Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies's Reviews > Fire & Flood

Fire & Flood by Victoria Scott
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The woman pauses dramatically. “I’d like to officially welcome you to the Brimstone Bleed. May the bravest Contender win.”
Wait, what?
“Put this on your shirt.”
It’s a small gold serpent pin, and it’s fairly heavy.
Well, isn't that just fucking special?



This book is half Hunger Games, half Digimon/Pokémon hybrid, and 100% terrible. The writing and the main character is absolutely juvenile---without all the sexual scenes, this book would feel like it was written for a middle grade audience because of the utter immaturity (and imbecility) of its main character.

Let's get the obvious over with: this is a Hunger Games wannabe, without the setting, without the complexity of the characters, without the depth. I wouldn't call this a clone, because for one thing...this book doesn't work. At all. Comparing this book to The Hunger Games would be a gross insult to the original books.

You see, this book takes place in a contemporary setting. We start in Montana, the United States. Quickly, we are plunged into rainforests, jungles, deserts. Nothing makes any sense.

The Summary:

I: OOH! MYSTERIOUS DEVICE! MUST OBEY!

16-year old Tella is a fucking moron. Her older brother, Cody, is sick. He is wasting away, and her family has decided to uproot themselves to Montana so he can get all the fresh air and stuff in an effort to cure him. Like people with consumption in the 19th century move to the West so they can get away from all the bad humors in the city.

There's just one problem: it's 2014, and it's Montana.

Tella is, like a typical 16-year old, really not into the move. She wants Facebook. She wants technology. She will die without her phone. One night, she goes into her room...only to find a mysterious blue-wrapped box on her bed. A BOX!!!!
Holding the box to my lips, I tell it, “You’re mine, precious. All mine.”
The box holds a device the size of a hearing aid with a blinking red button. Tella pushes it, this message plays:
“If you’re hearing this message, you are invited to be a Contender in the Brimstone Bleed. All Contenders must report within forty-eight hours to select their Pandora companions.”
Tella doesn't fucking know who left her the message. She doesn't know how the box got there. Her parents are trying to hide the box from her, to the extent of literally setting the box on fire.

Tella digs it out of the flames anyway. The message continues. It promises her something great.
“The Brimstone Bleed will last three months and will take place across four ecosystems: desert, sea, mountains, jungle. The winning prize will be the Cure — a remedy for any illness, for any single person.”
Well, howdy doody! She doesn't know who fucking left the message, or how the person is going to cure her brother when modern science already says that there is no cure for her brother, but fuck, let's do it! Let's just listen to the mysterious message from god-knows-who, let's just run off in the middle of the fucking night to god-knows-where, only to disappear from your parents for 3 fucking months (nobody cares about missing children, anyway, right?), in order to pursue a mysterious cure for your brother in a race involving god-knows-what!

Makes perfect sense to me.



So good old Tella defies her parents, steals their car---she takes the crappy car, of course, being the amazing daughter she is:
And after almost two hundred thousand miles, the car is an utter embarrassment to the auto community. My parents will wake up to find their daughter gone. I’d hate to have them left with the crap car, too.
SUCH FILIAL PIETY.

II: EGGS, SEXY SERIAL KILLERS, AND A MYSTERIOUS PILL

So Tella runs away, to an empty museum in the middle of nowhere, like the message told her. In any other book, you could almost guarantee that the heroine who does this shit would end up the victim of a serial killer. An empty museum, in the dead of night in the middle of nowhere.

Tella's instincts are telling her RUN RUN RUN. Fuck instincts, what are they good for, anyway?
I’ve watched a lot of scary movies, and I’ve learned nothing good is ever at the bottom of a winding staircase. Pulling in a breath and preparing myself to be eaten alive, I head down.
In the middle of a room are an assortment of eggs. Large eggs, small eggs. Shiny ones, iridescent ones.

If I wandered into a room full of eggs, my first thought would be "Where's the fucking bacon? I want to make an omelet!!" But not brilliant Tella; she just knows the eggs are there for a purpose.
I don’t need the device in my pocket to tell me what my gut already knows.
This is the Pandora Selection Process.
While Tella is standing there, wondering about the meaning of life, a million other contestants rush in and grab all the eggs (fucking brilliant). Tella manages, by the skin of her teeth, to snatch the very last one.

She is then introduced to our love interest #1: the sexy serial killer.
He looks back at me, and I wonder if maybe, even though he looks a little like a serial killer, he’s going to help me up.
They go to a train station, where they are met by an Effie-Trinket school reject in garish, loud clothes, and handed a pill. Naturally, MUST TAKE THE PILL.

III: THE JUNGLE! THE DESERT! THE...EGGS?

Regret is the morning after. Tella wakes up.
Pounding my fists against the boards, I scream. I swallowed the pill. I’m in a box. How stupid could I have been? I left without telling my family where I was going, got on a train to a city that doesn’t exist, and swallowed a foreign object. Oh yeah, and I also picked up a rotting egg along the way.
This type of self-realization is important; in my native language, we have a phrase for it that roughly translates to "you are so fucking dumb that when you die and join us in the land of the dead, we will pretend that you don't exist because you are an embarrassment to our family line."

Just kidding.

Tella wakes up in a motherfucking jungle. It is a race, and the first legs are through the jungle and the desert. It's not a race to the death, because there are 4 legs of the race along the way. The competitors can join forces, and it's damned good thing they do, because Tella is so fucking helpless she wouldn't survive without their help.

Along the way, the eggs hatch. They hatch into a fox, an elephant, a raccoon, a bear, an eagle.

Tella punches that eagle. A BALD EAGLE. She just sucker punched the national bird of the United States.
...when the eagle gets close enough — I swing a right hook and collide with the bird. She slams into the ground and slides for several feet.


It turns out this is a race. This is more The Amazing Race (the TV show), than anything resembling The Hunger Games.

The Premise: Fucking ludicrous. I don't know why the fuck this book is shelved under "dystopia," it is not. It is modern-day United States, and the premise of a Hunger Games race is simply idiotic. I don't know why the fuck all these people are there. I don't know why the fuck there are child contestants---some barely 10. I don't know why the Big Bad Guys (and there are always Big Bad Guys) are doing this in the first place, when they supposedly have a cure for all kinds of illnesses.

The people who run this race are called Pharmies, as in Pharmaceuticals. I don't know if you guys know this, but pharmaceuticals and the drug industries are worth hundreds of billions of dollars. If these guys have the cure to every fucking thing, why are they just limiting this to a stupid pointless race when they could be making major bucks for their discovery? It makes no fucking sense.

Why the fuck are we in the desert? Where the fuck is this motherfucking jungle? Did anyone question this shit? No. Is it in Africa? Maybe. It could only be Africa, considering the fact that the contestants get attacked by fucking gorillas.

Does the people running this competition wonder, well, MAYBE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO QUESTION THE FACT THAT THEIR LOVED ONES ARE DISAPPEARING FOR MONTHS AT A TIME. No. Some of these kids are well, KIDS. You think maybe someone's going to wonder OH THEY'RE MISSING SCHOOL FOR 3 MONTHS, YOU THINK?

DIGIMON, DIGITAL MONSTERS, DIGIMONS ARE THE CHAMPIONS! Oh, the eggs. They're fucking Digimon eggs, guys. Seriously, these people are given fucking eggs that hatch into creatures.



Ok, not exactly like that, they're normal creatures, like eagles, raccoons...

Elephants.

WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT OF HATCHING SHIT IN EGGS? IS A NORMAL WOMB NOT SUFFICIENT?

These creatures are actually rather special, they have special abilities. Like Digimons, they...morph.
His head falls back and his spine ripples. Beneath him, his legs and arms stretch longer and wider, and his black coat begins to thicken. My Pandora grows massive muscles and new body parts — morphing.
Not ondo they morph, they duel each other in a Pokémon style duel to the death. They Digivolve. Cute.

TELLA-HER TO SHUT UP: Tella is the most annoyingly grating heroine I've read in a long time. The narration is first-person, and it is simply intolerable.
I close my hand around the lid and pull it off. Inside is a tiny pillow. I imagine all sorts of miniature animals using it in their miniature beds. But that’s dumb, because how would they ever find a pillow case to fit?
Tella is so juvenile, so immature. She has the dumbest trains of thoughts. Every time she goes into a long-winded narration, I wanted to punch her in the face. She talks to herself. CONSTANTLY. UNCEASINGLY. WILL IT EVER STOP?
I decide to stay put but reason that if I see another Contender soon, I’ll run my tag-team idea across them. Deal? Deal.

Oh Jesus. I’m already talking to myself. Or thinking to myself as if there are two of me. Is that the same thing? I’m not sure. But I do know I’ve been alone for two minutes and I’m already losing my shit.
NO, IT DOESN'T.

TELLA-HER THAT LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING:



Tella is a fucking moron, I've said it before, and I really mean it. She makes the dumbest fucking decisions. While deciding what to pack for the competition, instead of, like...survival shit, emergency food, warm clothes, matches...she thinks...OOH, I NEED NAIL POLISH.
Because I have no idea of what I’ll need, I also throw in random things from my desk: pens, paper, scissors, tape. The last thing I pack is a photo of my family that’s stuck in the edge of my mirror. That and my glittery purple nail polish.
Tella is hurt, bleeding, she needs to get her ass on in the competition so that she doesn't fall behind the other contestants. What does she do first? WHY, FIX HER FACE.
Running my fingers through my hair, I think about how I should be racing toward Lincoln Station. But the compulsion to repair my face is too strong.

I grab my makeup bag — the one I never leave home without — and fix what I can.
Tella is hopelessly out of shape. She's not ready for any sort of a competition. BUT SURELY, IF SHE LOOKS THE PART, SHE'LL DO JUST FUCKING FINE.
With curls trimmed close to my head and a roguish green-and-blue feather dangling over my right shoulder, I decide I just might seem like someone who would enter a daring race — and win.
...That's not exactly how it works. During the competition, conditions are terrible. They're hungry, they lack water...Tella lacks makeup.
For a fleeting moment, before the woman speaks, I pray that the orange pack I’m wearing holds Chanel makeup. And a brush. And a mirror.
The Plot: All action, no sense, no excitement. There is no competition, because this is a survival race as they go through each terrain. I was never engrossed in the plot because there was largely no point to this book.



The Other Characters: None of the characters in this book stand out. I can't remember any of them. The only character that stands out is the 8 and 10 year old kids because they are so completely young and out of place. The other characters have no personality, I cannot be fucked to remember who is Caroline, who is Harper, who is Ransom. The love interests are douchebags, both of them. One looks like a serial killer with a heart of gold, the other is a serial killer who looks like the boy next door. One is slightly less loathsome than the other.

They start off uneasily. All of a sudden, before 50% of the book is through, they're making out and they're in luuuuuuuuurve. I don't get it.

I want to point you guys to Cory's review of this book, because she explains the perpetration of rape culture in this book much better than I can. This review has wasted enough of my time already.

Needless to say, fuck this book.

Quotes were taken from an uncorrected proof, subject to change in the final edition.
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Reading Progress

August 7, 2013 – Shelved
August 7, 2013 – Shelved as: to-read
February 18, 2014 – Started Reading
February 18, 2014 –
page 20
6.56% "I don't get why they moved to Montana. In the 19th century, people move to the Midwest in the hopes that fresh air could cure consumption.\n \n It's the fucking 21st century, people. Fresh air ain't gonna help.\n \n Did her dad just seriously call her "Daugh"---short for "Daughter?" What the fuck?\n \n Well, I was warned..."
February 19, 2014 – Shelved as: ya
February 19, 2014 – Shelved as: why-do-i-hate-myself
February 19, 2014 – Shelved as: twins-triplets-clones
February 19, 2014 – Shelved as: tstl
February 19, 2014 – Shelved as: romance
February 19, 2014 – Shelved as: siblings
February 19, 2014 – Shelved as: quest
February 19, 2014 – Shelved as: jericho-fucking-barrons
February 19, 2014 – Shelved as: boring-main-character
February 19, 2014 – Shelved as: action
February 19, 2014 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-50 of 89 (89 new)


message 1: by Sara (new) - added it

Sara Hemenway If this is good I might read it, mostly because I live in Montana and the only thing anyone writes about is cowboys and ranches. Although, I guess Vampire Academy is set here, but I haven't read any of those yet.


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Sara, from my friends' reviews, it's just terrible. I trust their opinion, and while I will form my own...I have a bad feeling about this.


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Sara wrote: "If this is good I might read it, mostly because I live in Montana and the only thing anyone writes about is cowboys and ranches. Although, I guess Vampire Academy is set here, but I haven't read an..."

Vampire Academy is set there, but it's in a very enclosed campus, so there's not a whole lot of setting as in Montana landscapes.

The series is fantastic, IMO.


message 4: by Nadine (new)

Nadine Hook Me Up Book Blog I passed this one. My friends either rated it 5★ or 2★, so I decided it's better to skip this


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Most of my friends gave it a 1 or 2, so I know what to expect >_>


message 6: by Deeksha (new)

Deeksha Seriously ?? Daugh ? >.<


message 7: by Sara (new) - added it

Sara Hemenway Khanh (Destroyer of Dreams) wrote: "Sara wrote: "If this is good I might read it, mostly because I live in Montana and the only thing anyone writes about is cowboys and ranches. Although, I guess Vampire Academy is set here, but I ha..."

I have VA on my to-read list, so I will probably check it out sometime this year. SO many book, so little time! Any word on how the movie compares? I wouldn't watch it first, just wondering.


Jennifer (The Nightly Book Owl) Oh God I just started reading this. I had to stop at the Daugh lol. I'm not very far into it, so I'm pretty neutral at this point, but yeah, I haven't heard too many good things about this one.


Nasty Lady MJ Oh, this one. I think I had to take a couple of Advil after it. It was a cluster fuck. It was like Hunger Games and Pokemon had a very unattractive baby in the form of Tella.


message 10: by Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies (last edited Feb 19, 2014 09:09PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Sara: I'm not touching the VA movie. It looks absolutely campy and horrible, and I don't want it to taint my memories of the book.

Jennifer: DAUGH. DAUGH. I was like what the FUCK, man?

YAL: Damn you, I literally just wrote my first sentence of my review and it had a Pokemon reference in it before I read your post.


message 11: by Stuti (new) - added it

Stuti T Oh, man, was it that bad? Yeesh.


Faye, la Patata UH-OH. THIS BOOK IS GONNA GET IT! haha. Not that I had plans of reading this one.


message 13: by Kuroi (new)

Kuroi That was a close shave...I almost requested the ARC for this one. You haves saved me from a brain freeze, Khanh.


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies I need a drink, but I'm all out of booze in the house. Dammit.


message 15: by Liz (new)

Liz *hands Khanh a shot glass and Tequila*


message 16: by Jana (new)

Jana *puts out slices of lime and a bowl of salt*


Sandi - Protester of Goofreads Love your review, we never have to wonder what a books about, is it any good - how you feel about it! Thanks!


Natalie Monroe I've heard so much crap about this book, which is such a shame because I loved the author's other book, The Collector. *sigh* Really makes me think twice about reading it


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Sandi: Thanks :D

Natalie: I still have Dante Walker on my TBR, from my friends' reviews, it's good.


Natalie Monroe Khanh (Destroyer of Dreams) wrote: "Sandi: Thanks :D

Natalie: I still have Dante Walker on my TBR, from my friends' reviews, it's good."


Oh yeah, Dante Walker is awesome :) Snarky, yet a sweetheart.


message 22: by Kribu (new)

Kribu I ... seriously. Make-up? In a race for a cure? MAKE-UP? In the jungle? In a desert? That race isn't even televised for the national audience so that she'd need to look as pretty as possible to win some useful sympathy, is it?

And why would one punch an eagle. ~blinks~

I'm not even going to think about the rest.

Another book that has a cover I like, and a premise that just might work under somewhat different execution and a different heroine, but doesn't sound like it makes any sense here.


Ash Wednesday I actually see what Tella's supposed to be, you know an ultra-feminine heroine who's supposed to best the struggles thrown her way by the ridiculous concept of the Brimstone Bleed. So in a sense there's some effort to deviate from HG... Except she really was just so stupid. I don't think I'd have minded the vanity as much if she wasn't a catastrophic idiot.


message 24: by Lucia (new)

Lucia You had me at "half pokemon/digimon hybrid". I absolutely love your reviews.


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Nope, not televised. She just wants to feel purty!

I KNOW, WHY WOULD YOU PUNCH AN EAGLE ESPECIALLY WHEN IT HAS A BEAK. I imagine fist + beak = OW.


message 26: by Kribu (new)

Kribu I... Yeah.

I have no problems at all with people using make-up to feel pretty or whatever, or if it gives them confidence in themselves, but... there's a time and a place for that stuff and, uh, priorities...?

I imagine fist + beak = OW.

That's exactly what I was thinking.


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Ash: Catastrophic idiot is the perfect description for Tella.


message 28: by Katbyrdie (new) - added it

Katbyrdie I hate when books sound like they could work and then fail. Also, if I found a blue box in my room, it better have a Doctor in it ;)


message 29: by Mairéad (is roaming the Undying Lands) (last edited Feb 19, 2014 11:53PM) (new) - added it

Mairéad (is roaming the Undying Lands) Seeing this, after Cory's, just cements my feelings for this book. Just no. Makeup ? In the middle of a fierce competition located in the jungle/desert to boot? Its a wonder that she wasn't knocked out, strung up somewhere upside down for the gorillas to have. Mostly because this kind of behaviour screams WEAKEST LINK. And the weakest link will get you killed.

Not to mention all the choices she makes does not compute, like hullo, stupidity alert much? [facepalms repeatedly] >_<;

Also, I was highly entertained by your review Khanh. Really cheered me up (played a crappy game and I'm currently sick and in pain). Plus the whole Pokemon/Digimon hybrid commentary just made this review. Poor Maddox though, you'd think he'd get someone more deserving, no? :/


message 30: by Natalia (new)

Natalia "The love interests are douchebags, both of them. One looks like a serial killer with a heart of gold, the other is a serial killer who looks like the boy next door. One is slightly less loathsome than the other.
They start off uneasily. All of a sudden, before 50% of the book is through, they're making out and they're in luuuuuuuuurve."


LOL
Who does our MC end up with? Or is it a threesome?


message 31: by Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies (last edited Feb 19, 2014 11:56PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Katbyrdie: The PREVIOUS doctor, right? The new one is not so hot. I mean, he's hot for an older guy, but not my thing...

Mairead: She is incomprehensibly stupid, and she can't survive without the group. Also, she is not a physically active person at all, and then she goes and runs for 2 hours to follow some people in the book. Inconsistencies, man!

Natalia: (view spoiler)


message 32: by Rose (new)

Rose "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE, MAKE IT DOUBLE.
To protect the world from devastation,
To unite all peoples within our nation,
To denounce the evils of truth and love,
To extend our reach to the stars above
JESSIE!
JAMES!
Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light,
Surrender now or prepare to fight."

(I can't believe I just typed that from memory - I haven't watched Pokemon in at least ten years. And I forgot Meowth's part of it, but meh. I think I got it right though, mostly.)

But Pokemon/Digimon and Hunger Games cross? Depending on how someone worked that, it could either be a really odd idea that had a possibility of working or a really, really bad idea. In this case, looks like it was the latter. Ouch.


message 33: by Mairéad (is roaming the Undying Lands) (last edited Feb 20, 2014 12:01AM) (new) - added it

Mairéad (is roaming the Undying Lands) @Khanh: Oh geezus. That's so illogical beyond words. [sighs]

@Natalia: I accidentally misread the last word (view spoiler), in relation to Cory's review regarding the whole rape culture matter ingrained in this book. I don't even know how it popped into my head. Must be sicker than I thought, and its really influencing my thought pattern... >_<;


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Rose: I have to admit that I was never a fan of Pokémon. My sister and I were obsessed with Digimon instead >________>

She got a digimon crest for Christmas.


message 35: by Sara (new) - added it

Sara Hemenway LOL. Wow. Fail book.

Btw, it's not like Montana is a wilderness where people travel back in time to a land of no technology. There are actually people here. With iPhones. Probably 85% of the state has cell service with data. If you can't get internet, you are probably in a canyon, or the mountains, and you shouldn't be looking at your fucking phone anyway. But hey, we do have fresh air here!


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Mairead, I hope you are feeling better D:


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Sara wrote: "LOL. Wow. Fail book.

Btw, it's not like Montana is a wilderness where people travel back in time to a land of no technology. There are actually people here. With iPhones. Probably 85% of the state..."


Thanks for clearing that up, Sara. As a Californian, I know I'm inclined to believe that anything east of Las Vegas is a wilderness from which there is no return.


message 38: by Mairéad (is roaming the Undying Lands) (last edited Feb 20, 2014 12:04AM) (new) - added it

Mairéad (is roaming the Undying Lands) @Rose: I swear I started reading all those lines in their voices rofl.

LOVED both Pokemon and Digimon series. I still have the plushies from both series amongst other things. >_> <_< o_o

@Khanh: I'm jealous of your sister omg lmao.

And yes, I'm hoping to be all better by tomorrow at least, been sick since Saturday night, ughhh. >_<;


message 39: by Sara (new) - added it

Sara Hemenway Khanh (Destroyer of Dreams) wrote: "Sara wrote: "LOL. Wow. Fail book.

Btw, it's not like Montana is a wilderness where people travel back in time to a land of no technology. There are actually people here. With iPhones. Probably 85%..."


Of course! I think it's funny because some authors must think, oh, no one actually lives there or has ever gone there. And they definitely won't read my book. Research? What's that?

Of course there ARE some wilderness areas in the state. It's huge, after all. But we definitely have cell towers. :D


Mairéad (is roaming the Undying Lands) Oh and Rose:

Meowth: MEOWTH! That's right!

Hope that helps complete the nostalgia factor concerning Pokemon. ;D


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Just for the record: DIGIMON CREST.



And yes, that is MY love puppy. I wuvs him!


message 42: by Rose (new)

Rose Mairéad wrote: "Oh and Rose:

Meowth: MEOWTH! That's right!

Hope that helps complete the nostalgia factor concerning Pokemon. ;D"


Hahaha! I know, nostalgic factor.

It's pretty bad when you can mentally picture and hear the voices of the characters in your head as you're typing it out.

I actually didn't start watching Digimon until well after Pokemon. But both of them I followed very loosely. I remember friends of mine who loved both series though.


message 43: by Mairéad (is roaming the Undying Lands) (last edited Feb 20, 2014 12:13AM) (new) - added it

Mairéad (is roaming the Undying Lands) She got the Crest of Hope, oh come on that's like one of my fave Digimon Crests! okay i loved them all but hope always had a special place in my heart, yes i had a crush on t.k. along with tai, but that's another story, but omg t.k. was adorable back then, still is even now!

And that's such an adorable love puppy Khanh! I'm jealous lol. <3


message 44: by Rose (new)

Rose Khanh (Destroyer of Dreams) wrote: "Just for the record: DIGIMON CREST.



And yes, that is MY love puppy. I wuvs him!"


That puppy's so cute!!! <3


message 45: by Yzabel (new)

Yzabel Ginsberg The eggs part definitely made me laugh: I'm "playing" Habit RPG, and yesterday I just found a "Wolf Egg" (and a potato).

The fresh air in the blurb doesn't make sense to me either. Maybe "move to a ranch in Montana so that he can see horses and have fun before he dies", but I agree that otherwise, it's just so 19th century. (I know, my example is depressing.)


Aure   `Reading With The Dark` I LOVE your 1star reviews :))))


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Yzabel: there was actually a real reason for the move later on in the book, but the initial reason was pretty silly.


Khanh, first of her name, mother of bunnies Aure `Reading With The Dark` wrote: "I LOVE your 1star reviews :))))"

Thanks, Aure! I don't like writing them, lol!


message 49: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna Wow. I just got this book yesterday. :( I'm glad to know I have another ridiculous MC to be annoyed by.


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