Manny's Reviews > The Complete Winnie the Pooh

The Complete Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne
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Oct 01, 2011

it was amazing
bookshelves: celebrity-death-match, children, parody-homage, well-i-think-its-funny, why-not-call-it-poetry
Read in January, 1966

For the Celebrity Death Match Review Tournament, Heart of Darkness (25) versus The Complete Tales and Poems of Winnie-the-Pooh (24)

In which the animals go on a Second Expotition, and Pooh discovers that Not Everyone Likes Hums

There was a corner of the Hundred Acre Wood that the animals rarely visited. Even Eeyore found it too Sad and Gloomy, and it had more than its fair share of annoying insects. Owl, in his grand way, sometimes called it the Forest's Heart of Darkness, and that always made Piglet shiver and say, thank goodness, he wasn't going to go there soon, no thank you! So as you can imagine, not all the animals were pleased when Christopher Robin told them they would undertake a Second Expotition to find out what was in the Dark Patch.

"I'm not going there, no thank you!" said Piglet, trying to sound as firm as possible. "I'm very busy, any number of things to do, like, like..." But Christopher Robin just laughed.

"Don't worry, Piglet!" he said. "We'll all look after you. Just stay next to Pooh and you'll be quite safe." And before Piglet knew what had happened, they were all walking towards the Dark Patch in a long line, with Christopher Robin and Pooh and him at the front, Rabbit's Friends and Relations at the end, and the other animals in the middle.

The Dark Patch was even Darker and Gloomier than they remembered, and strange noises came from the trees. The further in they got, the worse it became. The ground turned wet and marshy, and one Friend and Relation had to be pulled out when he started to sink. Piglet clutched Pooh's hand as tightly as he could and tried not to look around.

"I'm scared, Pooh," he whispered. "You don't think there are Heffalumps here?"

"What I think," said Christoper Robin, who had overheard, "is that Pooh should give us one of his Hums." And Pooh, who had been thinking the very same thing but had been too shy to say so, cleared his throat and began:
On Monday, when the jungle's hot
I wonder to myself a lot
Now is it true or is it not
That what is which or which is what?
Piglet released his grip on Pooh's hand a tiny fraction, so he continued.
On Tuesday, when there's gnats and fleas
And pythons slither through the trees
Then very readily one sees
That these are whose - but whose are these?
"There aren't really any Pythons?" asked Piglet in a terrified voice.

"Well," said Pooh, "I only put them in because they Came To Me. I'm going to take them right out again." And he continued
On Wednesday...
But the animals never found out what happened on Wednesday, because at that moment a loud, groaning voice came from the forest right in front of them.

"The Hummer! The Hummer!" it said.

"Oh Pooh!" said Piglet. "It is a Python! Or a Heffalump! Oh, what shall we do!"

"I don't know," said Pooh. "Whatever it is, it Doesn't Like My Hums." He wondered if he should feel offended, but before he could decide they suddenly came out in a remarkably pleasant clearing. The sun was shining brightly, there was soft grass to sit on, butterflies were flitting between the flowers, and a charming little lake just seemed to call out to the animals to paddle their tired feet in it.

"What a lovely place!" said Kanga in surprise. "Who could have imagined it would be right in the middle of the Dark Patch?"

"I shall call it Pooh's Pond," said Christopher Robin firmly. "And now I think it's time for lunch."

So they all unpacked their food and had a perfectly wonderful picnic. And from that day on, no one was ever again scared of the Dark Part of the Forest.
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03/01/2016 marked as: read

Comments (showing 1-7 of 7) (7 new)

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Manny Thank you! Though possibly I overdid the saccharine... ah, I mean Hunny of course...

message 2: by Whitaker (new)

Whitaker These need to be collected and printed!

Manny Whitaker wrote: "These need to be collected and printed!"

I would be up for the job of editing (or maybe co-editing) Celebrity Death Match and getting it processed by it does seem a shame for it all to be forgotten!

message 4: by Riku (last edited Mar 14, 2012 03:17AM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Riku Sayuj Ok now I am launching an inquiry into this

message 5: by Maja (new)

Maja Leibovitz Haha. This is great!

Manny Ah, the good ol' days of the Great Celebrity Death Match Tournament!

message 7: by Maja (new)

Maja Leibovitz Good indeed and very enjoyable. :)

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