Navin's Reviews > How to Win Friends and Influence People

"In the long run, flattery will do you more harm than good. Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else.
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned."

"No! No! No! I am not suggesting flattery! Far from it. i'm talking about a new way of life. Let me repeat. I AM TALKING ABOUT A NEW WAY OF LIFE."

From Chapter 2 - The big secret of dealing with people

Valere,a warm welcome - however the eventual take away of the book is to gain something by conditioned means...

We can always get ourselves to deliver sincere appreciation,yet we still pursue something - as in the the book - doesn't that override the genuine emotion that may reside in our hearts.

Actually, Valére, Carnegie talks about sincerity a lot and means nothing by it. I refer you to the nauseous chapter on Smiles, in which Carnegie counsels against an insincere grin because such a thing does not win friends but provokes a resentment. Thus, to win friends you must smile sincerely. What if you don't feel like smiling sincerely? Carnegie tells you that you should force yourself to do so. In other words, Carnegie counsels you to manufacture sincerity. Manufactured sincerity is not sincerity. It's acting. Therefore, since Carnegie's conception of sincerity is bogus, all his distinctions that are premised on this empty concept of sincerity are bogus as well. And that, of course includes the distinction between appreciation and flattery. Navin was right. This is a book that advises you to flatter everything that moves.

Paul wrote: "Actually, Valére, Carnegie talks about sincerity a lot and means nothing by it. I refer you to the nauseous chapter on Smiles, in which Carnegie counsels against an insincere grin because such a ..."

Paul I agree with you. I read your other review of this book and I agree with most of that too.

I've been a victim of these charlatans, and I sense acting and insincerity, from a parsec away.

However, I hope you will agree that nobody can read our minds, and so when we are indeed in love, or appreciate someone, we have to communicate it. Without rewarding goodness in others by communicating our appreciation of it, our peers will indeed fall into a "revolution of rising expectations" in which they fight back for being unappreciated for all their hard work.

This book is evil because it asks you to place mercy above justice; To treat wrongdoers as if they did no wrong, and deserve no consequences.

However it is often useful to think what makes wrongdoers to do wrong, and how they feel about their actions. Nobody thinks they are evil. Even Hitler, I bet, had a justification for his atrocities. I've often found that wrongdoing is not causeless. Like everything else there are causes for wrongdoing, and thinking about it perhaps can help us reduce the cost of justice.

The book is evil not because, as you say, it asks you to place mercy above justice. The book is evil because it replaces truth with advertising, sincerity with acting, and argument with vacuous sophistry. Carnegie's disdain for argument is none other than a contempt for rationality for it is by argument that rationality expresses itself. Carnegie in calling for the end of argument is calling for the end of reason. The classical metaphysical definition of evil is the absence of reason. Carnegie wants us to abandon argument and therewith reason. Carnegie is therefore urging us to adopt evil in its purest sense. Carnegie can go to hell.

How Dale Carnegie’s self-help movement is now more about entitlement than enlightenment.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/b...

I'm only a 1/3 of the way into this book, and maybe I'll change my mind by the end, but so far it looks as though Carnegie is encouraging sincerity. Flattery, he says, are compliments that are lies, and he advises against that. What he's suggesting, on the other hand, is taking the time to find something that is truly compliment-worthy about someone and complimenting that.

Jenn wrote: "I'm only a 1/3 of the way into this book, and maybe I'll change my mind by the end, but so far it looks as though Carnegie is encouraging sincerity. Flattery, he says, are compliments that are lies..."

I'll re-post a comment for your benefit, Jenn. Carnegie talks about sincerity a lot and means nothing by it. I refer you to the nauseous chapter on Smiles, in which Carnegie counsels against an insincere grin because such a thing does not win friends but provokes a resentment. Thus, to win friends you must smile sincerely. What if you don't feel like smiling sincerely? Carnegie tells you that you should force yourself to do so. In other words, Carnegie counsels you to manufacture sincerity. Manufactured sincerity is not sincerity. It's acting. Therefore, since Carnegie's conception of sincerity is bogus, all his distinctions that are premised on this empty concept of sincerity are bogus as well. And that, of course includes the distinction between appreciation and flattery. Navin was right. This is a book that advises you to flatter everything that moves.

"Carnegie tells you that you should force yourself to do so. In other words, Carnegie counsels you to manufacture sincerity." Actually, he states that when you force yourself to smile, studies show that the feelings you're attempting to manufacture tend to follow. So, by physically mimicking happiness, you may become happy--sincerely happy. Thanks for re-posting that comment, Paul. :)

This does not answer my objection. Actors have many tricks to make themselves smile or laugh on cue, and I am sure that those tricks can give them happy and jovial feelings, but the point of these tricks is to make the audience believe that the actors' mirthful expressions are reactions to what is happening on stage even though they are not. That's not sincerity. That is acting. That is deceit.

Carnegie, remember, does not counsel smiling as a way to make you have happy feelings but as a useful tool of influence. But if others know that you're smile is the result of something you did all by your lonesome, they'll just dismiss you as a self-satisfied, narcissistic bastard. So, the trick is to make others think you are smiling because you're happy to see them when in reality the smile is the result of some song you remembered or joke you told yourself. This is hardly sincerity.

I got seriously furious upon reading such a comment. I am a ruthless writer who have won countless debates on social networks and other platforms and I know very well how to tear my opponent apart, but all I know that the only thing that stops me from being such a fool is having read that book. A piercing comment will make me feel good, but will be of no value and would not do any good to any of us.

I respect your opinion and I understand your concern.
And I would like to encourage you to please look at the positives this books has to offer. I must admit that this book has transformed my life. I have applied the principles taught in this book in my work, family and friends and other people I interact with and I have seen dramatic results. Doing good and making others happy will encourage you to be good. This book teaches good manners and behaviours. It teaches emotional intelligence. And I would like to be the person to take all the positives this books has to offer

None of what you've written defuses my criticisms.

Dear Paul,

I have no intention to defuse your criticism. If I had, my words and style would have been completely different. It was only to highlight a new way of thinking. I would like to repeat, that I respect your opinion and you have every right to say what you think about the book.

We both have separate ideas and thinking dimensions, which is good for creativity and innovation.

You commented to express your thoughts and I commented to express mine. Rest is for the readers to decide.

Best,

Fahad

Navin. I can't help but disagree. It promotes Sincere appreciation not flattery. Hard to apply. But a good pointer.

Read the section on smiles. Carnegie says the everyone likes a winning smile. Therefore, a smile is indispensable to the enterprise of winning friends and influencing people. One simply must do it, but the smile must be sincere. People really resent an insincere grin. So, what should you do if you do not feel like smiling sincerely? Carnegie's answer is that you should force yourself to smile and, by implication, force the sincerity necessary for that smile to effective. In other words, Carnegie counsels the fabrication of sincerity at the drop of a hat. This is really not sincerity. This is simply acting. Carnegie means NOTHING by sincerity.

Dude. calm down. If he said sincere. Then he didn't meant sincere?. Epic logic

You're an idiot.

Sorry. I can be a real jerk sometimes.

Navin, friend, I completely sympathize with your point of view on this. If I were you, I would feel exactly the same way. Let's discuss which parts in particular about the book bothered you. I'm all ears to address your concerns about the ideas expressed in this book.

@Navin, you must be reading the wrong book as Dale says in the second chapter that flattery and manipulation wont work, especially o smarter people. Its about looking into yourself not expecting from other people.

no no and no.
there is a difference between manipulation and persuasion.
manipulation is when you are manipulating someone on your interest only, and persuasion is when you trying to persuade which means that you can use it as a positive tool

No offense, but I find your review quit upsetting. I think that if you had properly read the book, you would have understood that Dale Carnegie didn't mean that you should use flattery to manipulate people. Manipulating others is where you benefit only. By just praising someone, you gain the general happiness that you did something good, and the person at the receiving end does too.

Exactly

it is called being successful idiot

Call us for all your issues related to Telus Email technical support help. We provide all Telus customer service's help for password reset, email hacked, unable to access your email and many more problems related to your PC, TV and Phones.

https://www.quick-it-help.com/Telus-T...