Kemper's Reviews > One for the Money

One for the Money by Janet Evanovich
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did not like it
bookshelves: 2012, crime-mystery, craptacular

It’s Gender Reversal Day here on Goodreads as I review One for the Money.

So Samuel Plum is an underwear buyer for a retail store who has recently lost his job. Desperate for cash, he blackmails his pervert cousin who runs a bail bonds agency into letting him go after a cop named Jane Morellie who was accused of murder and then skipped. There may be a personal revenge motive for Samuel in this because Jane is the girl who seduced him and took his virginity in high school. Since she never called him again, Samuel felt justified in running her over with a car and breaking her leg shortly after that.

Now Jane is worth $10,000. Even though he has absolutely no experience or training in law enforcement or as a bounty hunter, Samuel decides he’s going to capture her. He almost immediately stumbles across Jane who basically laughs at him and walks away. So Samuel gets a pistol he doesn’t know how to use or even load. He also allows his senile grandfather to get a hold of the gun because who doesn’t love it when the elderly start waving handguns around in a room full of family members?

Samuel’s inexperience quickly gets him into more trouble after he gets assaulted by a female boxer who tries to rape him. Rather than pull his gun on the boxer, he panics and hits her with his man purse. Things get even worse as Jane repeatedly shows up to humiliate him and then get away again. Samuel also gets another person shot when a fugitive takes away his man purse with the gun while Samuel just stands there and allows it to happen. Plus, Samuel’s failure to report the boxer to the police for the attack on him because he doesn’t want to look weak allows two innocent people to be brutally raped and assaulted.

Samuel is obviously a moron who has no business running around with a gun and hand cuffs. He also seems to be criminally negligent, and he probably should have been in prison already for running over a sex partner. He also steals Jane’s car when he gets tired of driving his own piece of shit so even though he’s supposedly on the side of law and order, he’s guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and grand theft auto.

Samuel is such a nitwit that I have no idea how I’m supposed to relate or sympathize with him. If this was some kind of comic farce, then I could see how a loser getting humiliated by the fugitives he’s supposed to be chasing would be funny, but that kind of goes out the window with the psychotic rapist boxer thing and people getting shot due to Samuel’s utter failure as a bounty hunter.

In conclusion, I’ll say that Samuel Plum is a fucktarded asshat who should be beaten with….Oh, wait. Gender Reversal Day was yesterday? And it’s Stephanie Plum, not Samuel? Oh….. I guess in that case she’s just a spunky heroine and her vehicular assault on a former lover, overall gross incompetence and insistence on trying to do a job she has no training or qualifications for is just another example of womanly independence. Girl Power!

Now, Stephanie, if you’d just step into this dark alley, there’s a few ladies who’d like a word with you. Oh, don’t worry, it’s just FBI Special Agent Clarice Starling, US Marshal Karen Sisco, Ree Dolly from the Ozarks and Lisbeth Salander from Sweden. They’d like to have a little talk regarding what you’ve done to the image of female heroes in crime fiction.
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Reading Progress

April 16, 2012 – Started Reading
April 16, 2012 – Shelved
April 19, 2012 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-50 of 112 (112 new)


message 1: by Dan (new)

Dan Schwent You're reading this as well as The Hunger Games. Is this part of a nefarious plot involving you reviewing movies instead of books?


Kemper Dan wrote: "You're reading this as well as The Hunger Games. Is this part of a nefarious plot involving you reviewing movies instead of books?"

Nah, it's just coincidence. The library finally coughed up a copy of The Hunger Games this week while I'd hit a sale on Audible of several first novels in a series for $5 each and this Evanovich one was one of them. So far I feel like I got overcharged by about $4.95.


Megs ♥ So far I'm the only person I know that couldn't stand this book. lol


Kemper Meg ♥ wrote: "So far I'm the only person I know that couldn't stand this book. lol"

I think you're gonna have some company by the time I'm done.


message 5: by Larry (new)

Larry Bassett Everybody should read one of her books. I've read mine, thank goodness. Past history.


Kemper I'll be doing good if I can finish the one.


message 7: by J.P. (new)

J.P. I didn't think this would be up your alley Kemper. And you're not alone Meg. I always say there's no accounting for taste. I found one of her books at a booksale and not only did I not finish it, I threw it out. Yet she sells millions of books while there are countless better authors struggling to make a living.


Megs ♥ Kemper wrote: "I'll be doing good if I can finish the one."

Now that you mention it, I think I did give up on it near the end. I remember pushing through thinking "just finish it, it's so short" but I was soooo bored!


Kemper Ugh...Just ugh.


Megs ♥ This review was far more entertaining that any of the book. How the hell are there like 18 of these out when Stephanie is the dumbest character ever written?...and in 18 books she is apparently still trying to decide which guy she wants to be with *yawn*


message 11: by Kemper (last edited Nov 16, 2012 01:23PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Kemper I actually thought it had some mildly funny bits and could have made a decent light hearted caper about a ditz chasing fugitives, but throwing in dark and violent crimes doesn't work well when your hero is a delusional idiot.


Megs ♥ See again, people are always saying it's funny, and that's why I feel so alone lol. I didn't laugh at all...Lots of eye rolls, but for the most part I found most of the books humor, amongst other things, too dated. I could definitely tell it was from the mid 90s, and since I was just 10 around that time idk if that's the reason.


message 13: by J.P. (new)

J.P. who doesn’t love it when the elderly start waving handguns around in a room full of family members.
LOL, great line.


message 14: by Kemper (last edited Apr 19, 2012 07:12PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Kemper Meg ♥ wrote: "See again, people are always saying it's funny, and that's why I feel so alone lol. I didn't laugh at all...Lots of eye rolls, but for the most part I found most of the books humor, amongst other t..."

While I found a few scenes and lines slightly amusing, the humor was always instantly crushed by Stephanie's stupidity or the next scene of someone getting raped or shot thanks to her. The two tones just clashed and I was usually horrified at Stephanie's idiocy. You've been carrying a gun for two days and you forgot how to load it? That's not funny. That's just scary!


Kemper J.P. wrote: " who doesn’t love it when the elderly start waving handguns around in a room full of family members.
LOL, great line."


Thanks!


message 16: by Trudi (new)

Trudi Love that last paragraph. I think you just took one for the team with this one Kemper. I'll be taking a pass.


message 17: by B0nnie (new)

B0nnie jane tennison could be in on that little talk too


Stephanie *Extremely Stable Genius* I'm very sad that I share a name with this idiot.....*sigh*


Kemper Trudi wrote: "Love that last paragraph. I think you just took one for the team with this one Kemper. I'll be taking a pass."

I don't think you'll be missing much.


Kemper Stephanie wrote: "I'm very sad that I share a name with this idiot.....*sigh*"

You should sue.


Kemper B0nnie wrote: "jane tennison could be in on that little talk too"

I'm not familiar with Jane Tennison. What's the story with her?


Catie This is the best thing I've read all day. Thanks!


Kemper Catie wrote: "This is the best thing I've read all day. Thanks!"

Glad you liked it.


message 24: by James (new)

James Thane An excellent review, far better than the book itself!


Erin *Proud Book Hoarder* Awww I loved this book! But, different strokes for different folks and all that...


Catie I have to admit that I loved this book too (ten years ago, when I first read it) but I still think Kemper is dead right about it.


message 27: by Kemper (last edited Apr 23, 2012 06:44AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Kemper In fairness, I should say that I thought the writing itself was perfectly fine for this type of series, and this is purely a hatred based on despising the main character.


message 28: by Larry (new)

Larry Bassett Kemper wrote: "the writing itself was perfectly fine"

I don't think Janet Evanovich characters are known for their nuances, Kemper. And she didn't win a Pulitzer again this year! Stephanie Plum's mother loves her just the way she is.


Kemper Larry wrote: "Stephanie Plum's mother loves her just the way she is.

I guess it's good that somebody does because if she acted like that all the time I don't think she'd have many friends.


message 30: by Eric (new) - rated it 1 star

Eric This book was terrible. However, being able to understand, appreciate and laugh at your review made reading the book (almost) worthwhile. Very well done, sir.


Kemper Eric wrote: "This book was terrible. However, being able to understand, appreciate and laugh at your review made reading the book (almost) worthwhile. Very well done, sir."

I can't believe it's so popular. Who wants to read a series where the main character is a total moron?


Stephanie *Extremely Stable Genius* Kemper wrote:I can't believe it's so popular. Who wants to read a series where the main character is a total moron?
"


Other total morons, of which there are many.


message 33: by Shovelmonkey1 (new)

Shovelmonkey1 The name Stephanie Plum as the series heroine is enough to make me want to attack this whole series with a flame thrower without even turning a page. Bleurgh.


message 34: by Kemper (last edited May 07, 2012 07:44AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Kemper Stephanie wrote: ""Other total morons, of which there are many."

I don't know what you could mean. I find most people to be intelligent, polite and completely delightful...


Kemper Shovelmonkey1 wrote: "The name Stephanie Plum as the series heroine is enough to make me want to attack this whole series with a flame thrower without even turning a page. Bleurgh."

It's like a hate crime against fruit.


Angela Lighten up.


Kemper Angela wrote: "Lighten up."

No.


Stephanie *Extremely Stable Genius* Kemper wrote: "Angela wrote: "Lighten up."

No."


Ha!


message 39: by Flail (new)

Flail Around "Samuel’s inexperience quickly gets him into more trouble after he gets assaulted by a female boxer who tries to rape him. Rather than pull his gun on the boxer, he panics and hits her with his man purse."

ROFLMAO. Epically hilarious.


Stephanie For someone who detests this book, you certainly invested a lot of time in a poorly written review. Why you just couldn't say you didn't like it is beyond me.


message 41: by Kemper (last edited Jul 04, 2012 09:34AM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Kemper Stephanie wrote: "For someone who detests this book, you certainly invested a lot of time in a poorly written review. Why you just couldn't say you didn't like it is beyond me."

20 or 30 minutes to put this together is 'a lot of time' to poke fun at something I thought was ridiculous and stupid? Sorry, I didn't realize that you were the Official Timekeeper of Goodreads.
The next time I hate a book, I'll be sure to come to you for a ruling on how much time I should spend explaining why I dislike something. Stupid me, I thought that was one of the points of a review.

Everyone got that? Keep a log of your time spent on reviews and makes sure that Stephanie here signs off on them before you post. Apparently she's in charge.


message 42: by Trudi (last edited Jul 04, 2012 10:08AM) (new)

Trudi ::snicker:: Oh Kemper, when will people ever learn?

In depth negative reviews are just as valuable. Any reader (with sense) knows that. I hate one star reviews with no detail. C'mon! Give up the goods... what pissed you off? I need to know because it might piss me off too! That's vital info that I don't just want, but need.


Stephanie *Extremely Stable Genius* Kemper wrote: "Stephanie wrote: "For someone who detests this book, you certainly invested a lot of time in a poorly written review. Why you just couldn't say you didn't like it is beyond me."

20 or 30 minutes t..."


Let's not confuse Stephanie's.....I don't want the time keeping job. I have enough to do!


Kemper Stephanie wrote: "Let's not confuse Stephanie's.....I don't want the time keeping job. I have enough to do!

You are Stephanie Prime.


Kemper Trudi wrote: "::snicker:: Oh Kemper, when will people ever learn?

In depth negative reviews are just as valuable. Any reader (with sense) knows that. I hate one star reviews with no detail. C'mon! Give up the g..."


Why do they make me hurt them?


message 46: by Amanda (new)

Amanda If someone posted a review that simply said, "I didn't like it," my first question would be "Why not?" I like the hate to be elaborated upon. Besides, you invested a lot of time in reading a poorly written novel. Turnabout's fair play.


Kemper Amanda wrote: "Besides, you invested a lot of time in reading a poorly written novel. Turnabout's fair play.

Yeah, and if someone's going to bitch about wasted time, what about all the time Evanovich spent writing this turd?


Catie Or the 16, 17, 18, or however many it is sequels that are all essentially a repeat of this one?


message 49: by Amanda (new)

Amanda That is clearly one magic turd. It keeps going and going and going . . .


Nancy I forgot to add this to my list of favorite Kemper reviews.


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