Rebecca's Reviews > The Dance of Anger

The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
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's review
Jul 30, 2009

it was amazing

I read Dance of Anger as soon as I finished Dance of Intimacy. The lessons of each book are the same, just with different examples and a slightly different focus. I gave both books five stars because I like the subject so much and I think Lerner does a great job of clearly explaining how to practically apply the concepts.

I LOVE and embrace the concepts of patterns in relationships, overfunctioning/underfunctioning, family systems and triangles. The most powerful message I took from these books is when you are stuck in a pattern with another person that causes yourself anger/anxiety/frustration etc. you cannot change the other person, but you can change your own part in the pattern, thus changing the pattern (for better or worse). Both books are empowering and eye opening.

Favorite messages from Dance of Anger (paraphrased)
- Venting or suppressing anger does not solve the problem that anger signals.
- Once a pattern is established, both parties perpetuate that pattern.

Favorite quotes from Dance of Intimacy
- "We are always navigating relationships in the direction of greater or lesser degrees of self."
- "The will to change and the desire to maintain sameness coexist for good reason."

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Comments (showing 1-1)

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message 1: by Nicole (new)

Nicole My mother-in-law gave me this book, but I haven't read it yet. I'll have to give it a try!

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