Fantasy/fiction discussion

my story.Help wanted.

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message 1: by Tabby Ashley Nikkole, I.Love.J.L! (new)

Tabby Ashley Nikkole Boyce (tibby_nikkole) | 286 comments Mod
Gramatically incorrect. Not very descriptive, this pains me to show, but i need help!

Adel is walking home on a dark mistey night. the silence in the atmosphere is deafening. she has many qualms and is in the major need of a good nights sleep. adel knows that as a young women walking in the shady part of New Jersey, even the few she was walking, is very dangerous. as she continues to walk she starts to make out the bus stop bench illuminating under the light pole. she makes her way to the seat and sat down. the moon is gently tucked behind an immense cloud. adel nervously fidgits with a string hanging from her purse.All is quiet with the exception of the sound of her foot tapping. she can hear footsteps in the distance, the sound of shoes against the pavement. the steps begin to coincide with her tapping. both speeding up. Adel's breath becomes caught in her lungs. she closes her eyes. she repeatedly remindes herself that this is going to be like every other weekend night,catching the bus to her parents house for her weekend visit. As the stranger approached Adel's heart rate doubled. but with one look, her breath eases and her body relaxes. he was an angel. the man's face was perfect: as though made from porclein. his mouth was the shade of a light sapphire. his red lips parted to form brillient white teeth. Each of his eye-teeth ended in a point, the man brought his eyes back to though his looks werent enough his voice was satin to her ears, almost song-like.
"Come to me" his voice shatters the silence.
Adel begain to walk towards the mysterious man, her thoughts are clouded with temptation. he begain to hum a soft rythm. the tune carried her into his arms. He ran his fingers through her hair, his eyes never losing hers. His lips found hers and they pressed them gently. adels heart skipped. though somehow her lips mimicked his. the stranger's kiss turned savage, taking her through a tunnel of delusion. to her dismay the kiss ended.. the man took her hand and led her into a dark place, after her had seduced her, completly her free-will, he brought his lips to her neck kissing every inch leading to the jugler vain. A sharp pain sprang through her body as she started to feel faint. Slowly Adel drifted away leaving her body near a sign.
The sign read "Welcom to Copler Memoriel High"

message 2: by Tabby Ashley Nikkole, I.Love.J.L! (last edited Feb 04, 2009 03:45PM) (new)

Tabby Ashley Nikkole Boyce (tibby_nikkole) | 286 comments Mod
rules to my novel:

1.reply upon reading


3.give help

4. prologue happens night b4

5. Main charactors name is Sari.(pronounciation is SORRY)

6. she moves to a new school w/her uncle

7. dad left her and her mom

8. mom just died

9. the vamp in the prologe is named adrien

10. HE is very bad

11. very sexy

12. good vamps are pretty and kinna average

13. they drank animal blood, and for some in perticular:soy.

14. bad vamps are GORGEOUS.

15. they drink human blood.

16. causes major beauty

17, sari is a vegatarian.

18.a bad vamp must make love to a victim before dranking their blood or else they lose mortality.

19. humans very rarily resist. they are too easily lured in(gasp)

20. sari is a senior

21. so are a few other vamps,good/bad

22. sari falls for a guy

23. not a vampire

24. these vampires are what some would call a succubus or incubus

25. the bad vampires like to suck blood from a certain type of person

26. something about their air.

27. sadly sari is very much their type.

28. virginity is also a major plus...

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