Sophia.'s Reviews > The Book Thief

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
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THE BOOK THIEF: A Summary.

Liesel: Hi, I'm Liesel. I have no personality, but I'm a cute little girl.

Death: Her name is not Liesel. Her name is THE BOOK THIEF and I shall name her that for the rest of the book.

Liesel: Even though I stole, like, 3 books in total or something.

Death: Shut up, Book Thief.

Rudy: Hello everyone. Have you ever seen a lemon? That's what my hair looks like.

Death: Here is a little information you should know: this books is filled with many interesting facts. Very relevant and everything. We shall kick off with the definition from the dictionary of the word lemon.

Reader: The fuck?

Death: A lemon is a vegetable that is very yellow and acid. That's what the Book Thief's friend's hair looks like.

Reader: That's not a very good description. That's how I picture Rudy now. (view spoiler)

Death: Shut up and read so you can cry, reader.

*Intimidated reader keeps on reading*

Liesel: Papa!

Papa: Liesel.

Death: Reader, are you crying yet?

Reader: Can you just stop that?

Death: What?

Reader: That. Popping up out of nowhere?

Death: Get used to it. And keep on reading before I killz you! And woohoho, HERE'S A LITTLE FACT YOU SHOULD KNOW: This book is not gonna end well.

Reader: Are you serious? You could have used spoiler tags, man!

*Annoyed reader keeps on reading*

Liesel: Papa, can you play the accordion?

Papa: Yes, Liesel.

*Plays the accordion. Everyone else is bored*

Rudy: Hey, Saukerl.

Death: Listen, reader. Saukerl means bitch, basically, but I suppose it's less brutal if they say it in German. HERE IS ANOTHER LITTLE FACT YOU SHOULD KNOW: A lot of random words will be in German for the sole purpose of making this book look smart and bilingual. But it really is useless as every, and I do mean EVERY word in German is immediately followed by the English translation.

Reader: Errrr. What's the point then?

Death: Who said it has to be useful? I bet you're one of those ridiculous people who thinks a book has to have a plot? Or that characters have to be multi-dimensional? And you probably think that two metaphors per sentence is too much? Well, YOU ARE WRONG. This book will show you exactly how wrong you are.

Reader: Uh. Why did I pick up this book again?

Death: Because everyone luurved it. And you will, too.

*Skeptical reader keeps on reading*

Liesel: Papa!

Papa: Liesel.

Liesel: Mama!

Mama: Shut the fuck up, you slut bitch cunt fucking whore.

Liesel: Okayyy. Rudy?

Rudy: What, Saukerl?

Liesel: I don't know. I'm just bored.

Reader: So am I.

Rudy: Wanna go steal something?

Death: YO, READER. HAD YOU FORGOTTEN ME? HERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW. What the book thief and the lemon are about to do is going to end BADLY. You have the tissues ready?

Reader: What?

*Random shit happens*

Death: MUHAHAHAHA DIDN'T I SAY THAT WOULD HAPPEN?

Reader: I know. That's why I'm not crying. I kinda knew it, because you TOLD me EVERYTHING before it actually happened!

Death: Shut up and keep on reading.

Reader: But I'm already 524 pages in and nothing's happened yet! Sigh.

*Goes back to reading.*

Rudy: Saukerl, wanna play football?

Liesel: Okay.

*They play football and everyone else is bored.*

Death: HERE IS ...

Reader: Oh, man, not you again!

Death: I AM THE NARRATOR OF THE STORY AND THEREFORE I SHOULD BE TALKING AT ALL TIMES EVEN THOUGH I AM ACTUALLY INTERRUPTING THE NATURAL FLOW OF THE STORY.

Reader: Stop yelling at me.

Death: This is an information you should know: This was Nazi Germany and A BOOK WAS SOON TO BE STOLEN.

Liesel: Oh, a book. That's nice.

Death: SEE? IT IS NAZI GERMANY AND YET IT IS FULL OF BOOK THIEVERY.

Reader: Can you just stop glorifying book thievery? It's not that impressive. You make me expect something huge and it's not. So okay, she stole a book. BIG DEAL! It's not that amazing. Stop acting like it is.

Death: *glares*

Liesel: Papa?

Papa: Yes, Liesel?

Liesel: Can you read this book for me?

Papa: Yes.

*They read and everyone else is bored.*

Mama: Hey, you fucking punk ass motherfucking slut, dinner's ready!

Liesel: Coming, Mommy.

Reader: THE FUCK?

Death: Here are two informations that you should know. First, the definition from the dictionary of the word Dinner. Dinner is the main meal of the day, eaten in the evening or at midday. ...

Reader: This is a joke, right? What's the second information?

Death: A JEW IS COMING YOYOYO.

Reader: Thanks. I love to be surprised, so it's pretty cool to see how you spoil EVERYTHING. And practically nothing happens in the first place, so everything that COULD make me care for the book is now ruined.

Max: Hello, everyone. I am sweet and cliché and nice and Jewish. Love me?

Liesel: Yes!

Papa and Mama: Let's hide him!

Rudy: Hey Saukerl, wanna play football?

Liesel: No. Fuck off.

*Goes to play with Max. Everyone else is bored*

Max: Here Liesel. Look at these 16-pages-long drawings I made for you.

Reader: Am I supposed to read that? Hey, Editor!

Editor: Yeah?

Reader: Why didn't you make the words of these stupid drawings bigger? I can't see shit.

Editor: Not my problem.

Reader: Fine. I just won't read it, then.

Editor: 'S fine. You think I actually read them? Ha, ha. *moonwalks away*

Death: HERE IS A LITTLE FACT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

Reader: You better tell me that the story is over, I can't take it anymore.

Death: Fine. I will tell you how it ends.

(view spoiler)

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Reading Progress

August 9, 2012 – Shelved
Started Reading
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: flaws-in-the-concept
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: best-friends
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: bilingual
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: death
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: pretentious-writing
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: unconvincing-romance
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: unbelievable
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: unsatisfaying-ending
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: clumsy-symbolism
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: emotional-manipulation
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: world-war-2
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: too-cliche
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: too-many-repetitions
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: too-long-needs-editing
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: could-have-been-better
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: interesting-idea-or-concept
February 3, 2013 – Shelved as: disappointing
February 3, 2013 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-50 of 624 (624 new)


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) So, er, what's up with the mama character?


Sophia. Hahahaha, you should read the book (or not), she just spends her time insulting and just verbally assaulting Liesel, it's hilarious (not really but I was so bored I ended up finding it funny).


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Haha, no thank you. Your summary was entertaining enough. I read too many books where the parent(s) treats a Heroine like shit and she's like OMG MOMMY, DADDY, I LOVE YOU. LOVE MEEEEE. And I'm reading all, OMG I WANT BACKHAND YOU. CUT THEM OFF! Romance seems to love that trope.


Lexxie (un)Conventional Bookworms This review is epic!


Nimra khalid Alicia wrote: "Haha, no thank you. Your summary was entertaining enough. I read too many books where the parent(s) treats a Heroine like shit and she's like OMG MOMMY, DADDY, I LOVE YOU. LOVE MEEEEE. And I'm read..."

Oh Lord no..! that is NOT how that book is..I promise you that..


Jill I really liked this book, but this review is brilliant. You've totally brought Liesel's mom's character to life!


Sophia. Oh, thank you girls!


message 8: by [deleted user] (new)

Holy hell, that YELLOW picture! When I close my eyes, I can still see the image burned right into my eyeballs!


message 9: by rameau (new)

rameau This review is brilliant. Thanks for the laughs.


Lilyan LOL! And it STILL got 3 stars out of you! I'm scared to see what a 1 star review would look like!

I remember liking this book just because I felt like I had to, don't remember much of it except for ya (view spoiler) and it was a bit depressing.


message 11: by Zelda (new) - rated it 1 star

Zelda of Unapologetic Reviews Another book for my "I never ever want to read it" list!


message 12: by Kara (new) - rated it 3 stars

Kara Thank you for this! I needed that laugh today!


claudia I found this very funny because this was a totally accurate dexcription of this book. And, this was exactly what I was thinking while reading this. LOL! But seriously, I don't understand why this book has so many good reviews, because I had to force myself to keep reading.


message 14: by Gail (new) - rated it 3 stars

Gail Kirchenberg I loved this review and I think it very accurately depicted the book. You gave me a good laugh. I kept reading the book because people were telling me how brilliant it was- I don't see it.


message 15: by Heartofkenna (new)

Heartofkenna Love your review!!


message 16: by Jane (new) - rated it 5 stars

Jane Even though I loved the book this is a really accurate summary.


Carmen This made me laugh even though this is one of my favorite books.


Heather Johnson Hilarious review!


Avani Carmen wrote: "This made me laugh even though this is one of my favorite books."

Ditto.


Anushka Even though I love this book to no extent, your review made me laugh out loud! :D


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Is there something wrong with me that anytime I come back to this review I just read the Mama lines and cackle? I don't know why!


message 22: by Sophia. (last edited Apr 18, 2013 04:59AM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

Sophia. Oh thank you Anushka! And Alicia, haha, I'm glad! I especially enjoyed writing these lines (even though I had a hard time finding new cuss words, it's really harder than it looks!)


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Next time you need help with that just get me mad and I'll give you plenty. ;)


Sophia. Alicia wrote: "Next time you need help with that just get me mad and I'll give you plenty. ;)"

Hahaha, I'll keep that in mind if I ever need more swear words! (though I'll try to avoid the "getting you mad" part. Seems kinda.. scary.) :)


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Sophia. wrote: "(though I'll try to avoid the "getting you mad" part. Seems kinda.. scary.)"

It can be...

Though some assholes enjoy pissing me off to see me explode. They annoy me.


Fatema Your reviews are great! This is amusing and so true. *nods* Now I wonder why I liked this book.. Maybe I was bored or in the right mood for conversing with death. xD


Veerle Oh my, this review is hilarious, and so, so accurate! Sums up everything I disliked in this book, and why I feel like a just wasted a few days of my life.


Chelsi I was laughing so hard the entire time I read your review. hahaha that made my day.


message 29: by Gwen (new) - rated it 5 stars

Gwen Haaland Even though I loved this beautifully written book, your review had me laughing out loud. Some truisms. You could be a great writer of comedy. In fact you already are.


message 30: by Sophia. (last edited Apr 28, 2013 12:02AM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

Sophia. Gwen wrote: "Even though I loved this beautifully written book, your review had me laughing out loud. Some truisms. You could be a great writer of comedy. In fact you already are."

Oh, Gwen, thank you so much! That's so kind and.. I'm blushing a little now, haha. Thank you!!


Melinda haha, thanks for posting this!


Charlotte I loved this book but your review is hilarious, especially Rudy's lemon yellow hair! I had to imagine it as cloudy lemonade coloured.


Njeeri Thanks for the parody, but this book was brilliant.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Njeeri wrote: "Thanks for the parody, but this book was brilliant."

Thanks for the unnecessary comment, Kanye, but your opinion belongs here.


Cameron Mascari I loved the book but thought this was hysterical.


Njeeri It's one of those books I read slowly because I don' t want to finish and leave Molching, Alicia.


Alicia (is beyond tired of your *ish) Njeeri wrote: "It's one of those books I read slowly because I don' t want to finish and leave Molching, Alicia."

So?

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sucks to waste time reading a book that is crappy to you. But just because you loved this book so much doesn't mean everyone else does or should. So you coming in to someone else's review and dismissing what they said because you thought it was brilliant is rude and unnecessary. You're supposed to put your opinions in your review space. It only makes it worse that you haven't and then came in here to be dismissive.


Njeeri Alicia wrote: "Njeeri wrote: "It's one of those books I read slowly because I don' t want to finish and leave Molching, Alicia."

So?

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sucks to waste time reading a book that is crappy to..."


Am sorry if you misunderstood my comment, I said thanks for the review, it was funny after all. Then gave my opinion of the book.


message 39: by claudia (last edited May 16, 2013 05:20PM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

claudia I come back to this constantly and I still laugh my head off whenever I read this. It's brilliant.


Sophia. Hahaha, thanks so much Claudia, I'm glad! :)


claudia Gail wrote: "I loved this review and I think it very accurately depicted the book. You gave me a good laugh. I kept reading the book because people were telling me how brilliant it was- I don't see it."

That makes two of us.


message 42: by Kim (new) - added it

Kim Sophia, you captured my sentiments about this book.

I tried reading this book because of the rave reviews I had seen. My experience was not rave-worthy. i wondered if I was reading a knock-off version or perhaps it was badly translated from English-to-Polish-to-Icelanic and then back to English. I also wondered if I had a soul because so many people commented about how the book touched their heart, and yet I was rooting for Death to quickly wrap things up.


message 43: by Rhea (new)

Rhea :D Oh wow, I did actually enjoy this book however your review is SUCH an accurate description of it


Suchi Love it, your review more than the book!


message 45: by Lynn (new) - rated it 3 stars

Lynn Williams I agree with Suchi, review was better than the book. You review is hilarious! Book was terrible.


Vinathi Alaburger loved the book, but your review still made me laugh haha


message 47: by May (new) - rated it 3 stars

May If the book had been cut to 1/4 of its length, I'd probably have loved it....as such, I enjoyed your review far more :)


Michael This is exactly how the book is. Except it is not even as interesting as this summary was.


Kornelia It's odd that you felt that way about Death... I loved Death's ever presence and I think that if Death wasn't the narrator, we would have lost touch with the characters and the story. I found his voice quite powerful and wise... Over looking the haunting humans...
This whole book is a metaphore... As much as I like some "read between the lines" signifiance, I think it overflowed at parts... I never felt too much for Liesel... But I found myself falling over Rudy, the lemon boy! Why? Manipulation... You're a wonderful sarcastic satyrical writer... You made me look at the book from another angle... Without making me want to break your legs with chopsticks...


Rlabbe 2748 Thank you. I thought I was mentally deficient - until I read this and this was exactly how I felt. Exactly. I don't think I can try again. Brilliant review. I wish I could love it - so many others do apparently do but yep. This is how I saw it.


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