Adam Ross's Reviews > I Only Say This Because I Love You: How the Way We Talk Can Make or Break Family Relationships Throughout Our Lives

I Only Say This Because I Love You by Deborah Tannen
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's review
Feb 05, 2009

really liked it
bookshelves: character-improvement, family-and-marriage
Read from February 04 to 13, 2010

A very helpful book in figuring out how families communicate and miscommunicate. It covers all the bases, from how spouses talk past one another, to siblings vs. siblings, parents and children, adult children and parents, parents and teenagers, etc. A lot of good discussions on gender differences being the main cause of a lot of problems in family. Girls talk to relate, boys talk to report information. Men tend to think they have good communication in their marriage if there are problems to which solutions are arrived at (a reporting, problem-solving perspective), whereas the wives in the same marriages think they have poor communication because their husbands never just sit and talk with them (a relational-talking perspective, no discussion of solutions to problems, just talking). Women connect in relational ways, men in reporting data and solving problems. Aside from some minor cultural assumptions (all teenagers inevitably rebel, etc.), quite helpful.
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