Traci's Reviews > I'm the Vampire, That's Why

I'm the Vampire, That's Why by Michele Bardsley
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Oct 26, 2011

did not like it

I started this book thinking it was going to be a fun, light, sassy read. I really wanted to like it. But after a little over 100 pages I had to stop. Reasons for doing so:

It was very inconsistent – So many things contradicted each other. In one scene she burst through the roof of an RV, a handful of pages later, it was noted that the van had such strong walls/roof/floor that not even vampire strength could dent it. Umm ok???
Just like when she woke the first night she noticed her heart wasn’t beating (along with not breathing, but I’ll get to that later) then a couple paragraphs later her heart was pounding, then it was noted that if her heart beat it would’ve trembled, then it was almost jumping out of her chest, then it went back to she had no heart beat, back to heart hammering. I never knew what the hell was going on the author changed her own “rules” so often. It was very irritating, if you are going to write your supernaturals one way, then by god keep them that way, or at least give a reason why everything changes and is so sporadic. I hate when authors are too lazy to keep up with their own stories, and contradicting yourself in your book is bad enough but when it happens in the same chapter! Shit that’s just bad business.
At one point she was so “hungry” her fangs popped out of her gums twice in a small amount of time, then she went forever without feeding, at least another whole day. Like a lot of other things in this story, something would come up, made a point of and then forgotten. Like her constantly wishing she could breathe, the author brought up Numerous times she couldn’t breathe even if she tried, yet she could speak, and how can you even speak without any breath, that doesn’t make any sense. If she just didn’t have to breathe, and only did so occasionally to talk or dramatically sigh, ok I would understand that, but it was pointed out so many times that she couldn’t, at all. But somehow other vampires were able to sigh when they were irritated. It was very annoying.

It also had one of the fastest insta-love/jealousy whatever it is - ever. I mean good lord, I know authors have gotten a little lazy with romance, and a lot of stories lately have “insta-love” but shit, this couple was hands down one of the fastest. In the very beginning before anything at all had really even happened between the h/h, she broke a couple fingers on another woman’s hand for literally just putting her hand on the heroes arm, and this was only 24 hours after the heroine had met him, and most of those hours she was asleep or turning! (at least 20 of those hrs) That is CRAZY!
‘I crawled onto the bed and debated whether or not I should use the last vestiges of willpower to undress. Nope. Not gonna happen. If I was lucky, Patrick would join me, de-clothe me, and… well… keep his mitts off me. I didn't need to have sex with him. But I wanted to.’ This quote is from her 2nd night of her “re-birth” or whatever, she has only known him for roughly 24-36 hrs!!!

And then the hero a 4,000 year old vampire, give me a break. That just wasn’t believable given what we knew about him. 400 maybe but 4,000, just no. That was just pushing it too far for me. And she was suppose to be 36. She acted more like a 16 yr old.
‘I caused the people in my life no amount of frustration because I was, as my mother said, "one who mulled too much." I liked to roll things around in my head before I made a decision.’
Bullshit, this woman thought 90% of the time about the hero. She seemed pretty impulsive to me, doing what she wanted when she wanted with no thought process at all. And she flitted around from one thought to the next with out really ever dwelling on anything, including her kids, maybe especially her kids before her thoughts would circle back to lusting after Patrick. In one part of the book, and this is where I actually stopped because I could no longer take it, her daughter who had just seen her for the 1st time in 3 days happened upon her in the garage/basement and seen her eyes glowing red with a pair of swords and fangs, so the little girl runs to her brothers room in hysterics, when Jessica (the mom/heroine) gets there and is trying to talk to her kids about what is going on and her “sickness” when Patrick slips into her mind to try and help her with what to tell her kids, and right in the middle she gets ‘A sensual thrill zipped up my spine.’ and that’s a direct line from the book! Literally right in the middle of seeing her “babies” for the 1st time in days, and having a monumental conversation with them to tell them she’s a vampire, and her panties are getting wet! Ew I just couldn’t take it anymore. And I am not one to DNF.

I’m sure there are plenty of people who loved this book, but I just couldn’t for the life of me finish or enjoy it. If I knew it was going to get better or improve I would've just kept on, but I just couldn't see that happening. It actually makes me a little sad, because I wanted so much to like this book, but I am forever grateful I didn't spend any money for this, and only borrowed the 1st in this series.

*Edited in 06/2015 for spelling
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Reading Progress

Started Reading
October 26, 2011 – Shelved
October 26, 2011 – Finished Reading

Comments (showing 1-14 of 14) (14 new)

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message 1: by oliviasbooks (new)

oliviasbooks Oh-oh-ohhhhhh....

Traci oliviasbooks wrote: "Oh-oh-ohhhhhh...."

Ya, this book frustrated me so much I had to review it. It gave me a headache, I rolled my eyes so much.

Samantha Totally agree thought it was dreadful so many better novels in this genre.

message 4: by Eduardo (new)

Eduardo I saw a friend rated the book and I was instantly interested, until I read what it was about. I decided to read some reviews before I even tried it. Why? Because "Although I wouldn’t mind finding myself attached to Patrick’s juicy thigh again, I learned that once a vampire does the dirty deed, it hitches her to the object of her affection for at least one hundred years." That's quite the specific number... and not believable at all.

Traci Yea and unfortunately the whole book is like that. I was very disappointed as you could tell and like you I read a couple reviews before I got the book, but at the time I looked the book up they were mostly positive and glowing reviews.

message 6: by Desi (new)

Desi I don't know why editors and beta readers don't catch plot holes the size a truck can drive through anymore. I notice so many without even trying, it's amazing simple things like continuity issues and mixed and messy mythology can still be there at publication. This book sounds painful. I couldn't even last as long as you seemed to. Props for trying. And thanks for sparing the rest of us.

Traci I should have given up long before I did, but at this time in my life I was trying hard not to DNF any books. Obviously that goal didn't work :D It is amazing to me how many readers loved this book, I just couldn't stand it!

Grace This book should've stayed on Fictionpress. Can't believe people pay $10.99 for this on iBooks!

Traci $10.99!!! That is absurd! If I would have paid that amount of money for this book I would have immediately asked for a refund after struggling to read this. I feel so sorry for the people that paid that amount, even for the people that actually "liked" this book. It is nowhere near an eleven dollar book. Unfortunately books like this is why people are so leery spending more than a couple dollars for books, because you have so many overpriced books like this one.

message 10: by Traci (new) - rated it 1 star

Traci Oh my, after your $10.99, I checked the amazon price and its on sale right now for $5.99! Yikes, so high for such a short, fluffy book. I can not believe the prices for some books these days. And I have no problem paying high dollar for high quality books.

message 11: by Quirky Omega (new)

Quirky Omega Oh gross! I keep laughing at the heroine's antics. she seems to be the most indecisive woman on the planet. And the inopportune "thrills up her spine". heck, that just cakes the cake!

message 12: by Erin (new) - rated it 1 star

Erin And how quickly did she come around to being a vampire. It's like bam, I died was reborn and am Totally cool with it.... Oh wait didn't I have some kids somewhere I should mention every now and then.
Terrible book.

message 13: by Traci (new) - rated it 1 star

Traci Erin that was one of my bigger problem with the storyline, why even have the character be a mother, totally pointless. This book drove me crazy and not in a good way

message 14: by Abi (new)

Abi Yeesh. Thanks for the heads up. Good review, by the way. I hope you've found better vampire books since then.

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