Becky's Reviews > MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search For A New Best Friend

MWF Seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche
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's review
Jan 07, 2012

bookshelves: to-read

read until page 191 - had to return to the library (a week overdue already)

I love the authors style of writing & I really want to be her friend. I also find the subject of friend making fascinating & every one needs friends. Her research is thourough but not overwhelming the book. It is an entertaining read.

"Researchers found that having low levels of connection is comparable to smoking fifteen cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic, more harmful thatn not exercising and twice as harmful as obesity." - Ok, I guess I'm not going to live past 85 then.

"A husband is wonderful, and Matt makes me laugh...But when I need to talk my feelings to death, really sit and analyze why I am confused /lonely / ecstatic, he's just not up to it. It's not for lack of trying, but men can only go over the same thing so many times They don't understand that, as women, we crave having someone validate our feelings. And then do it twice more."

"A husband can fill many vital roles - protector, provider, lover - but he can't be a BFF. Matt is my most intimate companion and the love of my life. But I can't complain about my husband to my husband. That is what friends are for."

"In their book the Lonely American, psychlogists Jacqueline Olds and Richard Schwartz discuss this very feeling. 'Seeing the love between others can make someone feel left out even if he knows that the others love him as well....No one has to be left out to feel left out; a person simple has to believe that the bonds between other are more alive or intense or intimate than their connection with him."

"Studies show that couples with couple-friends have happier and longer relationships - spending time in a foursome forces you to talk about issues other than the mundane logistics of your day-to-day life. Happy and long are two adjectives I'd really like to describe my marriage down the road."

"Even if we were still teenyboppers, that interaction would never happened today. Evenings spent spiraling the phone cord around your wrist while gossiping for house are so twentieth century. Now communication is in snippets. One hundred forty characters of Tweetiness or abbreviated words via text... According to one study, the majority of teens are more likely to use their cellphones to text than talk, and while 54 percent of teenagers say they text their friends at least once a day, only 33 percent talk to their friends in person that often."

"On average, a person with, say five friends has a different genetic makeup than a person with one friend" (Nicholas Christakis & James Fowler in Connected the surprising power of our social networks and how they shape our lives) Biology might also be responsible for whether you are the queen bee or a quiet follower in your group of friends, the authors say. Your mother and father, their mothers and fathers and the generations of mothers and fathers before them could be directly responsible for your level of trust and trustworthiness, cooperation and loneliness. Christakis & Fowler clam that the "diversity of feelings about being connected and sharing with others" - i.e., the face that some of us want so much to be connected that we focus an entire year around that need - is inherited, so while my desire for sociability is probably due to my parents, so is the significant void I felt when my local connections didn't meet my intimacy standards."

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