Lisa Eirene's Reviews > Happiness: The Crooked Little Road to Semi-Ever After

Happiness by Heather Harpham
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it was amazing
bookshelves: favorites

I loved this book so much!

It's a beautifully written, sweet and emotional book written by Heather Harpham about saving her daughter's life. The book starts out about Heather and Brian, dating in New York. Both writers, Heather is also an actress of some sort. She becomes pregnant and Brian makes it clear that he doesn't want kids. 

"Maybe I'd been viewing his resistance too narrowly. Maybe Brian's fear of being a father was not about losing his identity as a writer. Maybe he was afraid to love another human being as profoundly as one loves a child. [pg 27]"

So Heather packs up her life and moves to California to live with her mom while she's pregnant. It's a rough road, she's depressed and heart broken and then this tiny baby arrives and she's in love. 

"Each forearm was a cushion of plush velvet I could rub or kiss for hours. The only thing that alarmed me was that her body now existed outside my own. Harm could come to her without passing through me first; amateur design flaw. [pg 51]"

Except Gracie, they soon discover, has a blood disorder. Her body doesn't make red blood cells. As a newborn she is immediately shipped off to a special hospital in San Francisco and thus begins the story of trying to keep Gracie alive. 

"New motherhood strips you down to the studs. Almost everything I enjoyed doing in the evenings, pre-baby, like reading books or writing emails or watching CSI or walking to the park, was now an irrelevant luxury. All I needed in this refashioned life were brownies and baby and sleep. [pg 53]"

Every 3-4 weeks Gracies goes into the hospital for blood transfusions. Heather is stressed, obviously, but has a great support system in California. 

"I'd been running for the last few months, and people had begun to say, 'Hey, you are getting your body back,' which, though I was flattered every time, also offended me. It sounded as if my body, while pregnant, had been missing. Or on hiatus. [pg 103]"

Then Brian decides to fly out and meet the daughter he didn't think he wanted. It's definitely a hard read in that aspect. You feel for Heather and you dislike Brian--I mean you abandons someone like that? I don't know...throughout the book, even though Brian redeems himself and they become a real family, I could understand the author's anger and resentment that he wasn't there in the beginning, or when Gracie was really sick. 

They are now together and Brian flies back and forth from New York to California while they discuss whether or not to do a bone marrow transplant. Apparently the odds were not in Gracie's favor. The specialist they see suggests they have another child and use the cord stem cells for the transplant. This was apparently early days of the procedure.

They decide no way--no more kids. What if the second kid had the same unnamed disorder? And then, you guessed it, they get pregnant accidentally. Long story short--their son is born and is a perfect match for Gracie. They bank the cord blood and wait. Wait and see...until finally they are convinced they need to do it. Gracie's life depends on it.

"Every day prior to transplant is expressed negatively. Every day after transplant, positively. Days -10 to -1 are spent ingesting the chemo drugs. This is time before time. Day 0 is Transplant Day, ground zero, when patients reset their clock. Are made new. After transplant, time is expressed once more in positive numbers because each day forward is a gift. A bonus. These are days your child might not have been allotted. Days received as grace. [pg 221]"

They temporarily move to Durham, NC and basically live at the hospital while Gracie goes through the treatment necessary to get the transplant, and then recover from the transplant. The second half of the book is about that. 

She doesn't go into too many details about the other kids on the transplant ward, but does mention two, who pass away, and it is absolutely devastating. 

"Losing a child makes time reverse direction, flow backward. To survive loss on that scale, I imagine, you have to become someone you make up, whole cloth, to impersonate you, for the rest of your life. [pg 227]"

"If what you've been is a mother or a father and your child is now gone, there is no word for who you are. If you lose a spouse, you're a widow or a widower. But if you lose a child, you go on being a mother or a father. There is no word because we refuse to cede that much authority to the possibility. It is literally the indescribable pain. If we can't call its name, it can't come. Only it can. [pg 289]"

Thankfully Gracie is ok. The book is a roller-coaster ride of emotions but it's never too daunting or too difficult to read. The writing style is really beautiful and often poetic. She is a very good writer and her story is important and eye opening about what happens to a relationship under intense stress, how you make life-changing decisions for your kids, how you stay strong for your kids and how you find the happiness in the little things. Beautiful book!
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Reading Progress

January 12, 2018 – Started Reading
January 12, 2018 – Shelved
January 12, 2018 – Shelved as: to-read
January 16, 2018 – Shelved as: favorites
January 16, 2018 – Finished Reading

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Rain What a beautiful review. I'm currently reading now and love her writing and voice.


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