SKB's Reviews > Hyperion

Hyperion by Dan Simmons
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Mar 25, 2007

did not like it
Read in February, 2001

I cannot put into words how much I hate this book. A friend of mine gave me this book as a birthday gift, so I had to read it. I kept telling him I don't "do" most sci-fi, but he said based on other books I liked that I would probably like it. I did not. Oh boy, I did not. I also almost vomited on the bus when I got to the part about the cruciform. And there is an actual vagina dentata in the book--I totally laughed out loud because I thought, "Really? Dan Simmons, you are REALLY going to go there?"

Maybe if I had more tolerance for sci-fi or for gratuitous vagina dentata, I would enjoy this book. All I can say is, to paraphrase "Futurama," "I read it! I can never un-read it!"
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07/29/2017 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-24 of 24) (24 new)

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message 1: by Holly (last edited Aug 25, 2016 10:55AM) (new)

Holly There's a vagina dentata in Neal Stephensen's Snow Crash as well, but that book was actually good and the dentata had a plot point.

Check out the cover for David Brin's Glory Season (the original hardcover)--looks just like the cover for Hyperion.


message 2: by Matthias (last edited Aug 25, 2016 12:10PM) (new)

Matthias Ferber Okay, I have to clear up the record here. What actually happened was, as I remember it, a mutual friend of SKB's and mine asked her to pretend to be interested in Hyperion, so as to find out if I'd read a certain other book by Dan Simmons that he wanted to get me for my birthday. I was a little annoyed when I found out, and I insisted that she read Hyperion anyway. She did, even though (as evidenced above) it very nearly killed her, and she wasn't able to breathe on her own for some six weeks afterwards. She is a good, good friend and I esteem her highly for going through with it (although, in retrospect, I do wish I'd just let it slide).

Oh, by the way, that other book by Dan Simmons? Song of Kali . It makes the worst stuff in Hyperion read like Mary Poppins.


message 3: by Joe (new) - rated it 5 stars

Joe Yeah, it's not a vagina dentata. Just want to clear this up. The cruciform is a parasite that attaches itself to the nervous system. Later it is used by the Catholic Church as a way of reviving its members, and luring them into their fold so that they can control the galaxy.


message 4: by SKB (new) - rated it 1 star

SKB For the record, I was not referring to the cruciform as the vagina dentata. I was referring to the scene where there's a hot sex scene on the battlefield or something (it's been nearly a decade since I read the book), and the hot woman the dude is with turns into the Shrike and almost bites off his johnson. That is pretty much vagina dentata imagery right there.

I don't care how the rest of the series explains these things; I have absolutely no interest in reading more of this Shrike Shite.


message 5: by Joe (new) - rated it 5 stars

Joe Oh yeah! I nearly forgot about that scene! Maybe my mind wiped it out, but then again I read it quickly.

I will say that he gets better at writing female characters with later books. That scene was...yeah not great.


Jason Spicer I'm halfway through this book right now, and although I rarely put something down once I've started it, this book is seriously straining my patience. I picked up this book because my brother, who is also a goodreads member, rated it 4 stars. This book is full to the gills of everything that is wrong with science fiction. I will never read another by this author.


Davebo IIFFFFF you don't like Science Fiction...I kinda recommend "Ender's Game" as a starter... cuz it's all about people. pretty much. (Other stuff probably is, too)


Josh Gray Don't give a book a shit review b/c you don't like the genre. Sigh people like this are why Goodreads ratings are such an awful indicator of the actual quality of a book


message 9: by Davebo (last edited May 10, 2013 10:08PM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Davebo Josh wrote: "Don't give a book a shit review b/c you don't like the genre. Sigh people like this are why Goodreads ratings are such an awful indicator of the actual quality of a book"
Hopefully you see my 5 star rating, and are responding to the person who doesn't like Science Fiction. I love Science fiction... I was just trying to ... gently introduce SF to a person who seemed not to like SF.


message 10: by Josh (new) - rated it 5 stars

Josh Gray Davebo wrote: "Josh wrote: "Don't give a book a shit review b/c you don't like the genre. Sigh people like this are why Goodreads ratings are such an awful indicator of the actual quality of a book"
Hopefully you..."


Of course! Sorry I was responding to the rude original poster and I should have made that more clear!


message 11: by Lukas (new) - added it

Lukas Sprehn Or maybe you need to get some common sense knocked into your head, imbecile.


message 12: by Wistiu (new)

Wistiu Or just maybe you should rule out any book or genre that has any reference to Vaginas. be-toothed or not. Or is it the Religious aspect that throws you off as well. Maybe its best you stop reading this genre all together. Shrike shite? really now.


message 13: by Lukas (new) - added it

Lukas Sprehn Hm, maybe "imbecile" is too harsh. But it is indeed very stupid of you to take a sci-fi book if you don't like the genre, and read it and give it a bad review for the stupid reasons that you gave. Come on, give rate it based on the qualtiy of the craft itself, the writing, the structure, the characters, or just stay away from here SKB. Some of these reviewers are worse than the product condition reviewers on Amazon and the people giving it one star while stating they love the book/movie, and don't even get me started on the "This was a dull book." reviewers. Why not add some constructive lines about WHY it's dull?


message 14: by Josh (new) - rated it 5 stars

Josh Gray Lukas wrote: "Hm, maybe "imbecile" is too harsh. But it is indeed very stupid of you to take a sci-fi book if you don't like the genre, and read it and give it a bad review for the stupid reasons that you gave. ..."

What else do you expect from someone whose profile picture is of the the three Hunger Games novel and whose review holds them up as "the best novels she's ever read"
le sigh.


Andie I wish there were ways to rate and review GR reviews.

I enjoy negative reviews of works I love, to get a chance to consider other viewpoints and interpretations of the work. I thoroughly enjoyed reading Keely's highly detailed one-star review of "A Game of Thrones", a fantasy book I highly enjoyed, and I even found myself agreeing with many of his points despite my own completely different assessment of the work. This review however just ... annoys me. It lacks any sort of constructive criticism, instead choosing to focus on two of the multitudes of elements of the book, out of context to the plot or themes of the book. It just seems so frustratingly myopic.


message 16: by Rob (new) - rated it 2 stars

Rob There problems with this book have nothing to do with its genre, so the OP probably dislikes it just because it's not a good book. He/she may dislike, as I do, the fact that the WHOLE book is exposition, and what plot there is does not get finished. Simmons apparently expects me to buy another of his books just so I can know what happened in this one. Very bad form, even if the book were enjoyable otherwise, and I don't think it was. I was trudging through it from about the 1/4th point, hoping it would get better.


Shane Mcparland The book was meh, some of the stories were better but it's no masterpiece


message 18: by Hal (new)

Hal Hancock Exposition. Yeah, now I remember. I gave up on this book twice, bogged down in exposition. I've read very widely in SF, but exposition is deadly.


message 19: by Rob (new)

Rob Thompson I got half way and couldn't go on. Life is too short. Awful.


Oliver Hassani yeah... im just gonna say... that this review is god awful.


Steve C I can't get my head around how some people actually like this book.


Zashi I'm glad someone said it, I was reading that part like "Really? You're really going to go there aren't you?". For such a highly rated book there was so much weirdness in it.


Jonkonfui Lukas wrote: "Hm, maybe "imbecile" is too harsh. But it is indeed very stupid of you to take a sci-fi book if you don't like the genre, and read it and give it a bad review for the stupid reasons that you gave. ..."

You might find a book dull and can´t explain exactly why. I am currently reading it (I am starting with the third story) and I found the book too boring, so many descriptions, so many g-gravity zero entropy space shit... Come on it is not necessary to add so many nonsensical terms to describe something that no one will understand, and not even the author knows what is he writing about when only pretending to sound "technical".


message 24: by Angel (new)

Angel Josh wrote: "Don't give a book a shit review b/c you don't like the genre. Sigh people like this are why Goodreads ratings are such an awful indicator of the actual quality of a book"

I'm pretty sure she can review any book she wants for any reason she wants...really. Her OPINION isn't invalid because it differs from yours, idiot.

Lukas wrote: "Hm, maybe "imbecile" is too harsh. But it is indeed very stupid of you to take a sci-fi book if you don't like the genre, and read it and give it a bad review for the stupid reasons that you gave. ..."

Why do you think you think you can dictate how a review should be written? Go somewhere else with that bullshit because nobody cares. People like you are the reason nobody takes this genre seriously.

Wistiu wrote: "Or just maybe you should rule out any book or genre that has any reference to Vaginas. be-toothed or not. Or is it the Religious aspect that throws you off as well. Maybe its best you stop reading ..."

Thanks for the recap of the review everyone already read and is right above for future reference; you literally rewrote the entire thing. Pointless.

Andy wrote: "I wish there were ways to rate and review GR reviews.

I enjoy negative reviews of works I love, to get a chance to consider other viewpoints and interpretations of the work. I thoroughly enjoyed r..."


How old are you that you think your opinion of an opinion matters? That's why you can't rate reviews; because people already insist on doing this ridiculous shit.

Oliver wrote: "yeah... im just gonna say... that this review is god awful."

Your comment was awful AND unnecessary. Grow up.


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