Emelie's Reviews > Boundaries in Dating

Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud
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Zoo wee Mama, do I have some thoughts on this one.

First, the positives: like many of those said before me, this book has a lot of common sense advice. If you're like me and couldn't understand flirting if it hit you across the face with a frying pan, this book really helps you see how people date, how dating is supposed to work, and how to establish boundaries with those you date.

The common sense advice helps those who might not have a lot of dating experience (am I saying this from a place of personal experience? maybe), or who were never really taught what boundaries are and that you're supposed to have them with everyone, this is a good book to pick up. Especially if you're Christian.

I do believe we live in a society that "romanticizes" romance, where you're supposed to be 100% devoted to your partner, tell them EVERYTHING, let them into every part of your life, let them do whatever possible for ~love~. This book reminds us that no, you're a human, you can ask for proper treatment and allow consequences if your needs are not respected or met. It removes the guilt of wanting space, and removes the stigma of a "crazy" partner who doesn't want you looking through their phone all for the sake of love.

Some other thoughts I had:
Cloud and Townstead write a lot about boundaries, about growth, etc, but seem to forget that when it comes to dating, purity culture is being dismantled day by day (for good reason). Every chapter, you get hit in the face with the fact that Cloud and Townstead don't like sex before marriage. Cool, great, nice, but why is this in a chapter about not cutting yourself off from friends and family?

Also, Cloud and Townstead are two middle aged dudes who dated when purity culture was still running rampant. If you want dating advice written for a modern age (please put your pitchforks down before you try be for heretical thought), this might not be the BEST book, but it's a good book. A lot of their views on sex are in line with the hushed whispers and Bible thumping rigid thoughts of Midwest Protestantism. It gets tiring.

I also found it interesting that some of the examples used include people who are dedicated enough to be talking marriage, then decide that when the other isn't willing to commit yet (which is fine and established more as the partner needing time, or needing to see their partner isn't going to wait forever), they're just going to "see other people" for a while.

Maybe it's the language but that sounds like a strange lack of commitment for a relationship discussing marriage.

I digress, and nitpick, and I know that. Not a bad book.

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Reading Progress

April 13, 2018 – Started Reading
April 13, 2018 – Shelved
April 15, 2018 –
page 184
63.89% "loving this book so far, minus the browbeating of purity culture that randomly crops up in every.single. chapter."
April 16, 2018 – Finished Reading

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