Linda Martin's Reviews > The Devil's Dilemma: Abandoned Parents

The Devil's Dilemma by Sharon Ann Wildey
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really liked it
bookshelves: 2020, child-welfare, families, non-fiction, paperback, self-published

I am surprised by the negative reviews this book got and am guessing these reviews could have been left by adult children who abandoned their parents and who don't want abandoned parents to pick up a book that would help them.

This book is very edifying and helpful for a parent who is dealing with the trauma of having been abandoned by an adult child. I wish this book had existed twenty years ago when my daughter abandoned me. By this time I've worked through most of the trauma but back then I would have loved knowing more about the issues and ... I would have loved knowing I was not the only one.

This book definitely is not just a rant. Not at all. It is full of analysis and helpful advice. There are only two things that bothered me about the book... well, three, really.

1. It was priced way too high for a paperback of about 100 pages.

2. The author is both a pastor and an attorney. I was hoping for more information from a Christian point of view, but instead she wrote more from the point of view of someone who experienced this trauma, and analyzed it.

3. There are some typos. I can't understand why anyone would let a book be published that hasn't thoroughly been edited. I found exactly 13 typos - it wasn't every page; most pages were just fine. I marked all the typos in pink and can easily tell the author where they are if she wants to contact me for that information.

It is because of the typos that I've given this book four stars instead of five. The information in the book was very helpful and well-presented. It is not overly scholarly.

Even despite all these errors and issues I very much recommend this book to anyone who is suffering from being abandoned by an adult child. We all need the comfort of knowing there are others who have experienced this treachery and survived.

As for my situation - my daughter has stubbornly refused to reconcile with me and has never told me why she won't talk to me. She was taken from me by her father, with his female friend as support in that endeavor. In court he told lies about me in the court papers and I was unable to defend myself from them. He had an attorney and I could not afford to hire one. I figured that if he was willing to lie to the court there were surely times my daughter was lied to about me as well. He once told me, "All's fair in love and war," and that apparently was his excuse for devious behavior that hurt me and damaged my relationship with my daughters.

It is a tragedy - but twenty years have gone by since she became 18 and she's had plenty of time to figure this out on her own and she hasn't ever given me a chance to tell my side of the story, or to correct inaccuracies in what she thinks she knows about me. By this time I've gone through all the stages of grieving and have emerged a strong and happy person who has converted to Christianity and who finds great comfort in knowing the love of the Lord. If Jesus loves me (and He does, very much) do I really care what other people think? Not really!

I pray for my daughter and her family, and hope someday she will recognize the truth... but I no longer yearn to have her in my life. The relationship is damaged and it would take time and effort to try to get it back on track. To be honest, at some point I stopped caring so much. As her mother of course I still love and pray for her, but if she wants to hold herself apart, it is okay with me. I don't spend my life wanting to be with people who don't want to be with me.
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Reading Progress

February 25, 2020 – Started Reading
February 25, 2020 – Shelved
May 8, 2020 – Shelved as: 2020
May 8, 2020 – Shelved as: child-welfare
May 8, 2020 – Shelved as: families
May 8, 2020 – Shelved as: non-fiction
May 8, 2020 – Shelved as: paperback
May 8, 2020 – Shelved as: self-published
May 8, 2020 – Finished Reading

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