Navessa's Reviews > The Martian

The Martian by Andy Weir
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it was amazing
bookshelves: favorites, sci-fi, all-the-feels

If The Martian was marketed as a prescription drug…

Every year, thousands of critical readers around the globe roll their eyes in frustration at the science fails they find within their favorite fiction genres.

Extreme cases of literary frankenscience carry the risk of full-blown ocular gymnastics on the part of the reader. As a result, serious injury has been reported, to include corneal abrasions, iritis, and sprains of the lateral and medial rectus muscles.

Luckily, there is a cure.

The Martian, consumed in single doses, has been clinically proven to reduce the instances of ocular wounds in critical readers, especially those familiar with orbital dynamics, physics, chemistry, biology, and common fucking sense.

**DISCLAIMER**

The most common side effect from reading The Martian is emotional instability brought on by rapid changes in the reader’s mood as they follow the daily mission logs of the main character, Mark Watney, and his struggle to survive on a planet that humans clearly have no business being on.

Other common side effects include drowsiness due to lack of sleep from being up until four o’clock in the fucking morning because you couldn’t put the book down because things keep happening and JESUS CHRIST, HOW HASN’T HE DIED YET, as well as pain. This pain was typically caused by unintentional headdesking while at work the day after because you didn’t get any sleep the night before and were therefore rendered borderline-narcoleptic.

In extreme cases, more severe side effects have been reported. The Martian is not recommended for those suffering from high blood pressure, as the reading of this book may aggravate this condition and lead to a sometimes fatal response known as A FUCKING HEART ATTACK.

Those with diagnosed addictive personalities should not read The Martian, as it has proven in clinical trials to be highly addicting. The Martian also carries a risk of withdrawal symptoms, the most common of which is a general malaise and apathy for the real world and everything in it.

The Martian may worsen some medical conditions, especially during the withdrawal stages as you move on to other, less well-researched literary works, to include:
- Irritability that you can’t find a decent sci-fi book to save your life
- Irritability that some authors seem too lazy to even use Google
- Irritability that some authors think they can make up their own laws of motion
- Irritability that no one seems to realize how differently EVERYTHING works in zero-gravity
- Basically irritability in general when reading other “science-heavy” books

You should not read The Martian if you have a known allergy to science. Those who are pregnant or plan to become pregnant should not read The Martian if they in any way fear that the amount of calculations within it might somehow turn their unborn fetus into a socially awkward math freak.

The Martian, like seemingly all prescription drugs, should not be read if you are currently taking an MAOI, as this can cause vaguely-worded, but serious, life threatening…things.

The Martian has been approved for the use of critical readers by the FDA, the PFC, the WHO, the CDC, and the CQQ (okay, I’m just making shit up at this point).

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Reading Progress

January 24, 2014 – Shelved
June 9, 2015 – Started Reading
June 9, 2015 –
page 1
0.27%
June 10, 2015 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-41 of 41 (41 new)

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Cecile I just started reading this and I'll probably be proven wrong in 5mn but it feels a teeny tiny bit like a prequel to Red Rising :D


Navessa Oooooooh


Vanessa J. Heyyy! You here! I missed you! :)


Melanie I love your review.


Alienor ✘ French Frowner ✘ Wow that seems awesome!! Ps. To see your name made me so happy :D


Navessa @ Vane: I MISSED YOU TOO.

@ Melanie: Thanks ^_^

@ Anna: *hugs*


message 7: by AH (new) - added it

AH Loved, loved, loved Mark Watney - best geeky astronaut ever!


message 8: by Ɗẳɳ 2.☊ (last edited Jun 10, 2015 03:33PM) (new) - rated it 4 stars

Ɗẳɳ  2.☊ Cecile wrote: "I just started reading this and I'll probably be proven wrong in 5mn but it feels a teeny tiny bit like a prequel to Red Rising :D"

Umm, not so much :P

Btw, welcome back Navessa & nice review.


message 9: by Bekki (new) - added it

Bekki Friesz Awesome review!!


Shandra Great review!!! I'm so happy to see you loved it too!!!


Ariadne Your review made my day!!:D This is one of my favourite books this year and I'm so glad you're liking it!


Navessa @ AH: SAAAAAME

@ Dan: I actually had the same feels; like he was the first step, before terraforming, etc.

@ Bekki: Thank you ^_^

@ Shandra: IT WAS SO EFFING GOOD

@ Ariadne: Thanks!


message 13: by Liz (new) - rated it 4 stars

Liz Wonderful review! I am glad you enjoyed it so much!! This is really a gem in the science fiction genre!


Navessa Agreed!


message 15: by Casey (new) - added it

Casey YEAH! You're back!!! You've been missed. I have been pushing this book HARD at my friend Marc because I feel like it will be his most favorite book eva.
Great review and great to have you back!


Navessa Casey!

*tackle hugs*


Navessa Ha! I'm pushing this hard on my fiance right now, for the same reasons.


message 18: by Christy (new) - added it

Christy fine fine. i'll go read it. great review. :)


Navessa yesssssssssssssssssssssss


message 20: by K.M. (new) - rated it 5 stars

K.M. Montemayor I loved this book. And your review of it is so entertaining. (And True)


Navessa Woot! Thanks ^_^


Cathryn I adore this book!!!! So glad you liked it too.


Winged_One awesome review


Kimberly Omg, so accurate. It's been 2 weeks since I finished The Martian, and I'm still looking ALL OVER for a book to read next, and nothing sounds like it will come close.


message 25: by Lucas (new) - added it

Lucas Kailani "Extreme cases of literary frankenscience carry the risk of full-blown ocular gymnastics on the part of the reader. As a result, serious injury has been reported, to include corneal abrasions, iritis, and sprains of the lateral and medial rectus muscles." HAHAHAHAHA you should be a stand up comedian! Love the review, going to be reading this soon! I wondered if you read the Foundation trilogy by Asimov @ navessa?


message 26: by Matt (new) - rated it 5 stars

Matt Great review! My diagnosis is extremely similar. Heaven help us, but wait...Mars is in the heavens!


Denisse "Irritability that some authors seem too lazy to even use Google"

Amen, there. I get so angry. USE FREAKING WIKIPEDIA AT LEAST!


XD


Sarah Johnson Hmm, if it's so brilliantly researched,how come he never mentions his beard or hair growing?


message 29: by Navessa (last edited Sep 04, 2015 07:27AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Navessa Sarah wrote: "Hmm, if it's so brilliantly researched,how come he never mentions his beard or hair growing?"

LAFF. Since when do you need to research hair growth? Hair growth happens. Just like actually brushing your hair does. Gee, for that matter, why didn't he talk, at length, about his farts?

Oh, wait, because no one cares. It's assumed his hair grew. Just like it's assumed he farted in space.


Ɗẳɳ  2.☊ If you fart in space, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?


Sarah Johnson Navessa wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Hmm, if it's so brilliantly researched,how come he never mentions his beard or hair growing?"

LAFF. Since when do you need to research hair growth? Hair growth happens. Just like act..."


I perhaps didn't explain my point very well. Watney uses absolutely everything he can in his struggle to survive, and he also goes into detail about his bodily functions where necessary, even mentioning the consequences of a high-fibre diet (so yes, he does talk at length about farts). He explains how he performs every single task and how he overcomes every single obstacle. I would expect shaving every day to be an unnecessary use of resources, but cutting his hair and beard with scissors would surely be something he did regularly or he would not be able to get his helmet on easily. And since he is casting around for organic matter to add to his soil, hair would have increased the organic content considerably. It would have made sense for him to use it. So I don't understand why he never mentions it. Might Andy Weir have just not thought about this? Hard to believe, I know...


Carmen Great review, Navessa!


message 33: by Aizad (new)

Aizad Mumtaz Amazing review Nav, the dry mucous membranes and oculogyric crisis are definite
effects.


Tiffany Love your review! So creative. Gave me a good laugh.


Navessa Aw, thanks ^_^


Jacque Loved the book and your entertaining review!


Navessa Thank you!


Kerubo Love love this review and the thread of comments. Y'all are crazy good.


Navessa Thanks!


message 40: by Angie (new)

Angie "...The amount of calculations within it might somehow turn their unborn fetus into a socially awkward math freak." Me except for the unborn fetus part.


Ronyell Awesome review! I loved this book too!


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