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message 1: by Richard (new)

Richard (DDayTheCannibal) Okay this happen in July... I got hit in the face by a muslim woman... that's right I got hit by a girl.

Champ: Hey Ox, Peter is going to Saudi Arabia in September.
Me: Ew.
Champ: What?
Me: Saudi Arabia sucks...
Champ: Why do you say that?
Me: Well for one it's filled with mus-
(That's when I got hit in the face)
Champ: Ha!
Me: What the fuck?
Muslim woman: You should be ashamed of your self you racist prick.
Me: Racist? Lady how about you listen to what I have to say first? For one it is filled with MUSLIMS who are as likely to befriend an atheist like myself as the people of the Vatican. For two the woman wear those stupid things on their faces so I can only see their eyes. Yes their eyes may be nice but it is always great to see a woman's smile. And the most important reason Saudi Arabia sucks? It is one big fucking desert and I hate the mother fucking sun!
Muslim Woman: Oh...


message 2: by Richard (new)

Richard (DDayTheCannibal) Me: What? Mufasa was way better!

Bobby: No way Simba was better!

Me: Are you joking? Who did the voice of Simba, Mathew Brodrick? Mufasa was played by James Earl Jones!

Bobby: What does that matter?

Me: Hello he's James Earl Fucking James!

Bobby: That doesn't make Mufasa a better king then Simba

My mother: What are you two arguing about?

Me & Bobby: The Lion King

My mother: Bobby aren't you 23?

Bobby: Yeah.

My mother: And Rick you turned 21 last month.

Me: What's your point?

My mother: No point. Just a sad day when two grown men argue about the Lion King.


message 3: by Richard (new)

Richard (DDayTheCannibal) Me: Hey what do you think GED stands for?
Champ: Ged?
Me: Then why spell it out?
Champ: I dunno.
*Twenty minutes Later*
Champ: Oh! What about Just Idiots and Dumasses?
Me: What?
Champ: GED; Just Idiots and Dumasses
Me: James... Just starts with a J not a G. Idiot starts with an I not an E. How exactly did you pass high school?


message 4: by Richard (new)

Richard (DDayTheCannibal) That's mean Kyle...


message 5: by Richard (new)

Richard (DDayTheCannibal) Me: How come they don't clean the Statue of Liberty?

Mom: Why would they?

Me: Cause it's gross. And it was gift the least they could do is keep clean.

Uncle: Do you know how long that would take?

Me: Well you can hire more than one Mexican.


message 6: by Joy (new)

Joy Richard wrote: "Me: Hey what do you think GED stands for?
Champ: Ged?
Me: Then why spell it out?
Champ: I dunno.
*Twenty minutes Later*
Champ: Oh! What about Just Idiots and Dumasses?
Me: What?
Champ: GED; Just I..."


I heard this one before its hilarious.


message 7: by Richard (new)

Richard (DDayTheCannibal) Kyle ~Special K: Rebel Leader~ wrote: "Richard wrote: "That's mean Kyle..."

That's a joke, Richard. :P"


Doesn't make it any less mean...


message 8: by Jihaad (new)

Jihaad Albayaty | 31 comments A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move"


message 9: by Fuchsia (new)

Fuchsia (mmiiaaooww) Jihaad wrote: "A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered t..."


Ha, I like that. :P


message 10: by Richard (new)

Richard (DDayTheCannibal) Champ: Oh come on Oxy don't be a scrooge.
Me: I am not a scrooge... I just hate Christmas.
Champ: 'Tis the season to be jolly, fal-lalala la la la.
Me:Oh shut up.
Champ: Oh come on now Ox, and sing a song fal-lalala la la la
Me: I swear if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm gonna kick your lily white ass.
Champ: Fal-lalala la la la
Me: -.-


message 11: by Jihaad (new)

Jihaad Albayaty | 31 comments I was standing on scaffolding when an Asian girl tried to walk under a ladder. "STOP!", I shouted. "Don't you know it's bad luck to walk under a ladder?".

"I don't believe in all that", she replied. "I'm Muslim".

"That's a shame", I called back, as I dropped the breeze block..


message 12: by Cici (new)

Cici (CierraRanee) | 3 comments Brie: *starts to take off my shoe*
Me: *glares* I am not Cinderella. My shoe stays on my foot.


message 13: by Cici (new)

Cici (CierraRanee) | 3 comments Luke: Shit, shit, shit
Me: What'd you do?
Luke: Don't laugh.
Me: Are you going to tell me what it is I'm not supposed to laugh about.
Luke: I spilled Top Ramen... you know... down there...
Me: *tries desperately not to laugh:
Luke: and so I found some ointment that said aloe on it and put it down there an now it hurts worse...
Me: Luke... We don't have any ointment with aloe in it... *goes to the bathroom and finds the ointment he put down there* ... Luke! Please tell me you did not put acne cream on your balls!!!!
Luke: Was I not supposed to?
Me: Go take a shower! No wonder it hurts worse.


message 14: by Jihaad (new)

Jihaad Albayaty | 31 comments Teacher: your best friend and lover are drowning, which one will you save?

Student: let them drown. What on earth were they doing there together anyways.


message 15: by Jihaad (new)

Jihaad Albayaty | 31 comments Ira wrote: "Kyle ~Special K: Rebel Leader~ wrote: "Me: wanna have chimney sex?

Kendra: Kyle, the last time we did that we ended up looking like the Huxtables!

Me: is that a no?

Kendra: (glares)

Me: okay...."



What's TMI?


message 16: by Jihaad (new)

Jihaad Albayaty | 31 comments Lol still too much info


message 17: by Jihaad (new)

Jihaad Albayaty | 31 comments Me: gets out a a piece of gum.

Friend: Is that gum I see?

Me: yes it is.

Friend: You have any left?

Me: yes I do.

Friend: Well, are you gonna give me any.

Me: Fine but remember, you didn't hear anything, see anything and you sure as hell didn't get it from me.


message 18: by Jihaad (new)

Jihaad Albayaty | 31 comments Haha


message 20: by Richard (new)

Richard (DDayTheCannibal) Kyle ~Special K: Rebel Leader~ wrote: "Me: I have a confession to make.

Wife: sounds ominous.

Me: hear me out?

Wife: of course. What's on your mind?

Me: I took up smoking again.

Wife: Kyle! You didn't! You promised me you quit for ..."


Whatthe fuck is wrong with you kyle? lol!


message 21: by Jihaad (new)

Jihaad Albayaty | 31 comments He was probably just bored


message 22: by Jihaad (new)

Jihaad Albayaty | 31 comments A little boy was doing his maths homework, saying to himself, 2+5 the son of bitch is 7.. 3+6 the son of bitch is 9.

His mother heard this and gasped"what are you doing?" the little boy answered,"I'm doing my math's homework Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?"
"Yes", he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher next day,
"Are you teaching maths to children by saying 2+2, the son of bitch is 4?"
the teacher started laughing, and answered "what I taught them was, 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4".


message 23: by Richard (new)

Richard (DDayTheCannibal) Something like that happen to me


message 24: by Jihaad (new)

Jihaad Albayaty | 31 comments A cop was staking out the Geelong Hotel for bikers riding drunk.
At closing time, he sees a biker stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and fumble for his keys for five minutes.
When he finally gets on the bike, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition.
Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and rides off.
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test.
The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0!
The cop says, "How is this possible?"
The guy laughs and says, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."


message 25: by Richard (new)

Richard (DDayTheCannibal) Awesome....


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