karen's Reviews > My Robot Body Will Make You Cum

My Robot Body Will Make You Cum by Dixon Heurass
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i'm going to be floating some of my favorite monsterporn reviews until thursday, since goodreads informs me this is "romance week." hey, beasts - bring on the romance!


wow. just...wow.

okay, this is just... wow.

so. robot sex.

what is this about? well, it is about a man who meets a woman at a halloween party who is insatiable.he is dressed as a robot, she is a nurse, naturally, and they find they have a great deal of sexual compatibility.

he has a huge dick. at some point, she punches it during their first lovemaking session. punches it. amazing.

he is not a man you take home to mama - he enjoys taking pictures up girls' skirts and shoving his lovers over fences. and she is a special kind of woman, the kind who has nipples the size of thumbs and yells things like "gimmie that hot robot cum, you piece of fucking metal!!"

so they get married, but the bedroom gets boring. and he still actually wants to be a robot.

katrina is unwilling.

"I need a hot, meaty dick. You know that! A metal rod isn't gonna be able to satisfy me!"
"Sweetie, we could design whatever dick you want! You'd get the perfect cock, engineered to
pleasure you!"They would never see eye to eye on this. Katrina was just so old fashioned and unwilling to keep up with the changing world all around her.

what a square...

and a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. so he does. and now he is a robot. with like a million dicks, each larger and more specialized/terrifying than the last.

hips and pelvises creak and "shatter", rusty bear-trap jaws rip fabric, James pulled out once more and Katrina's now huge, cavernous snatch sagged in on itself like soufflé removed from the oven too early....


and... oh god... the last two dicks i can't even think about.

i just can't.

this story is amazing. it is funny and graphic and it made my body ache and feel squirmy.

i will never take a robot lover.
never never never.

but i will definitely read more from "dixon heruass," certainly his real name.

seriously funny, gross stuff here.

come to my blog!
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Reading Progress

June 5, 2012 – Started Reading
June 5, 2012 – Shelved
June 5, 2012 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-50 of 66 (66 new)

rose vibrations "Katrina's now huge, cavernous snatch sagged in on itself like soufflé removed from the oven too early...."


message 2: by Sunny (new)

Sunny No. No, no, no, no, no. That was just... wow.
*secretly planning to some day read more than just Karen's reviews*

message 3: by karen (new) - added it

karen i love this. i cracked up, seriously.

message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

This one sounds like the stories I started to make up about my fellow regular members in the journal section of Okcupid before I got my public library's IP blocked.

message 5: by Jubilation Lee (new)

Jubilation Lee And the cover seems just as classy and carefully planned as the book itself! :D

message 6: by karen (new) - added it

karen the cover is so much cuter than the really aggressive robot in this book. i really really love the covers on smashwords.

message 7: by [deleted user] (new)

message 8: by karen (new) - added it

karen hahahah sexxy!

message 9: by Cass (new)

Cass Oh my. That was hilarious. Makes me want to read the book.

message 10: by Camille (new)

Camille Oh my god...

message 11: by Nicole (new)

Nicole Gah, why is her snatch so deep and cavernous?! Is that ever explained in the book?

message 12: by karen (new) - added it

karen well, the robot stretched it out a great deal.

message 13: by Nicole (new)

Nicole I thought maybe her vagina was just very deep and cavernous to begin with. I was visualizing her with like elephantine labia or something. A vagina with a head and feet.

message 14: by [deleted user] (new)

Now we're talking.

Dixon Heurass @Karen
Thank you so much for this review. It means so much to me to see someone reading my stuff and enjoying it.

I was sad to hear that you found the robot character in my sex book unsympathetic. (<-Holy Shit! I just wrote that sentence!) I didn't intend for the vaginal-enhancement session to sound so horrible. But this sort of criticism is what keeps me growing as an "artist".

Yes, the deepness and cavernousness is explained in the story. Fault "My Robot Body Will Make You Cum" how e'er you will, but the narrative is sound. No plot hole is left unfilled with Dixon on the case.

Dixon Heurass @Nicole
Thank you. Where can I send your 10% commission for "My Elephantine Labia Will Make You Cum"?

message 17: by Ruby (new) - added it

Ruby  Tombstone Lives! Dammit. Just saw this and thought: Gotta show Karen! But you arrived first...um..... so to speak.

message 18: by Ruby (new) - added it

Ruby  Tombstone Lives! LOL. I'm not sure what shelf to put this on. Perhaps, "Dipping in and out of"?

message 19: by Ruby (new) - added it

Ruby  Tombstone Lives! Oh my. I just read your review properly this time. She punches it? New sidekick for Cockpuncher? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMByDf...

Dixon Heurass @Ruby

She punches it playfully, giving him an "attaboy" for a job well done.

message 21: by [deleted user] (new)

Who designed your cover, Dixon?

message 22: by Ruby (new) - added it

Ruby  Tombstone Lives! Dixon wrote: "@Ruby

She punches it playfully, giving him an "attaboy" for a job well done."

As you do.

Dixon Heurass @Justin
I did it my very own self with some stock photos and GIMP. I'm sure a real graphic designer should have done a better job, but I think the terrible superimposed robot just worked in this case.

I may have painted myself into a corner making my own covers, though. I have no idea how I'm going to make sexy chupacabras or elephantine labia.

message 24: by Dominika (new)

Dominika Where can I buy it?;)))))

message 25: by Krok Zero (new)

Krok Zero someone plz let me know when the novelty porn era of goodreads dot com is over thanks bye

message 26: by Dominika (new)

Dominika ok found it;))))

message 27: by karen (new) - added it

karen Krok Zero wrote: "someone plz let me know when the novelty porn era of goodreads dot com is over thanks bye"

awwww, i don't think it will ever end., it is like true love.

message 28: by Rayroy (new)

Rayroy what's next "Gerlims Ravaged Me, but Gizmo Loved Me Slow"

message 29: by Alicia (new)

Alicia Oh my.

message 30: by Alicia (new)

Alicia So how does he react to the cock-punching?

message 31: by Nicole (new)

Nicole Dixon, I will carefully consider how to do cover art for elephantine labia and get back to you ASAP.

Dixon Heurass @Alicia
Shock but delight. Aplomb, even.

message 33: by Ademption (new)

Ademption Karen, I love how you're done with monster porn, which means the next step is robot porn. Clearly!

message 34: by Terri (last edited Jun 06, 2012 10:11AM) (new)

Terri Bogard I always giggle at the titles and covers of the smut books that people put out there, but this is the first time I actually gasped out loud.

Dixon, are you me from the future? The sexy future?
Robot Goes To Prom by Terri Bogard

A thesaurus tells me that I am amazed, astonished, astounded, blown away, confounded, dumbfounded, speechless, shocked, staggered, and stunned by this.

I read "My Robot Body Will Make You Cum" and my only regret is using the free coupon code to grab it instead of paying you for it.

Can we meet IRL so I can shake your hand?

message 35: by Sandy (new)

Sandy Wow...wish MY name were Dicks Onyourass!

Dixon Heurass @Ademption It is a completely different genre. Karen is displaying depth of character by expanding her horizons like this.

@Terri Wow. That's crazy! I love the cover. Did you draw that? What is "IRL"?

@Sandy It's a rough name to have during late grade school/high school, but becomes pretty cool during college. You got the pronunciation correct! Most people say it "her-ass".

message 37: by karen (new) - added it

karen i don't know what follows robot erotica, but brian gave me a link to "sock" erotica and i might read that...

message 38: by Sandy (new)

Sandy Oh, dear, Karen...I guess you must have seen this ad online.... http://www.theluxuryspot.com/wp-conte...

message 39: by karen (new) - added it

karen oh, my. i had not. that is just.... why would anyone need that?

message 40: by Delilah (new)

Delilah Fawkes OMG! I'm laughing so hard in the best possible way at this review. I'm definitely going to have to check this one out.

Dixon, you sound like a man after my own heart! <3

Dixon Heurass @Delilah I'll always be grateful to Karen for introducing me to your "I Fucked the Swamp Creature". And now, looking through your titles, I see The Droid Who Loved Me ! I suppose great minds really do think alike!

message 42: by Delilah (new)

Delilah Fawkes Hells yes they do! ;) Hahaha. Sick minds = best minds.

message 43: by karen (new) - added it

karen droid porn. jesus, i will never catch up...

Dixon Heurass @Terri I just finished Robot goes to Prom. It was a-DOR-able! And even got a little steamy at the end!

message 45: by Terri (new)

Terri Bogard Dixon,
Now I feel extra guilty for downloading your book for free...

Right now, my stories are exclusive to Amazon, which doesn't allow freebies. But that's changing THIS WEEK. Once I get them all up on Smashwords, I can repay you with some free coupons.

IRL = (I)n (R)eal (L)ife
I was mostly kidding, though.

Dixon Heurass @Karen I've been hard at work on the cover for your monster porn request. It might spoil the secret true nature of the chupacabra, but...

[image error]

Where's her arm coming from? Where's the rest of her leg? How does the sombrero fit on top of her vagina's head without bumping up against her stomach? Science will never know the answers.

message 47: by karen (new) - added it

karen chupacabras wear hats? awesome!

message 48: by mark (new)

mark monday James pulled out once more and Katrina's now huge, cavernous snatch sagged in on itself like soufflé removed from the oven too early...


message 49: by mark (new)

mark monday Krok Zero wrote: "someone plz let me know when the novelty porn era of goodreads dot com is over thanks bye"

poor Krok Zero! i am suddenly reminded about complaints re. Celebrity Death Match reviews.

but these novelty porn reviews are just too good to want to give them up.

message 50: by karen (new) - added it

karen i know. i kind of feel bad, but i have been reading other stuff, too!! i have! but my poor brain is overtaxed these days, so i can't focus on anything big and serious. just big and potentially anatomically-painful.

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