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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

Lucinda, please post your writing here, and others are free to praise or criticise.

message 2: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Science-fiction short story challenge (Hosted by Chompasaurus reviews) 2,000 words or under. I was placed 2nd with 18.5 points and here is my entry below. Any critique or thoughts would be most welcome.

The Crimson Portal

By Lucinda Fountain

“As I stand before you all now reaching out to those who have the power to understand this peculiar occurrence, I ask for your patience and understanding. Udariá has been stable within the Helûma galaxy for billions of years without any disturbance until now, where our race has been free to live in peace and harmony without restraint. Give us the time to inspect this mysterious glowing light so that we can determine whether it is dangerous, thus ultimately finding out what it is and why it is here. My Lords of the Zentar order I ask that you give us time.”

A thunderous roar erupted from the vast circular hall that was brimmed full of fighting warriors in silver plated amour and blood red capes, each bearing the symbol of the blue Sphinx that represented Udariá. Spinning on my heels with my blue cloak billowing behind me I strutted down the west corridor flanked on either side by armored guards, leaving the tens of thousands of great mortals behind me. All was silent as the muffled rumbling behind me became fainter with every step, with the only sound being that of footsteps on the stone floor echoing off the solid walls. Upon entering the dimly lit chamber I was instantly met with a dozen pairs of eyes all eagerly awaiting the news that I was about to bring them, of my decision in response to this most unusual event. Sitting down heavily into the carved, grey stone throne at the head of the table I observed those individuals that surrounded me on either side, being a mixture of court advisors, sorcerers and allies from distant galaxies who had come seeking my counsel. Tilting my head to the right I noticed that slumped inconspicuously in a chair was an old lady clothed in black, who underneath her diaphanous grey hair was covered in black markings etched deep within her skin; of ancient symbols of the lost language of Entûra.

“Witch, tell me what do you see?”

Every single pair of eyes suddenly then turned upon the frail, hunched figure at the far end of the table who was sat humming to itself in a most peculiar way whilst weaving an intricate pattern in the air. Tracing the air with her finger the witch sat unmoving almost as if she had not herd me address her, seemingly detached in her own little world and oblivious to all that surrounded her. After a moment the lines that she was tracing in the air became less translucent and more stable, with the outline of two parallel planets appearing separated only by a thin line of color. I understood quite quickly that one of the planets represented in her depiction must be Udariá and the line was the crimson light that had appeared only a short time ago, hence the illustration of the other planet I found to be both alarming and shocking.

“My General Athalos Zenrald you have been witness to a most extraordinary event within time that may never be repeated again! The alignment of the planets within our galaxy of Helûma only occurs once every fourth epoch when the growing darkness finally engulfs the entire planet in shadow, and Una our moon turns a quarter south. We have had many a void or deep abyss form in the atmosphere that surrounds us, but never something so powerful as to profess to being a master of time…yes, it is indeed a gateway through time and space which ultimately connects to another planet. This planet is alien to us and I cannot tell you what is on the other side, as only you General can decide what course of action to take with the time that has been given to you.”

The only thing that ever caused alarm bells to ring in my mind was the mention of time, which was the most powerful and dangerous spell that you could not trust nor rely on as it is naturally changeable. Traveling through time and space, venturing into the unknown is not only perilous but also highly risky as one could be led into another galaxy, another solar system or even onto another planet; a foreign race and culture that could pose to be a threat. Time jumping is not for the fainthearted but rather the adventurous and quite reckless; hence I sat before the witch with a displeased expression and frown across my stern face. Once again all eyes rested with me eager to know what course of action I would take, and what message should be sent to the Lords of Zentar who had given me permission to speak and take counsel with other beings. Resting my head in my hand and directing my gaze downwards onto the grey stone table, I contemplated what was to be done regarding this potentially hazardous happening that effected the entire planet.

“Thank you. It seems apparent to me that the only course of action to take is to investigate, as one does not know what is lying on the other side of this portal hence what could come through it to Udariá. The sooner we discover if indeed this planet and its inhabitants are dangerous the better and also what galaxy is out there…I am quite intrigued. Let us then make haste, for the safety of all.”

As I rose sharply in my seat so then did everyone else seated around the table, and as I made my swift exit from the chamber I could hear the stamping of those behind me who were smartly following. Whilst speeding down a dimly lit stone walled corridor, its walls adorned with the flickering flames from torches, I passed a young boy dressed in a Lycra ensemble that the crew members of starship Cobalt 300 wore; who dutifully pointed in the direction that I needed to take after responding to my question. Shouting out ‘this way’ and flying around the next corner I abruptly came to a stop as I faced the most extraordinary sight, as myself and the members of the counsel had reached the desired destination. Everyone was speechless whilst transfixed and terrified by the vision before them, where we stood on the edge of the Coral Abyss looking out into the untempered atmosphere where a bright light shone. A blazing scarlet light blinded all who looked upon it, poised as if suspended in mid air and frozen within time and space I could not help but gasp at the beauty of it. The crimson portal was vast and filled ones entire vision as a giant intense light, with its amber core flickering and swirling in the centre of the colored mass. Sighing to myself I turned to face those trusted allies and authoritative individuals who were most loyal, some of them acquainted with different times and some only familiar with this time.

“Udariá is my responsibility and so I shall journey through the gateway into the unknown, representing my people.”

With this statement many contradictory remarks followed, as they argued amongst themselves about another individual of lesser importance who should go in my place instead. But I was determined and being a general of high rank I had made up my mind that it was my duty to go, and journey through time regardless of however much in principal I disapproved of drifting through ages. Leaving them to squabble and debate behind me I walked towards the edge of the Coral Abyss which was only meters away from the light, and stared into its dazzling depths contemplating the enormity of the task ahead and its potential risks. Whilst mesmerized by the beam I felt something strong then grip my left shoulder, as I looked up in surprise to the face of my trusted associate deputy Fendrel of the Kerki fleet. His concerned expression awoke me from my trancelike state, as I gazed into the clear depths of his crystal blue eyes knowing that he understood what was in my heart.

“Good Luck Athalos my old friend. I do not know what will await you on the other side but I am sure that you will find a way back to Udariá and to your people. I am prepared to stand in your stead so that there remains order until your return. Do not hesitate, go now and may the Blue Sphinx of all knowledge watch over you.”

Looking out into the Helûma galaxy and right into the distance where other galaxies and solar systems dwelt, I glanced at the twinkling stars for one last time that shone in the blackness. There was so much out there that immortal beings such as myself had not yet discovered, and with the time gifted to us we could explore if so desired. I had encountered my fair share of numerous planets and races of remarkable beings both alien to me and those who possessed magic, but I was still oblivious to much out there in the distance. Plunging into the depths of the time portal and passing through the gateway of time, I came upon the planet Earth several billion light years ahead of my own solar system’s time being the year 2065. Here I would discover the race of men and the speaking of new languages, thus fulfilling my hearts desire as all my wishes were realized in the form of exploration. One day I would return to my planet as a changed being now in possession of that knowledge that is so wonderful and yet so detrimental, as I knew that things that once were would never be the same again.

message 3: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Book one of the Emerald Wars

The coming storm - it begins

*note this is now being re-written & made into a novel - so this is a sneak peak!!*

Sat huddled around the circular Oak table were the eleven men who were the Knights of the emerald Omb, who had gathered together for the annual meeting of Hindon. At the table’s centre lay the book of truth that was concealed within an abundance of linen cloth which was wrapped around the fragile, aged leather to protect it. The hall in which they were assembled was the Calin inside the great, impressive palace of Calbet which sat deep within the valley of the kingdom of Salvek. Under the rule of Lord Morbeck the kingdom was the most powerful of all the twelve kingdoms that pieced together the land of the War Lords. Within each kingdom a man who possessed such mighty strength would be chosen as their Knight, who would represent and protect his homeland until death.

So there sat all the representatives of each individual kingdom for the traditional counsel, which took place on the fifth day under the changing sun; where the sky would then glow green heralding the passing of time and the coming of the darkness. Sat with the Knights was the twelfth individual who represented Salvek and who spoke on behalf of the Lord Morbeck, who was indisposed at this present time having just this exact second had his arm severed by a blade of the King of East Nûra. The figure of an old man stood up to look at those persons who surrounded him, and after a momentary silence he then spoke in a clear, distinct voice that echoed around the vast hall and bounced off the walls.

“The emerald Omb has called the kingdoms of this land together once again and that is to prevent the cataclysm of green light taking place, which would ultimately end the world covering it in darkness. As a wizard of great magic I took the liberty of looking into the future and I saw death.”

There was a pause for several minutes which emphasized the seriousness of those words that had just been spoken by the wizard Fordé. He took his time to look into every single man’s eyes, only to see uncertainty and concern which did trouble him so.

“You have very little time left to fulfill your oaths and prevent what seems to be inevitable. Each of you wears on a leather cord around your neck a small fragment of the Omb, whose color is fading and loosing all brilliance. By the time that it has turned a grey color then it will begin”

message 4: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Do you like fantasy & Dragons?? Then here is a little extract that i wrote...

The Last Dragon Lord

As the ancient forest began to awaken with the beginning of a new dawn, a gigantic roar could be herd rumbling like a colony of giant Trolls that carries along the wind muffling all other sounds of life on the planet. Álfheimr is the home of the Elves which contains many mythical creatures, including the Dragon Lords who roam the skies observing all below. To the West of the forest is a vast ocean that begins from the jagged rocks spreading out into the distance for miles, with the sea being a concoction of merging color with greens, blues and purple shades that change tone with the sunlight. Perched along the edge of the Earth’s crust dotted in between the serrated rocks are the remaining Dragon Lords, calling out to the sea as the waves crash into the boulders spraying frothy foam into the air. The clouds above are the color of fire as though the land is encapsulated under a smoldering sky that burns the sun’s luminosity so as to cover the world in darkness and shadow.

As I sat contemplating the changed world that surrounded me, I could not help but recollect and envisage in my mind the horror that occurred in Álfheimr almost two hundred and fifty years ago, when the planet was covered in a blanket of darkness that which promised great change and evil times to come. Being the youngest and the last of my kind was an upsetting thought as now only thirteen of us remained where once there had been thousands, and I called to the sea with sorrow. Many thriving races had since become fewer in number and there were also creatures (such as the Harkûr) that had become extinct, due to the ever increasing power of evil magic that now dwelt here. It was as if time which had once been frozen was now beginning to melt at a rapid pace, and as I glanced towards the heavens I could not help but notice how the blazing orange was concealing any blue that remained thus blocking out the light.

Suddenly a voice like a whisper called to me upon the air, as if my thoughts were now being answered in a most unearthly way that was startling and surreal.

“You must take counsel with him…with him who is pure of heart, wise and full of ancient wisdom…he who dwelt in these lands at the very beginning of time itself…he shall be the one to give you answers…”

message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

I loved the first and third, and enjoyed the second. The second I had trouble reading because it was a little confusing. Not enough explanation I think for what was going on. I loved the names in the first one and the symbols used and all the adjectives that sort of made everything come to life so it wasn't that hard to imagine, which is definitely good whenever you don't have to think too hard to believe something. The thrid one used a lot of adjectives as well and that helped create a very interesting picture. It takes a lot of skill to arrange a first paragraph explaining the world without seeming dry and straightforward. I do think though that you should have "The Last Dragonlord" instead of "The Last Dragon Lord" because the one I recommend seems to flow a little bit more. Very good on the whole. What really stood out was your use of adjectives, and that really helped provide a very vivid picture of everything with lots of colors.

message 6: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Thank you Catalina for your thoughts. I would say that the second piece of writing (based on fantasy genre) was my weakest & i have done a lot of writing since then. The top entry was my latest work and hopefully one can see an improvement from the Dragon story to my 2,000 word one (sci-fi) at the top? Practise makes perfect and i am since trying to improve my writing by showing & explaining more to the reader, so that they understand more quickly; in like the first few parahgraphs.

message 7: by [deleted user] (new)

I wish there was a like button for the above comment by you.

message 8: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda A button?? x

message 9: by [deleted user] (new)

A "like" button.

message 10: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Catalina *The Cat Herself* wrote: "A "like" button."

:) oh, thank you so much! x

message 11: by [deleted user] (new)

Lucinda wrote: "Catalina *The Cat Herself* wrote: "A "like" button."

:) oh, thank you so much! x"

It is well deserved.

message 12: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Alexis wrote: "I also want a "like" button for these, they're incredible! Lucinda, when you publish your works, you'll make it onto my "favorite authors" list without even trying. Your writing style is just gorge..."

*blushing* thank you so much, your comments mean a lot to me! To have a published author say such things is so touching and humbling. I would say that story 2 is the worst (i did write it a long time ago), the first story that i was awarded 2nd prize for was better and the third one...well, i only did it as part of a fun roleplay on GoodReads. I am so pleased that you like my writing style, as i do tend to be very descriptive and love world building and thinking about names of characters ect.
I will keep writing! :)

message 13: by Isabella (new)

Isabella | 20 comments Mod
I just read your stories, Lucinda, and I love them; each time a tale ends I want to cry!

I actually like the Emerald Wars very much, though I think the Last Dragon Lord is my favorite. The Crimson Portal is less to my style, but it's amazing for what it is.

Your names and descriptions are lovely, and your characters instantly capture my interest. I'd also gladly read anything else you write!

message 14: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Cassandra wrote: "I just read your stories, Lucinda, and I love them; each time a tale ends I want to cry!

I actually like the Emerald Wars very much, though I think the Last Dragon Lord is my favorite. The Crimson..."

Thank you Cassandra.

message 15: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Alexis wrote: "Yes! There's a note on the Emerald Wars that says it's going to be a book! Do I get to read it someday?"


message 16: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Alexis wrote: "Oh, you're teasing me! No fair!"

You will just have to wait and see! I will give you a clue: NaNo :)

message 17: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda My aim for NaNoWriMo is of course to attempt to write an entire novel, from scratch but having never written more than 7,000 words this may be a challenge!!

message 18: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Alexis wrote: "I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can....

Haha, without a few challenges, what is life at all? You can do it, Lucinda! I know it with absolute certainty! It's going to be incredi..."

Frightning...not sure about incredible, but i shall have to wait and see i suppose? My planning is still not done *sighs* and so have a lot to do. (I am quite a pessimist so do ignor me - i am always like this. A big bundle of stress who panics and then suprises herself!).

message 19: by [deleted user] (new)

Lucinda wrote: "My aim for NaNoWriMo is of course to attempt to write an entire novel, from scratch but having never written more than 7,000 words this may be a challenge!!"

I totally believe you can do it :-D

message 20: by Eva (new)

Eva King | 41 comments Hey Lucinda. If I was you I wouldn't plan too much, it's different in a short story but in an actual book, your characters end up taking over, and you'll end up annoyed. Point towards 2k words aday (roughly a chapter) if you stick to that then you should be fine.
My ones have already taken over my mind, i feel sometimes like a crazy person! I'm itching to start writing!

message 21: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Alexis wrote: "We're ALL crazy, in one way or another. That's what we live for, right? Otherwise life would be boring."


message 22: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. My aim shall be to write between 2-4,000 words a day, but who knows?

I am already getting excited thinking about my story taking shape in my mind, and running with ideas scribbling them down in a hurry - hopefully a good thing?!

message 23: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda I may be a little quiet on GoodReads in November. Writing may take priority.

message 24: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Alexis wrote: "No problem, Lucinda--we understand. But be assured that we'll miss you!!"

I will try and comment on GoodReads, but it just might be not as much.

message 25: by [deleted user] (new)

That's alright, Lucinda. We'll miss you though!

message 26: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda *New writing*

On my profile page i have posted up a new short story that i have written. It is called:

Alice and the Wizarding World of Wonderland

(Harry Potter and Alice in Wonderland combined to create a twisted fairytale!).

If you are interested in reading it then here is a link...

message 27: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Thank you Alexis. I am so pleased that you liked it and you could see past my 'insane imagination' with Professor Sprout singing about Pepper and Delores Umbridge as the Queen of Harts!

message 28: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Alexis wrote: "Hahaha, I didn't have to see past it--I thought it was a brilliant set of parallels! They fitted together so perfectly.

And I love insane imaginations. Harry Potter and Alice wouldn't exist withou..."

:) thanks x

message 29: by Eva (new)

Eva King | 41 comments Hey Lucinda, I was wanting to as you if you are going to be posting here what you write for nanowrimo for advice?

message 30: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Eva wrote: "Hey Lucinda, I was wanting to as you if you are going to be posting here what you write for nanowrimo for advice?"

I can do. It is coming up so quickly that i am beginning to get excited and nervous already. x

message 31: by Lucinda (new)

Lucinda Alexis wrote: "So, it's December! How did your month of writing go, Lucinda?" novel is 1 3rd done and so it continues. Also, i am now back reading & reviewing, so if anything i am even busier than before...!

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