Jessica's Reviews > Valley of the Dolls

Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann
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Sep 26, 2007

it was amazing
bookshelves: here-is-new-york, favorites, chicklits, california-über-alles, substance-related-disorders
Recommended for: lindsay lohan, britney spears, et al
Read in April, 2007

If you haven't read this book, I suggest you quit dicking around on the internet and do absolutely whatever it takes to snag yourself a copy this instant. Granted it's probably not for everyone, but I gotta tell you, this is seriously among THE MOST VASTLY ENTERTAINING books I have ever read in my life.

Imagine you are lying in a silk-sheeted waterbed next to a vast swimming pool, smoking a ridiculously long cigarette, wearing an Italian bikini and extremely large, expensive hat, and you've just gotten the most gorgeous pedicure ever administered in human history. You've done about sixteen lines of coke and have popped a few jars of quaaludes, and a leathery, bronzed older gentleman with silvery hairs all over his chest and a visible tan line where his wedding ring usually sits is alternately giving you backrubs, lavishing you with glittering jewelry, and skillfully providing immense oral pleasure. While all this is going on, you are thinking about how fat and old you've been getting, sipping from a decanter of single-malt scotch, and eating slice after slice of the most magnificent chocolate cake that has ever been baked. The cake is delicious, the drugs are great, the cunnilingus is stellar, and it's all totally worth the terrible sacrifices you've made to arrive here today, despite the fact that you are clearly about to vomit yet again into the enormous pool.

If you are one of the many unfortunate shlumps who will never become a celebrity, reading this incredible work of American literature is the closest you'll probably ever get to this kind of experience. Please do not think that because you have seen the movie, you understand what _The Valley of the Dolls_ is all about. You do not! I love this book. I really, really, honestly, truly, totally do. And I hope you do, too!
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Reading Progress

02/10/2016 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-33 of 33) (33 new)

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message 1: by Paul (last edited Aug 25, 2016 12:57PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Paul Bryant Sorry to be a sycophant but - another good one


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

Jackie, how did you know about my Italian bikini and my penchant for pedicures? Do you have a surveillance camera in my psyche? I'm worried and afraid.

My ex-girlfriend loved this pulpy extravaganza. As a consequence, I saw the film. My favorite parts: The old broad's wig getting boosted in the john, and Patty Duke spitefully describing Sharon Tate's film oeuvre: "Nudies!"




message 3: by Kirk (new)

Kirk "Imagine you are lying in a silk-sheeted waterbed next to a vast swimming pool, smoking a ridiculously long cigarette, wearing an Italian bikini and extremely large, expensive hat, and you've just gotten the most gorgeous pedicure ever administered in human history. You've done about sixteen lines of coke and have popped a few jars of quaaludes, and a leathery, bronzed older gentleman with silvery hairs all over his chest and a visible tan line where his wedding ring usually sits is alternately giving you backrubs, lavishing you with glittering jewelry, and skillfully providing immense oral pleasure..."

I call this Wednesday...
Except for the part about the leathery old dude and the oral.
Nice review!


Karen I loved this book! I read it in the 60's (when it first came out) at a young age...a time when you had to hide it from your parents because it was considered very risque for the times. In fact, we put a book cover on it and passed it around our circle of friends at school. Our parents thought we were incredibly onto our studies. :-) Several years ago I read it again and enjoyed it just as much.


message 5: by Thomas (new)

Thomas Walsh I'm in agreement with Karen. We passed it around, too, along with Bond novels and "Peyton Place." But, it IS a good novel. She really did a good job with this one. Surprisingly, too, so did Grace Metalious with "Peyton Place." Good writing, whether the topic is pills or inhibited little-town activity, makes good reading. Tom


Karen Hey Tom, thanks for the reminder of "Peyton Place". I've always wanted to read it but seem to forget about it. I remember the show on television and my parents wouldn't allow us to watch, but of course I would always find a place to sneak it in.


message 7: by Thomas (new)

Thomas Walsh gosh, we sure knew all the right angles, didn't we? "Peyton Place" is frought not only with some "steamy" (i.e. 50s variety of "steam") but also laced together with good, aolid writing and description. go for it!!! THere's also, believe it or not, a part two "Return to Peyton Place." Tom


Karen I'll add it to my very long list of books to read. Thanks!


message 9: by Kirk (new)

Kirk Don't forget Harold Robbins. In the late 70s he was the king of cheese.


Karen Yep, Harold Robbins was a favorite back then, as well as Sidney Sheldon. I probably shouldn't tell this story because some will label me a horrible mum, but I used to read Harold Robbins to my infant daughter. She was a newborn and my reading time was almost nonexistent. So, as I rocked her I'd read my books aloud since reading is good for babies. My thought was that I'd accomplish two things at once, and as long as she was so young, she'd never understand. We laugh about it now and I tell her it's the reason she's so open and free...and an artist. :-)


message 11: by Kirk (new)

Kirk That's actually very cool, Karen. You could have been reading your daughter something bogus like The Education of Little Tree instead of fun cheese. My mom used to have tons of Harold Robbins around the house. I was nine or ten reading them. Better than TV!


message 12: by Phil (new) - rated it 3 stars

Phil Why have we all forgotten how important PLEASURE is to having a fulfilled existence? Yes, this book is for those of us who like to wallow in literature like we wallow in life. Your review is wonderful, almost like a missing and somewhat updated page of the book. Jaqueline Susanne was going to do a sequel about Quaaludes but she died in a car wreck on the way back from the pharmacy.


message 13: by [deleted user] (new)

I voted for this before, but that version of me is now defunct.

Otis Chandler voted for this, too! Jolene, you're famous!


message 14: by brian (new)

brian   this is the all time best review on bookface.
i really believe this.


message 15: by [deleted user] (last edited Jan 06, 2009 11:00AM) (new)

When are you going to read this, Brian?

P.S. Au contraire. I believe that THIS is the all-time best (but most undeservedly underappreciated) review on Bookface.


message 16: by brian (last edited Jan 06, 2009 09:26PM) (new)

brian   we were in a used bookstore in berkeley and found THE MOST AMAZING hardback copy of valley of the dolls. it's incredible. i'm definitely gonna read it at some point.

it's worth noting that the berkeley left wing are so far left that they kind of wrap around and meet (merge with?) the far far far right somewhere on the other side. we saw lots of signs and stickers with pictures of obama that read "bloodthirsty warmonger", "american facist", "imperialist"... my favorite was one of obama with a jewish star on his forehead which read, "you don't get to become president until the jewish lobby allows you to become president."

yee-fucking-haw!


message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

What does it look like, brian?! Find a copy on the internet to show and tell.


message 18: by [deleted user] (last edited Jan 06, 2009 11:13AM) (new)

I'm tellin' ya... If you people ain't out appraising diamonds, you're controlling the presidency. (But really... I'm surprised you guys let a schvartze in office. Hide your valuables!)

After you read this book, you need to read THIS book. It's a touching story for teenage girls about a brother and sister who have sex while their mother and grandmother conspire to kill them with poisoned baked goods.


message 19: by brian (new)

brian   i'm looking, tambo, i'm looking! can't find it anywhere.
it's a 3rd edition 1966 hardback by cassell publishing.
front cover: a glass bottle filled with pills in the foreground. the passed out floozy in the background is totally out of focus. genius!
if a book can be judged by its cover...


message 20: by [deleted user] (new)

David, you're funny. Read my friend Marie's review of Flowers in the Attic: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...

FIVE STARS!!!


message 21: by Scribble (new)

Scribble Orca Iconic. Book and review.


Peppermint Twist So awesome- what a great way to put it! Jessica you have to read the Sunset Strip Diaries and Confetti Covered Quicksand- they are along these lines, so awesome!


Jessica T. ha ha ha!!!!!! brilliant


message 24: by Vineeta (new) - added it

Vineeta You should write a book if you haven't already. Awesomely hilarious review;D


Melissa I thought NOTHING would make me want to read this daft vacuous book again, but you have done it with some sparklingly persuasive imagery. Well done.


Gregsamsa omfg it's spooky how you totally summed up my reading mindspace when I cracked the artfully fenestrated cover of this masterpiece.


Lydia Sadler My first guilty pleasure as a teenager...


message 28: by Jenn (new)

Jenn oh my goodness. this is the best book review I have ever read ever.


Jessica T. ha! you're review is almost as good as the book!!!


Arynetta This is one of my favorite books of all times. I am a Queen Devourer and shameless pimp of Bonkbuster lit, and am proud of it. And girl, I think I liked this review more than the book. You rock. Period. Hard Stop.


message 31: by Anastatia (new) - added it

Anastatia Ward Jessica . . . . I think I love you :D


message 32: by Aliyah (new)

Aliyah Levine Damn! Your review convinced me to buy this book! I just ordered it from Amazon!


Chrisolu What is "bonkbuster lit"


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