Chance Lee's Reviews > To the Nines

To the Nines by Janet Evanovich
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it was amazing
bookshelves: plum-reading, favorites

Oh my god, guys, I'm doing it again. This Stephanie Plum book is even more of a five-star book from the last Stephanie Plum book I gave five stars to (Three to Get Deadly). This is pretty much the Perfect Plum.

The plot is actually interesting. A man who works for a slot-machine-part manufacturer goes missing. He is in the U.S. on a visa bond, which Vinnie wrote, so Stephanie has to get him back. She gets to learn how slot-machine parts are made AND go to Vegas, which involves Lula going through TSA screen (they confiscate the meat in her purse) and riding on a plane. In Vegas, Lula starts a turf war between Tom Jones impersonators and Elvis impersonators, she throws her "King Kong thong" in a performers face, and Connie almost marries someone. The whole thing turns out be a red herring, and Stephanie gets involved with a creepy game-playing serial killer who leaves her flowers and threatening notes. Even though the killer is completely obvious to the reader, it's still really tense and interesting.

Plus, Stephanie actually does stuff in this book. She fights back at an assailant, and she actually kills the bad guy all by her herself. At one point, she reminisces about being a tomboy, fantasizing about G.I. Joe and Thundercats (while Mary Lou would be Smurfette), and she actually lives up to her childhood fantasies in this one.

Along the way, they really get to know this counter guy at McDonald's who lists off a bunch of ridiculous customer complaints. "Wanting an Egg McMuffin at eleven when it is a rule you cannot have an Egg McMuffin past ten-thirty." Of course, he gets shot dead and Lula freaks out over her milkshake. "I don't get hysterical. This here's transference. I read about it in a magazine. It's when you get upset about one thing only you're really upset about something else."

Lula really rocks it out in this one. After her FatBusters diet fails to bust her fat, she starts an all-meat diet to get to supermodel wait in no time. It makes her aggressive. She wrestles a woman to the ground, tackles one of Stephanie's body guards, and gets chased by dogs a lot. She always gets pursued when she's trying to impress Tank. Bob eats her purse. She throws bacon at a pack of mutts. After eating meat so much, she thinks she's growing fangs, which makes no sense, but the ridiculousness didn't keep me from laughing out loud when she asked Stephanie, "Are you looking at my fangs?"

Speaking of healthy eating, Stephanie makes a healthy breakfast choice too, she chooses a Strawberry Pop-Tart over a S'mores one. "Best to have fruit for breakfast, right?"
Stephanie mentions Mary Lou, her alleged best friend whom she never ever does anything with, twice, and Mary Lou cancels on her!

There's a lot of Stephanie and Morelli, which I love. Their sex scenes are actually hot and not Charlaine Harris-style icky. Ranger is kept to a minimum, which is great because he's extra Charlaine Harris-style icky when he does appear. (Stephanie: "I thought we came here for pie." Ranger: "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." Steph: I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.) Ranger mostly sends bodyguards to protect her, and they get incapacitated in a variety of ways: tackled by Lula, crushed by an FTA, Valerie's water breaks on one of them, etc.

Favorite quotes/scenes:

Stephanie is sent flowers by a serial killer:
Lula: "It's nice to come back to fresh flowers in the room."
Stephanie: "They were sent by a serial killer! THEY'RE DEATH FLOWERS."
Lula: "Well, yeah, but they're still nice."

Lula: "It's a sin to throw food away."
Stephanie: "Neither of us needs this food, so God's just going to have to understand."
Lula: "I think you might be blaspheming God."
Stephanie: "I'm not blaspheming god."
Lula: "Give me that food bag. I'm going to save your immortal soul."
Stephanie: "No! Remember the supermodel. Have some carrots.
Lula: "I hate those fucking carrots. Give me that bag!"
Stephanie: "Stop it! You're getting scary."
Lula: "I need that burger. I'm out of control."
Stephanie: No shit.
Then Stephanie RUNS for a trash can and throws the food in. Lula tackles her, dives into the dumpster, gets the food, then they split everything inside.

Lula: "Cops and dead people give me diarrhea."

Valerie worries about marrying Albert:
Stephanie: "I think he'd run into a burning building to save you." Whether he'd get her out of the building is another issue. Probably they'd both die a horrible death.

"Lula is a plus-size black woman in a size-seven white world and Lula's had a lot of practice pulling attitude."
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Reading Progress

July 17, 2014 – Started Reading
July 17, 2014 – Shelved
July 17, 2014 –
page 94
29.38% "Lula is on a FatBusters diet program. It's making her cranky and me laugh my own ass off."
July 17, 2014 – Shelved as: plum-reading
July 19, 2014 – Finished Reading
August 20, 2014 – Shelved as: favorites

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