Anna's Reviews > Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble

Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble by H.P. Mallory
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did not like it
bookshelves: new-weird-urban-fantasy, f-m-romances, could-not-finish

Could not finish this poorly written, shallow, tediously boring book. It reads like someone trying to rip off the Sookie Stackhouse books but without the skill or any semblance of quality.

The 'heroine' is a vapid, shallow, unpleasant, rude, self centred, thoughtless idiot with a spine of solid jelly. The 'hero', assuming that the First Guy is meant to be the hero, is entirely without character. The supporting cast are a series of cardboard cutouts with cliches attached. The 'plot' is often disregarded so that the heroine can digress into thinking about or obsessing over sex. The language is by turns overwrought, repetitive, cliched, repetitive, stilted and repetitive. The author often uses the wrong word (for example, someone pastes on an 'indignant smile' rather than an indulgent one). The use of British English is an utter failure - either so over the top as to be painfully obvious (no Briton ever says bonking in real life) or entirely disregarded. The book utterly fails at Show Don't Tell; an event that one would assume to be really rather important is skipped over entirely and the reader is presented with the aftermath during a one page conversation between the heroine and her best friend. Also, I know it's pronounced Sinjin, but I've always seen it written as St. John. This is a minor niggle, but one that genuinely bothered me (some googling suggests it is an accepted spelling, at least in American English).

I'm at a loss to explain the positive, glowing reviews this book has received from so many. I'm glad this book was free, as I would feel extremely cheated had I wasted even a single penny on it.

Addendum: As I can't remove this from my currently reading shelf for some reason - if anyone knows how, please do share - I went back to try and at least skim to the end. Oh dear GOD the 'Scottish'. I may have to share selected quotes with my Scots friends to see if they find it as awful as I do.

Addendum to addendum: I love the random review I read that told me how to make exclusive shelves. Begone, foul polluter of my kindle...
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Reading Progress

May 21, 2013 – Shelved
May 21, 2013 – Shelved as: new-weird-urban-fantasy
May 21, 2013 – Shelved as: f-m-romances
May 21, 2013 –
50.0% "So far I can't tell if I love this book or hate it. Jolie irritates the ever loving shit out of me. Rand is a cardboard cutout alpha. Christa is a vapid nonentity. And yet something keeps dragging me through."
May 21, 2013 –
52.0% "Okay, this book just failed at Show Don't Tell."
May 21, 2013 –
54.0% "Indulgent, you plank, not indignant........oh dear. I'm going to assume that Jolie is the idiot, not the author, since the book is first person and she's certainly stupid enough."
May 21, 2013 –
61.0% "Definitely hate. Jolie is a vapid, self centred, thoughtless idiot. The only thing keeping me going is bile fascination."
May 21, 2013 –
67.0% "No, that's not what a concussion is! Argh argh argh"
May 21, 2013 –
84.0% "I just can't face any more. This book is baaaaaad."
May 21, 2013 – Shelved as: could-not-finish

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