¡ POETRY ! discussion

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message 1: by Rahima (new)

Rahima Yasin | 97 comments Basking in memories
The only thing I've got left
Pain, sorrow and despair
Only companions I now possess
Rainbows and unicorns are nothing
But verbiage; Bearing on me like Hollow nests; How I wish there was more to this
Love and joy but not restlessness
Shattering despair and ruefulness
Paired with insanity and regrets
Never again will sunshine look bright
And moonlight so arousing
This conceivable heap around
Is all there ever will be
A bedevilling dream
Incorporated in me like infernal abyss
Essence of a darkened seam
The only thing I've got left
Abandoned hope and tears
My world now bears
Oh how I wish there was more to this
A mighty shot of ecstasy
To drown this wretched sight
And forge a sign of blissfulness
But alas! My wishes are unfathomable 
Part of an insufferable dream
Where all I feel is slumbered beam
Of nothing but deepened screams!


message 2: by Rahima (new)

Rahima Yasin | 97 comments A bit long but what do ya think?


message 3: by Robert (new)

Robert Fredericks (robertfredericks) | 12 comments Good start. I liked the line, 'But verbiage; Bearing on me like Hollow nests...' That's a very nice image that conveys a lot of feeling. Try changing some of your heavy message words with more impressive imagery. You can change the specific message of the protagonist into a transcendent poem for all.


message 4: by Michal (new)

Michal Mahgerefteh (MichalMahgereftehPoetry) Don't be afraid to write about your experiences...they are now hiding within verses.


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