Buck's Reviews > Amphigorey Again

Amphigorey Again by Edward Gorey
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Nov 27, 2009

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The Ambiguous Ottoman:
A cautionary tale for incautious times

Lobstergirl had been erratic;
They found her dangling in the attic.

Giltinan, while doing math,
Dropped a toaster in the bath.

Manny made a woeful face;
No one heard him scream in space.

Ceridwen was full of pride
When she was finally zombified.

My Flesh kept singing out,
Only to be clobbered by a lout.

Daniel was a well-known cad
Who made a mobbed-up husband mad.

Stephen needed cheaper thrills;
He overdosed on caffeine pills.

Jessica was very rash;
A passing boater heard the splash.

Eric washed up on some rocks,
The victim of a paradox.

Meredith was deep in torts
And didn’t catch the news reports.

Rose was nibbled by piranhas.
Sic semper tyrannis.

Eh pissed off her Portland peers
With her pseudonymous smears.

Buck churned out some crappy verse.
His “friends” pursued the fleeing hearse.

(Note: if I didn’t include you, it’s only because you have an unrhythmical name or because I was too lazy to continue. Or because I actually like you).
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Comments (showing 1-50 of 56) (56 new)


message 1: by Rose (new)

Rose Gowen Hey there.

Did you know that in the late 1800's some people looking across the lake in Rochester were able to see Canada, in vivid detail? No one knows exactly how it worked, but it is called the Rochester Mirage, and it has been speculated that atmospheric conditions created a lens. (Do I sound a little Wikipedian? Maybe.)

Wave! Maybe I'll see you.


message 2: by Manny (last edited Nov 27, 2009 10:10PM) (new)

Manny What was that couplet from The Golden Gate?
Reader, if you've read to here
You must have a tin ear
On the other hand, I'm flattered to be on the list :)


message 3: by Meredith (new)

Meredith I'm impressed by the rhyming. Did I tell you my tort-related pun already? What do you call someone who punches someone else and then gets stuck in a refrigerator full of chocolate treats?


message 4: by David (new)

David Hmmmm. I know! I know! A ###### #####.

(Don't want to spoil the fun for Buck. But I never do math in the bath.....)


message 5: by Stephen (new)

Stephen Why Buck, you old rhymester, I do need cheaper thrills!! And I'm flattered to be on your list of people with rhythmic names. Good work, you Buck-ing Mulligan. :-)


Buck "Rochester mirage," Rose? I guess Canada must look like an oasis from over there.

Manny, I'm crushed (or, as Gorey would put it, complètement accablé). I spent a good 45 minutes on this. Too hip for the room, maybe?

Meredith, I probably don't want to know, but you'd better tell me so I can get on with my day.


Buck Oh, and a Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends (or, by now, former friends).


message 8: by Meredith (new)

Meredith A tortfeasor in a torte freezer. Sorry, guys. I slept in.


message 9: by David (new)

David So I guess "Sucker Torte" is not the right answer then?


message 10: by Meredith (new)

Meredith That's the other guy.


message 11: by Buck (last edited Nov 28, 2009 10:49AM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

Buck Yeah, nice joke and all, but somehow it left me tortiously indifferent (not really a legal term, I don't think, but I'd torture the language a lot worse than that for the sake of a pun).


message 12: by Meredith (last edited Nov 28, 2009 11:18AM) (new)

Meredith I left it out there for too long. And just after you proved you were the master linguist with all that rhyming!


message 13: by [deleted user] (new)

FUCK YES!


message 14: by Daniel (last edited Nov 28, 2009 08:19PM) (new)

Daniel Another cheap bid for as many "Like this review?" votes as possible -- well, 13 of them, at least -- and I, of course, went for it like I always do. Fine, Buck Mulligan, you win. I won't respect myself in the morning though. Curse you!


message 15: by Rose (new)

Rose Gowen I can never think of Gorey without remembering that he and Frank O'Hara were roommates at Harvard, when they were both there on the G.I. Bill.


message 16: by Buck (new) - rated it 3 stars

Buck But I’ll still respect you in the morning, Daniel. Just keep your dog off the bed this time.

Rose, I did NOT know that! The mind reels. To be a fly on the wall in that dorm room. Whatever they talked about, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t girls, knowing those two.



message 17: by Rose (new)

Rose Gowen Yes, it was probably the gayest room on campus--or, well, the most flamboyant. Apparently it was decorated with white lawn furniture, and they threw a lot of parties & were doing theater and auditing art classes.


message 18: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! Heh, this kettle protests, Mr. "Mulligan."


message 19: by Buck (new) - rated it 3 stars

Buck Touché.

I long ago unfriended all my Toronto "peers". Before they could out me. And/or kill me.




message 20: by Buck (new) - rated it 3 stars

Buck Rose wrote: "Yes, it was probably the gayest room on campus--or, well, the most flamboyant. Apparently it was decorated with white lawn furniture, and they threw a lot of parties & were doing theater and auditi..."

Um, yeah. I'm gonna need some new furniture now. But it'll have to match the curtains I just put up to keep out the prying eyes of those voyeuristic Rochesterians, if that's a word. (Rochesterites? Rochesterers? I give up.)





message 21: by Jim (new)

Jim Great fun!


message 22: by Lobstergirl (new)

Lobstergirl If this doesn't make Carrie Fisher agree to be your concubine, I don't know what will.


message 23: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! Lobstergirl wrote: "If this doesn't make Carrie Fisher agree to be your concubine, I don't know what will."

Perhaps if Buck agreed to be the one to wear the metal bikini?


message 24: by Buck (new) - rated it 3 stars

Buck Hmmm...now there's an image even I find disturbing.


message 25: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! Disturbingly liberating, you mean.


message 26: by Lobstergirl (new)

Lobstergirl Silvio Berlusconi would wear it.


message 27: by Buck (new) - rated it 3 stars

Buck I don't know which is creepier: my thing for Carrie Fisher, your fixation on the Italian Prime Minister, or Eh's perverse desire to see me in a gold bikini (I'm reading between the lines here).


message 28: by Eh?Eh! (last edited Dec 08, 2009 09:28PM) (new)

Eh?Eh! Well, it would be funny - profile picture worthy. But no (dodging the lines), it was more a suggestion on how to land the Fisher.


message 29: by [deleted user] (new)

I have a perverse desire to see most people in a gold bikini.


message 30: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! It's not perverse.


message 31: by Buck (last edited Dec 09, 2009 07:49PM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

Buck I have a perverse desire to see most people in turtlenecks and baggy pants.

Sorry, but it was Bear Night at my gym tonight. Just in case there was any doubt, I'm officially not gay.


message 32: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! Hmm, I guess that would be perverse if there were lots of strategic cutouts.

Bear Night? Is that a furry fetish thing?

...this is going downhill....


message 33: by [deleted user] (new)

There's so much farther down we could go - this thread doesn't have any pictures. (yet.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bear_%28...

Although, I should have let Buck explain. That would have been priceless.


message 34: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! Hah! I think he should still explain. Why go to the gym that night? Are you hirsute? Buck? Buck? Perhaps a picture of your hairy back?


message 35: by Rose (new)

Rose Gowen I am surprised to learn that bears go to the gym. But, perhaps they are hoping to become otters (thanks for the wiki page, Ceridwen!).


message 36: by Buck (new) - rated it 3 stars

Buck Ceridwen wrote: "I should have let Buck explain. That would have been priceless."

No, no. I'm glad you beat me to it. I was wondering how I was going to explain without offending Eh's delicate sensibilities (though I think I saw her discussing "queefing" on another thread, so they can't be that delicate.)

My gym's in a neighbourhood celebrated for its "diversity", if you know what I mean. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But I do feel a trifle self-conscious in the locker room, being such a twink and all. (I'll let you field this one, Ceridwen, if you don't mind).

And yeah, we jumped the shark about ten comments back, but I see no reason to stop now.




message 37: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! Buck wrote: "I was wondering how I was going to explain without offending Eh's delicate sensibilities (though I think I saw her discussing "queefing" on another thread, so they can't be that delicate.) "

That was meant to be educational (until the part about shaking windows, and staffs, and gardens...).


message 38: by Lobstergirl (new)

Lobstergirl A most educational sentence: "Bear culture helps in the eroticisation of obesity - something very necessary given modern physiques." And I will be trying to work the expression "bear communities" into my everyday conversation.

Wow, I never knew gym life had so many substrata.

"What is a muscle bear?

A muscle bear is a douche who is too busy doing X and drinking bottled water to have a coherent conversation. They need to rethink how they treat the real bears (just because they are coked out at the gym all the time doesn't make them pretty). But really, muscle bears are muscular hairy guys who also wanted to belong.

What is a lesbian bear?

A lesbian bear is a bear who likes other bears. A lot of times they tend to have a sense of entitlement or attitude to anyone that doesn't fit into their ideals. Not every lesbian bear is an asshole, but if you encounter one just let him know you have just as much right to be here as they do. Don't take no bullshit from anyone."



message 39: by Stephen (new)

Stephen Buck, you are hardly a twink. Trust me on this one. You are no twink. Do I have to teach you everything?


message 40: by Stephen (new)

Stephen Ceridwen wrote: "I have a perverse desire to see most people in a gold bikini. "

I agree Ceridwen, it's due to having seen Goldfinger at a very young age.


message 41: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! Stephen wrote: "Buck, you are hardly a twink. Trust me on this one. You are no twink. Do I have to teach you everything?"

I just looked it up - a slender, hairless homosexual. Nothing wrong with that. ;o)


message 42: by Stephen (new)

Stephen Thank you, Eh! Buck, you are just yourself. If you have hair on your back, then you might be considered hairy. Your sexuality is of no interest to me so long as you do not confuse your penis for a cigar and light it up. You've done that before and we were both disturbed by such an indiscretion.


message 43: by [deleted user] (new)

Okay, I know the thread has moved on, but where, Lobstergirl, did you get those incredible quotes at the end? I read the wiki article on bears, and I don't recall the weird-ass FAQ. The Internet = gong!

The gold bikini thing was really just to help with public speaking. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


message 44: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! I think Buck might have meant "twink-like" or "metro." So many new terms kids use these days...I've learned a few more on this thread.

I agree about Lobstergirl's quotes - that reads like a how-to manual for bears. Was there a pamphlet at your gym?


message 45: by Lobstergirl (new)

Lobstergirl Ceridwen wrote: "Okay, I know the thread has moved on, but where, Lobstergirl, did you get those incredible quotes at the end? I read the wiki article on bears, and I don't recall the weird-ass FAQ. The Internet = ..."

Oh, sorry.

http://www.thechaserblog.com/2008/03/...


message 46: by [deleted user] (new)

Thank you! I learn the most interesting things on threads.


message 47: by Miriam (new)

Miriam Buck, do you happen to know Laura Farina?
I just wondered because she is close to your age, lived for years in Toronto, and wrote a poem much like this about friends of ours from college...


message 48: by Stephen (new)

Stephen Buck won't admit it, but he is a hermit.


message 49: by Miriam (new)

Miriam Except for gym time with Da Bears?


message 50: by Stephen (new)

Stephen That's the ticket. Does anyone know what Buck actually does for a living? I think he's a gigolo.


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