Miranda Reads's Reviews > Inside the Mind of a Borderline Personality, My Life and Recovery with BPD: A book on Borderline Personality Disorder

Inside the Mind of a Borderline Personality, My Life and Reco... by Matthew Gewinner
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really liked it
bookshelves: received-to-review, 2018-abc-reading-challenge

3.5 stars
I'm writing my story so that I can help others out there who are struggling with similar issues...
The absolute, unfiltered honesty of this book made it very difficult to review. Matthew provides a very real look into what it is like to live with mental illness and his struggles to overcome his addictions.

Told in a near stream-of-consciousness, we are right with Matthew as he recounts his childhood, his relationships and his choices that led him to where he is today - thankfully healthy and sober. But the path to that was often twisted and difficult.
Hi, my name is Matt, and I am an alcoholic...I did drink alcohol as a child, but I never got drunk like in high school...I regret not being open minded at 17/18 (to AA) because since then I have lost my entire twenties due to my alcohol and drug addiction.
There was a disconnect between his younger self's actions and his older self's reflections. In particular, he provides an anecdote about how he at 16 (while both drunk and high) makes a 90 degree turn at 60 mph on the highway and was pulled over by a cop.

I expected something along the lines of remorse and guilt - he could've easily killed someone and it seemed like the cop was just doing his job. However, the tone indicated that the current-Matthew was just as infuriated and resentful as he was when he was a teenager. I wanted to see a reflection sentence or two to show personal growth.

Matthew talks at length about his relationships with women. How he simultaneously pursued women with extreme loving devotion and then dropped them for the littlest thing. This was in part due to his coping mechanisms prior to accepting treatment and I appreciate his honesty towards this aspect of his life. That does not excuse the phrase:
I was in a pointless sea of pussy, and nothing else.
There were several times where he does not seem to recognize or treat women as real people. For example, a girl he was dancing with said she had a boyfriend and he said it did not matter. Later, his soldier friends to supported him as he beat up on the her boyfriend when the boyfriend became angry.

Moments like that made me realize I needed to interpret the situation differently. This made sense and was in character in his current mindset - heavily self-medicating and without a good support system. That being said, I would have a appreciated a sentence or two of reflection on how his outlook has changed.

This book was both eye-opening and enlightening. While some parts were a bit rough, they only enhanced the pure, unadulterated honesty and integrity with which he wrote. I wish him the best of luck and feel honored that he has shared his story.
A lot of people think treatment has an end date, but that is not true. Treatment goes on forever, but after a certain point, treatment falls into the maintenance phase.


The 2018 ABC Challenge - I

I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review

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Comments Showing 1-14 of 14 (14 new)

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message 1: by Cheryl (new)

Cheryl Love to see your review on this one.


Miranda Reads Cheryl wrote: "Love to see your review on this one."

It'll come out as soon as i catch up on all my real-world work!

Update: The review is up :)


message 3: by Cheryl (new)

Cheryl Just read it! Great review. I think the understanding part is going to be hard - BPD has a lot on common with Bipolar and unless you have it it's hard to describes all it's nuances. I know with BPD and Bipolar I & II men do not get diagnosed until later in life and that self medication with both drugs and alcohol is quite common.


Miranda Reads Cheryl wrote: "Just read it! Great review. I think the understanding part is going to be hard..."

I agree. I think this is a book that I'll let digest in my mind for a bit and return to at another date. And when I've read a few more books on this. I'm curious to see how my perspective changes.


message 5: by j e w e l s (new)

j e w e l s [Books Bejeweled] Great review, Miranda! Sounds so interesting—forgive my ignorance on the subject, but isn’t the hallmark of BPD a lack of empathy or remorse?


message 6: by Cheryl (new)

Cheryl Jewels - No. Borderline Personality Disorder sounds awful but it's not, it's just hard to diagnose. To give clarification - Bipolar 1 & 2 are caused


message 7: by Cheryl (new)

Cheryl Jewels - No. Borderline Personality Disorder sounds awful but it's not, it's just hard to diagnose. To give clarification - Bipolar 1 & 2 are chemical misfires in the brain while BPD has it's formation in childhood. It's a mood disorder as well but often has child abuse and abandonment as it's core. That is actual as well as perceived.


message 8: by Cheryl (new)

Cheryl BTW I have Bipolar 2. I think what you're thinking of is Anti-Social Personality Disorder which features in sociopathy and psychopathy.


message 9: by Cheryl (new)

Cheryl Miranda - how did you get a copy of this book? I'd love to read it.


Miranda Reads Cheryl wrote: "Miranda - how did you get a copy of this book? I'd love to read it."

Hi Cheryl,

I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review but you can buy the kindle or paperback version from here: https://www.amazon.com/Inside-Mind-Bo.... Happy reading!


message 11: by Cheryl (new)

Cheryl Thanks!


Miranda Reads Np. If you read it, make sure to write a review. I really want to hear your thoughts :)


message 13: by Felicia (new)

Felicia Great review 💖 My mother had BPD and ultimately drank herself to death at age 46. I've read several books on the subject but have yet to find one that discusses the effect of this disorder on the close family members. Does Matthew cover that subject?


Miranda Reads Oh gosh. I am so sorry to hear that.

Unfortunately, the book did not cover his family in that sort of light. It was more like the narrator spoke of what problems in his family led to his current situation (rather than any affect his behavior had on his family) (if that makes sense).


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