Erik's Reviews > Winnie-the-Pooh

Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne
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's review
Nov 17, 2011

really liked it

For Celebrity Deathmatch FINAL

A blustery day. Christopher Robin is on his way to work at the London office of Goldman Sachs. He is troubled about his employers and their crooked business practices, but he has been told to remain silent and he will be rich as long as he does nothing.

Occupy London Protestor: Hey, Chris, wakeup, you're on the wrong side!

Christopher (to himself): Oh, those scraggly protestors, I wish they would just get a job already...I wonder what Pooh would say about all this.

In his mind, Chris re-enters the Hundred Acre Wood.

Christopher: My my, this place has changed.

Occupy Hundred Acre Wood Protestor: Hey Chris!

Chris: You guys are here too?

Pooh: Oh, Hi Chris! Got any honey?

Chris: Pooh, I came to ask you something. Do you think I should testify against Goldman. They're pulling some pretty crooked...

Pooh: Who is "Goldman" Does he make honey? What does "testify" mean? I have a little brain. Got any honey on you?

Dante Alighieri: Hi Chris, remember me?

Chris: Dante, what are you doing here?

Dante: Chris, you're hurting people...

Chris: But only indirectly. I'm just a part of a vast machine, a cog in the...

Pooh: What's a cog? Are they yummy?

Dante: You should know that's no excuse. Didn't I teach you anything?

..."This miserable mode
Maintain the melancholy souls of those
Who lived without infamy or praise....

The heavens expelled them, not to be less fair;
Nor them the nethermore abyss receives,
For glory none the damned would have from them."

Chris: But aren't you just another tyrant? You and the Catholic Church? Pooh never hurts anybody. You put all your enemies in hell!

Dante: Actually, I put most of the Catholic Church in hell too. And that cosmogony was the high tech of its day. Now, I'd be writing string theory or loop quantum gravity. As for my harsh rep as a jailer, you didn't read me very well. Everybody in the divina commedia is exactly where he or she has willed to be. It's their own free choice. That's what I'm trying to tell you, Chris, choose! Before it's too late!

Pooh: Can you eat quantum loop gravity? It sounds yummy.

Chris exits his reverie, rips off his tie and tosses it at the crowd: You know what? Fuck this shit!

A shout goes up from Occupy London! The banners fly. A gorgeous woman leaps from the crowd kisses Chris full on the mouth.

Dante: Bravissimo, Chris. You've taken a step into a wider world. We have a new hope.

Yoda and Obi Wan Kenobi appear alongside Dante. Cue chorus of Ewoks. (You wanted cuddly, furry things I suppose...) Fireworks erupt over London. Millions line up and begin to march on Parliament.

Pooh (tagging along): Hey you Ewoks are cool. You're like a badass version of me. You guys remind me of the Warriors. Y'know "Warr-i-ors come-out-to-play-yay..." Great flick. Gimmie one of those spears. I'm down. No seriously, I get it. Sitting on your ass all day eating honey and espousing Daoism won't change the world...Ahhh, c'mon guys gimmie a spear...Please?
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Comments (showing 1-6 of 6) (6 new)

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Erik Do I have to say that? Yes WIN FOR DANTE!

message 2: by Marvin (new)

Marvin Glad you clarified that. I really wasn't sure. So I guess I'll have to wait to like it...although I really do like it.

message 3: by Hayes (new)

Hayes I'll vote for anything this round!


Manny Ha! Pooh, Dante, Loop Quantum Gravity and Ewoks... that sounds right for a rousing finale :)

Erik whoops you're right it's loop quantum, not quantum loop. mea culpa.

message 6: by Hayes (last edited Nov 17, 2011 10:55AM) (new)

Hayes loop quantum-quantum leap-leap of faith-faith healing-healing fruit-fruit
loop-loop quantum...

someone stop me, please...

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