Bern's Reviews > The Raie'Chaelia

The Raie'Chaelia by Melissa Douthit
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May 31, 2012



Dear Ms. Douthit,

What a shame. Really, what a shame. Before yesterday I had never heard of your existence or of this book you wrote, whose title is, at best, unpronounceable. I'd never heard of the whole hoopla between you and quite a few reviewers on GR, some of them my friends, even. I wouldn't have been able to pick your name out of a list even if it had been highlighted with a scandalous pink marker, and the reason for that is that your existence wasn't relevant to me - not that it is now, mind you. But now I do know who you are, obviously.

And you know what?

I don't like it. I don't like how you can't take criticism, how you think people lack the right to express their opinion of what you wrote with whatever language they see fit and how you go around pointing fingers when you, yourself went digging around for information on a reviewer who was perfectly fine staying anonymous as she always was. I don't like any of it, and what's more, I read this book's blurb and I felt no interest whatsoever in picking it up.

And it isn't because of your attitude (although I would never read The Raiewhatsitsname because of it anyway). It doesn't look like something I'd read. I don't get the title, I think this name-inventing shtick of yours is confusing and lacking in real significance and the blurb is too cliched to interest me at all. And guess what? I AM IN MY RIGHT NOT TO WANT TO READ THIS BOOK. I am a free individual who lives in a free country and I will read what I want and this is definitely not it.

Your flashing demonstration of unprofessionalism is shocking and purely ugly. Ugly. I intend to be a writer someday and I'll be damned if I ever take heavy criticism by lashing out on a hissy fit about how everyone's so ridiculously mean to poor old me and my strangely named book.

This isn't how this industry works, sweety. It works like this: you write, we review it. We're not telling you how to do your job - though it's obvious someone ought to give you a few pointers in the whole reader interaction bit, I think you got that all wrong - so you don't get to tell us how to do ours.

I'm ending this rant now before I get too hot headed to hold myself back from insults. Knowing how much you dislike that sort of language being used when describing your work, I wouldn't want you to have another fit, now, would I?

Edit: The following is on the last page of Melissa Douthit's The Raie'Chaelia (or whatever it's called):

Before You Go ... If you have time, please take a moment to write a review of this book by visiting the author's Amazon page or by visiting www.melissadouthit.com.  Your reviews are very important in that they provide valuable feedback.  Thank you!

The irony is just too much for me. I can't. I just can't.

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Reading Progress

Finished Reading
May 31, 2012 – Shelved

Comments (showing 1-48 of 48) (48 new)

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message 1: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern But Dem, I can't fight it, it's my nature! I'm a horrible, horrible person who can't stop *gasp* spouting my opinions about and also *gasp* making use of heavy language when I do it!

*gigglesnorts too* I'm high fiving you to the moon and back, muchacha


message 2: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern I know I really ought to get some help for this. Big case of the meanies and all. Why, clearly we are! Where else would we have sprouted from if not the burning depths of hell itself?

We're the incarnation of pure evil, don't you think?


message 3: by Arushi (new)

 Arushi Both of you should die in a fire already. Soulless bitches and a sorry excuse for humans *spits on the ground*

How could you guys talk smack about a book with the cover so gorgeous? I wish my eight year old cousin was here so we could just stare at it in awe and gush about it all night. We'll find our true self with the help of a friendly old man *swoon*


message 4: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern I don't know, Rush, it's not really a party until there's at least three people, you know? So if you wanna join us amidst the roaring fire and all, feel free to do it.

And I think it's because we're obviously children of Satan. Anyone with half a brain would figure that out but not some VANITY authors around here, so yeah... Shame.


message 5: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern OMFG GURLFRAN ME TOO! Devout Christians are such a drag, always believing the absurd crap you make up about yourself and then widening their eyes in shock as if they were in the presence of the anti-christ or something. Odd people, those ones. PFFT me neither where would I even get that stuff from???

I know I HAVE NO IDEA EITHER O.O I THINK YOU'RE JUST NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW, YOU KNOW? JUST LIKE NOBODY ELSE BESIDES US KNOWS ABOUT THIS BOOK. Buuuuuuuurn


message 6: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern Hell, I've never met a priest, now I feel diminished. Oh people have been calling me evil for eons, Christian or non-Christian but I have no idea why. Maybe it's the bangs. I threw a shoe at a friend once. It hit his face and I knew it would hit his face and he'd been annoying me all day and I just did it. I was ten, but still. SPAWN OF THE DEVIL, YO

THERE'S NO JOKE, JUST LAUGH AND GO WITH IT~


message 7: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern There's a special place in hell for people like us. I just hope they serve good food there

BAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA. HAHAHA....ha....ha...BAHAHAHAHA


message 8: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern I know, I know but when I started it I was exploding with rage due to her ignorance so I failed to hold it back. I'm going to delete that part - although, honestly, it just looks so damn appropriate when I think about the stuff she said - but no! I shall take the high road (sort of) and not comment on her sex life.

You made me a better person, Paige.


message 9: by Richard (new)

Richard Derus Your flashing demonstration of unprofessionalism is shocking and purely ugly. Ugly. I intend to be a writer someday and I'll be damned if I ever take heavy criticism by lashing out on a hissy fit about how everyone's so ridiculously mean to poor old me and my strangely named book.

Very well said indeed.


message 10: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern @Richard thank you, I tried to keep it as classy as I could and boy, was it a chore


message 11: by Richard (new)

Richard Derus But worthwhile. You look better than she looks.


message 12: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern Oh, you know, I try...


message 13: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern OH MY GOD, THEY'RE SO CUTE AND GAHHH! This book isn't worthy of having such perfectly cute kittens in its review, regardless of it being my review and all. I want to name them, can I name them? Can I?


message 14: by Bern (last edited Jun 01, 2012 09:19AM) (new) - added it

Bern YEEEEEEEES! I shall call the black one Beatrice, and she's the sassiest of all sassy cats to ever exist; next comes the gray one, which I hereby name Paolo Enrico, because he's the cutesy italian lover every kitty in the neighborhood wants for her - or him- self; and last but not least comes Berty Chubbycheeks, the laziest kitten in the world and as orange as they come, too.

(Aw, now I wantz picture of your cat too... Give me it, give me it!)

Woah, you have created a kitty-loving monster O.O


message 15: by Barbara (VampAngel) (last edited Jun 01, 2012 01:18PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Barbara (VampAngel) Very classy. I went the other way with all the cussing and name calling, because I'm way too evil to be polite. I mean I walk in a Church and the Holy Water starts to boil. It's very embarrassing when I attend weddings.

PS: Adorable kittens, can I have one? Maybe the black? I'll call him Lucy, because of Lucifer, of course.


message 16: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern @Dem I AIN'T NO TRAITOR, WHAT'S WRONG WITCHU, POINTIN' FINGERS LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE, U MAD?

I am a prince. I care not for the sentiments of a peasant puppy. *pffts*


@VampAngel I actually wanted to cuss like fuck and tell the woman to shove her "principles" but someone had to take the high road and it clearly wasn't going to be her so the task fell upon me and you know how these things go

PS: HER NAME IS BEATRICE and you can take her home for today because I'm feeling relatively nice u.u And wow you're from Brazil too, HI *waves*


message 17: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern I, TOO, AM PUPPYLICIOUS SEEING AS HOW I'M THE ONE WHO COINED THE TERM.

SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN AND CALM

THE FUQ

DOWN


message 18: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern I'M PUPPYKITTYFERGALICIOUS. I aaaaaaaall kindsa delicious, Dem. Aaaaaaaall kinds...


message 19: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern THEYRE MY SPIRIT ANIMALS. Now I iz Puppykittyfergapandalicious. Dayum.


message 20: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern Taste the rainbow. Good times, man. Gooood times. You know what I like? Bunnies. MY BUNNY LIES OVER THE OOOOOCEAN! MY BUNNY LIES OVER THE SEEEEEEEEEEEE- *gets hit by a shoe*


message 21: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern I don't think so, no. I'm pretty sucky with lyrics, I get them wrong and I stick to it, it's amazing how i haven't gotten booed yet, people really ARE nicer than everybody gives them credit for I know ok believe me I know


message 22: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern Idk man maybe it's CAUSE I'M A PRINCE OMFG LUV ME SUM DWAGONS


message 23: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern Look at me, with my frocked overcoat and your arms linked with mine... WE'RE FUCKING GORGEOUS OMFG, YES! LOVE ME THEM TOO!

what about... KOAHLAHS AND KAHNGAHRUSE?


message 24: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern THAT'S RIGHT GURL YOU TELL THEM WHO WE ARE WE AIN'T PLAYING WITH NO BITCHES

*scoffs* I LOVE CEE PONIES ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Hm... what about DOLLFINS?


message 25: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern You know it, girl

ZOMg NO WAI DOLLFINZ EET PPL????


message 26: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern WHAT IF THEY KILL ME THOUGH? I IZ INNOCENT BYSTANDER, I NO WANT TO DIE!!


message 27: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern BITCH YOU WERE THERE WITH ME IF THEY DEEM ME GUILTY SO ARE YOU, SO YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS GOING AND FIND US A DAMN GOOD LAWYER


message 28: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern Woah. You dream biiiiiig. CAN'T WE JUST AUDITION FOR THE X FACTOR OR SOMETHING? I HEAR BRITNEY WILL BE THERE OK WE NEED TO GO SEE HER!!!!!

I seriously like Britney, though, it's sad.

(view spoiler)


message 29: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern I REFUSE TO GO TO JUDGE JUDY IF WE DON'T GO TO SEE BRITNEY. EITHER YOU CAVE IN OR WE JUST STAND HERE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. Hey, remember when I was practically gay and also a prince? Oh, wow. I wonder what sort of terribly loud, messy and offensive fits I can throw that you can't even fathom. Huh.

(view spoiler)


message 30: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern AWYEAH BRITNEY YEAH! It's ok, I got what i wanted, no bitch fit needed. I can still throw one for your entertainment - WHOO, ADAM LAMBERT REFERENCE - if you want to, though

(view spoiler)


message 31: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern Good, I didn't feel like getting all riled up for nothing, it's just so damn exhausting and seeing as how later I'm going to be reading the stupid novel this review pertains to, I need to save my energy.

(view spoiler)


Thalia Okay, I'm just jumping in here, but...*applauds*
Seriously, I could applaud over this for hours.

I'm still reading it, too. Just because the author gave me a free copy like, a year ago, because she so valued my honest opinion.


Thalia Hm, stragely, she forgot to specify. I suppose I'll have to write whatever the heck comes to mind then. (:

Maybe I'll accidentally spill a bag of salt all over my review when I reach for the sugar...


message 34: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern @Dem I will, actually. Please pray for me as I'm sure this will take its toll on me, and enormously so.

And I really don't, I say it as the Ray-ah-Cha-Lee-ah but who knows? Maybe it's not meant to be spoken out loud or something.

(view spoiler)(view spoiler)

@Thalia SHE KNOWS YOU? Ohmygod you have to find out her address so we can send her flaming bags of poo, you just have to!

And you evil, evil little witch! How dare you suggest her book deserves anything but the brightest of all glowing reviews?


Thalia Bernardo: Oh goodness, can you BELIEVE it? The worst part is that she was glowing, sunshine and rainbows--my first author interaction after becoming a reviewer and she was so ridiculously nice. In fact, I think she's STILL in my email contacts for my blog email.

AND she asked for my opinion on what the cover of the sequel should look like.
I was shocked and appalled by her behavior, and was disgusted with myself for quite sometime for friending such a nutcase. XD

Okay okay, instead of giving stars, I will find the rainbow button and rate it that. I mean, it has to be the greatest piece of fiction to ever grant planet earth, isn't it? It's a shame so many people are going to miss out on it.


message 36: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern Dem, I shall leave you no such thing! You're getting all my books and Paddy, my teddy bear whose real name is top secret and you shall never find out.

(view spoiler)

Thal (that's your new nickname, by the way) SHE ASKED YOU WHAT ABOUT WHAT? What a complete retard, as if any of her covers weren't puke worthy. Hilarious, that woman.

I, too, shall find this rainbow button you speak of and I will rate this book with five thousand different rainbows, whee! It really is, I wonder when people are going to stick their heads out of their asses and see that there's a wonderful world filled with shitty books that cost 0.00 on amazon- I MEAN WHAT


Thalia I've never had a nickname before! :D (Well, someone tried calling me Tallie for a time, but...it didn't stick, ahaha.)

She didn't even go with the one I liked better. :'(

RAINBOWS OF EVERY DIFFERENT COLOR.
But but but, if you want to read all the other books in the fabulous series, you've got to pay like, ten dollars to get them all. Because OF COURSE after you read the first one, we'll all just be DYING TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.


message 38: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern Oh pff, that's because they weren't moi, of course! My nicknames are forever, so yeah, get used to it yo~

She what? Oh, this is just TOO much! Don't you cry, my dear, I shall go cut off all her hair as she sleeps and throw all her underwear on the rapids. She's about to get PUNK'D.

YES, OH GOD, YES!

No. No, seriously. Check amazon. They're free. They're ALL free. Even amazon knows she's worthless. Even. Goddamn. Amazon.


Thalia I KNOW, RIGHT?
I was like, "This one matches the first one, and it's prettier and the dragon looks really cool, and look, they'll all match up and--" and then PUBLISHED, OPINION DISREGARDED.

*heavy sigh* It took me awhile to get over it, and I'll admit, I got a little misty talking about it just now, but knowing the fate that awaits her made me feel oh-so-better, Bernie.

No? Nah, my nicknames are always terrible. XD

They're free for Prime accounts. Low lifes like me who have Prime accounts but no Kindle have to pay full price. :(


message 40: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern THOSE BITCHES! How dare she ignore your opinion as if it meant nothing? LET'S BURN HER ENTIRE WARDROBE. YOU UP FOR IT?

*sighs intensely too* I am hugging you despite the distance, do you hear me? Everything's going to be alright. The bad, bad woman is going to sink even further and you shan't have to remember her petulant behavior anymore, Thal.

Dude. I don't have a kindle either. Get a kindle for pc, it's free duh


Jessie  (Ageless Pages Reviews) I am so sad - I went to like this and I already had :(


Thalia EXACTLY! EX-ACT-LY.
LET THE BURNING COMMENCE. *gets pitchfork*

And I shall hug you back--across the entire country! I choose to ignore everything she is.
Or keep looking at her posts and allowing myself to laugh a little over them. I could do that.

WAIT, WHAT.
THAT'S A THING?
*runs*


message 43: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern @Jessie You can always unlike it then like it again, it's what I would do if I were you, you know. But HAI *waves* Where have you been, woman?

@Thal BURNNNNNNNNN! *flames reflect on his eyes as he grins maniacally*

Cross-country hug off, awyeah! I choose to cackle endlessly over her meaningless existence. BAHAHAHA.

UH, DUH? MONKEYS LIKE BANANAS?
GET IT, GIRL, GET IT FAST!


message 44: by Jessie (Ageless Pages Reviews) (last edited Jun 03, 2012 08:28AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Jessie  (Ageless Pages Reviews) Pfffft. For some reason I had to leave the house and celebrate a friends birthday. I know it took me from your side and for that I will never forgive myself!


message 45: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern @Archer Why, thank you! It's nice to know not everyone's lost their sense of ridicule like some authors around here...

@Jessie Oh, nonsense! I had to go to sleep eventually, anyway, so it's not like you missed much - other than my royal sleep-thrashing, that is. But WHOO bday partay, how was that?


message 46: by June (new)

June Helmsley I wanna read your book! A lot of it has to do with the fact that I want a delicious author photo of you to lick stare at.


message 47: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern Wait, whoa, whose book? And whose photo is getting licked? Rawr


message 48: by Bern (new) - added it

Bern Thank you, I like to think she'd grow as a person if she had the chance to read this.


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