karen's Reviews > In the Barn

In the Barn by Selena Kitt
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bookshelves: books-are-dirrrrrrty, icky-sex

amish porn!!

i mean, sorta. the amishness of this porn is not as ramped-up as i would have liked...

i think the author missed a few opportunities here, just in terms of the giggles we could have gotten over amish clothing-fasteners. no zippers! too proud!! no buttons! too showy!! spend a little time on the undress, give me some hot hook-and-eye action.

mmmmm yeah, like that...

because once the bonnet and breeches come off, there isn't a whole lot that is amish about it, sadly. in the nude, we are all amish. right? i mean, there is a little amishness, in the character names, and in the shame of the intercourse, but that's true any time you fornicate with your brother. GROSS!! don't worry,o squeamish masses, it is just her adopted brother. PHEW!! yeah, in reality, he is just her cousin. GROSS!!

you see the roller-coaster of emotions this book will take you on?

it's just a short little story of a girl (18) who watches her (adopted)brother(cousin) masturbate in the barn, as one does, and learns how to masturbate herself until things take their natural course, and she is discovered (oh noes) and then there is wide-eyed earth-shattering intercourse.

it's almost sweet.

but no jokes about "rump"springa?? shame on you...so many amish puns, all wasted...

but that's okay, because i found plenty to giggle at!

Still, I didn't stop watching. I couldn't. I felt compelled, even though i knew it was a sin, I knew the devil was in me, and I had to rub him out. I tried.

i mean, i know you're amish and all, but you've already broken that vessel, so here's what you do... you get yourself a tape-recorder and record yourself for a whole day.. you'd be surprised at the amount of poorly chosen words...

"Something that feels so good can't be a sin," I insisted, half sitting now, back on my elbows. "It can't possibly. I just...I understand now. Why you keep doing it, how the whole world opens up for a moment and you feel like you're dying, or flying. I felt like I could touch God himself."

this has to be blasphemy, right?? are you trying to hit all your deadly sins in one day? the amish certainly are a hardworking lot!

did you know there were so many amish porn jokeses on the internet?? there are. but do keep your safe search on, because there is also a lot of actual porn with people half-wearing amish clothing, and it is just too too sexy. beards and bonnets. phoar.

thank you, sweet e-book publishing industry. you supply me with so much.
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Reading Progress

Started Reading
December 28, 2012 – Shelved
December 28, 2012 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-34 of 34 (34 new)

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message 1: by karen (new) - added it


what epic details did i miss in part one?

message 2: by Jason (new)

Jason Koivu Goodreads...I come for the reviews, but I stay for the karen.

message 3: by Itzel (new)

Itzel I think everyone does, Jason. I know, I do.

message 4: by karen (new) - added it


message 5: by Tai (last edited Dec 28, 2012 08:59PM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

Tai Love the review, Karen! It took me ten minutes to be able to breathe properly after reading this review, I was laughing so hard.

message 6: by Itzel (new)

Itzel karen wrote: ""

Karen, you have no idea how much I LOVE your reviews. As for the cute parrot, he's absolutely adorable.

message 7: by Breon (new) - added it

Breon Randon is it wrong that based on your review, I kinda have to read this now?

message 8: by Laima (new)

Laima Aawww! Cute bird

message 9: by karen (new) - added it

karen come for the erotica, stay for the birds...

message 10: by Arthur (new)

Arthur Graham "in the nude, we are all amish"

message 11: by Nefariousbig (new)

Nefariousbig Why did the Amish boy cross the road?

He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken!

message 12: by Haiku (new)

Haiku Reviews I think my new quote
Is being Amish and Nude
You find the weird stuff

message 13: by Haiku (new)

Haiku Reviews Did you yet realize
That this is book 2 of 4
Will you read them all?

message 14: by Octavia (new)

Octavia This has to be the funniest review ever, thank you Ms. Karen and thank you Amish porn for being weird and creepy but insanely hilarious.

message 15: by karen (new) - added it

karen no problem! send me all the weird porn, and i will read it! and share it for laffter!

i didn't know there were four of them, no...
i don't think they are all amish, though, and regular incest just isn't weird enough for me. i want the weirdest erotica. that vanilla incest just doesn't satisfy.

message 16: by mark (new)

mark monday never, ever stop reading trash karen. i get too much happiness from these reviews.

message 17: by karen (new) - added it

karen your wish is my command.

message 18: by Haiku (new)

Haiku Reviews I believe I saw
A book about puppet porn
It even had rhymes

I will look for you
Not in my library though
I'm not brave like you

message 19: by karen (new) - added it

karen well, i have read I Fucked the Puppet... is there a different one??

message 20: by Erica (new)

Erica CRAP!
I'm so sorry. I hit the "like" button and now your 69 likes are gone.

message 21: by karen (new) - added it

karen that's okay - 70 is like a more intense 69. it involves balloons

message 22: by Erica (new)

Erica I thought 99 was the balloon number? The red balloons? Luft balloons?

message 23: by karen (new) - added it

karen there are many positions involving balloons

message 24: by Erica (new)

Erica That's good because who can get enough of that "Skwek...skweeek...skwek" sound balloons make when rubbed together?

message 25: by Melki (new)

Melki I've stood behind Amish people in line at Lowes. All I can say is deodorant must not be in the Bible, 'cause they sure don't wear any.

So, sex with the Amish? Ewww!

message 26: by karen (new) - added it

karen heyyy, shouldn't they be making all their tools?? this sounds suspect...

message 27: by [Name Redacted] (new)

[Name Redacted] Wait...it's about the Amish, but no commentary on how insanely poorly-groomed their nether-regions would be?

message 28: by karen (new) - added it

karen see?? it's like every opportunity was squandered.

message 29: by [Name Redacted] (new)

[Name Redacted] karen wrote: "see?? it's like every opportunity was squandered."

This book is a terrible waste. The author/smut-generation-bot should be ashamed!

message 30: by karen (new) - added it

karen i know!! it makes me hesitate to even buy Pumpkin Eater

message 31: by [Name Redacted] (new)

[Name Redacted] Do it, Karen. Read it. For the cause!

message 32: by karen (new) - added it

karen i dunno.... what could she add to gourd-sexx that cormac mccarthy didn't already cover?

message 33: by [Name Redacted] (new)

[Name Redacted] You'll never know until you give her a try! Wait...that sounds wrong...

message 34: by karen (new) - added it

karen "wrong" is monsterporn's middle name. its last name is gilbert.

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