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Topics Other Than Bks-Pics-TV. > How did you meet your spouse/partner?

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message 1: by Joy H., Group Founder (last edited Feb 09, 2009 05:20PM) (new)

Joy H. (joyofglensfalls) | 16697 comments It's always interesting to hear how couples originally met. I'll be posting our story soon.
How did you meet your spouse/partner?

message 2: by Jim (last edited Feb 10, 2009 11:15AM) (new)

Jim (jimmaclachlan) | 6311 comments My mother knew my wife & that both of us were working for the same racing stable in Maryland. She told me I should look Marg up.

We'd actually met, but didn't really know it. I had one barn with a dozen yearlings & she worked on the indoor track. We'd all meet to walk hots & turn out horses, so she & I had actually spoken while waiting on the exercise riders.

It was a super cold winter, so all I could see of her was bulky outer clothing & a pair of glasses squeezed between a scarf & hat - a bit of nose. It was pleasant for us to go out one night & finally see what each other looked like. We met that night at a bar, appropriately named, "The Starting Gate".

False advertising - she wore a skirt. I can probably count the times I've seen her in one since without taking off my shoes. That was December of 1981. My oldest was born in Nov 82. We worked fast!

message 3: by Joy H., Group Founder (new)

Joy H. (joyofglensfalls) | 16697 comments Jim, I love the coincidence of "The Starting Gate". Perfect!

What is the meaning of: "walk hots & turn out horses" and "waiting on the exercise riders"?

What does taking off your shoes have to do with Marg wearing a skirt? Oh, I think I just got it. You've seen her in a skirt less than 20 times. Right? (g)

When I was a teenager, there was a gal in our neighborhood who always wore dungarees. The only time she wore a skirt was to go to 7:00 AM mass at church. (In those days, women didn't wear slacks to church... hard to believe nowadays!) Anyway, my sister and I actually got up early and went to the 7:00 AM mass just to see her in a skirt. True story. LOL

Jim, your first child was born 11 months after you were married. By coincidence, our experiences are almost the same... our first child was born 12 months after we were married!

message 4: by Jim (new)

Jim (jimmaclachlan) | 6311 comments Up to 10, fingers, take off shoes up to 20... Honestly, I probably have seen her in a skirt a few dozen times. I guess she puts one on at least once or twice a year. Hmmm... maybe not. We don't do church & most dinners out aren't that fancy, usually in the cold months anyway.

Actually, we were married in May, we met the previous December. You know what they say, "What takes a cow or a countess 9 months, a good old country girl can do it 7."

Race horses need to be exercised. Jockeys sometimes do it, but generally it's others. Marg & I both did it at various times. Neither of us did it at this particular stable. After being exercised, a horse is hot & has to be walked until they cool down. You water them a little, but not too much or they can colic or at least get cramps. Thus 'walking hots'.

Exercising horses is pretty demanding & can be 'interesting'. Race horses aren't the most stable creatures around (pun intended). A working jockey usually exercises their horses down at the track, but up at the farm, others usually do it. Depends on the stable & the type of racing, too. We mostly worked with flat, brush & timber horses. I never rode much, just a few times. Marg did, though.

message 5: by Joy H., Group Founder (last edited Feb 10, 2009 10:54PM) (new)

Joy H. (joyofglensfalls) | 16697 comments My goodness, you DID work fast! LOL

Nowadays there are a lot of women who don't wear skirts often. I know I don't. Even when I go to parties, I wear slacks. I wore slacks New Year's Eve.

Interesting about the meaning of "walking hots". Thanks for explaining.

I've never heard of "flat, brush & timber horses".

You both have had quite a bit of experience with horses. I had virtually none, except for one time when I went riding with a friend where horses were rented. I didn't know what I was doing. The horse just wandered off the trail and ate grass while my friend rode away. He also passed gas a lot and it was so embarrassing. I was a teen-ager.

message 6: by Jim (new)

Jim (jimmaclachlan) | 6311 comments Joy H. (of Glens Falls) wrote: "I've never heard of "flat, brush & timber horses"..."

It's the type of race they run in. Maryland is home to some of the best timber races in the world, the jewel being the Hunt Cup. It's almost 4 miles with fences 5' high. Really tough course. The race season is; Voss, Manor, Grand National & Hunt Cup, starting on the first Saturday in April. They get tougher as the season goes on.

Brush is exactly that. The fences are only solid a couple of feet up & are more like hedges above that. Both Brush & Timber are based on 'Steeple Chase', a cross country race from steeple to steeple that started in Ireland.

Most flat races are like the Derby, Preakness or Belmont Stakes. Just a big, flat, oval circle. Some are held over fields at the timber meets.

The Voss Race is held the first Saturday in April. Tommy started it years ago as a fun way to get everyone ready for the Manor Race, which is held the 2d Saturday.

The Voss Race is a lot more informal & easier. He has ladies & kids races. Except for Brandon (I think) & I, all the rest have raced in one or the other. Erin's raced in both. Her mother was 3 months pregnant with her when she rode in the ladies race. Mom's done it too, but she was an out rider for the races for years, so didn't compete most years.

Most horses don't do all the races in the month. If they're running in the Hunt Cup, they often do only one other as a warm up. I can't imagine jumping 5' high, much less at a gallop. I've jumped some of the lower fences on the course & they're as big as anything I want to do.

You need a super good horse to do it. Mom's horse, Bug River, was that good, but she couldn't afford to train him, so she sold him to someone who could. He went on to win the Hunt Cup at least once. Came in 2d twice, I think.

message 7: by Joy H., Group Founder (last edited Feb 11, 2009 07:36AM) (new)

Joy H. (joyofglensfalls) | 16697 comments Jim wrote: "Joy H. wrote: "I've never heard of "flat, brush & timber horses"..."
It's the type of race they run in. Maryland is home to some of the best timber races in the world, the jewel ..."

Wow, Jim, I didn't know there were that many horse races going on. I don't have a clue about the horse-racing world! So I find this info interesting, especially since it comes to me in this manner where I can ask questions and carry on a conversation about it. So your posts are appreciated.

I'm beginning to realize that your entire family is part of the "Horsey Set". LOL Impressive!

Who is Tommy? Is he one of your sons?

How do our Saratoga Race Tracks rate with you?
Have any horses which you've had experience with raced at Saratoga?

The nonfiction book, _Seabiscuit_, by Laura Hillenbrand, really brought home the world of horses to me. I loved it. I gave it 5 stars. It provided a look into the world of three people: the owner, the trainer and the rider. I read it with an in-person bk grp. Would never have touched it otherwise.

(I know we're going off-topic, but nobody else seems to be interested in the original subject anyway. LOL Besides, I love tangents. Anything which stimulates conversation is OK with me. That's what this group is all about... besides books.) (lol)

(I still have to post about how Eddie and I met. Have been very busy lately and haven't had time.)

message 8: by Jim (last edited Feb 11, 2009 07:54AM) (new)

Jim (jimmaclachlan) | 6311 comments I don't know anything about Saratoga. I've never been.

My mother & wife are the real horsey ones. I just live on the edges. I've lived in a horsey area all my life, too.

Tommy is Tom Voss. He's 8 or 10 years older than me & one of the top trainers in Maryland. I've known him since I was 8, but not real well. He lived across the road but was so much older & all. His family is well known in the industry. I think his grandfather was a well known painter of horse/hunting/racing scenes. Left him a huge piece of ground in the heart of the Manor (My Lady's Manor, Lord Baltimore's gift...) where he has his home, stable & holds the races.

If you liked Sea Biscuit, you might like Racing My Father Growing Up With a Riding Legend. It's a memoir about Paddy Smithwick, one of the top jockeys. Also mentioned are his brother Mikey, who I knew & my wife worked for, plus lots of others. I liked the book because I know the area well & knew many of the people mentioned in it.

Patrick & Tommy were best friends growing up. Patrick lived a couple of miles down the road & mentions Tommy in the book a couple of times. I was good friends with David, Patrick's mother's boyfriend, after his dad, Paddy died.

Mom, Marg & Erin all know Patrick better than I do. He stopped by Mom's to sign her copy of the book & chaperoned Erin out hunting a couple of times, I think.

message 9: by Joy H., Group Founder (new)

Joy H. (joyofglensfalls) | 16697 comments I've put the book, _Racing My Father Growing Up With a Riding Legend_ on my TBR list. Thanks for telling me about it.

I'm still plowing through _The Plague of Doves A Novel_. It's getting a bit more interesting, but I still don't know where it's going. I refuse to read the book flap. This time I want to figure things out for myself. (g)

message 10: by Joy H., Group Founder (new)

Joy H. (joyofglensfalls) | 16697 comments I met my husband, Eddie, in 1959 at Jug End Barn near Great Barrington, MA. The resort is no longer there. Below are links to pics of the resort:

He told me he had a boat. I told him I had my own water skiis. We exchanged addresses. When we returned to NY in August, Ed took me waterskiing on the Hudson River.

We were engaged in October and married in February, 1960, 6 months after we met. We had our first child a year later, the day after Valentine's Day.

Below are links to some pics:

Here we are on our honeymoon in Laurentians of Canada (We went snow skiiing.): ====>

Here we are at our wedding: ====>

This month we'll be celebrating our 49th Anniversary. I still have the bathing suit I wore on our first date. Eddie liked that suit.

"The middle years of marriage are the most crucial. In the early years, spouses want each other and in late years, they need each other." -Rebecca Tilly

"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life--to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent, unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting." -George Eliot, Adam Bede


message 11: by Nina (new)

Nina | 6066 comments I love the quote about marriage. It is so true. I dread the last parting. nina

message 12: by Joy H., Group Founder (new)

Joy H. (joyofglensfalls) | 16697 comments Nina wrote: "I love the quote about marriage. It is so true. I dread the last parting. nina"

So do I, Nina.

message 13: by Nina (new)

Nina | 6066 comments What a pretty bride you were! I peeked at your picture and this must be your oldest "child's" birthday. Wish them a Happy one for me. You can never got too many good wishes..nina

message 14: by Werner (last edited Feb 17, 2009 07:03AM) (new)

Werner My wife Barb and I actually got engaged before we'd ever seen each other --which shocks some people, so I don't usually volunteer that story! But I've got her permission to share it here. :-)

Barb grew up in Appalachian Virginia and I was raised in the Midwest. Though both of us, for various reasons, were dissatisfied with the dating scene where we were, being as geographically separated as we were, it was (humanly speaking) very unlikely that we'd ever meet --but I've always been a great believer in Divine providence! In the late 70s, I'd joined a Christian "pen-pal club" (actually a "lonely-hearts" club, to all intents and purposes, though they didn't advertise it in those terms :-)), and had corresponded a bit with a few young ladies; but nothing came of it. By April 1980 (when I was in Indiana working on my first master's degree) I'd lost interest in the club --and then a letter came from Virginia.

A friend of Barb's belonged to the same club, and had encouraged her to try it; and that month, she'd decided she was ready to. Her friend brought over the membership list/descriptions she had, and Barb prayed before she looked over them that God would show her the one to write to. When she came to my name, she knew immediately that I was the one. (She didn't tell me about that until much later!) And when I read her letter, and was impressed by the warm naturalness, directness, and candor of her personality --as I'd never been by anyone I'd ever met, in person or on paper-- I said to myself, "I think this is the lady I'm going to marry!"

That was at the end of April; we corresponded after that as fast as snail mail letters could travel back and forth, and shared our thoughts, feelings, values, dreams and aspirations, tastes and traits, a lot more frankly than most dating couples do. We fell for each other hard and fast! That summer, I turned 28, and she turned 31; I proposed at the end of July, and we got married on Sept. 5. (We did get to meet in person before the wedding --I was able to spend a weekend in August staying with an elderly couple who lived up the road from her.)

In a lot of external ways, we're as different as chalk and cheese (though alike in important ways); and we both took a lot of flak from horrified friends who were convinced we were making a terrible mistake (a college classmate phoned me long distance to try to persuade me not to ruin my life!) :-) 28 and a half wonderful years, three kids, and three grandkids later, we still automatically hold hands when we're walking together, and we're still best friends as well as spouses. (Hope you all had a great Valentine's Day --we did!)

message 15: by Jim (new)

Jim (jimmaclachlan) | 6311 comments Wow, Werner! Internet dating before the Internet. Cool. It's funny how the right one can work out.
Mom was horrified that we decided to get married after only a few months together. She got over it after a few years, though. Marg & I still hold hands a lot & used to get teased at Pony Club events because we kissed a lot & still do. Works for us.

message 16: by Joy H., Group Founder (new)

Joy H. (joyofglensfalls) | 16697 comments Nina wrote: "What a pretty bride you were! I peeked at your picture and this must be your oldest "child's" birthday. Wish them a Happy one for me. You can never got too many good wishes..nina"

Thank you, Nina. I'll pass your wishes on to our birthday boy.

message 17: by Joy H., Group Founder (last edited Feb 18, 2009 06:50AM) (new)

Joy H. (joyofglensfalls) | 16697 comments Werner wrote: "My wife Barb and I actually got engaged before we'd ever seen each other --which shocks some people, so I don't usually volunteer that story! But I've got her permission to share it here. :-)"

Werner, that's a beautiful story. It certainly does sound like "Divine Providence" brought you and Barb together.

In some ways, that's how I feel about how Ed and I met... that somehow someone had seen to it that we would meet. After all, we didn't meet until Ed's last few minutes at the resort in MA. He was in the parking lot getting ready to leave. I came strolliing through the parking lot with my tennis racquet, on my way to the tennis court. We don't know who spoke first, but we did get talking and found out that we were both interested in water-skiiing. It's funny that we met in MA because we both lived a half hour from one another in NY.

One more small detail... Ed had tried to meet me a few days earlier while I was practicing my diving at the pool, but he claims that I gave him the cold shoulder. The answer to that is the fact that I was very serious about practicing my diving. I had an instructor helping me and I didn't want to be distracted.

During the same week, I remember seeing him in the dining room and thinking that he had unusual almond shaped eyes. That's all I remember upon first seeing him, before we ever met in the parking lot.

Tell me, Werner, were you a bit apprehensive about meeting Barb in person for the first time? I can't imagine how it must feel to know a person only by correspondence and then to meet them in person. I would be afraid that the bubble might burst upon meeting since sometimes we tend to fill in the gaps with wishful thinking. I can see that in your case the bubble didn't burst but blossomed into a true life-long romance.

Thanks for telling us your wonderful story.

message 18: by Nina (new)

Nina | 6066 comments I LOVE your love story, Werner. And please tell me the name of your book again and where I can get it. Sometime I will tell you my Love story. I can tell you this when my husband and I watch some movies and we say other people would never believe these coincedences, But we do. nina

message 19: by Joy H., Group Founder (new)

Joy H. (joyofglensfalls) | 16697 comments Nina, we await your Love story!

message 20: by Werner (new)

Werner Yes, Joy, I was a bit apprehensive (and excited and happy, too, all at once!) about meeting Barb for the first time --but my apprehension was mostly about whether she'd like me in person as much as she did by letter! Of course, I was really curious to see what she actually looked like in person; her pictures don't really do her justice, and the one I'd seen had been taken before she shed some weight. Us guys being what we are, we tend to hope for a bride who's pretty :-), though I knew that her mind and heart was what really counted, and that physical beauty is just frosting on the cake. When I took one look at her, I knew the cake was frosted just fine!

Nina, the title of my book is Lifeblood, and it's currently out of print. Your best bet for getting it is either through your local library (not many of them have it, but enough do that you can get it by interlibrary loan) or ordering a copy from the Bluefield College bookstore while they last. (If you want to, you can message me for details about that.) And like Joy, I'm anxious to hear your love story --I can tell already that it's a beautiful one!

message 21: by Joy H., Group Founder (last edited Mar 13, 2009 06:18AM) (new)

Joy H. (joyofglensfalls) | 16697 comments Werner wrote: ...physical beauty is just frosting on the cake.

Werner, I loved your reply. No wonder you're a writer. You express yourself so well.

You've prompted me to go to my file of quotations on the subject of Beauty. I've always been fascinated by the idea of Beauty, in all its aspects. I've selected a few from my file. See them posted below:
"Exuberance is Beauty." -William Blake

"Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief she is beautiful." -Sophia Loren

"There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness." -Countess of Blessington

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her." -Anon.

“Do you love me because I'm beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?”
-Oscar Hammerstein

"It is kindness in a person, not beauty, which wins our love."
-Found on a plaque

"Kindness in women, not their beauteous looks, shall win my love."
-William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew

"It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband." -Euripides

"Beauty soon grows familiar to the lover, Fades in his eye, and palls upon the sense."
-Joseph Addison

"Beauty is a short-lived tyranny." -Socrates

"Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"All kinds of beauty do not inspire love; there is a kind which only pleases the sight, but does not captivate the affections." -Cervantes, "Don Quixote"

"Is there a relative value of beauty? Is evanescence - fleetingness - a necessary element of the thing that most moves us? A shooting star dazzles us more than the sun. A child captivates like an elf, but grows into grossness, an ogre, a harpy... a flower... only painting endures... But words endure too ... the small gesture of charity. Isn't that sort of beauty more beautiful than any other? ...perhaps charity is the kind of beauty that we comprehend the best because we miss it the most."
-Gregory Maguire, _Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister A Novel_, p. 313

"...I asked, 'Speak to me of that beauty which the people interpret and define, each one according to his own conception; I have seen her honored and worshipped in different ways and manners.'
She answered, 'Beauty is that which attracts your soul, and that which loves to give and not to receive. When you meet Beauty, you feel that the hands deep within your inner self are stretched forth to bring her into the domain of your heart. It is the magnificence combined of sorrow and joy; it is the Unseen which you see, and the Vague which you understand, and the Mute which you hear - it is the Holy of Holies that begins in yourself and ends vastly beyond your earthly imagination.'"
-"Before the Throne of Beauty XXVI" by Kahlil Gibran

"In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty."
-Christopher Morley

"If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core." -Anon.

message 22: by Werner (new)

Werner Thanks, Joy. And thanks for sharing the quotes --some of those are absolute gems!

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