mark monday's Reviews > The Winds of Winter

The Winds of Winter by George R.R. Martin
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Jan 10, 2012

bookshelves: to-read, fantastickal

** spoiler alert **

okay, just three little favors George R.R. Martin... pretty please:

1) enough with "WORDS ARE WIND". seriously! enough with that phrase. enough already. enough!

2) get Daenerys the fuck out of Meereen! like permanently! and while you're at it, it would be great if Daario was out of Daenerys too. she's really too good for that cirque du soleil pirate-clown.

3) so apparently the world as we know it is supposed to end on December 21st... this year! at least according to some minor citation in the Mayan calendar. personally, i predict a zombie apocalypse due to the radiation off a stray comet swinging too close to our earth.

now don't you want folks to read The Winds of Winter before they have to start dealing with all the stressors that will naturally come with a zombie apocalypse? mid- or even post-zombie apocalypse, your readers may not be able to give the novel the undivided attention it deserves. distribution may also be a challenge. all i'm asking is that you seriously consider these factors while working out your publication timetable. thank you.



this is mark monday reporting live from the Mayan Apocalypse! zombies & cannibals & christmas shoppers everywhere! i'm not sure if i'll last through the night!

just in case i don't make it, i feel it is my civic duty to share the secrets i've learned while enjoying a private all-you-can-eat steak & lobster buffet luncheon with GRRM. he has it all mapped out. so in case apocalyptic events disallow the publication of this and future volumes, here's what he has in store for the remainder of A Song of Ice and Fire.

more spoilers follow

- Dany decides to give up her hollow ambitions to conquer Westeros so she can settle down and make lots of babies with Daario in a small village just outside of Asshai-by-the-Shadow. turns out she's a great mom and that no-children prophecy was some bullshit!

- Sansa kills Littlefinger. Cersei kills Jaime. Brienne accidentally kills Sansa, whoops. Brienne kills herself. Arya kills Cersei. Varys revives Oberyn who kills Gregor Clegane, again. oh, those two. Sam accidentally kills Varys cause he's such a butterfingers. Arya kills Sam cause all she wants to do is kill kill kill and Sam is just standing there looking like a victim. Aegon kills Arya. wait, who's Aegon?? anyway, Aegon kills Arya and then moves to Dorne where he marries all of the Sand Snakes.

- Jon Snow returns from the dead as Lord Stoneballs. he and his equally undead mother Lady Stoneheart (who turns out to be his real mother - surprise, he's legitimate!) form an unholy alliance to kill as many living beings as they can. they proceed to do that. and then they kill each other.

- the Three Heads of the Dragon turn out to be Theon, Patchface, and Nymeria. after much discussion, they decide that they're totally over Westeros and fly off to have their own adventures in a place that is less anti-jester, anti-wolf, and anti-Theon.

- Tyrion and Melisandre meet-cute and become the Lord & Lady of the Others. together they take back Westeros for the Others, who they learn have been misunderstood for millenia and only want to return to their homeland except mean ole R'hllor always tries to stop them. poor misunderstood Others! anyway, they win. the end.
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Reading Progress

01/31/2016 marked as: to-read

Comments (showing 1-50 of 378) (378 new)

message 1: by Chelsea (new) - added it

Chelsea I read #2 as "have Daenerys fuck the hell out of Meereen." I'm only on book three, so not knowing what or who Meereen is, I'm hoping for loads of hot lesbian sex.

message 2: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday ha! well i won't do any reveals then...

message 3: by Francine (new)

Francine mark, did you read the preview chapter for Winds of Winter? I hope we don't have to wait 5-6 years...grrr...

message 4: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday i did! i really enjoyed the focus on Theon. although i thought the excerpt was a little rough, hopefully it will be polished up. and hopefully it won't be 5-6 years! my God, will i even be alive then?

message 5: by Francine (new)

Francine The bigger question, methinks, is will GRRM be alive then! It would be tragic if anything happens to him before the seventh (and final?) book is out.

I couldn't stand Theon after he left Robb/sacked Winterfell, but then I totally fell for him (go figure) after he became Reek. My heart went out to him and I kinda wanted to take him in, like a little stray dog, and just feed him and bathe him and wrap him up in a warm blankie. Wow, that's twisted.

message 6: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday not at all, i felt the same way. except maybe the bathing part, he can handle that one on his own.

message 7: by Ashley (new)

Ashley You read book 5? Dany isn't in Meereen she's in the Dothraki Sea.

message 8: by mark (last edited Apr 21, 2012 06:45PM) (new) - added it

mark monday i think i'll spoilerize this: (view spoiler)

message 9: by Ashley (last edited Apr 22, 2012 04:59AM) (new)

Ashley mark wrote: "i think i'll spoilerize this: [spoilers removed]"

(Spoilers up to end of book 5)

(view spoiler)

message 10: by mark (last edited Apr 21, 2012 07:36PM) (new) - added it

mark monday Ashley, i agree with pretty much each and every one of your points. and i really like that idea about Victarion. i keep wondering what his eventual purpose will be.

message 11: by Francine (new)

Francine While I really enjoyed Book 5, I feel that GRRM is juggling too many story threads. It's a concern of mine whether GRRM'll be able to tie them all up sufficiently. After all, there are only 2 books left (although he did say in an interview last year that he may not stop at 7).

message 12: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday (although he did say in an interview last year that he may not stop at 7)

oh no. that makes me... unhappy, i think.

message 13: by Radboud (new)

Radboud Mr.Martin,I do read SF-novels,quite a long time=over 60 years,I did read your VOLUMES 1-5,the comment I like to give:Do not go to much indetails,the lates books,it is if the influence from a SEX-movie is included,be not "MODERN",do write strait in your story be in a "static"worl,no advance in thousands of years!

message 14: by Jamie (new) - added it

Jamie lmfao

message 15: by Amber (new) - added it

Amber Can't freak'in wait!

message 16: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday i know i know!! is there even a rumor of a release date yet? i'm afraid to even check.

message 17: by September (new)

September I am only in book three and you guys are making me wish I could read them faster, but then I would be disappointed when they were done because I would have to wait....dilema!!

message 18: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday no, take your time... it will lessen the amount of time you wait frustrated with the rest of us!

message 19: by Scott (new)

Scott Coleman First there is a lot of talk here, Words are wind. Second I really love these books cause the charters actually portray the characteristics of "real" people. Not like some fantasy books where the "hero" is always head first, plummeting toward the main objective. Shit happen, priorities shift and yes some change. Daenerys like a real person feels a responsibility to her now called children. If she left without making it secure for them at this point she would never be able to live with herself, so to speak. Just like "normal" people you can't control who you are attracted to, you can only control your actions toward them. She feels Daario, even know I wish she didn't "hook up" with him, is one of extreme few she can trust who she has a attraction to. Someone who does not want to just use her. Well there, that is my 2 cents and yes it sucks that writers sometimes stretch out their releases, most of the time these days to squeeze every little gold dragon and copper they can from us; the readers and fans. Is this the case for Mr. George R.R. Martin, I have no idea and don't know enough to even fabricate a hypothesis. PLEASE NOTE, MOST (if not all) OF WHAT I SAID ABOVE IS MINEOWN OPINION!

To the end, I think this book is my 3rd favorite so-far if not 2nd. Books 2 and 3 just blended together for me I went though them so fast lol.

message 20: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday ADWD is your 3rd favorite! that's good to hear. i think it is a very underrated (and rather brilliant) book.

Scott, if you like the book so much, i really think you should check out the following blog link, which analyzes Dance with Dragons on a chapter by chapter basis. the writer, Stefan Sasse, is really excellent - very insightful. he helped me to appreciate the book even more.

message 21: by Scott (new)

Scott Coleman SWEET, thanks Mark!

message 22: by Alex (new)

Alex addressing the REAL issues. thankyou Mark, these things had to be said.

message 23: by Gemmell007 (new)

Gemmell007 Victarian will turn to dragon slaying once daenerys turns him down :p

message 24: by Angel (new) - added it

Angel Will it be a red comet?

message 25: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday ha! i predict Yes!

message 26: by Angel (last edited Oct 04, 2012 03:35PM) (new) - added it

Angel Re: Point 2
Holy shit did I ever wish to get hit by a comet while reading all the Daario booollshit in Meereen? It was almost as grueling as sitting through a whole episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians (mind you, sitting though a minute of that is worse than having bamboo sticks stuck up my fingernails for me).

Here's to hoping the next episodes of Keeping up with the Targaryens involve more blood and fire than fucking fucking the Cirque du Soleil reject-clown.

message 27: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday Angel wrote: "Re: Point 2
Holy shit did I ever wish to get hit by a comet while reading all the Daario booollshit in Meereen? It was almost as grueling as sitting through a whole episode of Keeping up with the ..."

i kept wondering if he was going to be the third prophesied betrayal, but then i figured Brown Ben was the third. or her husband. wait, that's 4! i think? at this point Dany has been betrayed so many times i think i've lost count. Mirri, Jorah (?), and then take your pick of Ben, the tacky husband, or Xaro Xhoan Daxos in Mereen. er. i dunno. the only thing i'm confident of is that she clearly needs to leave that city!

message 28: by Kyle (new) - added it

Kyle Reid Oi, asshole. Spoilers. Sort it out.

message 29: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday Oi, asshole. Spoilers for a book that hasn't even been published yet? Go fuck yourself, lackwit.

message 30: by Miriam (last edited Oct 08, 2012 09:09PM) (new)

Miriam OMG mark, I didn't realize you were clairvoyant as well as cute an funny! No wonder you get all the... um, not just trolling virgins, I hope.

message 31: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday total OMG! and some ROFLs! and those other ones too! plus... virgin trolls!!! so many things i'm learning about myself on goodreads.

message 32: by [deleted user] (new)

I have a lot of trouble with fantasy these days; but a lot of the complaints people have for the books are not things that would bother me. Opinions?

message 33: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday hard to give one - need more info! give me some examples of fantasies that have disappointed and fantasies that have not.

message 34: by Kyle (new) - added it

Kyle Reid mark wrote: "Oi, asshole. Spoilers for a book that hasn't even been published yet? Go fuck yourself, lackwit."

I'm a lackwit? You've got spoilers about the previous books. Pay attention.

message 35: by [deleted user] (new)

mark wrote: "hard to give one - need more info! give me some examples of fantasies that have disappointed and fantasies that have not."

I haven't read a whole lot of fantasy since I was like 14, so it's hard to say. I used to like R.A. Salvatore and Terry Goodkind, but I tried reading a book of both authors about a year ago and could not do it. I read Steven Erickson's Gardens of the Moon and wanted to like it more than I did. Basically I like the chance for weird and surreal that fantasy offers, but don't like clumsy info drops and bad writing and unbelievable characters that usually seem to go along with the genre. And I don't want to ever read another fantasy that is just another re-tread of Lord of the Rings. Terry Brooks did that enough.

message 36: by Angel (new) - added it

Angel Anthony wrote: "mark wrote: "hard to give one - need more info! give me some examples of fantasies that have disappointed and fantasies that have not."

I haven't read a whole lot of fantasy since I was like 14, s..."

So have you tried a Song of Ice and Fire? It's definitely not Tolkien.

message 37: by Angel (new) - added it

Angel Kyle wrote: "mark wrote: "Oi, asshole. Spoilers for a book that hasn't even been published yet? Go fuck yourself, lackwit."

I'm a lackwit? You've got spoilers about the previous books. Pay attention."

Why would you even come to a post about the 6th book in the series if you haven't read the previous five? In fact, book 6 isn't even out yet, so there can't possibly be a review here. Talk about the previous five should be more than expected; the only people that would come here are fans of the series!

message 38: by Kyle (last edited Oct 09, 2012 09:20AM) (new) - added it

Kyle Reid Angel wrote: "Kyle wrote: "mark wrote: "Oi, asshole. Spoilers for a book that hasn't even been published yet? Go fuck yourself, lackwit."

I'm a lackwit? You've got spoilers about the previous books. Pay attent..."

So I'm not a fan of the series because I've only read the first two so far?

There shouldn't be any spoilers, even if the spoiler is from the second chapter of book one. I came on here to see when the expected release date was, and oh, look, right in front of me, a spoiler. So that's no excuse.

Had I gone into the forums for the book, then maybe your argument would stand, but even then, any spoilers should be clearly signposted.

EDIT: Just to be clear, this review was on the main page for the book.

message 39: by Angel (new) - added it

Angel Had I gone into the forums for the book, then maybe your argument would stand, but even then, any spoilers should be clearly signposted.

My argument? The fact is that whenever you go to a "review" of a book that hasn't even been released, especially if that book is the 6th of a series you will more often than not see spoilers. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. It's just the way it is. I stay away from those types of "reviews" for the same reason.

Furthermore, you are complaining about Mark Monday revealing some specific stuff that happened to Danny, which he revealed way down in the comments. Did you READ his "review?" It stated three points at the very top, the second of which already contained what some might consider a spoiler (SPOILER ALERT: Dany ends up in Mereen END SPOILER ). That should have been a red flag.

And my initial comment to him was appropriately titled "Re: Point 2," to which he then responded.
What did you expect? I expected to talk about the topics he listed in the "review."

I'm just saying, it would be advisable to stay away from reviews on WOW until you read the rest of the books. If you're looking for updates about the release of the Winds of Winter you should go to GRRM's Not-A-Blog. He doesn't spoil anything over there.

message 40: by Angel (new) - added it

Angel Also, as consolation what Mark revealed is not really that big of a deal compared to what happens in Book 3. You should get to that one ASAP.
Dany's tedious adventures in Mereen on book 5 pale in comparison to what happens in A Storm of Swords.

message 41: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday Kyle wrote: "I'm a lackwit?"

yes. and an asshole. any more questions?

message 42: by [deleted user] (new)

I guess I'm SOL thanks to all these spoilers. I haven't even read the book yet. All I see is a bunch of fantasy words without context. Entertainment has been compromised.

message 43: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday Anthony, i think i have a pretty good idea of what you are looking for. strong prose that includes realistic characterization and is light on the world-building. because of that last point, i'm afraid i can't really recommend A Song of Ice and Fire. that's hard for me to say because the series is one of my favorite things in the whole wide world! but although it has strong writing (not poetic writing, but excellent, straightforward writing in the 'historical fiction' tradition) and i think excellent characterization, it is very heavy on the world-building. not so much as in lots of infodumps (Martin actually doesn't do much of that), but in terms of the intense level of detail of what a place or scene looks and feels and sounds and smells like. many people think he includes way too many details. not me though, i love it. still, i don't think he's for you.

so based on what you said, here are my recommendations:

The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch
Tigana by Guy Gavriel Kay
The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie
if you like smug cynicism that is nevertheless quite well-written: The Magicians and The Magician King by Lev Grossman
maybe The Warded Man by Peter Brett
a great classic: Gloriana by Michael Moorcock. and other Moorcocks as well, like the Elric series.
an excellent kid's novel: The Golden Compass by Phillip Pulman

message 44: by [deleted user] (new)

thanks for the reccomendations. I have thought about picking up Abercrombie before.

I am not opposed to world building, it's just a matter of how the writer goes about it. Like when a character sees an object or organization or something and then proceeds to expound on its entire history and relevance. Who the hell goes around doing that? I still want to try this series out but also want to see if the man lives long enough to finish.

message 45: by Vicky (new)

Vicky Cann I was put onto these books by a friend who said don't watch the series, read the books! (With which I totally agree) That was about 2 months ago, and I just finished After the Feast. Now I feel totally lost...wah! :( I suppose I should be looking forward to having a life for a bit until the next book comes out

Thank you for so much entertainment Mr Martin, you are a genius. Please continue the story in as many books as you deem fit...I shall be reading them all, though if I could ask but one favour it would be please stop singing The Bear and the Maiden's the only song from a book I've ever gotten stuck in my head!

And get Arya on a dragon...she deserves it the most!

message 46: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday yes she does! well, maybe her and Tyrion. but definitely not Aegon. go away Aegon!

message 47: by Vicky (new)

Vicky Cann Oh yes...Tyrion too! Aegon may prove himself yet tho, or better yet do something really stooopid and get himself killed. Tho if it turns out that he too can avoid getting burnt then I may start getting annoyed but at least you can't really argue with that. Dems da rules lol.

message 48: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday true! i suppose he's not a bad guy, or a bad character. i am just firmly on Dany's team and don't want anyone to steal her thunder!

message 49: by Kristina (new) - added it

Kristina This made me laugh so much, especially "end of the world" argument :D

message 50: by mark (new) - added it

mark monday thanks Kristina!

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