Jenny (Reading Envy)'s Reviews > The Kids Are in Bed: Finding Time for Yourself in the Chaos of Parenting

The Kids Are in Bed by Rachel Bertsche
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really liked it
bookshelves: read2020, no-shame-parenting

I've been reading more parenting books because my husband and I are in the early stages of the state adoption process, too early to really share more than that. But I've never been a parent, and I know you can't really learn it from a book, I thought I might at least find some books to return to.

This one is tackling the important topic of your identity outside your children, staying connected to your partner (assuming you have one,) staying connected to your friends (assuming they stick around,) and in general it falls under the umbrella of what the author refers to as "no shame parenting," where we can all just assume that we're doing our best and that there is no one right way.

I can't quote directly since I read a review copy from the publisher, but some of the bits I was most interested in talked about how much things change when you become a parent, how the age of the children is likely to dictate parental perception of how they spend their time, the difference between child-oriented leisure and your own, the cultural shift away from asking children to do chores and why that might be contributing to the problem of parental stress, the value of solitude and cultivating an interior life, the importance of sex and exercise, specific guidelines for bedtime (for the parent as well as the child,) and the value of finding likeminded parents as a support network.

The author interweaves a Parent Time Survey she conducted with her own experiences and other expert's viewpoints, which I liked, because it helps drive home the point that every parent and child situation will be different.

I was provided a copy from the publisher through Edelweiss, and it came out January 7, 2020.
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Reading Progress

January 6, 2020 – Started Reading
January 6, 2020 – Shelved
January 7, 2020 –
January 8, 2020 –
January 8, 2020 – Shelved as: read2020
January 8, 2020 – Shelved as: no-shame-parenting
January 8, 2020 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-7 of 7 (7 new)

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message 1: by Jenny (new)

Jenny If I could say one things it’s done lose your partner while loving your kid. Cause your kid will, if all goes well, grow up and leave, and you want your partner to still want to be with you. Before kid this seems nuts to people, but after kids many understand how you can lose your spouse due to disagreements, neglect, etc. So good to see this issue before you have them.

Jenny (Reading Envy) Jenny wrote: "If I could say one things it’s done lose your partner while loving your kid. Cause your kid will, if all goes well, grow up and leave, and you want your partner to still want to be with you. Before..."
Thanks Jenny, I think it's important and will be a big transition for us, as we will have been married 20 years this June.

message 3: by Rachel (new)

Rachel Mans Mckenny Great review (and sending love to you and your hubs during the process!)

message 4: by Cecily (new)

Cecily Gosh, a big transition at any time, especially after so long, but that means you have a strong underlying relationship, and it's something you're going into as well-prepared as you can be. Exciting times ahead, and I send you every good wish.

message 5: by Julie (new)

Julie I hope there's a chapter on celibacy. . . you're probably going to need it!
It's exciting to know that things are moving forward for you. Fingers crossed!

message 6: by Diane (new)

Diane Barnes Expect the unexpected, go with the flow, add any adage you can think of because it will probably apply at some point. Here's what I think. As hard as it is, being a parent will make you a better person in the long run. Best of luck with the process.

message 7: by Susannah (new)

Susannah There’s a cultural shift away from having kids do chores? (I have no children, so I didn’t realize this was a thing.) I need to ask my parent-friends about that.

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