Greg's Reviews > Cute Cuke Girl

Cute Cuke Girl by EFon
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bookshelves: short-stories

So, a couple of weeks ago Karen told me she wanted to read a book with me.

It was this one.

It's available for free on the internets, and downloads instantly to your Nook (and maybe other e-readers, but I'm a Nook person because I get an employee discount).

Karen reviewed it here

What can I say about this book?

It's a weird male fantasy sort of novel.

The narrator works in grocery store as a bag boy. This means he's the lowest of the low, a step below the guy who collects the carts out in the parking lot, and two steps below the guy who works the bottle return.

I've worked in three grocery stores, I know the hierarchies.

So this dude who works one of the most boring jobs in the entire world starts to notice a petite pretty shy girl who comes in to the store every Friday and buys some big cucumbers and a package of condoms. His imagination goes into overdrive, and of course he is correct. The girl purchases her weekly organic boyfriends every Friday and she also is a responsible girl so she practices safe sex with them (do you need a condom to have sex with a cucumber? I get that they might be dirty, being in the produce bin, but couldn't you just wash them and use something for lubrication? It would seem more economical, which is something you think she would care about because she lives in a tiny apartment and doesn't sound like she's rolling in money).

Then she doesn't show up for a week or something like that.

Then she does, but she has a broken arm and can't easily carry her groceries home, so the wooing of the bag boy and the weird girl who fucks cucumbers begins.

Not to spoil anything but they end up fucking. And you find out that the girl broke her arm while frigging herself with a cucumber and falling out of bed, which gives me a new idea to what Morrissey was singing about in "Reel Around the Fountain". We find out that the bag boy also broke a bone in some bed related, but non-sexual incident, which makes me think that there is something in the water in this town that gives people brittle bones. Maybe they should be eating the cucumbers instead of sticking them places they don't belong?

We find out that of course the girl had a crush on the bag boy, which is bizarre. First because he's a bag boy, and second I would think that if you were buying cucumbers to fuck, and being fairly obvious about it and you were shy would you buy them from the place where your crush was working? Or maybe this kind of thing works for girls because guys might find something like that a turn on.

I don't know. I don't know much about anything that goes on in this book. It's fairly boring to me, and I'd say I'm not the audience for this book, but I'm not really sure who is the audience.
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Reading Progress

Started Reading
March 30, 2013 – Finished Reading
April 6, 2013 – Shelved
April 6, 2013 – Shelved as: short-stories

Comments Showing 1-14 of 14 (14 new)

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message 1: by karen (new) - added it

karen nope. you are definitely the audience.


message 2: by Greg (new) - added it

Greg Really? I guess once a bag boy always a bag boy.


message 3: by karen (new) - added it

karen you should read all of these with me - the ones for my project. your review is much more comprehensive than mine


message 4: by Michelle (new)

Michelle Not to spoil anything but they end up fucking.

Way to ruin the book. Thanks a lot!


message 5: by Greg (new) - added it

Greg Sorry, Michelle! I didn't tell you how they fuck though, that is still a possible surprise.

I also forgot to mention in my review that the girl on the cover looks like an underage thai hooker.


message 6: by Greg (new) - added it

Greg karen wrote: "you should read all of these with me - the ones for my project. your review is much more comprehensive than mine"

I do want to review that poetry book you downloaded.


message 7: by Michelle (new)

Michelle Well then, that's okay.

(I seriously cannot stop laughing at the part of your review when you tell us how Cute Cuke Girl breaks her arm.)


message 8: by karen (new) - added it

karen she's not even wearing a cast! false advertising! what if someone reads this thinking she is going to have both her arms available, and then they find out she is wearing a cast the whole time! what a downer!


message 9: by Jason (new)

Jason I like making cucumber martinis, and this review reminds me not to ever borrow anyone's cucumbers in order to make my martinis.

Also, which grocery store did you work in, Greg? Were you a bag boy?? I was a cashier at Shaw's.


message 10: by Greg (new) - added it

Greg I was a bagger then cashier at King's, which is an upscale supermarket in New Jersey when I was 15. Then during a summer vacation during college I was a bagger/cart-getter/bottle return person at a Price Chopper, and then I was a cashier at a Grand Union for a few months when I graduated college. I'm an over-achiever.


message 11: by Jason (new)

Jason Reach for the stars, man!


Laura… The Librarian I've worked in three grocery stores, I know the hierarchies.

Preach my friend! I was the girl in the office that counted down the money. Eat that - prepubescent Greg! But I would have totally let you take my groceries home, especially if you wore your knit hat (yes, I have a crush on Greg when he wears his hat that's in his profile pics)

Great Review! - are you taking the Karen stance on not rating dirty books anymore?


message 13: by Greg (new) - added it

Greg I just couldn't even figure out how I would rate this. So I guess I'm following Karen's lead.


Laura… The Librarian Greg wrote: "I just couldn't even figure out how I would rate this. So I guess I'm following Karen's lead."

Not a bad idea...


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