☙ percy ❧'s Reviews > Cocky Roomie

Cocky Roomie by Faleena Hopkins
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did not like it
bookshelves: romance, romance-erotica-mf, contemporary-realistic, kindle-unlimited, adult, 1-star, dnf, blacklist

GR removed my review because it wasn't about the book, but about the author's behaviour.

fine. in that case, i will write one about the book. and this time it has a rating, and the review is infinitely more critical.



so, first of all, in order to write this, i had to actually read this. for which i think i should get a commendation for being so dedicated to my cocky pettiness, because i knew this was going to be bad based on reviews i've read. and i read it anyway. (also, reading it also meant giving money to the author - albeit mere pennies because it was on KU - so maybe I was the one who played myself....)

just to clarify, i did go in with a reasonably open mind. i was like, well, it could be good! who knows! i might be surprised!



so, i only reached 30%. i'm only human. but in this near-third, there are all sorts of things for me to dissect!

basically, this is cisheteronormative hell. i mean, it's m/f, but that doesn't mean that it has to be cisheteronormative hell. you don't need unnecessary bullshit lines like,

"Yeah, well. I'm not a boy." Jake's eyes drift to my blouse again.
"By how your nips turned pebble-hard when I opened the door, I can see that."


leaving aside the cissexism, this is just a skeevy-ass comment to make to a woman you don't know. it's a skeevy comment to make to a woman you do know. but it's magically okay and not harassment, because he's hot! fantastic!

it's also not harassment when he """"accidentally"""" drops his towel and exposes his (ginormous, naturally) cock to the elements, because it's a lovely cock and he's hot!!



the writing was atrocious. honestly, honestly atrocious. have you ever read kristen ashley? you know how her MCs are quite conversational, a little bit OTT and ridiculous, but still really likable and amusing? this was like that, only one hundred times worse and not likable in the slightest. there is some of the most horrendous cases of telling-not-showing i have ever witnessed in my reading career of over 900+ books.

"Oh lordie, am I nervous!"

"I am not aware of it, but my mouth is wide open. Stunned. Flabbergasted. Beside myself. I am all of these."

per the last one - the first sentence DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE IN THE FIRST PERSON PRESENT. it would in third person, maybe even in first person past. but NOT FIRST PERSON PRESENT. it's nonsensical and clunky. the rest of that little quote is so tell-not-showy i wanted to gouge my eyes out, as well as sounding like hopkins has discovered the wonders of thesaurus.com.

"There are sweet-smelling beads of water takin' languid strolls down his chest muscles."

there is... a lot to unpack here, but i'm most irritated by "takin'". do not use dialect in the narrative. use it sparingly in the dialogue, but NOT THE NARRATIVE. (there are exceptions to this rule, like every rule, but the main exception is "you can do it if you can pull it off by being a good writer and it makes sense to do it in the dialect". this did not fulfill this criterion.)

"That baby-maker below my belly"

i don't even... i don't even know what to say to this. the vagina does not make babies. maybe her uterus and ovaries are trembling? i don't know.

"Get your sweet Georgia ass in here and get on your knees."

presented without comment.

"played my pussy like a fiddle in the backwoods of Georgia"

OK, WE GET IT, HE'S FROM GEORGIA.

hopkins also refers to the vagina as a "cave", which was a metaphor i thought we as erotica writers/readers were over in the year of our lord 2016, when this was published.

and then i noped the fuck out of there, partially because i hate everything about it and know it wouldn't improve, and partially because if i continue to read only to make snarky reviews i will be giving the author money because it is on KU. so, here i leave.

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Reading Progress

May 24, 2018 – Shelved
May 24, 2018 – Shelved as: nein-nein-nein
May 26, 2018 – Started Reading
May 26, 2018 –
page 0
""we have deleted your review because it is not about the book."

FUCKING FINE. I WILL READ THE BOOK AND THEN I WILL WRITE A REVIEW ABOUT IT. IT MIGHT BE A GOOD REVIEW. BUT I HIGHLY DOUBT IT BASED ON THE FIRST FEW PAGES.

SO BUCKLE THE FUCK IN, READERS."
May 26, 2018 –
7.0% ""
May 26, 2018 –
7.0% ""I am not aware of it, but my mouth is wide open."

how the fuck do you know your mouth is wide open if you aren't aware of it??? this would work in 3rd person or even 1st person past, but 1st person present is a M E S S"
May 26, 2018 – Shelved as: romance
May 26, 2018 – Shelved as: romance-erotica-mf
May 26, 2018 – Shelved as: contemporary-realistic
May 26, 2018 – Shelved as: kindle-unlimited
May 26, 2018 – Shelved as: adult
May 26, 2018 – Shelved as: 1-star
May 26, 2018 – Shelved as: dnf
May 26, 2018 – Shelved as: blacklist
May 26, 2018 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-13 of 13 (13 new)

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Iryna *Book and Sword* * I had to actually read this*
You're so brave!!


☙ percy ❧ thank you Iryna XD


message 3: by MeaganCM (new)

MeaganCM glad this series was never on my radar. It sounds horrid lmao


message 4: by Book (new) - rated it 1 star

Book Junkie I read the whole thing. It got way worse.


☙ percy ❧ @Meagan lmao it's the worst

@Book Junkie omfg you are a braver person than i


message 6: by sally♡ (new)

sally♡ BAHAHAHAHAHA I APPRECIATE THIS REVIEW


☙ percy ❧ @Shortcake haha thank you! XD


message 8: by Aliquae (new)

Aliquae This is great. You are great. Faleena Hopkins isn't though.


message 9: by Book (new) - rated it 1 star

Book Junkie ☙ percy ❧ wrote: "@Meagan lmao it's the worst

@Book Junkie omfg you are a braver person than i"


Maybe. I think I lost a few IQ points reading this.


message 10: by Olga (new)

Olga Zelenova This is my favorite and I now love you.


⚣Michaelle⚣ Best. Critical. Review. Ever.


message 12: by Anna (last edited Jul 09, 2018 10:48PM) (new)

Anna Goerlitz "I am not aware of it, but my mouth is wide open?" If you can tell the reader in a first person narrative, you are obviously aware of it... Otherwise the sentence would be something along the lines of: "I suddenly realise that my mouth is wide open..."


☙ percy ❧ @Michaelle lmao, thank you!

@Anna I KNOW RIGHT that line is one of the most annoying lines i've ever read


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