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message 1: by Robin (new)

Robin (robinlayne) | 20 comments Please let me know what you think of the following teaser for the book jacket or back cover of the novel I am writing. Would you read the book? Would it appeal to teens? Agents and publishers? Can you suggest any improvements? Would a different approach be better?

On the front cover, the title of the book and series will be:
Blood of the Willing
Book 1 of AVS: the Anti-Vampirism Society

On the jacket or back:

The new girl in town is hungry for blood
. . . and for Mary’s boyfriend.

It seems the only way Mary can stop her worst enemy is to help her.

All Mary’s hopes sink in a pit of horror as she watches Carletta dig her teeth into Hugh’s jugular and relish Hugh’s blood. He’s rushing into the arms of someone—or something—threatening to turn him into a creature of nightmare. Somehow, Mary can’t even convince him his new flame is a vampire. She turns to the messages of her prophetic dreams and her friends for help.

“Are you crazy?” Darrell yells. “You don’t cure vampires! You kill ′em!”

As Mary’s friends argue over what to do, her mother scolds in unbelief, and the vampire’s mother expects her to find a cure.

Trying to protect Hugh and end the murders that have plagued the town since Carletta’s arrival, Mary and her hastily-formed Anti-Vampirism Society face a puzzling quest fraught with danger, compromise, and anguish, destined to shake them to the core.

Oblivious, Hugh thinks he’s found the love of his life . . . as Carletta lures him ever deeper into her dark world . . .

message 2: by J.S. (new)

J.S. Bailey (jsbailey) Hi again, Robin!

I can't really speak for teenagers since it has been a few years since I was one of them, but in my opinion it would appeal to a young adult audience. My only advice regarding your teaser is to drop the dots at the end and just make it a period. Also, it's a little unclear who "Darrell" is. Other than that, I think it's great! How close are you to finishing your novel?

message 3: by Dustin (new)

Dustin Hi, Robin-

I think your novel's best suited for a YA audience, as well.

message 4: by Robin (new)

Robin (robinlayne) | 20 comments Any suggestions how I can make it clear that Darrell is one of Mary's friends, the one who most strongly objects to the cure approach? (He's also the one who seems to know the most about vampires.)

Dropping the dots I can do.

Someone in another group suggested that the Anti-Vampirism Society is too long. someone critiquing part of the story in a class said "society" was an old-fashioned word that teens were not likely to use. I am considering changing "society" to "league." I want to keep the word "vampirism" because Mary fears her boyfriend will become a vampire, and she hopes to not be against him, and, soon, they focus on a cure rather than on killing.

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