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MJ Nicholls's Reviews > The Lord of the Rings
The Lord of the Rings (The Lord of the Rings, #1-3)
by J.R.R. Tolkien
by J.R.R. Tolkien
Those books that balloon into virulent, lethal pop-culture viruses that feast on disinterested bystanders. You try to flee them by hiding in a disused warehouse under a soiled mattress in the Democratic Republic of Congo, but Frodo and his friends will find you eventually and pull you into their lair of medieval gimps called Bilbo and Bongo on an implausibly long and homoerotic quest for a misplaced ring. Did they look behind the sofa? Under the fridge? This whole quest could have been avoided! But here’s what I resent about Lord of the Rings. I have been physically, cosmically unable to avoid it. And that hurts. One thing I pride in life is my ability to avoid participating in popular culture in its many-tentacled forms. Since the creation of Dungeons & Dragons and the games it spawned I have been on countless pointless quests for rings. How many rings did I pick up in Sonic the Hedgehog? Millions. Computer programmers adopted this book as their bible, and the subsequent two decades of game innovation (which I addictively participated in) took their “plot” templates from Tolkien. When I left this world, a series of blockbusting films filled up the media pipes like fast-acting carbon monoxide being pumped into my front room year after year as the endless insufferable saga to find a missing fucking ring droned on and on infecting comedies, dramas, films and books with reference after reference after reference. How dare you, Lord of the Rings, invade my cultural happy place so brutally, you ubiquitous beardy bastard? Why can’t you leave me alone? Your ubiquity has devalued any artistic merit the books might have had for me completely. Happy now?
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| 05/08/2016 | marked as: | getting-even | ||
Comments (showing 1-50 of 53) (53 new)
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Rod
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rated it 4 stars
Nov 16, 2012 03:50AM
Needs some animated GIFs.
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You are Ringleader of the Tormentors.
I wonder if anyone else has ever read the entire three books out loud to a nine-year old as a bed-time story like I did? It took us months and months of plodding as we slowly crossed the mountains and valleys of Middle-Earth but it was an absolutely unforgettable experience and I learned, little by little, to share in a child's innocent wonder at a huge adventure.I loathed the films when they came out soon afterwards and I'm wondering if it was they, plus all their offspring, that have inspired your review. I reckon that the shire and the hobbits, Mordor and Sauron, were worlds that I could only take on paper. Some words should never be accompanied by images - animated or otherwise.
I am happy to remain blissfully ignorant of any other ring quest stories in any form.
I still haven't read any of the Lord of the Rings books...
What do you mean, "quest for a misplaced ring"? Don't you know (view spoiler)?PS How about that for responsible use of spoiler tags?
Fionnuala - yes. I read all of the Hobbit to my son when he was about seven and then moved on to LotR. A year or two later, he wanted them again, but he would often wake up before me and read ahead. Then he tried the Silmarillion, but struggled with that, so I read it to him. Beautiful language, but really hard to read aloud and keep the meaning. For me, it was positive. I hated my attempt at the Hobbit when I was a child, but came to love Tolkien through my son's eyes.
Great review, by the way, MJ. I know what you mean.
"their lair of medieval gimps called Bilbo and Bongo on an implausibly long and homoerotic quest for a misplaced ring"Haha, this! My male friends keep telling me it's a bromance when obviously it's not.
Cecily wrote: "came to love Tolkien through my son's eyes."I think we may have hit on the best way for an adult to read LotR!
Having read this when it was 1st published in the US and 25 more times, I firmly disagree. As a cult classic and the father of epic fantasy, it has never been superseded, IMO. I fear you are too young to have avoided the pop culture stigma.
Cecily wrote: "Fionnuala - yes. I read all of the Hobbit to my son when he was about seven and then moved on to LotR. A year or two later, he wanted them again, but he would often wake up before me and read ahead..."I'm reluctantly liking MJ's review though I think 'tis 'blasphemous' hahaha. I had the books read to me before I could read them myself and the experience was fantastic. There's unfortunately a different tag attached to these now since the movies but when I read these without knowing about those films they were excellent literature.
I think the films were quite good, as adaptations go, but I'm very glad my son and I read the books before the films were made.
Cecily wrote: "I think the films were quite good, as adaptations go, but I'm very glad my son and I read the books before the films were made."Oh I do like them but I hate that they've relegated 'The Lord of the Rings' to pop-culture icon. That's not why Tolkien wrote the book...
To be fair, I'm not a fantasy enthusiast, which makes this whole review redundant. But enough is enough.
MJ wrote: "To be fair, I'm not a fantasy enthusiast, which makes this whole review redundant. But enough is enough."I'm not enthusiastic about that. Well actually I am. I like it how people have different tastes to me.
Your review isn't redundant, MJ; we've enjoyed discussing it, even if (or perhaps because) we don't all share your opinion.
Jonathan wrote: "I like it how people have different tastes to me."So do I, as long as those tastes are exactly the same things that I like.
MJ wrote: "Jonathan wrote: "I like it how people have different tastes to me."So do I, as long as those tastes are exactly the same things that I like."
So you like it how people have different tastes to me as well so long as those other non-me tastes are MJ-tastes. Got it. So we divide the world into Jonathan-taste and MJ-taste. You can have the west side of the world. I'll take the east.
OK, but you'd better disarm your nuclear arsenal, or there'll be trouble.
MJ wrote: "OK, but you'd better disarm your nuclear arsenal, or there'll be trouble."Oh yeah...I get North Korea don't I, hmmm
Hilarious. The mention of Sonic the Hedgehog has me shaking my fist at Tolkien. And I even read all the books. But even Zeppelin has LOTR influences, so I guess it somehow gets us all, somewhere
Oh just wait till you see my OMG review showing my love for it Steve hehehe. Well not exactly, but I will make an argument or two.
Jonathan wrote: "Oh just wait till you see my OMG review showing my love for it Steve hehehe. Well not exactly, but I will make an argument or two."I'm excited. I'll bring it to opening night of The Hobbit and preach it from a soapbox for you.
Jonathan wrote: "Oh just wait till you see my OMG review showing my love for it Steve hehehe. Well not exactly, but I will make an argument or two."Woo!
s.penkevich wrote: "Jonathan wrote: "Oh just wait till you see my OMG review showing my love for it Steve hehehe. Well not exactly, but I will make an argument or two."I'm excited. I'll bring it to opening night of ..."
That's the spirit! hahaha, what kind of soapbox.
Sean wrote: "sourpuss!"
That's MJ for you. Boring bloke that he is :P
Jonathan wrote: "wait till you see my OMG review showing my love for it Steve "Oh no more of those, please! LotR needs another positive review like Anne Robinson another facelift. Says the sourpuss.
Were not The Movies invented so we wouldn't need no more to read Tolkien? (amongum others)
Nathan "N.R." wrote: "Were not The Movies invented so we wouldn't need no more to read Tolkien? (amongum others)"Ha.
Having read this when it was 1st published in the US and 25 more times,Twenty-five?
TWENTY-FIVE??????????
...
TWENTY-FIVE??????????????????????????????????
I suppose that shouldn't surprise me, since I'm sure some of the Harry Potter fans I'm acquainted with have likely read the books that often, and I know someone who reads almost nothing but HP fanfiction and has more or less devoted her life to downloading and organising it (she seriously does almost nothing else), but whether I should be or not, I am. How does anyone read anything twenty-six times? Wouldn't it get a trifle dull after time twelve? I've never read any book even close to twenty-six times.
And considering the size and scope of LotR's fanbase (fucking enormous), I don't know that it would qualify as a cult classic. Take the word "cult" out, and though sadly our beloved alliteration is gone, peace be upon it, the result is more accurate.
Twenty five times does smack of somewhat obsessive behaviour and full-on fandom. Maybe Kernos read it over and over as a child, as we do with our more beloved books, then synchronised his reads when the films came out. But 25 is a lot. I can barely bring myself to read books I love a second time, largely for fear the magic won't be there on #2 read.
Christopher Lee reads it once a year, which I think is cool even though, yeah, that seems excessive to most people, myself included.
Yeh, actually 25+, and The Hobbit too but this is over 40 years. I was in college when it 1st came out in the US. I used to read it every year or so, last couple of decades about every 5 years. I'm about due for another read. There was nothing else like it for a long time. I had to go back, had to understand everything in the appendices and then from The Silmarillion etc. It's a world I escape to when humans make me crazy. The movies are disappointing. Not that they were not well done, but for some reason they just don't affect me like the books. In a sense they ruin the imagination. I used to get Tolkien calendars every year seeing how different artists visualized various scenes. Now they are all movie scenes, set in stone. I love the old Brother Hildebrandt images.
I typically reread books I really like. I have to. The 1st time I always read for effect. If a book is good enough I want to read it again closely to find all the things I missed.
Man, those people who write really long detailed and far-fetched sentences about nothing to describe how they dislike something because they do not appreciate artistic detail and deep meanings. All because they "hate mainstream." People like that are so freaking annoying. Don't you agree carbon monoxide huffing pointlessly long detailed sentence making guy?Also, LOTR is by far the best work of fiction. So put that in your non-mainstream pipe and smoke it.
Josh wrote: "Also, LOTR is by far the best work of fiction."Halt the presses! We have a winner! LOTR is the end of fiction. No need for further books. Let's all stay in re-reading Bagindorebobilbains for eternity on his quest to unlock the naakinmoofin of elderbumbleboo.
Good one, MJ! Reminds me of the promotional sticker on a very mediocre book I read recently: Best Book You've Never Read!
Almost made me give up reading forever...
MJ wrote: "No need for further books."Also, The BURIED Book Club is now Closed. Fook--so are the rest of my Worship Centers.
I will also send word by private/personal brief to Herr Joyce with this rather upsetting news. Fionnuala, can you let M. Proust know about this new situation. Someone get Kafka on the phone. Has Borges already heard? Should we keep this from Herr Mann just a little longer; he could get upset. Musil? I'll speak with Sam too when I get a hold of James. Belch? Dalkey will perhaps (finally) be converted into the recycled Kloh-paper manufacture that it always was.
Josh wrote: "Also, LOTR is by far the best work of fiction. So put that in your non-mainstream pipe and smoke it."Despite its ridiculousness, this is really one of the greatest comments I've ever seen on Goodreads.
Geoff wrote: "Despite its ridiculousness, this is really one of the greatest comments I've ever..."In fact, it is by far the best comment. No need for further comments. We have a winner. Let's all re-read the comment for ever. Hang up your commenting hats (and pipes).
Your over dramatic sarcasm is SO appreciated. And I am glad you consider me such a winner. Then again, if you didn't like LOTR, perhaps not.
Josh wrote: "Your over dramatic sarcasm is SO appreciated. And I am glad you consider me such a winner. Then again, if you didn't like LOTR, perhaps not."Hey Josh! On a serious note, welcome to goodreads. I hope you find a niche of folks to hang out with. I understand that some one million plus folks on gr share your opinion about Tolkien. You just happened to run across the 26 people who don't give a flying-rolling=doughnut about him. G'luck!
Why thank you for the welcome. And I truly understand differences in taste and opinion. And I truly do hate how everyone suddenly "loves" the book after the movies. I also enjoy some classy cynicism.
In almost every case the casual understanding of Tolkien's writing is completely wrong. Tolkien's writing isn't about WWII. It isn't about a contest between magic and civilization. Neither Gandalf nor Frodo is a Christ figure. And the quest Frodo is on is not to find a misplaced ring.The Enemy is questing for a misplaced ring. The good guys - Frodo, Sam, etc. - are trying to destroy a ring they've stolen from its rightful owner.
The real story is an anti-quest. Tolkien is doing a complete role reversal and exploding the usual fantasy tropes. And yet, despite being the actual trope setter, almost every derivative of Tolkien - including the movies - gets the basic story exactly wrong in every way that matters.
MJ has clearly stated, "I have been physically, cosmically unable to avoid it. And that hurts."Perhaps this isn't the place, Matt.
As for myself, I might (only might) be interested in hearing about this ring-thing-ding should my conversant be conversant in Orlando Furioso: Part 1 (& part 2 of course) and related Matters. But probably not.
Nathan: On the contrary, if he thinks it's a quest to find a misplaced ring, he's done a very good job in avoiding it and seems to me quite likely to continue to be effective in doing so. He could continue to consume popular culture in its myriad forms, including the 'Lord of the Rings' movies and as much World of Warcraft as he can stand, and (IMO) honestly say he knows nothing about the books or their plot. Quite obviously, there is only some popular culture he despises and prides himself on avoiding - the part that isn't popular.
Some of you (not Josh, please look away now) may appreciate this remarkable quote from my old China Mieville :Tolkien is the wen on the arse of fantasy literature. And there's a lot to dislike - his cod-Wagnerian pomposity, his boys-own-adventure glorying in war, his small-minded and reactionary love for hierarchical status-quos, his belief in absolute morality that blurs moral and political complexity. Tolkien's clichés - elves 'n' dwarfs 'n' magic rings - have spread like viruses. He wrote that the function of fantasy was 'consolation', thereby making it an article of policy that a fantasy writer should mollycoddle the reader.
That is a revolting idea, and one, thankfully, that plenty of fantasists have ignored. From the Surrealists through the pulps - via Mervyn Peake and Mikhael Bulgakov and Stefan Grabinski and Bruno Schulz and Michael Moorcock and M. John Harrison and I could go on - the best writers have used the fantastic aesthetic precisely to challenge, to alienate, to subvert and undermine expectations.
Mieville has replied for me (via Bryant). Thanks, Mieville (whose books I dislike too, but that's another matter).
Mieville also knows nothing about the books or their plot. Fortunately, his quote is spew the milk out of your nose funny, only not in the way he intended.
My review is against the noisome tropes and clichés Tolkein has created and placed into the culture, my lack of plot knowledge of the books is pretty much a given. Why are the things I consider culturally infra dig forever foisted upon me, and why I am forever being poked for my snobbishness and contrarianism because I favour unpopular forms of art no one gives two flying hoots about? (Rhetorical qs).
Hmmm...so what I'm reading in your review is that if it were less popular, it would be ok to like it?...I mean you pride yourself on on shunning pop culture and then mention D&D and sonic the hedgehog...or perhaps this whole review is just ego tripping?..
