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I APPRECIATE POETRY CRITIQUE > tomorrow feels like yesterday

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message 1: by Jenifer (new)

Jenifer just filling the empty
like stuffing confetti
fishing sodden leaves
i perched on the shore

piled on the rock bank
fish eggs and twigs
i breathed in that moment
you said you were bored

planting home on capsized cliffs
steal planes and cars on crumbling moss

just filling the empty
with stuff like confetti
poking holes in the water
of these pending days

sometime in summer 1998

message 2: by Dylan CC (new)

Dylan CC | 1127 comments Some interesting lines. What about cutting lines 4 & 7 & the 3rd stanza & the last line. I think if you do that, it sets up a rhythm & highlights the language of what remains.

message 3: by Jenifer (new)

Jenifer Thank you, Dylan. I think I might just borrow some of the language and images from this old poem in something new... If I take the "me" out of this poem, I am not sure what I am left with in terms of meaning. Revisiting old poems might not be the best way for me to get back into writing.
Looking forward to future feedback.

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