Rhyme or Reason discussion

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Personal Work > Isolation

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message 1: by Dustin (last edited Feb 03, 2009 09:39PM) (new)

Dustin (DSollick) | 7 comments Sorry to dominate here--post other stuff, people! :D

---

Please stop isolating--
Come and tell us your troubles;
We just want to help.
   I'm not worth the time--
   No sense in whining to you,
   For nothing can change.
Rediculous child!
Are we not sincere enough,
To earn your secrets?
   I mean no offense,
   But I hereafter refuse--
   I won't drag further.
If you must, go forth.
But don't think we won't worry;
You'll be in our hearts.

---

Wrote most of this a while ago--finished it off today on the whiteboard.

Rules: Haiku-styled stanzas and having either a comma or semi-colon each second line.


message 2: by Dustin (last edited Feb 07, 2009 03:23PM) (new)

Dustin (DSollick) | 7 comments The 'inspiration' for the piece was based on the entreaties of an inner voice that was attempting to protect me from withdrawing from life--as I'd done before. To reach out a bit. Their/my frustration with myself came through a wee tad :)


message 3: by Gregory (new)

Gregory Brengauz (yesenin2000) | 24 comments Sorry, Dustin,I cannot see rhymes in your verse. Please,explain.


message 4: by Gregory (new)

Gregory Brengauz (yesenin2000) | 24 comments Some like free verse, some like rhyme, I like this one:

Scarlet sunset throws on the lake
Its brilliant hood.
One can hear the pheasants’ cry
Somewhere in the wood.

The oriole is crying too,
Hidden in her nest.
But I cannot cry tonight,
My heart is filled with zest.

I am sure I’ll meet you soon
At the end of the day.
We will go and sit on the piles
Of fresh fragrant hay.

I’ll tenderly kiss you,
Flower of the field.
Both of us will be drunk with love,
But there’s no guilt.

Under caresses you’ll take
Off your silken gown--
Under bushes we will hide
Until the light of dawn.

Let the day come to an end,
Let the pheasants cry –
Joyful sadness to my soul
From the scarlet sky.



message 5: by David (new)

David Delaney G'day Sarah, I too love rhyme & proud to be a popular rhyming poet, I do read some free verse but most times just can't follow it & just because at the moment you can't write rhyme don't say you lack talent, you write poetry so talent you don't lack. I posted 1 of mine here in Personal work,. let me know what you think.
Dave.


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