Julie's Reviews > Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets them Free

Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
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's review
Oct 23, 2007

did not like it
Recommended for: nobody!
Read in October, 2007

There are too many dangerous suggestions in this book for me to recommend it to any woman. Nancy Leigh DeMoss takes a very conservative view on gender roles and all domestic issues. I don't consider myself to be a raging feminist, but some of the things she asserts floor me.

First of all, DeMoss isn't married nor does she have children. It takes a very secure person to make the statements she does about marriage and childbearing/rearing. Most of her suggestions are based on her own childhood - which was apparently perfect. She goes so far as to compare her mother to Mary the mother of Jesus!

While she doesn't come out and say exactly what she means, the underlying meanings are there. Points I take issue with:

1. Women who work outside the home are the reason for all the troubles in the world today - troubled teens, affairs - I do think it takes two for an affair, childhood obesity, etc.

2. women who work are emasculating men and not depending on God to provide. "You think you have to get a job because your husband won't work? If he gets hungry he will probably work. You think you have to take over the finances or he will go into financial ruin? Maybe a bancruptcy is what he needs for God to change his character." - Unbelievable! This is quite dangerous. She also says that women who work make money so that it is easier for them to leave their husbands. Also very untrue. No working woman I know does so that she can one day leave her husband.

3. Birth control is next to abortion. While she calls it "family planning" and never actually uses the words birth control, it is right there. She also says that for a couple to "decide" when to have a child reduces children to "our creations" and not God's. I don't think that. She asserts that married women are called to be mothers and God will provide all you need for whatever children you have. The excuses she gives for people not having children are extremely relevant and not excuses at all. She does say that not every woman is called to be married and to have children, but she forgets that not all married women are called to have children either. She seems to think that because childbearing is a natural thing for a woman to do, that every married woman should have children (and lots of them).

4. She preaches against divorce at all costs. Even if you must remove yourself and your children from your husband for saftey reasons, you should remain emotionally attached to him. This I cannot take. This goes against all domestic violence research and statistics. This basically tells a woman that she should return to an abusive relationship.

5. Depression should be treated by the church alone. She does say that medications and "professionals" as she calls them do serve a small purpose. But, that depression cannot be treated right outside the church. I do believe that depression should heavily prayed through, but the so called "professionals" do have insights that a layperson - even clergy - does not have. I don't advocate medication for every single problem, but there are some things that call for it.

One of the biggest problems I have with her book is that she uses scripture out of context frequently. As on example, she uses Genesis 3:6 (Eve giving the fruit to Adam) to explain what happens when women take the reins over passive men. First off, there wasn't anything for Adam to be passive about for Eve to overstep him. This text isn't about a passive man. It is about human nature to want to override God and be his equal.

There is so much that I can't take about this book to put it all in one review. If you must read this book, do so for the sake of provoking conversation. It is at least that.
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01/31/2016 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-14 of 14) (14 new)

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message 1: by Legacy (last edited Jul 10, 2008 10:01PM) (new)

Legacy Dad Julie,

I believe you are referring to the first book "Lies Women Believe" by the same author? This book is "Lies Young Women Believe." Or else goodreads is linking the reviews for both books together?

This book is for pre-teen to teenage Christian girls and answers a lot of questions about faith, sex, boys, image, self esteem, etc.

I flipped through this book and it has some solid advice and information for Christian teenage girls. I have not read the women's version however.

Thank you for review either way.

Shelby Thanks for your comment. I read this book in horror. What she proscribes is not an actual faith in God, but a decision to be a doormat-- not trusting that God can actually and WILL actually provide a woman with a healthy life. I was wanting to give it negative stars, too... I thought about writing a review, but it looks like you've just about covered it.

message 3: by Daniella (new)

Daniella Julie and Shelby, I have to agree with both of you. This book is frightening and not something I'd ever recommend to another woman. For anyone else is planning on reading it, read with caution. I think that it can cause women to live in bondage if they choose to follow some of the book's suggestions, rather than free them from it.

I found the author's underlying tone in her creative writing sections, very condescending towards women. Her section about marriage, was really the most disturbing section to me out of the book. The rest of the book isn't totally awful, I did maybe agree with 20% of the things she wrote. If you're a church going Christian you'll probably find it really common sense kind of stuff. Some of her lies are: "God Doesn't really love me", "God Is not really Good", and "God is not really enough".

Women's rights are made out to be a really negative thing and the book definitely doesn't suggest mutual submission in marriage. One comment I really didn't agree with was this, a reverent attitude is expected towards your husband, even if he is abusive. You can remove yourself from the situation, but you should and must maintain a reverent attitude, and if you provoke the situation God will not intervene on your behalf. That scares me.

It can be a good conversation starter. I don't recommend giving it to a new Christians, I think it can really distort a person's view of God.

message 4: by Glenda (new)

Glenda Riggins After reading these comments, I am sure this book was written by a man. I do know some women, that have been brain washed into believing this foolishness.

message 5: by William (new)

William Garcia I don't know the book. However I read your comment completely. As a three time, divorced man I'd like to throw in my two cents worth. I'm a Christian man, who doesn't drink, cheat, or use drugs. I never ounce even thought of lifting a finger to a woman. Believe me when I state that I am far from being a saint. I accepted the fact that I'll be in Gods company from now on. In all three of my marriages I noticed many of the issues relayed in your comments. I agree that hind sight is 50/50 when it's reflecting on the past. My wives all worked or didn't as they wished for themselves. I never demanded them to do anything. If they didn't cook, I would. If the house was a mess, I would wait till it reached my uncomfortable point and clean/organize the rooms one by one myself. If laundry wasn't getting done, I simply threw in a load and got it done. All of them were really good women. What killed my relationships were outside influences, and the famous saying... "The grass looks much greener on the other side of the fence". It's funny how I still have my ex-mother in laws calling me and checking in on me, as if I was their legit child. I in return love them still. I'll say this, women raised in this country are clueless. I can safely say, a woman born and raised in any other country are second rate citizens, by which I mean... "If your a female living in a South American country. You better have found a man at an early age. Regardless if he is an alcoholic, that enjoys beating on you every night or not. The reason you better have him is simply that you won't have a place to sleep or food to eat. Women are just not capable for the required labor. If she did find employment, it wouldn't compensate enough to fed herself. I feel that is sad to see, yet you'll see couples that are still together twenty or more years now. The nightly wife beating sessions are not a big deal anymore... He's gotten older and weaker. No more broken bones. However they're still together. No broken families where the courts ripped a guys kids away because that's how she knew it would hurt him. I stand here as proof. I have such clean record in my past that cleared post office background review. One out of 15 men would pass that search. However, " Our Court systems assisted two of my ex-wives in stripping me of all my parental rights. Except that one that inforces the right for me to pay child support. I had both my little gifts of god, taken from me at an age that didn't permit me to hear their first words or see their first steps. An event that I've learned to turn a blind eye too. I have come to put those matters on the lords hands, and hope that the kids look for me at a later age. I have a full box of legal paperwork to each that I did fight to keep them in my life. However our courts felt it would be better if I stayed clear of them till a later date and time when the children are older. Sadly what's happened cant or ever will be changed. I will again state, they were all awesome women. It's just the modern choices and options that they applied for which came into effect. Feel free to respond to me if you like.

Truly yours,

message 6: by Desley (new)

Desley William wrote: "I don't know the book. However I read your comment completely. As a three time, divorced man I'd like to throw in my two cents worth. I'm a Christian man, who doesn't drink, cheat, or use drugs. I ..."

Will, please go and seek help from an abusive men's group. You aren't fooling anyone here. Good for your ex wives for having the strength and courage to leave you and protect the children from you.

Get help.

message 7: by Tiffany (new)

Tiffany Wow!

Magna Leah Only JESUS CHRIST could set you free.

Brie B. I am still finishing this book, but I have taken issue with much of the book as well. She fails to take into account the changing society, economy, and role of the church in our society. There are some good bits in this book that make you think, but much is taken out of context. I started reading whole chapters of suggested verses so I could see them in the proper context. Great review!

Mindy Reed I have just started this book and I am not very far in. I have however read another book by this author which was called "True Woman 101" or something like that. In that book she focuses mostly on what women are designed to be. In studying the women's role (mainly focused in Genesis and the creation of Adam and Eve) we also studied the mans role and what he is designed to be. The book focused on women but the man is like the counter to that so actually a whole week of the study was on men. I understand your issues with this book 100%. But I think what the author is probably trying to do (If this book is anything like her other one) is pretty much just say what women were designed to do and therefor what we should strive to be.The problem is that when Adam and Eve were created and living in Eden, both doing and being what God created them to be, it was a perfect thing. Then after the fall, and because of sin, relationships were strained and basically everything in life is hard and not working the way it should. Which brings me to my point lol... For example, women were told by God to submit to their husbands, which sounds awful I'm sure to just about every woman in the world. But if you read what God tell's Adam, it is clear that he is supposed to care for her and protect her and put her first. He should me more worried about her than himself. So if things were working the way they were supposed to it wouldn't be so terrible. To submit to your husband when he is 100% working in your best interest shouldn't be an issue. But because of sin, men don't do what they are supposed to do and women don't do what they are supposed to do and it just messes everything up. I know from reading her other book that it is impossible to be 100% what the Bible shows I should be, but in striving to do the right things and have the right attitudes and the right mindset, It HAS made my life much better. Like with what you were saying about the birth control. According to the Bible we shouldn't take it and should accept the gifts that God gives us and trust in him to provide for our needs. But again, thanks to sin, our minds take over and we worry about the finances and the time and if there is room in our house and a million other things that are REAL concerns. And also because of sin, we aren't always able to JUST trust God.

I have a hard time explaining myself but hopefully that makes sense. I think she does try (in my experience with the last book) to show us what God has created us to be, but unfortunatly no matter how hard we try, we will still fail. All we can do is do our best and hopefully with the help of God, we will do ok.

Kristi Barragán Honestly the book will make you mad, then you keeping reading..and conviction comes on you. This was a fantastic book and I've used it time and time again in my own life and ministering to friends and family

Jennifer From the comments telling me not to read this book, I will follow. My soon to be Catholic mom in law said I should read this book. She is like in her upper 50's and does not understand my fiancee and it's relationship. Yet she hands me this stupid book to say "this will make you a better woman." No it will not. I need to work on being an independent, strong, caring, loving, beautiful woman. Not to act like I am solely dependant on my soon to be husband to provide. What if he gets sick. And I mean really sick and dies? Yeah that's why I am not reading this book. I plan when to have children. Not God. It's my choice when to get pregnant. Not Gods choice. Ugh not reading this book! Would not suggest anyone read it!

message 13: by Amy (new)

Amy Cramer Thank you for this review. Although the Genesis interpretation of "passive men" is not attributed to this author alone, but also to Larry Crabb, who is a Christian clinical psychologist and wrote, "Men and Women: Enjoy the Differences," amongst other books.

message 14: by Eva (new)

Eva Thanks for this review. I will definitely NOT bother to read it now!

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