could seem exactly right in another.


message 10: by Lissa (new)

Lissa (parisbvamp) | 64 comments I just did a lot of this myself in the novel that I was fixing to turn back into YA. Originally it had been more of the teen book, but because of the market I had gone back in and changed the wording to make it more explicit. So going back I had to fix some of that, but I still left in the "sex" as most of it is off screen. It does happen. The character isn't shy about it. He's seventeen almost eighteen and not afraid of his sexuality, but he sees dead people, so that's sort of a bigger worry for him.


message 11: by Margaret (new)

Margaret Fieland | 61 comments One of the book I'm working on is a science fiction novel with a 14 year old gay main character, so I have thought a lot about how explicit I'm willing to have my descriptions. My character does end up in bed with the other guy, but (so far at least) I don't describe anything more than the kiss.

And, yeah, this is absolutely about how far *I as a writer* am willing to go in describing what 14-year olds are doing in bed with each other.

Here's a pointer to an article I wrote about this:
http://www.aliciamccalla.com/index.ph....


message 12: by C. (last edited Jan 08, 2013 10:38PM) (new)

C. Kennedy | 184 comments Excellent article, Maggie. May I call you Maggie?
So many factors come into play, most importantly the quality of the relationship and age, I think.
Being in love is much more important than age-appropriate exploration.
Kissing at 12-14 is acceptable... though a little behind in what's actually happening in our country. Juv. Div. of Justice Dept. reports that 25% of 11-14 year-olds in same sex relationships report violence in dating. Aside from a frightening statistic, I have a very hard time wrapping my head around an eleven year old dating. That said, in my volunteer work with gay youths, it happens before my very eyes.

Margaret wrote: "One of the book I'm working on is a science fiction novel with a 14 year old gay main character, so I have thought a lot about how explicit I'm willing to have my descriptions. My character does en..."


message 13: by Margaret (new)

Margaret Fieland | 61 comments Glad you liked the article -- and yes, go ahead and call me Maggie.


message 14: by Huston (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments Interesting discussion. What response do you think a description such as the following is likely to receive?

"Instinctively, I kissed his neck and moved down his chest. I just wanted him. His body hummed and he ran his fingers through my hair. I kept kissing and tasting him. I wanted it to happen, for him, for me, for both of us.

"He quivered and then it happened. We shared the moment as wave after wave of fulfillment flowed through him to me. I brought my lips back to his.
He touched me with light kisses and blew a tickling breath over me. He held me and tasted me and I gave myself over to him. He started to pull the poison out of me and my body took over.

"An explosion of ecstasy I had never thought possible overwhelmed me. I jerked and twitched. I writhed in pleasure, and fell back in a fulfillment that was total."


message 15: by Jo (new)

Jo Ramsey (Jo_Ramsey) | 1017 comments To me, that scene would cause me to throw the book against the wall and accuse the author of writing adult romance with teen characters. I'm not talking about the heat level or what occurs; the phrasing that's used is not the way any teen I've ever met thinks or speaks. It's the language and phrasing one would see in an adult romance. (For the record, I've met a lot of teens; I've worked in half a dozen high schools as a teacher or aide, and I have two teenage daughters whose friends consider our house a second home.)

I wouldn't consider that scene too explicit for a YA novel, just not written in a teen voice, which YA needs to be in order to be considered YA.


message 16: by Kaje (new)

Kaje Harper | 14376 comments I agree that the heat level is fine - if anything too euphamistic. There is no explicit naming of body parts or location of sensations, which is good for not being explicit, but unless that "poison" is something psychoactive it's a bit too much. My objection would be that it was flowery and non-specific for the way teens think. If it's a fantasy and that's the language of the whole story, including non-sex parts then it might be in keeping. Otherwise "It felt so damned good," type of phrasing in place of the "explosion of ecstasy" is more YA to me.


message 17: by Huston (last edited Nov 22, 2012 08:11AM) (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments Perhaps I should have included that the context of the incident is two characters under the influence of hallucinogenic mushrooms and occurs in a passage which describes the event in increasingly psychedelic prose. I don't know if that would make it any less wall-throwable. :-D


message 18: by Jo (new)

Jo Ramsey (Jo_Ramsey) | 1017 comments Huston, not to be harsh, but even with that context it still reads way too much like a 20-something or 30-something adult's thoughts and feelings rather than a teen's. Even a teen having psychedelic hallucinations is going to think like a teen, not like someone 10 or 20 years older.


message 19: by Huston (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments No problem with your comments, Jo. In truth, I only had it that way because I was told the more explicit language was too strong.


message 20: by Kaje (last edited Nov 22, 2012 08:25AM) (new)

Kaje Harper | 14376 comments Maybe more disoriented and less flowery? "I gave myself over to him" might be "I let him do what ever he came up with, like my body was floating in space between his hands."


message 21: by Huston (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments Interesting consideration, Kaje.


message 22: by Huston (last edited Nov 22, 2012 08:49AM) (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments I do have a question, Jo and Kaje: The objection that the description breaks voice seems to hinge on vocabulary; does that indicate that in writing in a "teen" voice, the vocabulary must necessarily be restricted to a mundane level of "teen speak"? I too have taught high school and junior high school students. While "floweriness" is not common to the majority, we have had several students over the years, especially in advanced English, with quite the way with words.

Understand, I'm not trying to justify the descriptions used, rather to gain insight on why it would fail as to voice.


message 23: by Margaret (new)

Margaret Fieland | 61 comments Huston wrote: "Interesting discussion. What response do you think a description such as the following is likely to receive?

"Instinctively, I kissed his neck and moved down his chest. I just wanted him. His body..."



I tend to be much more grounded in the physical in my descriptions - the flowery stuff annoys me, whether it's in YA or adult romance. How old are your characters? My main character is fourteen (and I can't make him older), so I've been cautions in how of what he's doing I've described.

Here are a couple of paragraphs. Any opinions on how much more I can get away with describing, before they call the Publishing Police? This is a sci-fi novel, BTW, and while Martin is 14, Beram is a couple of years older.

stripped, soaped up, rinsed off, and then climbed into the pool of hot water to relax.

"It's fed by hot springs under the city," Beram said, leaning back against the side of the pool and closing his eyes. Then he opened them, moved over, wrapped his arms around me a d kissed me. I opened my mouth this time, and our tongues tangled. I slid down the step to try to get to a more secure position, and Beram slid over me. We clung together, turning over and over in the warm water Then we went back to his room.

We were both aroused, and when we lay down on Beram's bed next to each other, I couldn't resist running a hand down his body, still wet from the bath, and one thing led to another. Eventually we went to sleep.


message 24: by Kaje (new)

Kaje Harper | 14376 comments Margaret wrote: "Huston wrote: "Interesting discussion. What response do you think a description such as the following is likely to receive?

"Instinctively, I kissed his neck and moved down his chest. I just wante..."


With yours, Margaret, you do want to be careful with explicitness, but you might also want to let people know how far they went or what they did in a slightly more concrete way. I think you could say something about "got each other off with a now-practiced touch." or even "I was pleased to find my skill with my mouth was starting to come close to his." But with a fourteen year old I would keep it to a sentence or two, and I'd be very leery of saying they had penetrative sex, which more people associate with being forced or exploitative.


message 25: by Huston (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments It definitely avoids extremely descriptive details. I've seen more than "one thing led to another" in several books. On the other hand, this is reminiscent of Geography Club when Kevin and Russell meet in the park.


message 26: by Kaje (new)

Kaje Harper | 14376 comments Huston wrote: "I do have a question, Jo and Kaje: The objection that the description breaks voice seems to hinge on vocabulary; does that indicate that in writing in a "teen" voice, the vocabulary must necessaril..."

Even teens who are good with words tend to think on a more concrete level, I believe. You will find some who do like the more fanciful language (our own Alex uses some fairly elaborate descriptions around here.) But you risk alienating a bigger part of your audience who may read it and go "No guy I know would talk like that."


message 27: by Huston (last edited Nov 22, 2012 09:14AM) (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments I guess I'm just confused over where the line is to be drawn. The kid is writing in the context of describing a psychedelic experince and includes he and his love performing a sexual act on each other. Again, I'm just wondering if the broader context allows for it being in voice, or if using such language at all is a game stopper.

I guess my concern is that the only two alternatives seem to be either switching to concrete language that would border on erotica or excising it entirely.


message 28: by Jo (new)

Jo Ramsey (Jo_Ramsey) | 1017 comments Yeah, the issue is that teens' brains do not work the way adults' brains do. In a situation like that, emotions and sensations are going to rule over rational thought. Vocabulary tends to desert even some adults when they're really turned on or in an emotionally charged situation; it's definitely going to do the same for teens.

Also, teens think more in terms of themselves, so your narrator would be focused on *himself* (or herself) rather than on external details.

The words, phrasings, etc. you use are adult, not teen. Even a teen with a good vocabulary is not going to experience sex the way an adult does. In general, teens don't have the sexual or life experience an adult has, so they're viewing the whole thing much differently. Changing the phrasing to something more concrete doesn't mean "use explicit words", it means look at it the way a teen would and write accordingly.

A friend of mine recently took a class on writing sex in YA and blogged a couple days ago about what she learned from the class. http://secretsof7scribes.wordpress.co.... Hopefully that will help. I can also give an example from one of my own books if you'd like.


message 29: by Huston (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments Jo:

Yes, please. I would be very eager to see how you handle such episodes.


message 30: by Jo (new)

Jo Ramsey (Jo_Ramsey) | 1017 comments Huston, in what you originally posted, this:

"Instinctively, I kissed his neck and moved down his chest. I just wanted him. His body hummed and he ran his fingers through my hair. I kept kissing and tasting him. I wanted it to happen, for him, for me, for both of us."

I would accept this as a teen, with a bit of tweaking. The "instinctively" might work, but I'd question whether a teen would be thinking in terms of instinct, so I might change it. "Tasting"... most teens wouldn't think in terms of "tasting" their partner during a kiss, unless there's some specific taste like lingering garlic or soda or something, in which case it would be better as, "I kept kissing him and tasting the last of the soda he'd just drunk." The rest of that paragraph would work as teen voice.

It's the second paragraph, which I would guess is where it becomes more psychedelic, that starts veering into adult romance territory as far as the voice goes. That's the point when I started thinking, "Okay, is this a kid or a 30-year-old".


message 31: by Jo (new)

Jo Ramsey (Jo_Ramsey) | 1017 comments This is from my YA contemporary novel Opening Up, under contract with Featherweight Press, release TBD:

He kissed the top of my head. I looked up and one of us—I wasn’t sure who, and I didn’t care—moved so our lips touched. And just like that we went from sitting there holding and being held to kissing even more intensely than we’d done in his car.
I knew right then that more was going to happen, and I wanted it. I didn’t know exactly what we’d be doing, but we weren’t going to stop at kissing if I had anything to say about it. I wanted to feel good and forget about all the crap I’d had to deal with that day. I didn’t want to think about what other people might think about me dating a guy, or what Landon might think about me wanting to be held, or anything. I didn’t want to think at all. I just wanted to feel, and Landon could definitely help me with that.
Somewhere along the line we both moved down so we were lying next to each other instead of sitting. We touched each other, first in safe places and then not so safe. I jumped a couple times because I wasn’t used to anyone touching me that way, but I liked it.
Landon finally pulled away from me and asked, “Are you sure about this?”
I wanted to say yes. I wanted to tell him I was completely sure that I wanted us to do everything possible together. But all I could manage to say was, “I think so.”
“Thinking so isn’t being sure.” He kissed my forehead. “I don’t want to stop, V.J., so if you even think you might not want this you’d better tell me now.”
I didn’t know if I wanted to stop. I cared a lot about Landon. Probably even loved him, even if I still felt weird thinking that way about another guy. Kissing him felt really good, and so did everything else we’d done so far. I wanted more with him. And I wanted to be as close to him as possible. “Don’t stop.” I paused as a tiny bit of rational thought hit my brain. “Um.”
“I have a condom.” His face turned a little red. “I always have one in my wallet. Should I get it?”
This time, I couldn’t speak. I just nodded. He got off the bed for a minute, because somewhere along the line his pants had ended up on the floor, then lay down beside me again. “Are you sure?”
I nodded again and found words. “Don’t stop,” I said again.
We didn’t.


message 32: by Huston (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments I think I see the distinction. So if I understand you, in the sequence I've shared, the two paragraphs that describe the 'climaxes' would need to either shift focus to solely what the narrator felt or be described in simply more tactile terms?


message 33: by Kaje (last edited Nov 22, 2012 09:42AM) (new)

Kaje Harper | 14376 comments Huston wrote: "I guess my concern is that the only two alternatives seem to be either switching to concrete language that would border on erotica or excising it entirely. ..."

I think it's the exact opposite - that you want to be concrete, but simple without elaborate detail. Focused on the character and their direct experience, in language a teen would use, but without describing body parts. Action words like rubbing/touching/pressing and descriptors like frantic or electric or simple phrases like "so freaking hot" are more like teen-speak then "his body hummed" - that kind of description is more literary than I'd expect for first-person teen narrator. I'd think he would say "I could feel little vibrations passing through him, like his whole body was humming." Teens are centered on self - what they are experiencing personally - and tend toward the concrete. Not that some teens wouldn't speak as your narrator does, but that it is a choice to use language only a few teens will relate to.

Sometimes it feels okay to name body parts, although some pubs may draw the line there - "his hand touched my dick and I desperately wanted more" may be okay in some YA but if you go with "aching hard... dick" or a lot of detail about how it felt "Like fire along my..." in the specifics, then it's definitely erotica. And you can be concrete without actually naming parts. "my hard-on" instead of "my dick" is less provocative of limits while still very clear what's happening.


message 34: by Jo (new)

Jo Ramsey (Jo_Ramsey) | 1017 comments And some publishers won't allow "he touched my dick"; they would want something like what I said, "He touched me in a place no one but me had ever touched before". That tends to vary from publisher to publisher, though.

Kaje is right about teen-speak (and thoughts, and feelings) vs. adults.

I'd be able to accept "his body hummed" in Huston's example because of the 'shrooms; it seems reasonable to me that a teen who's high as blazes might experience it that way. In general, though, that would be a WTF moment for me.


message 35: by Kaje (last edited Nov 22, 2012 09:47AM) (new)

Kaje Harper | 14376 comments Jo wrote: "I'd be able to accept "his body hummed" in Huston's example because of the 'shrooms; it seems reasonable to me that a teen who's high as blazes might experience it that way. In general, though, that would be a WTF moment for me.
..."


That's true - especially if coupled with other clearly-psychedelic experience descriptors. If the world is weird enough right now then "his body hummed" could be part of that. Just not in general.

You know, some writers do use more poetic language and make it work. You might look at Wide Awake - the boys clearly have anal sex in that, and yet the language manages to be both non-descriptive and poetic to a degree and yet feel appropriate.


message 36: by Huston (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments I thank all three of you for your valuable thoughts, examples and feedback. This is my first foray in the forum and you've all made it most interesting and informative! Thanks!


message 37: by Jo (new)

Jo Ramsey (Jo_Ramsey) | 1017 comments This is the second time in two days I've done something like this... I *so* should do my own online workshop on writing sex/romance in a teen-ish way...LOL


message 38: by Kaje (last edited Nov 22, 2012 09:50AM) (new)

Kaje Harper | 14376 comments Published books with what I think is a good grasp of gay teen sex description besides Wide Awake include
Thinking Straight
Rainbow High


message 39: by Huston (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments When the kid in my story relates a sexual scene in which he's not flying in gagaland, he writes in a more conventional manner. Would this wording be considered in voice?
"I found losing my virginity a lot messier than I’d ever imagined it would be. When it was over, I was overwhelmed. It had been stunning and stimulating and a bit disgusting all at once. "


message 40: by Kaje (new)

Kaje Harper | 14376 comments Huston wrote: "When the kid in my story relates a sexual scene in which he's not flying in gagaland, he writes in a more conventional manner. Would this wording be considered in voice?
"I found losing my virginit..."


I like that :)


message 41: by Huston (last edited Nov 22, 2012 10:00AM) (new)

Huston Piner (HustonPiner) | 41 comments Jo, if you do an online workshop, I'd sign up in a heartbeat.

And thanks for the additional book suggestions, Kaje!


message 42: by Jo (last edited Nov 22, 2012 12:14PM) (new)

Jo Ramsey (Jo_Ramsey) | 1017 comments I'm thinking about it...

Huston, the second is good teen voice. It's a little telling instead of showing, but it sounds like a teen.

Less "telly" might be:
Losing my virginity was way messier than I'd thought it would be. Stunning, stimulating, and disgusting all rolled together. It overwhelmed me, but in a good way.

In your version, you as the author are telling what the character is thinking, whereas in mine, we're more directly in the character's head, reading his thoughts, if that makes sense.


message 43: by James (new)

James Erich (jameserich) | 51 comments I'm coming into this conversation a bit late, but the talk about how teens would think about a kiss tasting brought to mind this scene from my new novel (currently in editing for release next month). The two characters are 17 and the context is a medieval-style fantasy world. This is Sael's first sexual experience (which ends up not going all the way):

For the longest time, they simply held each other. Koreh caressed Sael’s body, exploring, but pulling back whenever Sael seemed to tense. Eventually, Sael’s mouth found his and they kissed.
Sael pulled back, giggling like a boy half his age.
“What is it?” Koreh asked, breathlessly.
“I thought kisses were supposed to taste sweet.”
“Do I have bad breath?”
“Not exactly. But you taste like a pork pie.”
Koreh rolled his eyes and groaned. “Well, it’s your own fault for feeding them to me. Do you want me to drink some wine?”
“You’d have to walk across the room to get it. And I don’t want you to get out of bed for anything. I want you to keep kissing me forever.”
“Then stop talking so much.”
Sael responded by pulling him close again.
In the end, though both their bodies cried out for more, they simply kissed and held each other until they fell asleep.


message 44: by Jo (new)

Jo Ramsey (Jo_Ramsey) | 1017 comments The only thing in that scene that would say "not teens" to me is in the last paragraph: "though both their bodies cried out for more". That sounds more adult-romancey to me. The rest of it is well done, though.


message 45: by James (new)

James Erich (jameserich) | 51 comments Hmm. Perhaps. Well, it's still in edits, so there's time to change it. :-)


message 46: by James (new)

James Erich (jameserich) | 51 comments How about this:

In the end, though they were both clearly aroused, Koreh sensed that Sael was still too nervous to go further. So he simply kissed Sael and held him until they both fell asleep.


message 47: by James (new)

James Erich (jameserich) | 51 comments Well, maybe not using the word "both" in two sentences so close together....


message 48: by Kaje (new)

Kaje Harper | 14376 comments James wrote: "Well, maybe not using the word "both" in two sentences so close together...."

I like it, and the second "both" could be just taken out. Or you could say "although both their bodies were clearly ready for more" - it's just the "cried out for" that is a bit literate.


message 49: by James (new)

James Erich (jameserich) | 51 comments Yeah, I'll probably remove the second "both."


message 50: by James (new)

James Erich (jameserich) | 51 comments Oh, I see I have the word "simply" in there too soon, as well. One of those will have to go.


« previous 1 3
back to top
This topic has been frozen by the moderator. No new comments can be posted.