Susan's Reviews > Love Me Whole

Love Me Whole by Nicky James
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bookshelves: hurt-comfort, physical-abuse, mm

3.5 stars

This was certainly a very unique book. But OMG, I feel exhausted after reading this. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I don’t think I will be rereading this any time soon.

Vaughn and Oryn meet when Vaughn is taking a marketing night class at the local college. Oryn is softspoken, shy, but obviously intelligent. Vaughn doesn’t get why their classmates are making fun of Oryn all the time. Vaughn thought he didn’t have to deal with bullies at 35 years of age.

When they need a partner for a project, Vaughns decides to ask Oryn, but when he does Oryn is hesitant to accept. Oryn then explains he has DID, Dissociative identity disorder, also known as someone who has multiple personalities. But that doesn’t deter Vaughn in the slightest so they do end up partnered together.

When Vaughn starts coming over to Oryn’s house he gets to meet some of Oryn’s alters, and he finally understands how difficult it must be for Oryn.

Slowly Vaughn learns that something bad happened to Oryn in his childhood for him to develop the DID. The alters protect him. There is Reed, who is a straight weightlifting jock, who has sworn to protect Oryn at all cost. Then there is Cohen, a flamboyant 19 year old. Theo, the asexual super organized guy, Rain, the 5 year old little boy. And finally Cove, who is hurting so badly he is harming himself.

When Vaughn gets to know Oryn (and his alters) more, he knows he cannot walk away from him, despite how hard it may be to have a relationship with him. He doesn’t even know if Oryn is capable of any kind of romantic relationship, but all he knows is that Oryn is worth it…

While I really liked this book, there was one thing that bothered me enough to detract some stars from this. Vaughn and Oryn start a relationship, but not yet a physical one, since that is a trigger for Oryn. Vaughn has spent some time with Cohen too, since Cohen is the one that is outgoing and flirty and appears when Vaughn asks Oryn out on dates. Oryn still can’t have sex with Vaughn, but tells Vaughn it is okay to have sex with Cohen. And after some consideration and thinking on Vaughn’s part, they do indeed have sex, Cohen and Vaughn. I thought that moment came too soon. I get that Oryn has different alters (who all had their very own personalities and even looked different in their own minds), and it is amazing that Vaughn can love all of them, but at that moment I felt as if Vaughn didn’t know Cohen enough to have sex with him and used him as a stand-in for Oryn, since they share the same body. Yes, it did feel a bit like cheating at that moment.

I know it’s not really cheating but know that Cohen was indeed a totally different person from Oryn and Vaughn kept thinking it was Oryn who he was in love with. Later on it got better when Vaughn admitted to himself he loved Cohen just as much as Oryn and he just had a relationship with several people instead of just with one man. But I would have been happier if the sex between Vaughn and Cohen would have happened later on in the book. Because this made me uncomfortable for a long time.

Still, this is a very interesting story even though it was too exhausting for me.

(Oh, and can I just say that I was slightly disappointed we never learn anything about Oryn's past. I don't need details, but we didn't get anything at all.)
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Reading Progress

January 16, 2018 – Shelved
January 16, 2018 – Shelved as: to-read
January 17, 2018 – Started Reading
January 17, 2018 –
29.0% "Really loving this."
January 17, 2018 – Shelved as: hurt-comfort
January 17, 2018 – Shelved as: physical-abuse
January 17, 2018 – Shelved as: mm
January 17, 2018 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-7 of 7 (7 new)

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message 1: by Judith (new)

Judith Great review,darling.I started this but it didn't really grab me....i think I'd have to be in a certain frame of mind to continue reading it,x


Susan Yes, I certainly get that. It's better to read this when you're in the right mood. But it could also be it's not a book for you. I have that a lot with other books everyone else seems to love. :)


Bookreader87(Amanda) What another great review. I am on the fence about this one. I want to read it but I actually dated someone who has DID and I feel like it will bring up too many old emotions. Yet, I am intrigued by this book and the author's portrayal of character who suffers from DID. I am interested to see her take on it. So maybe just maybe lol.


message 4: by Susan (last edited Jan 29, 2018 08:00PM) (new) - rated it 3 stars

Susan I can only imagine how hard this book might trigger your memories. But perhaps it's so different from your own experiences that you can read this without trips to memory lane?
If you do read it, I'm curious to see how much of this book felt 'real' to you.


Bookreader87(Amanda) Susan wrote: "I can only imagine how hard this book might trigger your memories. But perhaps it's so different from your own experiences that you can read this without trips to memory lane?
If you do read it, I'..."


If I do get around to it, I will let you know :)


Victoria Roe I think it’s a fair point that others may want to know more about Oryn’s past but one of the first things you learn on one of the very first pages is that you will not be told anything about it so in my opinion it should not be expected by a reader when the author has made a conscious decision to exclude it and informs the reader as such. Whilst I respect everyone is entitled to their own opinions to hold back on stars in a review because of that in my view seems a little unfair. This book is already very intense and highly emotive so to add abuse and all that entails could have taken it down a very different path making it a completely different story. The author deserves a tremendous amount of respect and recognition not only for the subject matter that is tackled but for knowing the right limitations to uphold in choosing what not to tackle also.


Susan I have no idea how you came up with the idea that I retracted a star for that reason. I think I explained really well how this book exhausted me and why I gave it 3.5 stars.


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