Jay's Reviews > The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore
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's review
Dec 03, 2011

it was amazing
Read in November, 2011

The Stupidest Angel
A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas terror

by Christopher Moore

The book opens with ‘Author’s Warning’

“If you’re buying this book as a gift for your grandma or a kid, you should be aware that it contains cusswords as well as tasteful depictions of cannibalism and people in their forties having sex. Don’t blame me. I told you.”

Now how in the world would anyone in their right mind pass that up?

Welcome to Pine Grove, California, a little hamlet of pseudo-Tudor architecture all tarted up in holiday quaint-age, peopled with some of the most flawed and deviously hilarious folks about to welcome in Christmas. Well, if not Christmas, at least a big Salvation Army bell-ringers pot of Christmas spirit! Told in a snappy David Sedaris-esque bent, as a reader you really have to toss reality out the window and get out of the way—this story is a deal-changer of any Christmasy tale I’ve ever read.

To whet your appetite and in an attempt to not reveal too many spoilers come meet a few of the main characters.Here’s Lena Marquez, 38, in terrific shape with a heart of gold and a spade that eventually murders. Dale Pearson, Lena’s ex, is the towns very own evil developer and a womanizer and one heck of a Santa. Theophilus Crowe (Theo) is the town constable and has an enormous patch of top-drawer weed, the profits of which he hopes to buy his wife a special warrior sword. That would be Molly Michon an ex B-movie actress who, if not on her meds, becomes her main character, The Warrior Babe of the Outland and is often nude while making ramen noodles and, having complete conversations with, well, herself.

Then there’s the angel or Archangel Raziel. Over six feet tall with shoulder-length blonde hair and eyes so blue most folks can’t look into them long. Underneath his floor-length (think Matrix) black trench coat is a set of wings. Oh, and his skin glows and if he happens to get run over by say, a Volvo going fifty, he heals up on the spot and off he goes. The man or angel rather, was sent to earth on a mission. He’s to find a child and grant him one Christmas wish and then his job is done. So when seven year old Josh barker witnesses the murder of Santa in the graveyard on his way home he makes his wish.

That’s when the story really spins out control. There’s talking dead people over behind the chapel, a rare fruit bat that wears mini Ray Bans and occasionally speaks (with a Spanish accent) and the issue of zombies is presented in a really brain-sucking way. No lie. However, in the end, the crazy Christmas chaos swirls into a truly heartwarming tale—you just have to pay a price to get there…
Oh, and as an added bonus there’s Mavis Sand’s fruitcake recipe. There’s not one, but two secret ingredients surly to get any Christmas bash off to a bang. Xanax and Ecstacy.

Ho Ho Ho—Merry Christmas!

Jay Gilbertson


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