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Feeling Nostalgic? The archives > Will You/Did You Marry Your Parents? (porno Clue)

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message 1: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Ew.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/person...

My wife is nothing like my mom...my mom is stone cold bonkers. I can see how people would think I'm in some ways like her dad, though, although we're in entirely different fields. We're both (well, "were" both...he's not alive anymore) somewhat calm and reserved (no, really), although he was much more of a rule follower than I am.

What about you? Will you/did you marry someone like your parents?


message 2: by Kevin (new)

Kevin  (KSprink) | 11469 comments "My wife is nothing like my mom...my mom is stone cold bonkers"


lolololololol RA - that is exactly what i was going to write. even the word bonkers. wait, i maybe was going to use the word "nutzoid". my wife is not at all like my mom and i am not at all like her dad (although i resemble him much more than i do my own dad....wait a minute...ewwwww)


message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

My wife is nothing like my mom My mom is always on the go on committees or volunteering or traveling, and my wife is quite content to stay home, My wife is a clean neat freak, my mom is NOT, and I am quite dissimilar from my father in law. For the longest time I would always push the envelope just to see what would happen, I'm not sure that he ever thought about breaking any rule.


message 4: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (MrsNolte) | 17294 comments Mod
For a long time I think I was attracted to emotionally distant men to make up for whatever in my childhood, as the author states as a general example in her article. I was a textbook case.

However, I think that instead of chasing father-replacements I wizened up when I met Sweeter, for he is much like my mom. The two of them are peas in a pod. So I agree with this article, I think she raises a good point, that we mimic in our relationships how we learned to love with our parents.
Yet the gender rules don't have to be that firm.


message 5: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) | 24103 comments This topic creeps me out. Sorry.


message 6: by Chloe (new)

Chloe (lolosrun) | 347 comments I wonder if some of us aren't a little too close to the question to answer it honestly. While I don't think that the K@ is in any way like either my mom or dad, she says that she thinks there are a lot of similarities between her and my mom- very opinionated people who love to start arguments but only when they're sure they'll win. We are both agreed that her dad and I are very similar in some regards- the bookishness, our memory, our interest in nearly everything. We split when it comes to religion and politics, but as far as demeanor and personality are concerned we're eerily similar.


message 7: by Lori (new)

Lori I think that Richard is still getting over the fact that he didn't marry his Mom! She was your typical 50s Mom, whose goal in life was to serve. Maybe when we met, Richard thought I was like her, in that I was smitten and really did enjoy serving. But by the time we got married, almost 13 years later, I'm sure he had an inkling that was NOT my role in life! But he still wishes, and sometimes expects things that are outrageous.

For instance, he just left for China, and was angry that there weren't enough Qtips. Why hadn't I bought some? Well, I answered, I don't really use them, so how could I have known we were almost out? To which he retorted, I SHOULD have known, I should check these things, his Mom ALWAYS did.

Ha, says I, HAHAHAHA! Don't you know I am NOT your mother?

To which he stalked out of the room muttering foul things under his breath.


message 8: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Anybody here ever accidentally say "mom" or "dad" when referring to their significant other?

I did that once when both were in the kitchen. I repressed the memory until now.

pushes memory back into the dark recesses


message 9: by Kevin (new)

Kevin  (KSprink) | 11469 comments no. never did that. i do remember in like the 2nd grade accidentally calling a teacher mommy in front of the whole class. was coloring or something and had a questions so i just glanced up and saw her and said "mommy...."

no big deal. it blew over rather quickly. by the senior year of my high school


message 10: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (MrsNolte) | 17294 comments Mod
I once did. It freaked Sweeter out much more than me.


message 11: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13814 comments I'm glad that this discussion is figurative. You never know around here.



message 12: by Félix (last edited Feb 18, 2009 11:19AM) (new)

Félix (habitseven) | 24103 comments That's just sick, Sarah Pi! (Thanks for bringing it up, though.)


message 13: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Holy crap, Sarah, that made me laugh...


message 14: by [deleted user] (new)

Sarah Pi said - You never know around here.

Truer words have never been spoken!




message 15: by Kevin (new)

Kevin  (KSprink) | 11469 comments oh geesh sarah - blughhhhhhh


message 16: by Cosmic Sher (new)

Cosmic Sher (sherart) | 2234 comments I prolly shouldn't even post on this one with the LTFB lurking around, but I live dangerously.

I have to say that I ocassionally see glimmers of my Mom in Jared, in certain personality aspects - spunkiness, creativity, talkative, engaging with others (but not her neurosis! thank all the Norse Gods), and every once in a while a oh-so-slight twinge of my Dad. More so, Jared is the opposite of them because I actively looked for people who didn't hold the same values & outlook as my parents. (And, I worked through a LOT of my shit before I met him!)

However, I think I am a lot like his parents combined. I'm a nerdy, perfectionistic, kinda controll-freakish Tech Writer like his Dad, but thinks about things like his Mom. We can talk for hours when we get in a groove.

I've studied this before and it really isn't about the gender, it's about the personality traits that you look for in a mate that helped you feel loved, cared for and safe; or, conversely, it's about working through the neuroses that effected (traumatized) you growing up. Or a mix of both.


message 17: by Kevin (new)

Kevin  (KSprink) | 11469 comments oh, so if you wanted to be mothered, you married the mothering type? maybe subconsciously though i was looking for June Cleaver in a thong with a mattress strapped to her back and a sandwich in her hand


message 18: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (MrsNolte) | 17294 comments Mod
*high fives Sherrie*


message 19: by Cosmic Sher (new)

Cosmic Sher (sherart) | 2234 comments Um, yea Kevin... that's it. ::concerned look on my face - gets out writing pad::
And, how long has this fantasy of yours been going on?

I think Jared would prolly substitute a couple of things there, like BBQ Ribs. ;)


message 20: by Jared (last edited Feb 18, 2009 09:02PM) (new)

Jared Sher made me do it.......

Wow, how do you respond to something like this?
I was brought up in a family where the parents were partners. As I write this I realize I should read the article... BRB ... 3 mins later ...
Got the gist of it.
I think the biggest problem with people when they get married is that they haven't worked out their own mental issues before bringing someone else into their lives. Who made you feel better when you were a kid? Mom and Dad, so what do you end up looking for in a spouse? Those same kind of qualities that made you feel good when you were younger. What happens, you wake up a year two years or worse 20 years later and realize, "ahhh crap".
So for me I had worked out a lot of my own issues, I knew who I was, I also knew that I didn't want to marry a mother surrogate. I wanted someone that would make me better, and be equal to me without smothering me. I also knew that I didn't want to be some chicks "Daddy". Met that girl went on one date with her and lost her number. So at 28 I met this hot chick that was oh so different from my Mom. Don't get my wrong my Mom is awesome, although she has the guilt thing down like you wouldn't believe. But I don't need another Mom, I needed a LTFB. And someone that would make me better.
The cool thing was she wasn't looking for someone to "take care of her" she was looking for someone that had the same interests and desires.
I guess the point of all of that is don't take on someone elses baggage until you have delt with and come to terms with your own BS. And for god-sake do not bring a kid in to the world when one or both of you are still dealing with the mental crap all of our parents put us thru to one degree or another.
On a lighter note,
RA:
"Stone cold bonkers!!!"? Awesome.
Kevin:
Dude, I had a crush on Linda Carter as Wonder Woman like nobodies business. Still do actually. Hummmmmmm.....
Sherrie:
The Black thong with the little devil on the front and Pool table work but Magic Shell Babe, Magic Shell Carmel ;-)


message 21: by Cosmic Sher (new)

Cosmic Sher (sherart) | 2234 comments Isn't he just the sweetest?


message 22: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (MrsNolte) | 17294 comments Mod
I'm sorry, you two, but in a thread about marrying your parents, when your "huggy" comes online and writes a novel and I pre-skim for safety and see the words "thong" and "magic shell carmel" I am forced to skim.



(la la la-la-la not loooooking!)


message 23: by Danielle (new)

Danielle (DreamElis) | 53 comments I don't intend to get married, but I think that what I grew up with influences what I'm attracted to to some extent. I tend to like really screwed up guys... ones who l,ive like they're a decade younger than they are; ones who need to be saved. This is pretty much polar opposite of what my dad is like, and it's not really like my mom (who is also, RA and Kevin, stone cold bonkers). I think it is, however, something my mom is also attracted to. But I also like guys who deep down are more caring and patient than most, and who can take the reins when I really need them to. This last IS like my dad, but the other parts... meh. I'm also big on tolerance/ openmindedness, which is a quality I got from my mother, and once you have it, it's hard to be really attracted to someone who doesn't, you know?

But yeah... this topic creeps me out a bit too.


message 24: by Jared (new)

Jared Sorry Sally, I will Highlight the "Questionable" words next time. For safty sake. I wouldn't want to offend anyone, well I would but not on here.


message 25: by trivialchemy (new)

trivialchemy Sally, I'm glad we got the whole Sweeter/canine thing sorted out, because this thread really had the potential to confuse the hell out of me.


message 26: by Kevin (new)

Kevin  (KSprink) | 11469 comments in the thong on the pool table with the magic shell....

sounds like the Porno Clue game


message 27: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (MrsNolte) | 17294 comments Mod
Isaiah, me too. Kevin, disconcerting. Was Colonel Mustard involved?


message 28: by Kevin (new)

Kevin  (KSprink) | 11469 comments that is toooooo easy sally


message 29: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (MrsNolte) | 17294 comments Mod
With the pool stick in the kitchen?


message 30: by Judy (new)

Judy | 7 comments My mom was 'bonkers'.... hmm - a lot of that going around - but only among the moms I notice. Being a mom, having a mom and also being bonkers myself I feel like a serious expert here - I think our kids make us bonkers -


message 31: by Jared (last edited Feb 20, 2009 08:57PM) (new)

Jared I am leaving the rest of this thread alone before I start hearing bad '70's porno music.



ohhh no too late

And just for the record my Dad was just as "bonkers" as my Mom, that's why I turned out so well ajusted. Right?.....I said, RIGHT?!?!?!?!


message 32: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments With the pool stick in the kitchen?

That might be the best metaphor I've heard in a long time.:)

Judy brings up a good point. When I was growing up I thought my dad was an asshole, and he still is, but my mom was stone cold bonkers. My brother, sister and I have had long conversations about this.


message 33: by Jared (last edited Feb 21, 2009 02:36AM) (new)

Jared Randomanthony wrote: "With the pool stick in the kitchen?

That might be the best metaphor I've heard in a long time.:)

Judy brings up a good point. When I was growing up I thought my dad was an asshole, and he still..."


This maybe a new topic, "Do you think your parents are Bonkers and did their children make them that way or were they that way before?"

In my case I think my parents were Bonkers way before they had my brothers and me. I have no doubt that we helped them down the road but they had a running start to begin with. I can even look further back and see that my Mom's parents were much much worse. Where my Mom is just nutty my grandparents were just plain mean. Messed my Mom up pretty good, however, to her credit, and with my Dad's help, she choose not to be the victim her whole life. My Dad's parents were totally different. They actually loved each other and were together to the very end. There are pictures of them and you can see it on there faces that they are happy. Again, thinking about them I do think my Dad's Mom was crazy, but we liked it. She was crazy fun, which is the best kind of crazy.

After thinking about what this thread was originally about, I can honestly say that my parents showed me what kind of person I wanted to be when I got married. No I am not the same as them, I don't want to be. Although I was given a pretty good road map on how it could work and what kind of person to look for.




message 34: by Kevin (new)

Kevin  (KSprink) | 11469 comments my mom is totally bonkers. i do the fake eye-pop double take vaudeville thing about half the time i am around her. she has some great points and definitely gave me my love for books which i passed along to my daughter. now my dad, he is growing out of his bonkerness. he is 69 now and was a real piece of work for a lot of years but now has grown into a really cool guy. my mom and dad were divorced in 1968 so i am pretty over it. he was a lousy dad for many many years but is a GREAT grandpa now. so, currently i am BETTER, not BITTER. i am thankful. i have tried to use these experiences to be a better parent. my kids are 25, 23 and 17 and i am still trying to be a good dad.


message 35: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (MrsNolte) | 17294 comments Mod
My parents are bonkers.

My dad was a fighter jet pilot for the marines in the late 60s. That makes you assume he is one way - but you need to reverse that 180 degrees. He's the antithesis of military dad. I've heard a theory about fighter jet pilots that they only produce girls most of the time, something to do with the seats or air pressure, or something. Well, here my sister and I are.

I also think that the experience affected him somewhat Don Draper style. We never, ever, ever hear about Vietnam. Never.

He's lately become heavily into juicing all his meals, and is very into ... he now lives with his life-coach girlfriend.



My mom is also crazy. But in that she chooses to play cards 7 days a week.


message 36: by Natalie (new)

Natalie (ghostinmarble) I have great parents and an awesome dad. However, I have pretty piss-poor taste in men.

Mom is not shy about pointing this out.

Fortunately, I have yet to marry any of them.


message 37: by Jared (new)

Jared Natalie: My Mom was the same way until I met my wife. She pretty much told my last girlfriend that she wasnt ever going to be good enough. Sooooooo I stayed with her for five years just out of spite. Wrong reason. The good news is that as soon as I found my wife I knew she was the right one. I know everyone says that, oh man do I know it. But once you feel that electricity sparking between the two of you and all you are doing it walking to the coffee shop you know.

You have to go thru a lot of whack jobs until you find the right kind of whacky that matches you and then it is all worth it.


message 38: by Julie (new)

Julie | 568 comments Well said.
It's the trying to not get bitter from all the whack jobs that kills me.


message 39: by Kevin (new)

Kevin  (KSprink) | 11469 comments hey, i know i am a whack job to someone


message 40: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) | 24103 comments Isn't that a song? "Everybody's somebody's whack job?"


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