The Critique discussion

6 views
Critique > Twisted Twins

Comments Showing 1-2 of 2 (2 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

Twisted Twins

Riley and Anna hugged close, tears streaming down their faces, Anna has smoky purple eyes, Riley has green. "I guess this is how it's supposed to be." Chad walked over to them, Anna, who's had a crush on him for a year now, sniffed, and smiled, "We'll be fine." "Yeah, it just takes time." Chad smiled at Anna, they held a gaze for a few seconds, "We should probably go..." Anna broke the contact, took hold of Riley's hand, and they walked away slowly. "What will happen now? Who will we stay with?" Riley sent a warm touch to her hand, "Whatever happens, we'll always be together, no matter what."

"You can't split us up!" "It's the only choice," Mrs. Mier shook her head, "Tough luck, we're not going to do it." Riley spoke for both of them, Anna stared out the window, tears welling in her witch-like eyes; "We're fifteen, we don't need to be adopted." "By law-" "I don't care by law! I'm not leaving my sister! Either let us live on our own, or find a family that wants twins!" Anna stood, clenching her fists, her face turned red with embaresment, "I'm sorry."
"You lost your adoptive parents, there is no apppologizing to me." Riley took Anna's hand, and invited her to sit back down, Anna's cell buzzed in her pocket, she looked at it, not wanting to answer it. "It's Chad?" Riley questioned, "I'll be right back in." Anna ran outside the small room, hitting send.
"Hello?" She shyly whispered into the phone, "Did I get your number right?" "Yeah Chad, thanks for calling... this has all been a little too stressful." He opened the door, "I followed you here." They hung up, "Do you want to go for a walk to clear your mind?" She stood in shock and unsureity as he moved close to her, pulling her close to him.
"Um... Riley and I shouldn't be seperated, we might not see each other again..." He smiled that award winning smile, "Nothing will happen, I swear it."
"Okay..." He wrapped am arm around her waist, and they left, Anna keeping her gaze to her feet.

Chad let go of Anna, and walked to the ruins, a bed-like rock sat in the middle, he moved to it, "Chad, are you okay?" "I know who you are Annabelle, and I want you to know... I'm a covenent." "No... I'm not a witch." He turned to her, his gentle brown eyes turned to black, he smiled at her, "Why are you afraid of me Anna, I thought you liked me?" She took a step back, and stumbled to the ground when he took a step forward.
...
Riley looked to the sky, sensing her mortal sister's trouble, "I'm sorry, I have to go!" She ran out the door, leaving the social worker confused, "Anna needs me!" She shouted behind her, running to the elevator, "Come on... close."
...
Anna screamed and ducked, the rock behind her blew to smithereens; "Fight back witch, show me your true power." "I told you, I'm not a witch!" "I've been a witch hunter for hundreds of years, I know a witch when I see them." Anna ran towards her approaching sister, "Anna!"/"Riley!" Chad tossed his knife, "Get down!" Riley screamed, the knife peirced through her back, she stumbled and fell to the ground.
"Anna!" Riley sobbed, skidding to a halt on her knees, she turned Anna partly over, her purple iris color vanished, showing her true blue eyes. "I'm sorry Anna, I shouldn't have let you go." Anna's head sagged, Riley bent over her sister sobbing as Chad moved to them, and ripped out the knife. Cleaning it on his shirt he tssked, "Your sister must think I'm an idiot trying to tell me she wasn't a human... it's your turn to die also."
Riley glared up at him through watery eyes, and stood, gently dropping her twin to the ground; "SHE WAS ONLY HUMAN!!!" Riley clenched her fists, her face turning hot with anger, her magic power streaming around her body, her hair flew. "WHEN WE WERE LITTLE, OUR REAL MOTHER SWITCHED OUR LOOK TO PROTECT ME!!! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ALWAYS WITH HER!!! YOU IDIOT, SHE WASN'T A WITCH!!! Chad shrugged, finishing cleaning blood off his knife, "My bad."
"I'LL KILL YOU!!!" Chad moved out of the way before Riley attacked him with lightening. "Your mother must have been an idiot, that wouldn't protect anyone, as I just proved." "She shouldn't have done that, but she was no idiot!" Chad knew he was in trouble now, he turned tail and ran, Chad fell dead when Riley shot another bolt, hitting him square in the back. Riley fell to the ground, hyperventilating, Anna's eyes were still opened, looking right at her sister. "God... Anna I'm sorry... so sorry..."



message 2: by Olivia (new)

Olivia (livibooks3) Oh this is interesting, I like this.. the story is a little bit confusing though... you need to give more information before the attack. It is good though, but has a sad ending :( good short story though :)


back to top