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I APPRECIATE POETRY CRITIQUE > A Formula for Beauty

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message 1: by Síofra (new)

Síofra | 10 comments A Formula for Beauty

Is there a formula for beauty
Mathematical, precise, infallible?
A string of numbers
or binary code
Describing angles,
Curves, plains,
Colours and perceptions.
The gait of a confident walk,
The timbre of a soft spoken mind.
Can it all be mapped, predicted,
Controlled?
Or is it a whim
Of the pourer’s mould
Each wax figurine cast
By hands,
Sure and yet ever uncertain.
Each casting brings faults,
Each fault, flawless.
Is this, the fickelty of beauty
In all its fragility, preserved, a moment of memory,
Is it science?
Or is beauty the moment itself,
Instantaneous, caught from the corner of an eye;
Breathless seconds, wild with awe
Unpredictable
Art?


message 2: by Monika (new)

Monika (vitabuvizuri) wow, Love it


message 3: by Ajay (new)

Ajay (Ajay_N) | 225 comments I like this poem a lot, Siofra! This one's brilliantly conceived and beautifully written.

Just a few suggestions:

Is 'fickelty' correct?
How about 'frailty' instead of 'fragility'?

Something like this:

Is this,
the fickleness of beauty?
In all its frailty,
a preserved moment, a memory.

Of course, you can ignore the above if you don't like it. I totally understand. I like this one as it is.


message 4: by Gregory (new)

Gregory Booker (goodreadscomgreg_booker) | 13 comments Siofra....Great poem and the Formula works for when all is said beauty is in the eye of the beholder and as you say "the moment itself" sight seen.


message 5: by Síofra (new)

Síofra | 10 comments Yeah, about the fragility and fickelty... I'm not sure whether they're real words, in fact I think they're not... But fickleness didn't quite do it for me? But thank you everyone! :)


message 6: by Lubna (new)

Lubna (LubnaAmro) | 59 comments I love it !! Its so like tangible but elusive , like contradicting in itself , thats beauty , but its also the impression the words give ! I really like it !!


message 7: by Ajay (new)

Ajay (Ajay_N) | 225 comments Yup. The word 'fickleness' didn't feel right to me too. But I'm sure a word will come along.


message 8: by Síofra (new)

Síofra | 10 comments If all else fails, I'll stick to the made up one... :)


message 9: by Scott (new)

Scott Toderash (raggedclown) | 16 comments Fickleness is the "correct" word, but maybe fickelty seems good because it pairs with fragility in the next line, and contributes to the flow.

I think that a made up word with an obvious intended meaning is useful, because it over-emphasizes the word. However it can over-emphasize the word, and the whole line. Also, if the rest of the poem is strict in its use of diction and grammar then it looks like a mistake instead of a play on words.

The poem itself has a great voice for asking this particular question. Beauty is an old topic, but I enjoyed the way it was discussed. The speaker seems to surprise her/himself with her/his own words a few times, a feeling that passes on to the reader.


message 10: by Doug (new)

Doug | 1178 comments How many thousand words did W. Shakespeare make up? No problem if it works.


message 11: by Kyle (new)

Kyle (I_am_Kyle) | 16 comments Hello,

Firstly I liked this poem. It really struck me because of the questions it asked by about art and beauty, and reminded me of a part of Euclid's Elements that will bring me to a slightly long but hopefully very relevant tangent:

"A straight line is said to have been cut in extreme and mean ratio when, as the whole line is to the greater segment, so is the greater to the less."

This phrase pops up in books 6 "Similar Figures" and book 13 "The Platonic Solids"

We call a line that is divided as such to be in the 'Golden Ratio' represented by the Greek letter 'φ' or 'phi' and although I can't go into this in too much depth because frankly I am not smart enough, its pretty mind blowing stuff and there is a ton of literature, art, architectural work, and mathematical theories concerning this ratio, which many believed to be the embodiment of beauty itself.


message 12: by Richard (new)

Richard | 285 comments Whatis wrong with plain old "fickle beauty"?


message 13: by epat (new)

epat (patriciablake) | 1 comments There really is a mathematical formula to beauty or at least perfect proportions....so knowing that, I'm not sure if the question is relevant.


message 14: by Doug (new)

Doug | 1178 comments Kyle, thanks for those insightful references.

epat, agree.

Doug


message 15: by Fern (new)

Fern (FernRL) Síofra wrote: "Yeah, about the fragility and fickelty... I'm not sure whether they're real words, in fact I think they're not... But fickleness didn't quite do it for me? But thank you everyone! :)"

I really like your poem as well, and can think of no changes that would improve it.

I am good with "fickelty" as well, but I have a special love of "fixing" words to make them somehow better, or more artistic.


message 16: by Doug (new)

Doug | 1178 comments Kyle wrote: "Hello,

"A straight line is said to have been cut in extreme and mean ratio when, as the whole line is to the greater segment, so is the greater to the less."

I think the modern version of that is "What goes around, comes around."

:) :) Doug



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