All Things Urban Fantasy's Reviews > The Lady is a Vamp

The Lady is a Vamp by Lynsay Sands
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Mar 14, 2012

it was ok
bookshelves: reviewed-by-julia, earc

THE LADY IS A VAMP and I got off to a rocky start. Sands’s vampires experience the ennui of ages by losing appetites; food, sex, the passions of life start to fade away. Finding their intended life mate brings all of those senses back on line.

When Jeanne Louise wakes up wrapped in chains with a strange man offering her food and water, my initial reaction was to assume that she was either insanely powerful or just plain addled when she had no normal fight or flight reactions to the situation. As the life mate signs start piling up, however, it is clear that her captor only poses a threat to her heart, not her health. Both characters soon begin to ignore the entire kidnapping scenario, and that’s where the awkwardness kicked into high gear. Let’s have a picnic (with a chain on your ankle). Daughter, eat your sandwich (with secret, mind-control help from Jeanne Louise). THE LADY IS A VAMP is a traditional romance told through the lens of Jeanne Louise’s powers, but that paranormal gloss wasn’t enough to get me interested in these particular tropes. Jeanne Louise isn’t really a prisoner, her secretive altruistic actions with Lily are a clear bid for a later “big misunderstanding” that never emerges, and while Lily’s illness provides the catalyst for Paul and Jeanne Louise’s enforced proximity, plotting a romance around a terminally ill child is too complex of an issue for me to comfortably ignore whenever Lilly is out of the room (or in the backseat).

I would have liked the elements of Jeanne Louise’s alien nature better if the author had left it up to me to decide whether she was used her powers in a responsible fashion. Every instance where Jeanne Louise uses her mind control powers, Sands is in a hurry to point out that no one’s free will was “really” impacted. Lily needed to eat that sandwich, a lover doesn’t mind a nudge in the right direction, and those men Jeanne Louise prompted to come hit on her were going to do so anyway, honest.

This is just one of many instances where plot and character points are spelled out so explicitly they lost all appeal. The first half of the book drags on and on with mundane day to day activities as the initial “kidnapping” is completely ignored by both Paul and Jeanne Louise. We know Jeanne Louise’s plans because she repeats them over and over, and if it weren’t for some good old fashioned REBECA-style “don’t ask, don’t tell”, these characters could have been at happily-ever-after by chapter three. After the slow beginning, there was a brief high point with enjoyable sex scenes and an unexpected plot twist, but those bright spots were soon buried under the avalanche of the next problem Jean Lousie and Paul start dancing around. The only thing more boring for an immortal than watching a mortal die day by day has to be reading through all the potential household accidents that could kill one.

Despite a solid romantic foundation, THE LADY IS A VAMP annoyed me on multiple levels. Boomer, Shih Tzu Harbinger of Doom, was my favorite character, and the plot become infinitely more frustrating when all of the drama disappeared with some slight of the hand accounting from an outside power. Fans of the series will be happy seeing a known heroine get her happily ever after (and seeing past characters enjoying their immortality), but that wasn’t enough to keep me interested.

Sexual Content: Several sex scenes.
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