Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more's Reviews > The Curse Keepers

The Curse Keepers by Denise Grover Swank
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
10336538
Reviewed by: Rabid Reads

There are a couple of things that immediately get my attention when I'm checking out new books.

It's no secret that I love the Fae, but they're a popular enough subject that I've had to start screening (lots-o-books = lots-o-potentially BAD books) .

Know what I love that doesn't have a surplus of books written about it?

Native American folklore.

Yep, there's JANE YELLOWROCK and MERCY THOMPSON, both of which I LOVE, and there's WALKER PAPERS (do not love), and that's about it. I'm sure there are a few more that I forgot, but the point is that there are far fewer of these kind of books than my other FAEvorite (HA!) subject, so I get far more excited when I hear about a new one. AND I'm from North Carolina, so toss in the Lost Colony, and there's not much that could keep me from that book.

Would that there was.

THE CURSE KEEPERS was filled so full of bad cliché awfulness that I wondered a time or two if it was a parody and I somehow hadn't gotten the memo.

Ellie is like a bad impersonation of Sookie Stackhouse.

"But I didn't like Sookie Stackhouse that much to begin with," you say.

Funny, neither did I (the secondary characters are what made those books so great IMO). Oh, she grew on me, and I never absolutely loathed her, but Sookie definitely had her faults. She was just . . . such a girl sometimes. And by "girl" I mean stereotypically female. But I didn't hate Sookie, b/c she could buck-up and do what needed doing. She was clever. She grew up hearing people's thoughts, so she accepted the (obvious) existence of other supernatural creatures without batting and eye.

Ellie had all of the bad Sookie parts, none of the good, and all of those bad parts were exaggerated.

She wants to marry a rich man, so she doesn't have to worry about money. She refuses to work with the other Curse Keeper (their meeting is what triggers the curse), b/c he's rude to her, even though it's THE WORLD that's at stake. She grew up learning about the curse of the Lost Colony of Roanoke, was taught to be ever vigilant, and yet when she sees the undeniable proof of the things she was told as a child, she absolutely refuses to believe it.

And once the prophesied curse is set in motion, she and Collin (other Curse Keeper) have seven days to close the gates of the Underworld/Afterlife/whatever, and SAVE THE WORLD, but Ellie keeps waitressing and doing friggin' laundry at her family's B&B, b/c "it's not real."

And Collin?

Well, he's, of course, a smokin' hot, womanizing manwhore. A smokin' hot, womanizing manwhore who is not even remotely interested in Ellie that way.

Oh wait . . . yes, he is . . . she's his one true love. *bats eyelashes*

But, wasn't he completely disgusted with her only a day or so ago? The airhead waitress who didn't take her responsibility to the gods seriously? The girl who was unprepared to fulfill her sacred duty? The girl who PAWNED her holy hand grenade, I mean ancient relic?

Speaking of Monty Python, the gods who are trying to escape the gates of the Underworld/Afterlife/whatever have messengers. Messengers who appear as balls of light and BOOM out demands in a way that was vaguely reminiscent of God appearing in the clouds to send Arthur on his quest to find the holy grail . . .

Except in MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL it was funny.

Not so much here. Just one more silly thing to throw on top of the heap of silly things. Silly things like repeating the same sentiments over and over again . . .

Ellie and Collin didn't exactly get off to a great start, so Collin suggests they start over. Only that start didn't go so well either, so Collin suggests they begin anew. Only that beginning . . .

Yeah, that happened at least four times. In fact, it happened every, single day until they started having sex, so apparently that was what Collin thought of as "the right foot." And I lost count of the times he asked her if she was an angel or an enchantress<------P U K E.

GAH, I just really, really hate this book. Patio furniture is more entertaining than Ellie and probably smarter too. Collin is detestable, until suddenly he's the perfect, doting boyfriend, and the plot is so predictable that I could have stopped reading halfway in, and still have been able to tell you EXACTLY what was going to happen. Not recommended.
57 likes · flag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read The Curse Keepers.
Sign In »

Reading Progress

May 19, 2014 – Shelved
June 1, 2014 – Started Reading
June 1, 2014 –
16.0% "So far, not impressed. Ellie is a silly, HORNY female who is entirely too vocal about her obstinate disbelief in the curse she's known about her entire life--"It's not real, it's just a story," gets old with rationalizations 5-8.\n \n Just sayin'."
June 2, 2014 –
48.0% "It was obvious from the horrified look on Collin's face . . . \n description\n Yes. It is rather obvious where this is going, isn't it?"
June 2, 2014 –
71.0% "The MC is a "Daughter of the Sea." She's at a hotel on the beach. And yet:\n \n I couldn't imagine what surprise he could possibly have that involved a bikini.\n description\n Hmm . . . I wonder what it could be??"
June 2, 2014 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-23 of 23 (23 new)

dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Jessica (new)

Jessica Such a bummer! I LOVE NA folklore as well. Maybe YOU should write something with it.


message 2: by Rhonda (new)

Rhonda Stees-marcial I tried this book too. I borrowed it from the kindle library. Ughh. This book was so frustratingly annoying. I had to DNF it.


Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more Jessica wrote: "Such a bummer! I LOVE NA folklore as well. Maybe YOU should write something with it."

HA. Maybe one day, Jessie ;)


Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more Rhonda wrote: "I tried this book too. I borrowed it from the kindle library. Ughh. This book was so frustratingly annoying. I had to DNF it."

I know, it was AWFUL. I would've DNF-ed it, but I got it from NetGalley, so I felt like I needed to at least finish this one to justify DNF-ing the next one (b/c I was over-zealous and got it on NetGalley too :( ).


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

Patio furniture is more entertaining than Ellie, and probably smarter too

*dies of laughter*

Oh man, I love ragey reviews. They make me all happy and smiley inside :D Your rage is my gain.


message 6: by Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more (last edited Jun 08, 2014 08:43AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more Geez man, I'm glad someone can get some enjoyment out of this epic pile of nonsense ;)


message 7: by [deleted user] (new)

Everyone loves a little brutal honesty! I know I do!


Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more I don't blame you--she's pretty annoying ;)


message 9: by mich (new) - added it

mich OMG this book sounds so stupid!! I think the stuff that would piss me off the most if I read this is how they have only a few days to: SAVE THE WORLD, but Ellie keeps waitressing and doing friggin' laundry at her family's B&B, b/c "it's not real." I hate stupid crap like that.
Great review, and sorry you had to read this. But thanks, now I won't be wasting my time on it (although I already wasted my money. Stupid ads on my kindle lured me into buying it :P)


Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more Thank you! Yeah, that's happened to me a few times too, but I don't even mind being out a few bucks, if someone stops me from wasting part of my precious life on a crap book. And that part that you think would annoy you? You are correct--SERIOUSLY annoying. BAH. The whole book was one great big exercise in perseverance. Unnecessary perseverance . . .


message 11: by Lola (new)

Lola ''FAEvorite''???? *Applaudes* What a beautiful new word. ;) That clever little Jessica, I'm telling you... So this is an urban fantasy, huh? Not going near it even for a bit. :) You know what? You should really write a book. Because I bet it'll be the most entertaining one EVER (like your reviews.)


message 12: by [deleted user] (new)

brilliant review, as always. I'm sorry you had to wade through such a stinker, but I hate wasting my time on bad books, so thank you for the heads up!


message 13: by Brandi (new)

Brandi Oh no. Sorry this one was a dud.


message 14: by Martyn (last edited Jun 09, 2014 02:33AM) (new)

Martyn Stanley This sounds dire.

Great review Jessica.


Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more Lola wrote: "''FAEvorite''???? *Applaudes* What a beautiful new word. ;) That clever little Jessica, I'm telling you... So this is an urban fantasy, huh? Not going near it even for a bit. :) You know what? You ..."

Lola . . . you are a PEACH. I heart you. To BITS. Unlike this book that I did not heart even a little bit. THANK YOU :D


Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more Kira wrote: "brilliant review, as always. I'm sorry you had to wade through such a stinker, but I hate wasting my time on bad books, so thank you for the heads up!"

Thank you! And you are welcome! Sometimes a book is so bad that I have to finish it, if only to warn others. This is one such book. BLAH.


Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more Brandi wrote: "Oh no. Sorry this one was a dud."

Me TOO.


Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more Martyn wrote: "This sounds dire.

Great review Jessica."


Thank you, Martyn! And yeah, it was pretty terrible.


message 19: by Exina (new)

Exina "I wondered a time or two if it was a parody and I somehow hadn't gotten the memo." Lol, sometimes I feel the same way reading clichéd books as well. Hilarious review, Jessica!


Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more Thank you, Exina! It was pretty bad, LOL . . .


message 21: by I'm Booked (new)

I'm Booked Thanks for helping me dodge that bullet!


Jessica ❁ ➳ Silverbow ➳ ❁ Rabid Reads-no-more I'm Booked wrote: "Thanks for helping me dodge that bullet!"

You are welcome!


message 23: by Cila517 (new)

Cila517 Thank you for the breakdown, I will tactfully place this book at the bottom of my list of (hundreds of) books to read.


back to top