19th Century Epic Romances discussion

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19th Century Epic Romances > Marry for Love?

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message 1: by Abenet (new)

Abenet | 21 comments In the 19th Century most people didn't marry for love, instead they grew to love their spouse. Let's talk about how this "arranged" marriage impacted the dynamics of relationships during this time period.


message 2: by Marlene (new)

Marlene | 6 comments During this era marriage was not made for love it was mostly for property and name prestige! I believe that marriage was difficult for both parties involved! They had no choice but to make it as bareable as possible!


message 3: by Angela (new)

Angela (Kia23) | 2 comments In that era marriage was mainly in name, money or property.I think that its difficult for both partners to live together but not feel love for one another.


message 4: by Brunhilde (new)

Brunhilde Marriage for love is relatively young in the history of the world. Many cultures still don't ascribe to it. I think Tolstoy would love it if we were to compare Vronsky and Karenin and see how well Anna would fare under the respective care.


message 5: by Sarahlizp (new)

Sarahlizp When we read 19th century romances, though, we're reading about rich folk. Poor folks were still, in many Western cultures, marrying for love, and while princes and duchesses were being married off at 14, middle class(such as it existed pre Industrial Rev) and down were marrying at what even we today would consider reasonable ages.


message 6: by Sarahlizp (new)

Sarahlizp If you've ever had the pleasure of reading Tatler's annual Little Black Book edition, which lists the marriagability of all the remaining landed gentry in GB,or followed the affairs and messy divorces of Hollywodd's elite, you might come to the same conclusion that little has changed in terms of money and marriage being bad bedfellows.


message 7: by Marlene (new)

Marlene | 6 comments Even if love is a factor in s marriage I have to say that it is not the greatest thing to marry for! I have to say that even in today society people to not know real true love!


message 8: by Jennifer (new)

Jennifer (jennbh) Marlene wrote: "Even if love is a factor in s marriage I have to say that it is not the greatest thing to marry for! I have to say that even in today society people to not know real true love!"

I agree. Love is something you may not even know you feel (or don't feel) until you've had experience and grow with someone to see if they fit with your ideals or not. Many people go in thinking they're marrying for love when it's duty or fear of being alone or out of convenience.


message 9: by Ava (new)

Ava Jennifer wrote: "Marlene wrote: "Even if love is a factor in s marriage I have to say that it is not the greatest thing to marry for! I have to say that even in today society people to not know real true love!"

I ..."


I also agree, Jennifer and Marlene. The idea of marrying for love in today's society causes people to have unreasonable expectations for their relationships with significant others. We have extraordinary demands of our relationships now due to this idea of romantic love that encourages people to eschew any shred of self-responsibility for their emotional needs. Also, we have cut out the importance of our relationships with our extended family, community and to a certain extent friends, forcing many to believe that we can feasibly get all of our emotional and mental needs from one person, our significant other. It is short-sighted to reduce the needs of a complex human being- and all of us are complex- to the size of one human relationship.


message 10: by Kylie (new)

Kylie | 77 comments I cannot imagine growing up in a world where I could not chose who to marry. Sometimes arranged marriages worked out well and the couple grew to care and respect each other. On the other hand, being forced to marry someone you didn't like as a person, trust, or find attractive in any way (physically or otherwise) would be miserable. While we do not always make the right decisions regarding love, I'm very happy that the tradition of trading daughters like livestock is over in America.


message 11: by Stacy (new)

Stacy I am glad I had the option to choose to marry for love - and am still happily married and in love and glad to come home every day to the man I chose to spend my life with. Can't imagine it any other way.


message 12: by A Serious Lover (new)

A Serious Lover (RenaissanceLady) | 6 comments Do we marry for the kind of love we end up with, or do we marry out of lust or obsession?


message 13: by Nathania (new)

Nathania | 7 comments Abenet wrote: "In the 19th Century most people didn't marry for love, instead they grew to love their spouse. Let's talk about how this "arranged" marriage impacted the dynamics of relationships during this time ..." we should also address the difference between arranged marriages in different social classes. What was the likelihood that the poor, the wealthy upper class, middle class, nobility even royalty would have meet their spouse before marriage? what was the setting in which they met? Was there a particular matchmaking system in place? What about courtship? what were rules? if any was there any difference between the social classes? How did it vary in the different European countries? What were the origins; how did this system began in a general sense? What are the cultural and ethnic differences? I think these are the question we should ask when discussing this topic so there greater detailed picture of the whole issue.


message 14: by Brunhilde (new)

Brunhilde Shiloh wrote: "Do we marry for the kind of love we end up with, or do we marry out of lust or obsession?"

Excellent question!


message 15: by Heather (new)

Heather (CrystalMirror) | 7 comments I had an Indian friend who had an arranged marriage. She couldn't imagine her life any differantly. Meanwhile, I see people I see people who have chosen thier spouses fight, cheat, and abuse each other. Very few actually like each, let alone love each other. Who is to say which is the better system?


message 16: by Kim (new)

Kim | 1 comments Many people say they marry for love but it is sometimes for the same reason people were forced to marry, money, prestige, status. I don't mean everyone, but it still happens and they disguise it as a love marriage. In my opinion, both arranged marriages and love marriages are a matter of luck. Everyone change and sometimes the person you marry might not be the same in ten years. While an arranged marriage is marrying without really knowing what to expect. To me they are pretty similar.


message 17: by Summer (new)

Summer Lane (WritingBelle) | 1 comments Sometimes arranged marriages turn out a lot better than marrying for so-called "love" in this day and age. People today often confuse infatuation with love, and infatuation will wear out, whereas real love would be different. I've seen both firsthand. Some of my friends married right out of high school and it was just ridiculous - they weren't in love. They were just infatuated. Needless to say, they're not too happy, either. Arranged or for love, it just depends on the people involved.


message 18: by Ritter (new)

Ritter | 4 comments California Gold Rush, 1848 - 54: Hundreds of thousands of German immigrant in the areas of San Francisco, Auburn, Grass Valley and Sacramento. It was not only gold seekers, including crafts. From Hamburg Port. Millions until 1934.

Present for centuries. Dominated material interests or Western romanticism:
Share of this: F. Cooper, J. London and other famous writers. They were read in Europe.
Literatur new: "The gold of the Sierra Nevada," AAVAA-Verlag, Berlin, 2012. Lectures in 2013 in San Francisco: Classic immigration.


message 19: by Ritter (new)

Ritter | 4 comments California Gold Rush, 1848 - 54: Hundreds of thousands of German immigrant in the areas of San Francisco, Auburn, Grass Valley and Sacramento. It was not only gold seekers, including crafts. From Hamburg Port. Millions until 1934.
With the English language learning was integrated into customs.

Present for centuries. Dominated material interests or Western romanticism:
Share of this: F. Cooper, J. London and other famous writers. They were read in Europe.
Literatur new: "The gold of the Sierra Nevada," AAVAA-Verlag, Berlin, 2012. Lectures in 2013 in San Francisco: Classic immigration.


message 20: by Carol (last edited Dec 09, 2012 05:18PM) (new)

Carol (goodreadscomcarolann) | 116 comments Regardless of how a marriage (either arranged or for love) begins, the only way to have a great, loving relationship is to have a covenant marriage instead of a contract marriage.

Three issues to deal with:
1. Clinging to priority--
*In a contract marriage, the individual limits his/her responsibility and protects their rights. FYI- "Don't ask me to give up what I like. This is my life. I will remain number one in my life and will do what I want, when I want, how I want."

*In a covenant marriage, the individual accepts responsibility and gives up their rights. FYI- "I will give you the right to be the first priority in my life and to protect that place against anything or anyone that you perceive to be competition."

2. Clinging to possessions--
*Contract marriage-- "whatever I make is mine (MY money, MY space, MY dreams, MY career)." Notice all of the MYs.

*Covenant marriage--"we co-own and co-administer everything in our life."

3. Clinging to privacy--
*Contract marriage--insensitive remarks regarding areas where your spouse is vulnerable, keeping secrets, or private thought or feelings

*Covenant marriage--"I can give free access to every part of my life, right to complain and confront me with problems, and nothing concealed in our marriage."

I knew of an Indian women who was in an arranged marriage. Their marriage was based on a covenant and to this day they are deeply in love with each other after many years of marriage.


message 21: by Michelle (new)

Michelle (MichelleTrimble) | 7 comments Sometimes I wish marriage was still arranged. Maybe I would not be alone.


message 22: by LadyS (new)

LadyS   (LadySugar_) I want to marry for love.

Love in western society is grossly distorted itis evident that many do not understand what it is so its easy to see why it can be criticized. True love is unconditional (oh yes) it is not self-seeking: (its not about you, but other person) it endures all things. Love also has a brain..its not stupid and does not make rash decisions. This kind of love is obviously long term and likley is not felt in full capacity early on in the relationship.


message 23: by Ritter (new)

Ritter | 4 comments Marry for love: dominant in the 19th Century. Not always a marriage based on love. Marriages were also concluded for the purposes. But this was a minority. Breakthrough 19. Jh.: Love and the era of civil marriage. Cohesion: Families as emigrants. Strong bonds, obligations to the fore. Special feature: the survival.
California Gold Rush, 1848 - 54: Hundreds of thousands of German immigrant in the areas of San Francisco, Auburn, Grass Valley and Sacramento. It was not only gold seekers, including crafts. From Hamburg Port. Millions until 1934.

Literatur new: "The gold of the Sierra Nevada," publishing AAVAA Berlin, 2012.
Browsing eBooks Store / Best Selling / Action & Adventure …
Best Selling / aavaa eBook Verlag / Action & Adventure - Feedbooks


message 24: by Ritter (new)

Ritter | 4 comments Marriage of Reason or marriage of convenience In the 19th Century and into the modern age: These marriages are clearly visible. Age differences, often ten or twenty years. Celebrities marry celebrities. Factory owner does not marry the daughter of the maid.


message 25: by John (new)

John | 1 comments As a witness to dozens of marriages a year I can testify that "marriage for love" truly exists along with all the sacrifice and goodness of laying down your life for another. What worries me is that worldwide the numbers of civil and church weddings is decreasing. Maybe this is influenced by the scarcity of arranged marriages in our day. My worry is what happens if marriage goes extinct? Without a vowed life promised for the mutual benefit of each other, what else is there?


message 26: by Rachael (new)

Rachael | 7 comments If you love someone why do you need a written vow to say so? To trap them with you for eternity? To punish and disgrace them if they leave you? Even a marriage can no longer be taken as an eternal vow anymore, with people on their third, fourth and fifth wives and husbands not being considered overly abnormal. It's an outdated convention, though it is immutably a pleasant celebration of love and optimism.


message 27: by Afsha (new)

Afsha | 2 comments Some times arranged marriages end up like fairy tales, I have seen them. Some times they go wrong. Some times love marriages are fruitful. Some times they too go wrong.

It's destiny.....


message 28: by Barbara (new)

Barbara John wrote: "As a witness to dozens of marriages a year I can testify that "marriage for love" truly exists along with all the sacrifice and goodness of laying down your life for another. What worries me is tha..."

I wouldn't worry as long as the law only recognizes a legal marriage in such issues as in wills, insurance, etc.


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