Sophia's Reviews > Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward
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really liked it
bookshelves: personal-development

THIS is what my stepfather does. He is toatally a punisher! Its nice to have names for things, it makes them seem more manageable, more comprehensive. It helps my brain organize behavior idk idk. I actually did take a lot of really great stuff from this book. Some of it Ive been doing for a while, but most of it i haven't really been conscious of, and a lot of her advice and techniques are brilliant. Like non-devensive communication, i used taht with my mother last night and it was great. I mean there really are no other ways to deal with my parents, in the past ive just done my best to never talk to them because no matter what i say could and would be used against me in some way in future conversations. And with D. there really is no salvaging any type of relationship, and he isnt going to change, but maybe at least this will help me deal with what communication we do have effectively (mandatory communication). Right now he's clinging to that last strand of control he has over me because i use his car and that means he thinks he can veto my right to go/do anything and actually doesnt really allow me to leave the house for anything other than work... obviously this leads to a lot of lying on my part. I leave early, i "work" late, whatever. I shouldnt have to lie, but i dont feel like im going to get very much out of this. Im going to try this but i somehow dont think it will be very effective with him. My relationship with my motehr might be easier to help. Anyway, i recently had come into some idea of how much blame i take upon myself, but i think this kind of pushed the limit of my realization fartehr. It has expanded from, "wow i guess columbine and the tsunami and the holocaust wernt my fault after all" to something more realistic. Now i understand taht its not all about just understanding taht im not to blame for big things, its about not feeling guilty when someone yells at me because i used all the vinigar and i need to adopt more of an "okay, so we'll just buy some more" kind of attitude. But its also undesrstanding taht i have needs and expectations too, so my life is going to be much less putting myself last. I understand its all give and take, but i should at least get my way sometimes. I think the big kicker was not apologizing for stating how i feel. If someone gets upset because i feel neglected or alone im not going to apologize for that. Ive stated how i feel, making me apologize isnt going to fix anything. And now looking back i realize that my freind K. was really bad about emotional blackmail too... she convinced me to give her my lucky charm once, which meant a lot and was very important to me, knowing taht i would never get it back. She convinced me to pay for everything for her and yelled at me even when i was doing something nice. I knew back then that i didnt want to be freinds with her anymroe, so i slowly started to communicate less and less with her. I thought moving out of my parents house was the best course of action, and it was. But it didnt solve any of my problems with them long term. It gave me perspective and leeway and it was a very valuable experience,but undoubtably i will have to communicate with them at some point and running away is not the answer.
Oh no better hurry and write my book before my life is perfect and i die!
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Reading Progress

May 23, 2012 – Started Reading
May 23, 2012 – Shelved
May 23, 2012 – Shelved as: personal-development
May 28, 2012 –
page 120
May 31, 2012 –
page 190
June 1, 2012 – Finished Reading

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