Shelby *trains flying monkeys*'s Reviews > If I Were You

If I Were You by Lisa Renee Jones
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did not like it
bookshelves: netgalley, read-2014, smutty

DNFing this bitch at 31%


I'm looking around for things to clean instead of reading. That's a bad sign. I can't take anymore.

Get this:
There is something very sexy about a man like Mark Compton in control, but sexy or not, it's also quite uncomfortable for all kinds of reasons I've found better left under the rug. Comfortable is overrated, a voice in the back of my head screams.

I want to smack her.

Sara friend and neighbor gets into buying up storage buildings. She buys one that has some art work and journals of a woman that um are some kinky shit. Well said friend heads off to Paris to marry a dude she just met a couple of months ago and leaves everything in the building to Sara.
Sara decides she needs to hunt down Rebecca, the woman in the journals because she is worried about her. She goes to an art opening and is offered a job by the guy that owns the place. Mark Compton. Meanwhile she is making goo-goo eyes at an artist that has work exhibited there.
She takes the job thinking she is just doing it to find out what happened to Rebecca. Yeah right.

It looks to all appearances that something is funky with the missing girl? I would be freaking the hell out. Not taking her job.
I swear I think this bitch should have watched Single White Female a couple more times.
I'm not reading the rest of these craps books but I do hope Rebecca comes back and kicks her ass.


What happened to the best guys being funny? Making you smile? Being smart? Not this crazy bull shit excuse for men?

I did receive an ARC copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
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Reading Progress

January 10, 2013 – Shelved
August 16, 2014 – Started Reading
August 16, 2014 –
6.0% "It's time for some smut!\n "
August 16, 2014 –
20.0% "Um this book may not work for me. I so want her to say this:\n "
August 17, 2014 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-39 of 39 (39 new)

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Jenn (One of Many, We are Legion) I'm looking around for things to clean instead of reading. That's a bad sign.

*snicker*


message 2: by Anne (new)

Anne What happened to the best guys being funny? Making you smile? Being smart? Not this crazy bull shit excuse for men?
Gosh, Shelby! I personally hate smart, funny, nice guys. *sigh*
I was so hoping my husband would eventually turn into a jealous, stalking, wife-beater, but, alas, he keeps treating me with respect and kindness.
That's why I need to 'escape' into these magical fantasy worlds!


Jenn (One of Many, We are Legion) I was so hoping my husband would eventually turn into a jealous, stalking, wife-beater, but, alas, he keeps treating me with respect and kindness.

Wow, what a douchebag, Anne. Honestly, men these days. smh.


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Anne wrote: "What happened to the best guys being funny? Making you smile? Being smart? Not this crazy bull shit excuse for men?
Gosh, Shelby! I personally hate smart, funny, nice guys. *sigh*
I was so hoping m..."


Mine does that too. I wonder when these guys will realize that they need to turn controlling and assholes. I would slap a restraining order on them so there is that. Lol


message 5: by Anne (new)

Anne LOL! Jenn he is such a douche. He ought to know by now that I long for someone to abuse and belittle me!

Yeah, those restraining orders are probably what's keeping them in line. Or maybe it's the 9mm glock? Who can really say...


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Anne wrote: "LOL! Jenn he is such a douche. He ought to know by now that I long for someone to abuse and belittle me!

Yeah, those restraining orders are probably what's keeping them in line. Or maybe it's the ..."


LOL we think so much alike. I almost said the Glock in my purse helps too!


message 7: by Anne (new)

Anne Ha! Too funny!
It's also his fault, since he's the one that bought it for me. Happy Birthday, Anne!


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Anne wrote: "Ha! Too funny!
It's also his fault, since he's the one that bought it for me. Happy Birthday, Anne!"


OMG..that was my birthday present too..Then he told me I could not wave it at cars that piss me off on the road. He is such an abuser.


message 9: by Anne (new)

Anne I can totally see why he needed to add that disclaimer. LOL! Mine is wanting me to get my concealed weapons permit. I'm not exactly a wild west kinda girl, so I was hoping for more of a big-ass tazer. Besides, in SC you can keep one in your car without the permit, as long as it's in something that closes (like the center console, or the glove compartment). Although, I'd hate for one of the kids to accidentally get hold of it, so I've never actually put it in the min-van.


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Anne wrote: "I can totally see why he needed to add that disclaimer. LOL! Mine is wanting me to get my concealed weapons permit. I'm not exactly a wild west kinda girl, so I was hoping for more of a big-ass taz..."

A taser! He hides his from me. I mean come on I just want to see what happens!


message 11: by Anne (new)

Anne I'll bet he does! I'd hide it from you, too!
My sister-in-law has a pink one that looks like a flashlight. But damn! ZZZZZZAP!
I want it sooo bad!
description

*drools*


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Anne wrote: "I'll bet he does! I'd hide it from you, too!
My sister-in-law has a pink one that looks like a flashlight. But damn! ZZZZZZAP!
I want it sooo bad!
*drools*"


OMG! I'm asking Santa for that pink one. The hubby has that cool one that shoots out the prongs.He is such a hater. The dog looks at me funny too when I whine about wanting one.


message 13: by Anne (new)

Anne http://www.amazon.com/Guard-Dog-Secur...

Ooooh! I found it on Amazon...and it's only $17! Next time I need to add something to get free shipping, this baby is MINE!


message 14: by Anne (new)

Anne Wait...you scare the dog, too?
When I grow up, I wanna be just like you!


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Anne wrote: "http://www.amazon.com/Guard-Dog-Secur...

Ooooh! I found it on Amazon...and it's only $..."

Oh heck yes!


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Anne wrote: "Wait...you scare the dog, too?
When I grow up, I wanna be just like you!"


Lol I get it from my grandmother. She had this gun she carried in her purse that she would whip out occasionally. Like one time when she was paying for groceries. She told people she was one of Charlie's Angels.


message 17: by Anne (new)

Anne Oh my God! That's a priceless memory to have. Do you think I could get away with something like that?
Nah. I'd end up tackled by security, and stuffed into a nuthouse.


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Anne wrote: "Oh my God! That's a priceless memory to have. Do you think I could get away with something like that?
Nah. I'd end up tackled by security, and stuffed into a nuthouse."


Me too!
She was a hoot. I can't believe she never got arrested. She did lots of stuff that left her a legend :)


message 19: by Igor (new)

Igor Ljubuncic Usually, your reviews are quite lucid and to the point, and I always get the idea whether to read a book afterwards, or not. But this one is a bit vague. Not sure if you liked it. Was it fun? Should I give it a try? Please, more details. The ambiguity kills!

Igor


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Igor wrote: "Usually, your reviews are quite lucid and to the point, and I always get the idea whether to read a book afterwards, or not. But this one is a bit vague. Not sure if you liked it. Was it fun? Shoul..."

Read it Igor!!


message 21: by Beverly (new)

Beverly I love that single white female gif, sorry it wasn't for you!


message 22: by Sam (new) - rated it 1 star

Sam OH MY GOD, RIGHT?! Where have all the smart, witty heroes gone, and when will they come back? :(


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Sam wrote: "OH MY GOD, RIGHT?! Where have all the smart, witty heroes gone, and when will they come back? :("

I know!! I'm tired of these dumb bitches! :P


message 24: by Brandi (new)

Brandi Lol. Great, honest review! :)


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Bev **Read Like A Champion** wrote: "I love that single white female gif, sorry it wasn't for you!"

:)


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Brandi wrote: "Lol. Great, honest review! :)"

thanks Brandi :)


message 27: by Tamera (new)

Tamera I tested one of those bad ass flash light tazers at a conference a few weeks ago. It was FANTASTIC and officially on my christmas list now.


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Tamera wrote: "I tested one of those bad ass flash light tazers at a conference a few weeks ago. It was FANTASTIC and officially on my christmas list now."

wants


message 29: by Katrina (new)

Katrina Passick Lumsden I've never even heard of this book. So this review is a pleasant surprise that just popped up in my feed and made me giggle uncontrollably. Thank you!


message 30: by Margaret (last edited Aug 25, 2014 10:26PM) (new)

Margaret Taylor If it helps Shelby, I couldn't get through this one either. At all. I stopped at like 10% I think??

As for smart, funny, loving, attentive and even yes a bit possessive and *protective* of their women, hot, smexy Alpha's, you need to branch out. Try any of Liliana Hart's books for starters and go from there.


message 31: by Katrina (new)

Katrina Passick Lumsden Margaret wrote: "If it helps Shelby, I couldn't get through this one either. At all. I stopped at like 10% I think??

As for smart, funny, loving, attentive and even yes a bit possessive and *protective* of their w..."


I'll have to check some of those out, as well. I enjoy protective, slightly possessive alpha males as long as they are, as has been mentioned, respectful, decent people. I can't stand this abuse angle a lot of authors are shooting from. It would appear to be a difficult line for most writers to balance on. R.K. Lilley does it rather well, actually, if anyone here is interested in a more BDSM type of alpha. James Cavendish of Lilly's Up in the Air series is quite a treat.


message 32: by Margaret (new)

Margaret Taylor I'll have to check some of those out, as well. I enjoy protective, slightly possessive alpha males as long as they are, as has been mentioned, respectful, decent people.

Yes, they are all decent guys. No abusers at all. Been abused themselves, sure, at times - as part of their backstory - but didn't turn to doing it themselves.

I love Liliana! She's awesome. I think you'd enjoy them Ms. Katrina. And if you don't, I'll give you extra cookies! *nod nod*


message 33: by Jovonne (new)

Jovonne I couldn't get past the first chapter. Thank goodness I borrowed it from a library... I would have cried for my poorly spent money!

The narrative was vague, yet somehow too wordy, like that Fifty Shades of Feces book. Why, oh why are authors striving for that type of writing style? It's gross.


message 34: by Gina (new) - rated it 1 star

Gina I just finished this and I'm so sorry I did. I'm glad you got out while you could.


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Katrina wrote: "I've never even heard of this book. So this review is a pleasant surprise that just popped up in my feed and made me giggle uncontrollably. Thank you!"

It sucks. I never got all these notifications. Goodreads get your act together.


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Jovonne wrote: "I couldn't get past the first chapter. Thank goodness I borrowed it from a library... I would have cried for my poorly spent money!

The narrative was vague, yet somehow too wordy, like that Fifty..."


Fifty Shades of Feces!! someone should write that.


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Gina wrote: "I just finished this and I'm so sorry I did. I'm glad you got out while you could."

You get an award for finishing. :)


Elyse Walters Monkey-Girl... favor???
I Did not read this book.

I'm on vacation - in a mountain area - phone losing juice - getting stuck frozen on me to boot ..
Something went wrong...
I DID NOT READ THIS BOOK...
Look at my comment. ..

I can't seem to get into the review from here to correct - erase or update it from this phone.

That review wasn't even finish. - but who cares? lol
However ... It WAS a good book I LISTENED. To ... Just NOT this one.

I have NO idea how the review got sent to this book which I never heard of until now.

My 'little' review belongs to China Girls by Lisa See.

Thank You...
Big big big hugs from me to YOU!!!!

Cuckoo Brain here ..,

Hope you are having a great weekend. I'm 'butter'... I'm at THE REFUGE in Carmel.,,
soooo relaxed!!!

xoxoxo!'


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Elyse wrote: "Monkey-Girl... favor???
I Did not read this book.

I'm on vacation - in a mountain area - phone losing juice - getting stuck frozen on me to boot ..
Something went wrong...
I DID NOT READ THIS BOO..."


You are too funny! I never can do a review from anywhere but my PC. I mess them up everytime I try.

It ain't no biggie though. Enjoy your Refuge!


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